"I'm not paid to dodge..." -Trowa Barton, "Gundam Wing" Legal Crap Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Final Fantasy Tactics and Chrono Trigger are copyrighted by SquareSoft Wild ARMs is copyrighted by Media Vision and Contrail. Suikoden 2 is copyrighted by Konami. Gundam Wing is copyrighted by Sunrise/SOTSU Agency, ANB(?), and Bandai. Any other thing I forgot to mention is copyrighted to it's owner(s). Please don't sue; I have no money as is. ~.~;; "Genso Suikoden: Super Stars of Destiny" is owned by someone named Jake. No offense or bad stuff was intended with this MSTing. No ueber-kawaii Gundam pilots were harmed without the harmer promptly getting smitted for doing so. NO ONE HURTS QUATRE-KUN IN MY PRESENCE! NO ONE! *WHAM!* owie... Chibi-chan's notes (a.k.a. Other Stuff) Waaaaah, I want Valkyrie Profile so baaaaaaaaaaad... Hell, any new RPG would be appreciated... *sigh* With that out of the way, Here we gooooooooooooo!! ------------------------------------ [The SOL (Not the Satellite of Love, tho')] *Rini is one the bridge. A stack of boxes is to her right, two portfolios are in front of her on the counter, and a small scale model of the Gundam Deathscythe is next to the portfolios* Rini: *Holding a small notebook and a pencil; checking things of as she goes along* Lesse... Dress designs from the boss for Tessiri... check. Real working model Deathscythe for Yarunseto from Lucca... check. Most of the booze I've been hiding from them so we don't have another repeat of a certain incident [Note: See "Return of Lord Thinker" for details] to get away from here... check. Plans for the liberation of Mala-chan and most of her assisants for Cecilia... check. Damn, I hate having to be the boss's delivery girl, but what can I do about it...? *The items are swept up into the dimensional rift known as Inventory Space. Rini holds out a locket, concentrates, and with a flash of blue light, vanishes herself* Voice: Uh... cue theme song now! --------------------------------- (Singer) In the not too distant future, In a surprising little twist, Our interpid villianess Mala-chan Was overthrown by an angry twit! MSTer-turned-Mad, the strategist Klaus, Was hassled by Rini without a pause. So instead of leaving quietly, He put Mala under his control and took up her cau~se! (Rini: Why... that... little...!) (Klaus) I'll send them crappy fanfics, The absolute worst I can find! (Lalala!) They'll have to sit and read them all, And they'll surely lose their minds! (Lalala!) (Singer) Now keep in mind they can't control Where the fanfics begin or end. (Lalala!) To try to keep their sanity, Upon each other they must depend! RIFFER ROLL CALL! Rudy! (LOVE AND PEACE!) Quatre! (I told them to surrender...) Ramza! (I got a good feeling!) Lucca! (I got MAD SKILLZ!) Jaaaaaaaaaack! (SPOOOOOOOOOON!) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science fact, Just think to yourself, "It's just a file, I should really just relax, For 'Idiotic Fanfic Theater Whatever' *Twang!* [SOL] *A different room than the bridge is shown. It appears to be some kind of training facility. Ramza and Jack stand opposite each other, swords drawn. They both are breathing rather heavily and otherwise giving the appearance that they have be sparring or something to the effect for a while* Jack: Is that all you got, kid? I'm disappointed. Ramza: Ha! I have not yet begun to fight! *Suddenly, without any explaination other than Narrative Causiality, a big puff of pink smoke appears between them. Someone within the smoke coughs* ... uh oh, you know what this means... Jack: *Nods* Yeah, we get a fic today. *As the smoke clears, we see that the person within the smoke is none other than Quatre Raberba Winner* Quatre: *As he fans the smoke away from himself* What happened? Where... Where am I? *Looks back and forth between Jack and Ramza* And aren't you two characters from some video games or something? Jack: Er, well... *Hanpan pops out of Jack's pocket and goes over to Quatre's shoulder* Hanpan: It's a long story. *Looks at a P.A. speaker in the corner* Can we cut to commercial now? Voice: Sure thing. -------------------- Announcer: New on OC!P TV! There's a new magic person in town. His name is... "Magic Boy Silly Vashy"! Vash the Stampede: *In an altered version of his coat and wearing no pants. He holds a wand that looks suspiciously like Kuroneko-sama in his hand* I am Magic Boy Silly Vashy, and on behalf of Love and Peace, I will not let the author pick on any other character again! Voice: That's not the line! Announcer: Er... With his friends, the Insurance Senshi and Tuxedo Wolfwood, he leads his fight for love and peace! Magic Girl Innocent Milly: Sempai, aren't these outfits just so cute? ^_^ Magic Girl High-Strung Meryl: *Annoyed* Yeah, _cute_. >.