Zelgadiss the Rapper

Part Four

“Guaranteed to Catch Her Heart” Revised

*Begin Stupidity! ^^*

[Lanford Doughnut]

*Zelgadiss, Cecilia, and Gourry are sitting at a table*

PJ CeCe: OK, so tomorrow’s April Fool’s Day. We know Xelloss is gonna pull something, but we might be able to counteract that.

Gourry Kat: How do we do that?

Zelgadiss: If the answer is “I gotta BELIEVE!”, I’m leaving.

PJ CeCe: No, no, don’t be silly, Zel. Our plan is to strike first! Zel, that’s where you come in. He’d never see a prank coming from you. I mean, you’re a born straight man! Comedy seeks you, not the other way around.

Zelgadiss: Should I be insulted by that?

Gourry Kat: What does “straight man” mean? *Both Zel and Cecilia groan*

PJ CeCe: It means he’s serious when there’s chaos all around him.

Gourry Kat: Oh.

Zelgadiss: Well, what’s the plan, Cecilia?

PJ CeCe: Oh, we’re gonna have a little party… Would you be a dear and sabotage a cake for us? Our dear little fruitcake is gonna have a widdle tummyache… AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

[Cakes ‘R Us]

*Zelgadiss enters and seeks out a cake that could easily be tampered with. After deciding against getting the three-week-old moldy cake in the back corner, he chooses a simple cheaply-iced cake*

[Outside Cakes ‘R Us]

Zelgadiss: *grumble* I hope she appreciates what I’m doing for her… *Rudy bumps into Zel with his own little practical joke*

Rudy Chin: Oh, hi there! Whatcha doin’?

Zelgadiss: Uh, nothing… ^^;;

Rudy Chin: Oh man, do I have a GREAT joke to play on Sunny-boy! You wanna hear about it? ^_^

Zelgadiss: *Thinks back to the first part…* Uh, that’s not necessary-

Rudy Chin: *Ignores Zel* Well, you see… *Goes into a ramble about a intricate plot concerning a satellite, Gaav, Luc, and bad fanfics* Well, you’ll see for yourself tomorrow. Bye! *Accidentally knocks Zel down when he scurries off. Zel falls face-first onto the cake*

Zelgadiss: *Picking himself off the ground* Aw, dammit! Now what am I gonna do? *Daydream sequence*

PJ CeCe: ZELGADISS GREYWORDS! I TOLD YOU TO GET A CAKE! Now my plan is ruined! SAINT! *Fires a holy-elemental beam at Zel*

*End daydream sequence*

Zelgadiss: *sigh* I’m broke, but I need a cake… *Lightbulb* Hey, I got it! The Rena Lanford Cooking Show’s gonna feature odd cakes today! Forget believin’, I gotta get home FAST!

[TV Screen]

TV Announcer: Today on The Rena Lanford Cooking Show, in honor of April Fool’s day, we will feature Seafood Cake: Guaranteed to Make Anyone Gag. And now, here’s Rena Lanford!

[Kitchen on the TV and Zel’s kitchen (alternates)]

Rena: Heh, every single day, stress comes in every way,

But tomorrow’s the day where frustrations will be repaid!

My style is normally good great, even rich,

But today we make concoctions just like a witch!

*Repeat lines* Crack, crack, crack the egg into the bowl!

Don’t forget to put the shells in the bowl!

Crack, crack, crack the egg into the bowl!

Don’t forget to put the shells in the bowl!

*Stop repeat* Making a cake, yes, mean you gotta try,

‘Cept for today, when we wanna make someone cry!

*Repeat lines* Old butter, butter, butter joins the bowl!

We’re makin’ us a cake no one’s ever seen before!

Heat up the oven while we’re on a roll!

This ol’ cake’s really gonna take it’s toll! ^_^

*Stop repeat* The other day, they said I too rigid,

Well look at me now, you old frigid- *ahem!*

*Repeat lines* Put the cake in the oven for a while,

While we get icky things from the pile!

Put the cake in the oven for a while,

While we get icky things from the pile!

But nope, I don’t got a sample,

For I’m just pulling this out of my- *ahem!*

*Stop repeat* Judging from that awful smell,

The cake’s pretty much ready to give someone some *ahem!* heck!

*Repeat lines* All we gotta do is apply the final touches!

Get the week-old shimp, clams, and perches!

The perch can go here, the clams can go there!

The little-bitty shimps’ll just go EVERYWHERE!

With whatever else you like you can fiddle;

This whole cake is just like a riddle!

*Stop repeat* This just leaves me speechless… ^^;;

Zelgadiss: *Wrinkling his nose from the smell* I know how you feel… <(((.<))>;;

[Zel’s bedroom]

*Zel plays some video game as he thinks about what the cake’ll do to Xelloss*

*

End Part 4