Zelgadiss the Rapper

Part Five

“Full Tank” Revised

*Begin Stupidity! ^^*

[A park]

*The group is gathered at a picnic table. Xelloss is enjoying some cake as he watches in the background Rudy’s plans blowing up in his (Rudy’s) face… literally*

Sunny Xelloss: (Heheheheh… You can’t out-prank the Trickster Priest, Rudy-boy.) ^_^

PJ CeCe: (We got you now, Xelloss! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ^_^)

Gourry Kat: (o/~ Hakuna Matata…/ What a wonderful phase… o/~ ^_^)

Zelgadiss: (Ouch, poor Rudy… That HAD to hurt. Hmm, I wonder why Xelloss hasn’t figured out there’s something funny about the cake yet…)

Sunny Xelloss: (Hmm… is that wolfsbane in this cake? No wonder no one else is eating it… It’s not that horrible, but it wouldn’t hurt Zel to take some cooking lessons… ^_^;;)

Random Adlehyde guard NPC: Your Highness! A big chunk of the castle just blew up!

PJ CeCe: WHAT?! I gotta get back fast! Gourry, you mind coming with? You can have some free food if you help… ^^;;

Gourry Kat: Wha? Food? OK! *Cecilia and Gourry follow the guard all the way off-screen*

Zelgadiss: (Oh no, now I’m stuck alone with Xelloss… <(((_~))>;;)

Sunny Xelloss: (Dammit, now my prank won’t work right… ^^;;;) *!!* (For the love of L-sama, what the hell did he put in this cake?! *urk!* O_o;;;) You mind giving me a lift back to the place Chibi stuck me with in this tripped-out world? ^_^;;

Zelgadiss: *As innocently as possibly* Why can’t you get there on your own?

Sunny Xelloss: (He didn’t… he’s just a bad cook, that all; he couldn’t have out-pranked me!) Um, I just feel like going for a drive, that’s all! ^_^;;

Zelgadiss: (I don’t believe it! Cecilia’s plan actually worked!) Oh, OK.

[Out on the road!]

Song over the radio: o/~ Near…/ Far…/ Wherever you are- o/~ *click!*

Zelgadiss: That’s quite enough of that!

Sunny Xelloss: (Mustnotthowupmustnotthrowupmustnotthrowup… >_<;;)

Zelgadiss: *Checks the gas gauge* Wha…? Looks like I’ll have to stop for gas… *Spots a gas station, drives over to it and pulls over*

Sunny Xelloss: *Hops out of the cars before Zel realizes* Uh, I’ll be right back… *Rushes behind the mini-mart of the gas station in search of a bathroom*

Zelgadiss: I didn’t think it’d work that well… <(((_0))>;;;

[Behind the mini-mart]

*There’s a line of shadowy figures to the bathroom when Xelloss get there*

Sunny Xelloss: *Slightly green* Mind if I cut in front of you? Please?! ^_^;;

Shadowy figures: NO! Unless…

Sunny Xelloss: Unless what? ^_^;; *Light is cast upon the shadowy figures revealing Yuffie, Quistis, Guido, and Rena*

All four: Let’s rap for it!

Swipe-Steal Mistress Yuffie: And hurry up, will ya? ^^;;

[In front of the back wall]

S-SM Yuffie: We used to have bathrooms for three, you see,

But one broke; the one we got from the bunny!

*Repeat lines* If you give me money,

I’ll find another potty!

If you give me money,

I’ll find another potty!

*Stop repeat* Booyaka! *Runs off with money given by Xelloss* $_$

Instructor Trepe: Nuh-uh, nuh-uh, I gotta go, you see!

After Zel’s driving, NOTHING scares me!

*Repeat lines* Did you ask the store to the left?

How about the one on the right?

Why don’t you just give up?

Oh hell, I haven’t the will to fight!

*Stop repeat* Ugh, I’ll just go to that Curan Burger down the street! *Runs off*

Guido: Oh, oh, silly, silly me!

I sold-a that thief girl my last potty!

*Repeat lines* Through the rain and through the snow, all the Mogay’s gotsa go,

but now, it’sa different kinda go~!

This-a Lina Inverse plushie will blow-a you up, so give up, I gotsa

No time to spare-a!

Through the rain and through the snow, all the Mogay’s gotsa go,

but now, it’sa different kinda go~!

This-a Lina Inverse plushie will blow-a you up, so give up, I gotsa

No time to spare-a!

*Stop repeat* Oh, I give up! *Runs off*

Rena: I knew I shouldn’tve tried that cake,

My poor stomach’s left in it’s wake!

*Repeat lines* Eggshells, old fish, wolfsbane too, hurry up in there, I gotta hurl!

I was bitchin’ in the kitchen, but I #@(ed up and I don’t care what I say

now!

Eggshells, old fish, wolfsbane too, hurry up in there, I gotta hurl!

I was bitchin’ in the kitchen, but I #@(ed up and I don’t care what I say

now!

*Stop repeat* *URK!* *Runs and vomits in a nearby dumpster*

Rudy Chin: *Gets out of the bathroom holding a newpaper* All yours. Hey, you know an eleven-letter word for- *Xelloss rushes in* Well, excuuuuuuse me! *He walks off. Sounds of retching can be heard from inside*

[By the car]

Rudy Chin: *Leaning against the car* Hey, you know an eleven-letter word for “small destructive force”, Zel?

Zelgadiss: You try “Lina Inverse”?

Rudy Chin: *Looks closer at the crossword puzzle* Hey, it fits! ^^

Zelgadiss: (Where the hell did Xelloss go? Oh well…)

*

End Part 5