< Tuxedo Wolfwood: *Tugs at the tie he was made to wear* If she hadn't made that big a donation to the orphanage... Announcer: "Magic Boy Silly Vashy": Weekdays at 4:00 immediately following "Judge Gaav" on OC!P TV, a part of the WTF? Network. Remember, if it's this weird, think WTF?! --------------------------------------------------------- *On the bridge...* Rudy: *facefault* WHAT THE HELL DID SHE DO TO VASH-SAMA?!? Lucca: Oh for... Will you calm down? It's not that big a deal. Rudy: Not that big a deal?! NOT THAT _BIG_ A _DEAL_?!? Are you _INSANE_, woman?! *Quatre enters from their left. He looks puzzled* Quatre: Funny, I thought I heard Wufei in here... *Rudy grumbles. Lucca laughs* What's so funny? Lucca: Heh heh... Never mind, OK? *Faux covertly to a P.A. speaker* You couldn't have brought Duo instead? Voice: *Same tone to Lucca* Hey, I'm the one writing this, and I say Quatre's gonna be here. Rudy: *small sweatdrop* Duo? Quatre: Er... how long do you plan on keeping me here? Voice: Ah... eheh... dunno yet... *The speaker sweatdrops. The red button flashes* Hey, Rudy, Lucca, Marjoly and the family are calling... *Lucca pushes the button* [Evil Central] Klaus: *Inexplicably dressed up similar to the Digimon Emperor/Kaiser* Ah, hello, dear ones. Where is that evil wench Rini? [SOL] Rudy: I think she went out to deliver stuff for the voice. That's why Quatre's here; to fill her place for a bit. [E.C.] Klaus: Drat, she's foiled me again... Oh well, I believe we should have an Invention Exchange or something now. [SOL] Lucca: *Smiles and summons something that looks a lot like a DVD player with a hole in the top from Inventory Space* And I'm quite prepared. I call it... THE MINI-MECHA MAKER 2001! *fanfare* [E.C.] Klaus: *Clearly not impressed* Big deal. [SOL] Lucca: *Annoyed* It is! Watch this! *Inputs some information on the front and out poops Sailor Mer~ er, pops a fully working minature copy of Xenogears* See? It can create small-scale- yet-about-as-powerful-as-its-counterparts mecha that can take out untold numbers of enemies! It's BRILLIANT! [E.C.] Klaus: *Yawns* If you say so. *Claps once. Mala brings in a single spring* That's _it_? Mala-chan: *Monotone* Xelloss... Xelloss: Well, you shouldn't have left your invention in the safe behind the fake wall in your private chamber where I could just stumble over it. ^_^ Klaus: *Glares at Xelloss for a moment, then...* Mala! Send them the fic! *To the others* Your fic today is a Suikoden SI called "Super Stars of Destiny"! [SOL] *Lights flash and klaxons go off* Lucca: Fabulous, WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN! Quatre: *Looking around, puzzled* Is this what Hanpan warned me about? *Lucca drags him behind her to the door* *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: It's Ma-san! She blows up a gigantic lap top as you rush past her. Door 4: It's a spoon. You say "There is no spoon" and it vanishes. Door 3: It's your normal run-of-the-mill drawbridge. It falls out towards you, barely missing you. Door 2: It's Leknaat! She tells Rudy he's the next Tenkai Star. You walk away in utter disbelief, however. Door 1: It's a wall. Tinkerbelle comes, waves her wand, and an opening appears. Seating (L-R): Ramza, Quatre, Rudy, Lucca, Jack* Quatre: I hope I don't mess this up... Lucca: Eh, don't worry. It's not that hard a job to do. >Subj: "Got Stew?" Lucca: No, but we got a lot of tea. ^_^ Jack: *Hopefully* Star Ocean type? Lucca: *sigh* No, not the Star Ocean booze tea... -_-;; >Date: 8/31/2000 5:39:15 AM Central Daylight Time >From: Zelgadis Xeal Rudy: "Zelgadis Zeal"...? Oh no, not that "Slayer Arms" guy! Quatre: What's "Slayer Arms"? Rudy: Do you _really_ want an answer to that? >To: Lessa990 >This this piece of work was rather interesting