The Chimera That Stole Christmas
(Parody of “The
Grinch Who Stole Christmas” [original by Dr. Suess])
By Chibi-chan
*
‘Twas Christmas
time, they put up the tree,
But there was
dissent in the Caption Gallery.
Zelgadiss
Greywords, the resident chimera,
Was watching the
movie “Santa Versus Gamera”.
He was not alone
in this setting,
Our dear boy,
Rudy, was aiding and abetting.
Zel looked out the
door and saw Aurora and Chibi.
He grumbled,
“All they’ve given me this season is mental pain and misery.”
Rudy asked, “But
what can we do? They caption
that stuff!”
Zel replied, “I
think we teach them enough is enough!
Soon they think
they will laugh and they will sing
Along with the
CD’s of Santana and The Offspring…”
Rudy said with a
laugh, “What, you gonna steal the CDs of Santana
By waltzing
around dressed up like Santa?”
“Precisely the
plan,” Zel said with a sneer,
“And guess
what? You’ll be my reindeer!”
“EXCUSE ME?!?”
Rudy screeched, “Are you out of your $#^@ing MIND?!
If you think
I’ll dress up like that, you can kiss my-“
*ahem!*
“Er, behind.”
^^;;
Zel said with a
sigh,“… you’ll get to open your presents early if you help me take them away…”
Rudy paused for
a second, then said, “Why didn’t you say that right away?!”
*
Billy was
walking by, so he overheard,
And he thought
the plan was pretty damn absurd.
But still, he
walked to “The Milama Pub”
And told
everyone this story at that hub.
No one could
believe it; it made everyone snicker,
But Billy
insisted it ‘twas true, that was the kicker!
Roy was the
first to stop laughing off his ass
And said, “No
prob, I’ll just open a can of Whup-Ass!
We’ll keep our
presents, we’ll keep our cake!
I’ll stop their
plan, for goodness sake!”
RJ muttered,
“Damn, that rhyme was lame.”
Roy quipped
before opening a Can O’ Whup, “Just watch out, there’ll be more of the same.”
*
“I still don’t
see why I have to be the $#@^ing reindeer,” Rudy did whine,
fidgeting with
the antlers tied on with twine.
Zel stepped out
dressed in red,
“It’s ‘cause the
Santa suit don’t fit you,” he said.
“Yeah, yeah,
yeah,” Rudy said, rolling his eyes,
“Let’s just get
this done before somebody spies.
They’re all at
the pub, some are already smashed out of their head,
We’d better get
moving or we’re metaphorically dead!”
*
No one was
drunk, but many were on sugar highs;
It was quite
clear no one was going to say their good-byes.
Roy was
unconscious, thanks to Rini’s anime hammer.
Hyper said, “He
should never of said that he liked UmJammer-“
*WHAM!*
RJ just
grinned. “Better him than me!” ^_^
Rini said, “Oh,
let me see…”
*WHAM!*
*
Rudy whined
again, “Are we almost done yet?”
“Just a little
longer,” Zel said as he took the virtual pet.
The “Zoo” was
abandoned for the big party, they thought,
But it wasn’t,
since they just got caught.
“Why are you
here, or is that a secret?” called a voice,
“Tell me now or
later, it’s your choice.”
The owner of the
voice made himself present.
He said, “Do I
sense some dissent? ^_^”
It was the
resident mysterious priest, Xell-baby,
(Hey, nothing
rhymes with Xelloss, you see? ^^;;)
“Why Zel
darling, you look lovely in red,
But what’s with
the antlers on Rudy’s head? ^_^;;”
Rudy mutters, “I
told him they were dumb,
But did he
listen? Noooooooo, his minds effin’ NUMB!”
Xelloss smiled
and said, “I’ll let you go this time; the chaos this causes’ll be fun,
But drop my
gifts or you can’t hide nor could you run.”
They dropped his
stuff and got out of there QUICK!
Xelloss
muttered, ”Damn, Zel looked cute dressed as Saint Nick. ^_^-<3”
*
When Chibi
returned to the site, found it was stripped
Of all Christmas
decorations, “Oh s-“
*ahem!*
“Hey, I’m the
writer! If I want too, I can say ’oh
shit!’”
*Oh, right.*
Lucied said to
Roy, “Oh, great job you did.”
Chibi muttered,
“I underestimated the kid…”
Jodd-Neko
suggested, “Maybe we should sing today;
The Whos did
that too and everything turned out OK!”
*WHAM!*WHAM!*WHAM!*
*
Rudy gleefully
ripped of the wrapping of gifts with tags bearing his name,
“All right, most
excellent, that new Pokemon game! ^_^”
Under the pile
of shredded paper, he found one still pristine and new,
He looked at the
tag, “Hey, Zel, it’s for you!”
Zel took the
gift and looked at the tag,
“From
Chibi?! Put it back in the bag!”
But Rudy did
not, he unwrapped it instead,
And part of the
front showed a pic of his head.
“A copy of Wild
ARMs?! Where’d she find that?”
Zel snatched so
fast that he nearly dropped his hat.
“She… she found a
copy for me…?
It even looks
new… how can this be?”
And it was said
that on that night,
Zel realized
Chibi was not looking for a fight.
“Rudy, load up
the ‘sleigh’…”
Rudy said, “Only
if you’re draggin’ it back that way!”
*
Kara wondered,
“Now what do we do?”
The chimera and
“reindeer” walked there, as if on cue.
Aurora
exclaimed, “We got our stuff back, woo hoo!”
Chibi said with
a sigh, “Now that we got our happy end, I have more work to do!”
*
Of course they
got punished, MSTier-style,
But that’s a
tale that’ll be told after a fairly long while. ^_^
*
End
Bored? Hyper?
You bet I was! ^_^;;