Zelgadiss the Rapper

Part 1

“I Need to be a Hero!” Revised

*Begin Stupidity! ^^*

[Inside Curan Burger]

*Kefka and Alhazad enter*

Alhazad: Exit, now.

Kefka: Uwee, hee, hee! Yeah!

*Both walk (er, in Al’s case, floats) to Zel’s table*

Alhazad: Well, well, look what we got here… Lots of food for everyone, right?

Kefka: *16-bit clown laugh* Right! ^^

Alhazad: And a little babe… What the hell is he supposed to be?! *Points to Xelloss*

Sunny Xelloss: *Gleefully smashing Chibi’s memory cards* You care to be next, pal? *evil grin* ^_^

Alhazad and Kefka: ………………

Alhazad: *sigh* Just cue that guy who never stops talking already.

Kefka: *Half-hearted laugh* Yeah…

Rudy Chin: *Suddenly appears; less than enthused as he reads from a script* There’s no need to fear… Why am I in this role?!

Jack: *From a nearby stall* Because it pays a lot.

Rudy Chin: Oh, right.

PJ CeCe: Hey, look! It’s Rudy! ^^

Rudy Chin: *Goes back to reading* I have traveled the Seven Seas, crossed every mountain known to man, and I know I can kick you asses, so bugger off before I put on my Magic Gloves of Glory and open a can of Whup-Ass. *Begins rambling*

Gourry Kat: I don’t think that’s the line… ^^;;

Zelgadiss: Does it matter? Anyway, it’s your cue to leave. *Gourry, Cecilia, and Xelloss start to leave*

Sunny Xelloss: He sure can talk… *Points to Rudy*

PJ CeCe: Eh, when he gets started, it’s hard for him to stop.

Gourry Kat: But what about our food? ^^;;

PJ CeCe: Lanford Doughnut ain’t to far off; we’ll get something from there… *All three have exited*

Zelgadiss: *sigh* If I had that talking ability, no one would bother me any more… But how could I learn to do that? … *lightbulb* Yeah, yeah, I guess I gotta believe…

[Yuff Dojo]

Swipe-Steal Mistress Yuffie: Welcome… to the Yuff… Dojo. *Rapid fire* So, you wanna learn who to talk real fast and learn some other stuff, ne? Well, let’s see if you can follow my rap first, bubby! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! ^_^

Zelgadiss: … maybe this wasn’t such a good idea… <(((_~))>;;;

[Inside the Yuff Dojo]

S-SM Yuffie: BooooooooooYAKA!

Kick! Punch! Who gives a crap?

This ain’t the subject of my rap!

The stuff I’ll teach ya,

Ain’t for free, ya

Gotta pay up front, so gimme, ya

*Repeat lines* PAY!

GIMME!

MONEY!

MATERIA!

*Stop repeat* This ain’t enough!

*Repeat lines* PAY!

GIMME!

MONEY!

MATERIA!

*Stop repeat* Hey, don’t get too confident,

You still haven’t met

Invent-Destroy Mistress Precis: C’mon now, *Repeat lines* SUPER!

DELICIOUS!

ULTRA GREAT!

ATOMIC PUNCH!

*Stop repeat* Gonna mix it up now!

ULTRA GREAT!

SUPER!

ATOMIC PUNCH!

DELICIOUS!

S-SM Yuffie: *Stop repeat* Hmm, yeah, that’s much bettah!

But you still won’t get it ‘less ya follow us to the lettah!

WA-TAK Mistress Nanami: *Repeat lines* Golden Bird Holy Flower!

Dragon Tooth Glory Punch!

Holy Bird Golden Tooth!

Glory Flower Dragon Punch!

Glory Bird Holy Tooth!

Dragon Flower Golden Punch!

S-SM Yuffie: *Stop repeat* OK, you’re getting it; just keep followin’ my words!

We’re almost done, so we’ll make it easy at first!

I wanna see if you can see

What it is to be hyper,

Don’t retire now!

*Repeat lines* PAY MONEY GIMME!

MATERIAPAYMONEY!

I-DM Precis: SUPER DELICIOUS ULTRA GREAT!

ULTRAGREATATOMICPUNCH

W-TM Nanami: Golden Holy Dragon Glory!

BirdFlowerToothPunch!

All three: PAYSUPERGolden!

And BOOOOOOOOOOOOOYAKA!!

S-SM Yuffie: Nice work, Zel, you were able to keep up with us! ^_^

I-DM Precis: Yeah! ^_^

W-TM Nanami: You’re really good at this! ^_^

Zelgadiss: Um, thanks… <(((_^))>;;

[Inside Curan Burger; nighttime*

Rudy Chin: And… *Checks his watch* CRAP! The Upright Citizen’s Brigade’s on! Later, losers! *Runs out of the Curan Burger. Alhazad and Kefka turn different colors and pass out*

*

End Chapter 1

Notes: This is not intended to be serious or even good in the least. MSTings are welcome. And don’t ask how the hell I came up with this; I don’t even know. ^^;;