and I'm sure >you'd enjoy MSTing it. The 'fic itself was done by a friend >of mine who's name is Jake. Enjoy it Chibi. Lucca (Alex): And I'll enjoy the missing comma. >Genso Suikoden >Super Stars of Destiny Jack: Starring Mary-Cathrine Gallager as Matthew McDohl. >Prologue Rudy: Arctica Castle was burning down and... oh, wait, that was the second intro... > Genkaku's adopted son (who doesn't really have a name so >we'll just call him Hiro), Ramza: And I'll just call him "Schmuck Boy". Rudy: Still bitter about the few aspects they ripped off from your world for the second game, eh? Ramza: *grumble*mutter*i could kick "hiro"s ass*mutter* >his daughter Nanami and their >childhood friend Jowy waved good-bye to Kyaro, their hometown, Quatre: -which also doubled as a type of molasses... *pause* Or was that corn syrup? I forget... ^^; >before departing on their new journey toward a nameless >destination. Jack: -which, contrary to popular belief, had already chosen the name of "Becky Sue" to call itself. >During their journey, Jowy stopped by Harmonia to >check on Jillia, his wife and Pilika, his adopted daughter to >see how they were doing. Lucca: Not to mention _who_ Jillia was doing... Rudy (Jillia): Oh, Sierra... ^.^-<3 *A large anvil falls just an inch behind Rudy* Klaus's voice: YOU LEAVE LADY SIERRA OUT OF THIS! *All sweatdrop* >For now, they continue to wander >aimlessly to help the folks who need it most of all. Quatre (Lucky Day): Wherever there is trouble, we'll be there! Rudy (Dusty Bottoms): Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there! Jack (Little Ned Needermeyer): Wherever justice is not being served, we'll be there, for we are... All three: THE THREE _AMIGOS_! *Do the Amigo Salute (TM)* >Hiro left >his army to be with his friends, which left a few things for >the rest of the army to do. Ramza: Wax and buff the furniture, clean up the blood from where Ayda and Kinnison tried to duel each other to the death, et cetera... >Meanwhile, Pesmerga the Black Knight >left the army to continue his pursuit of Yuber, his younger >brother who also donned the armor of the Black Knight. Quatre: That's an odd thing for this Yuber fellow to do... Jack: Yeah. Why would he put the name "Don" on some armor anyway? Ramza: *Mutters* It's things like this that reinforce the image of the "dumb blond"... *Shakes his head* Jack: We're not really dumb; we just play it in these text files. *Quatre nods. The fourth wall comes a' tumblin' down* > ______________________________________________________________ *All draw a complete blank. A big, expansive, scene change-like blank* > Pesmerga the Black Knight, returned to the castle where the >Black Knights along with others dwell (hidden somewhere in >Gregminster) Lucca: A _castle_? It'd be pretty hard to hide a castle in a city, don'tcha think? Quatre: Maybe they mean one of those little castles that you find in minature golf courses... >having lost track of Yuber. It had been one year >without any leads at all. Upon entering, several other knights >burst into fits of laughter and taunted him as he passed. Ramza (Random knight/Naga): OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! Jack (Random knight): Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Quatre (ditto): Neener, neener, neeeeeee~ner! *Blows raspberries* Rudy (ditto): I fart in your general direction! Lucca (ditto): Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-er! > "Hey Pesmerga! Great job tracking down Yuber!" A knight >shouted, his mouth reeking of sarcasm. Rudy: Sheesh, get a Tic-Tac, man! >Without responding, >Pesmerga entered the lead knight's chamber and removed his helmet >before kneeling down. Lucca: O_O Quatre: ??? Rudy: Don't ask. You don't wanna know what goes on in her dirty little mind. *Lucca thwaps him upside the head* > "I am sorry Lady Shirou, I was unable to capture Yuber." All: *blink*blink* "SHIROU"?!? Jack: Kinnison's wolf friend fell into a Jusenkyou spring?! O.o;; Ramza: Either that, or it's a very strange Sailor Starlight... >Pesmerga said, his head hung in shame. Shirou shook her head >and sighed quietly after hearing one of her greatest and most >loyal knights fail one of their missions. Ramza (Shirou): For that, the punishment is... listening to Chu-Chu sing the soundtrack of "Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure"! Rudy (Pesmerga): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Voice: If that was a slight against Rhapsody, I will have to smite you both. > "It doesn't matter Pesmerga. Jack (Shirou): It doesn't MATTER if you failed your mission! I'm still gonna take this helmet, shine it up reeeeeeeeeeeal nice, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up your ROODY-POO CANDY ASS! Voice: ... you're lucky I can't think of a good smart-ass yaoi comment about the last part of your statement, Jack. Jack: Damn straight, I'm lucky. *Holds up a large quantity of Small Flowers* These little babies _ensure_ that! ^_^ >Your mission remains the same >but you'll have to wait until tomorrow to leave. Lucca (Shirou): You have to "make up" your failure to me, after all... ^_~ Rudy: You sounded just like Tessiri.... O_o; Lucca: Does this mean if I wear a tiny dress, you won't run from me? ^_^ Rudy: !! O.o;; *Jumps back a row. Lucca simply sighs* >I'm going to >be meeting with the leader of the Dragon Knights in the morning." >Shirou stood Pesmerga up and smiled at him. "Just go get some >rest." Quatre: SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Ramza: Unfortunately, the bed he was in folded in the middle and cracked his spine right in two, the end. > "Yes, milady." He put his helmet back on and headed for >his quarters, pondering on how Yuber could've evaded him for so >long. Rudy: One word: Emphatite. > Damn you Yuber.... Jack (Charlton Heston as Pesmerga): Damn you, you damn dirty apes! > The next morning, Pesmerga entered the main chamber where >Lady Shirou and Joshua of the Dragon Knights awaited. Lucca: They were hastily adjusting their clothing and Joshua was trying his best to hide his neck... > "Welcome Pesmerga. Joshua, this is one of my best knights, >Pesmerga." Shirou gestured to Pesmerga as he was cracking a >majority of his joints. Quatre: o/~ Snap, crackle, pop,/ Rice Crispies! o/~ ^_^ Rudy: _Don't_ do that. Ueber-kawaiiness makes me ill. -_-;; Ramza: *blink*blink* Er, can I see that line again? > "Welcome Pesmerga. Joshua, this is one of my best knights, >Pesmerga." Shirou gestured to Pesmerga as he was cracking a >majority of his joints. Ramza: Just as I thought! This says Shirou's a HE! Jack (Austin Powers): She's a MAN, man! > "Ah. So this is the great Pesmerga. Lucca (Joshua): Let's see how "great" he is.... ^.^ >But anyway, onto >business. It seems Yuber attacked our fort the other day and >damage is significant. Jack (Joshua): He took all our toilets and now we have nothing to go on! *WHACK!*TOGG!* "TOGG"? Lucca: Your guess is as good as mine. >I came here today to ask you'd assist >me in tracking him down. If it isn't too much trouble, would >you send a few of your knights out to start searching? All but Quatre: NO! Quatre: Huh? Why are you saying "no"? Rudy: No searching = no plot = no more story. Got it? Quatre: Not all stories have plots. Believe me, I know... *Averts his eyes* Rudy: Point taken. >I'll >send a couple Dragon Knights out as soon as I return to our >fort." Joshua gasped for breath and Pesmerga's head jerked up. Lucca: _EXCUSE_ me? The yaoi started without telling me?! Quatre: *Clutches head as if in pain* No... no... bad... yaoi... No... more... with... Wufei... Must... talk... like... Shatner... to... remain... sane... *Ramza silently tries to recall a sleep spell in case little Quatre snaps and finds Mister Wing Zero Gundam by some odd stroke of luck...* Lucca: Wufei? I don't wanna know... -_-;; > "Of course. I've also been searching for Yuber for quite >some time. Lucca (Joshua): In the shower, mostly. ^_^ Rudy: "Searching", not "watching". Lucca: ... ah, bite me. >Pesmerga, summon Jacob and Alan. They should be in >the training hall." Pesmerga nodded and left the central chamber Rudy: Not any special chamber or recieving room, mind you, just a central one. >then headed for the Training Hall. > Meanwhile in the training hall... Quatre: In stately Wayne Manor... > A knight wielding a scythe and a knight wielding three >blades, one attached to one of his wrist guard while the other >two were being used like claws were attacking each other in the >training hall. Ramza: The knight with the scythe cut off the head of the claw guy as claw guy drove a claw into scythe guy's heart and they both died, the end. >Swinging their blades at each other and >guarding or countering the other's attack. Jack: Hey, cool! They severed the sentence in two! >This went on until >Pesmerga entered the training hall, distracting the knight with >the three blades. Ramza: And then he died? ^^ >Seeing an opening, the other knocked him down >and pressed his scythe's blade against his throat. Rudy: Uh... Bulls#!t? Does this guy _know_ how a scythe works? Quatre: Maybe he's really a smaller version of Deathscythe and that's an energy-based blade on the scythe; that way, it might work like that. Voice: Deathscythe... *sigh* > "You always let your attention be taken away from the >slightest distraction Alan! Jack (Alan): Do not~ Ooo, a penny! *poing!* >Geez! If that keeps up, you're >destined to go down. Lucca and Ramza: O_O *Break out into hysterical laughter* Rudy: Get a frickin' room, scythe guy and Alan! O.o; >Maybe you should use that 'unique' rune >you have....Spike or whatever." The knight laughed then suddenly >yelped as Alan kicked his legs out from under him. Ramza: That'll leave a mess. > "Har-de-har-har you frickin' 'tard. Jack (Scythe guy) Yeah, well, you're a ninny poo-poo head! *Normal* I'd like to say these guys are the exception when it comes to knighthood, but I know better. Hanpan: Yeah, you were one of those guys. Jack: ... shut up, rodent. >Let that ego go to you >and you'll be the one who's going down and it's called Shrike. >Kasumi from Rokkaku Hamlet gave it to me when we were in >Gregminster." Quatre: But... didn't they say the palace was _in_ Gregminster? Ramza: Don't think about it, OK? Think about it too hard and your head might explode (or you might end up killing us all...). >Alan climbed to his feet and dusted himself off >before helping Jake up. Ramza: Waitaminute... "Jake"? Wasn't the author...? Lucca: Yeah... Then that means... Ramza and Lucca: *Point at the screen* AVATAR BOY! > "Kasumi huh? Valeria is better..." Jake insisted and was >promptly sent back to the floor. Rudy: But Elza could kick both their butts! Elza... *Goes starry-eyed* Lucca: *Mutters* Rudy, you ignorant slut. Quatre: *Hears her* I thought that was Ashley Winchester. Lucca: Same difference. > "Are you two quite done?" Pesmerga asked quietly, leaning >against the doorway. "Lady Shirou has summoned you two. Ramza: Twin Idiot Knight Summon: 10 JP, 200 MP, range 3, damage inversely related to amount of Brave Points of those hit. >Let's >go." Without another word, the Black Knight turned and left, >letting the other two jog after him. The walk to the central >chamber was rather uneventful. Jack: Aside from discovering of Atlantis, fighting Ragu Ragula, and tripping out with Citan Uzuki and Huan, that is. > "Lady Shirou. I brought Alan and Jacob as you requested." Lucca (Shirou): Excellent. Strip them naked and leave them here. >Pesmerga and his usual calm voice barely attracted the attention >of the occupants of the room. All: *blink*blink* ??? Ramza: "So, Fei's got a cute side to him"? > "Thank you. Joshua, this is Alan and Jacob who have both >been training under Pesmerga." Shirou introduced the two boys >who simply nodded and said nothing just as Pesmerga did. Ramza: For a brief moment, the spirit of the Mute Main Character had taken over all males in the vicinity. *Pause, then...* All males: ...................?!?!? Rudy: !!!!! O.o;; *Time pauses for a moment as Lucca stands up and faces the audience* Lucca: In case you're wondering what they're saying, they all didn't say anything, but Rudy said, "What the hell?!" *Takes a small bow, then sits down. Time unpauses* > "Your knights are heavy talkers I see." Joshua chuckled and >looked at Shirou. Jack: "Heavy talkers"? When did this suddenly turn into "The Phantom Tollbooth"?! > "You three may leave when ready. Pesmerga will be your >commander. Please don't give him too much trouble okay Jake? >Alan?" Shirou smiled and waved them off. Quatre (Shirou): And no going off to summon Cardians with your friend Ann this time! > In the hall, Jake looked at Pesmerga and made a dandy >suggestion. Jack (Pesmerga as Steve): OK, let's put this suggestion in our handy-dandy... Quatre and Hanpan (Alan and Jake): NOTEBOOK! Jack (Same as before): Right! > "Hey Pesmerga. You know McDohl and Gremio right? Let's >ask them to come with us." He said, twirling the Hellscythe >while he walked. Ramza: -during which he cut off several innocent bystander's heads. Quatre: *Shakes his head* No, Duo smited him for poorly imitating his Gundam before that could happen. *At the same time...* Lucca: Duo? Where?! ^_^ *Rudy mutters something unflattering about happy little psychopathic Gundam pilots* Voice: Deathscythe? Where?! ^_^ > "Yeah. Doesn't McDohl know some kid who led an army based >where North Window was?" Alan took off his helmet to wipe the >sweat off his forehead. Rudy: Really stupid time to be doing an Elvis impersonation... > ".....That 'kid' killed Luca Blight you know and yes, we >can go get McDohl and his friends to join us." Pesmerga uttered, >hiding his sword, King Crimson under his cape. Lucca: ... nah, I'll let this one go. Rudy: We all appreciate it. > I'll get you Yuber...and your little bone dragon too. Ramza: >p Quatre: ^^; Rudy: >.<;; Lucca: *snicker* ^^ Jack: -_-; >___________________________________________________ Jack (Bugs Bunny): Oh yeah?! I dare you to step over _THIS_ line! > On the road to Gregminster, some unknown group of bandits >ambushed the three knights. One bandit sported a green turban >and appeared to be the leader. Lucca: Hadji, RUUUUUUUUUUUN!! It's another Avatar-type person! Rudy: Flashbacks... pain... headache... No Jessie Bannon lime scene, please... Quatre: I... shouldn't ask, should I? *Both Jack and Ramza shake their heads "no"* > "Finally, some action." Alan said happily, preparing to >strike anything that moved with his weapon, the Heavenly Lethal >Fangs. Jack: Name courtesy of the Random Weapon Name Generator. >However, before the fight could even start, the bandit >in the turban called off his men and stood at full profile. > "Oh...sorry Pesmerga. Going to Gregminster? I'll have to >escort you there." Varkas (Mr. I'm-So-Special-'Cause-I-Have-To- >Escort-You-Gregmeister-'Cause-I-Don't-Trust-You-'Cause-I'm-A-Wussy) Jack (Rob Schnider): Greg... Greg-o-rama... The Gregmeister, showing up in cheesy fanfiction... Greg... Rudy: *Clearly sarcastic* Gee, I sense a little bit of hostility towards Varkas. How 'bout you, Lucca? Lucca: *Ditto* Hmm... I don't know. Quatre? Quatre: *Misses the point; sincerely* I'm pretty sure there is... >grunted. Jack (Tim Allen): More power! 'Arh, 'arh, 'arh! > The action that Alan wanted so much was given to him...in the >form of a massive black dragon roaming about town, acting like >everything was his/her's/it's/whatever. Rudy: Just pick a stupid pronoun! This isn't frickin' Oscar, ya know! Hanpan: Please don't mention "Oscar" and an alternative word for "#@&)ing" in the same sentence again... -_-;; >Luckily, McDohl and company >were trying to slay the beast but weren't doing very well so the >Knights decided to lend a hand. Lucca: Lucky for Avatar Boy, that is. Ramza (Jake): Check it out! I got MAD SKILLZ! Booyaka, byatch! Quatre: CHOMP! Ramza (Jake; muted): Hey! It's dark in here! Turn on the lights! >Just as the three joined McDohl >and friends in the fight, the dragon decided it was time to breath >some of it's nasty dragon breath on the party, Rudy: Yet another character that needs a Tic-Tac, everyone. >hardly harming the >knights but hitting Pahn pretty hard but he stood his ground. Quatre (Pahn): You _DARE_ use your powers of halitosis on Pahn the Mighty?! WA-TAK! Ramza (Pahn/Kenshiro): You are already dead. *A "Ka-BOOM!!" sound effect is heard* >As the >dragon prepared to breathe more of it's stinking breath again, our >party quickly took shelter behind a nearby house. Jack: o/~ When evil went and reared its head,/ Sir Jacob bravely turned his tail and fled! o/~ > "How do you intend on dealing with this Pesmerga?" McDohl looked >toward the knight in question who just shrugged. Quatre: *Confused* The _dragon's_ a Pesmerga? > "Spread out and attack at once." Pesmerga made motions in the >air. "A dragon's weak point is it's neck. Ramza: No, it's a small gap in its scales in its chest. No, wait, that's an entirely different dragon... >It'll be distracted by >all of us attacking different place. While the dragon is distracted, >Jacob, Alan and I will land the fatal blow." Lucca (McDohl): Uh, all I have to do is Judgement its reptilian ass to the other side, but never mind, oh one who is warped by the mighty Avatar Boy. > "We should listen to Pesmerga young master. I must get back >home and tend to the stew!" Gremio whined, retreated to McDohl's >home. All: *sweatdrop* ................. Lucca: Suikoden sterotype one: Gremio must mention stew at every possible opportunity. > "............." All three knights blinked for a minute. > "I never got used to his obsession with stew." Pahn coughed, >resting against a wall. Lucca: You never complained about it either, Mister Bottomless-Pit- for-a-Stomach. Rudy: Lucca, stop. Just stop it. You're starting to sound like Rini during PMS. *WHAM!*thud!* ow... >"I'll be okay young master. Just kill >that damned lizard. Such animals shouldn't be allowed to live let >alone run free in a town." Xelloss's voice: Hear, hear! *shish-THOOM!* Again, please, but with a stronger charge. ^_^ Voice: *Half-whining* What possesed me to bring him to the series in the first place...? Xelloss's voice: Me, of course! ^_^ *A sound of a piano falling from a high place and crashing to earth can be heard. Muted...* awen pweese? Voice: Twit. > "Okay. Let's go crush that overgrown pocket monster!" All: -_-;; Voice: Don't hurt the Eevees... >McDohl's enthusiasm only got to Cleo and Jake but the attack still >went on. Everyone dashed out from behind the building and >scattered, charging the dragon from all directions. Jack: o/~ With a Star of Destiny here,/ A Star of Destiny there,/ Here a Star,/ There a Star,/ Everywhere a Star, Star! o/~ >Confused the >beast went for the nearest target, McDohl and promptly tried to >eat the young master whole. Byrann's voice: Anyone else getting Beawolf flashbacks here? ^^; Quatre: ??? Rudy: People tend to voice their opinions here at random. You'll get used to it if you're going to be here for a while. >While the dragon was distracted, >Pesmerga waved to Jake who waved to Alex. All: *blink*blink* ??? Quatre: Where did he come from and where'd Alan go? Lucca: Plot holes, of course. Bart and Fei's voices: NO! No more "Messila's Journey"! Rudy: *Before Quatre can say anything* Don't ask. If you're here long enough, you'l find out. If you're not, it's not worth bothering you about. >All at once, the three >began hovering around the bewildered beast slowly then the pace got >kicked up a notch Rudy: The first one to make a comment about that chef guy will be shot repeatedly. >until the knights stopped and shot straight for >the dragon and attacked in a series brilliant flashes. Ramza: GAH! Naked Avatar Boy! *Hides under his seat* >When the >light died down, all that remained was fresh bits and pieces of >dragon meat...it was gonna be good eatin' that night. All: -_-;; > "Hmm..." Was all McDohl Jack: Step-sister of Commented Crono. >and his companions got out of them >before they returned to the McDohl residence where Gremio and the >stew awaited. Ramza: -with a machette. >The dinner went by pretty fast with little >conversation until Cleo looked toward Pesmerga. Lucca (Cleo): Say, you're pretty foxy. How 'bout you, me, and some whipped topping later? Pahn won't mind... Quatre: *Thoughtfully* Hmm, whipped topping... I wonder... *All look at him oddly* Did I say something wrong? > "So why're you here?" She asked, staring at him in interest. Jack: 11.0% apr, to be exact. ^_^ >Pesmerga shook his head and said nothing at first then he took a >quick swig of his drink and sighed. Rudy (Pesmerga): I can't _believe_ Tessiri turned me down... Lucca: *Mutters* Like you wouldn't run away from her if she _would_ have wanted you. *grumble* > "....We're after Yuber and came here for two reasons. Rudy (Pesmerga): One, we wish to see Mina's strip show, and two, we have some "special ingredients" for Gremio's stew Huan asked us to give him. >One, Ramza: *Vaguely British* -two... five! Jack: *ditto* Three, sir. Ramza: *ditto* Oh, right. Three! >we have to come through here anyway and the second is because we >need all the help we can get." Pesmerga went straight for drink, >not used nor liking to talk so much. Lucca: He also half-talk like Tarzan. > "So you want us to help you out? Since you helped me before >and you're my friend, I have no other choice but to help you." >McDohl was cheering and throwing a celebration in his mind at the >very thought of getting away from Gregminster. Rudy: I hear that's the first sign of severe mental problems. >It was only then >that the great seer Leknaat appeared along with her snobby little >jerk of an apprentice, Luc (who happens to SUCK). Lucca: -Sasarai. Nightly. ^_^ Quatre: Now, now, we don't know the connection between them for sure yet. For all we know, they could be brothers. ^^;; Lucca: *Turns green* _WHY_ did you have to say that?!? O.o;; Quatre: Eheh, sorry... ^^;; > "I am afraid you have no choice young McDohl. These two >young men, Alexander and Jacob are destined to unite the hundred >and eight Stars of Destiny. All: *facefault* WHAT?! Lucca: *Shaking her head* I shouldn't be surprised, I really shouldn't... Ramza: *Pause* Wait, does this mean there's going to be... No! No Avatar Boy yaoi suggestions! BAD! Out of my head, foul ideas! >.< >There are already eight of them in >this room." Leknaat used her usual monotone voice just as she did >with McDohl, Hiro and Jowy when she met them. Jack: Ben Stein _IS_ Lady Leknaat in "Genso Suikoden: Super Stars of Destiny"! Rudy: Ben Stein... drag... ow. *Gets up, hits Jack with a fan, then sits back down* > ".....? Eight my lady? I only see seven...oh no! You >can't mean..." Luc stammered, hoping it wasn't true. Quatre (Luc): _You're_ a Star, my lady?! O_o; > "Yes Luc. You will be a Star of Destiny again. Lucca (Leknaat): You will go after the Eye of Atamoni and keep it out of the hands of Hugo. *All look at her. Normally...* What? Like _you_ had anything better. >That is an >order." Leknaat's tone went from emotionless to down right harsh. All: ........................ Rudy: Damn, the one time we need Rini for a "Call me QUEEN!" line and she's not here. >She wasn't really fond of Luc's lack of motivation or his 'I don't >like breaking a sweat' attitude but she dealt with it without Quatre: -taking Wing Zero for a spin and crushing his head, crushing his head, crush, crUSH, CRUUUUUUUSH! *All squirm uncomfortably in their seats. Quatre blinks* What? What's wrong? >having a severe case of PMS. Lucca: Urge to kill... rising... Jack: Uh, that's not _quite_ how PMS works, author guy. >"You are to do whatever these two >boys order you to do. I don't want to hear anything about you not >following your orders understand Luc?" Rudy: Yes, I understand Luc, English, Elw, and some Japanese. *rimshot* Yes, I know that was bad, but I don't care any more. > "I understand my lady." Rudy (Luc): I also understand- *thwap!* Lucca: Once is fine, twice in a row is stupid. >Luc was fuming on the inside but he >knew that he brought this on himself. Lucca (Luc): I guess this is my punishment for taking that damn Rune of Eroticism from Windy three years ago... I hate my life. > "Anyway, why don't you join us for dinner Leknaat? The stew >is delicious!" Gremio chirped. Leknaat facefaulted and raised her >hands in a defensive manner. Ramza: -proving that she wasn't Leknaat, but an evil clone sent to kill them all. > "I am sorry but I must be going Gremio. Remember what I >told you Luc." Jack (Luc): Yeah, yeah, "cross at green, not in between"... >Leknaat vanished, leaving the apprentice behind. > "...I'll be at the inn, just come and get me tomorrow so we >can leave." Luc muttered, walking out without another word. Jack: Oh, is Without Another Word a friend of Commented Crono? > "I still don't like him young master..." Gremio groaned, >finishing off the remains of the stew. Quatre (Gremio): Die, stew! Die, die, die! *All sweatdrop. Normal* Well, they _said_ "finish the stew off"... ^^;; > "I don't like him either but if he's a Star of Destiny, >we have to deal with it." McDohl replied, taking off his bandana. Rudy: -thus revealing the most frightening case of "hat hair" in existance. >Pesmerga and McDohl had fought alongside Luc twice and noticed how >little helped in a battle between armies (besides when Hiro >fought Sasarai) but otherwise, he was totally useless. Lucca: That, and he seemed to warp the speech of those around him, much like Liz and Ard. > "Since there is no more stew. We should get to bed. Jack: Look, Alexander Adkins did the editing here! ^^ >Come on >young master, Rudy: Now _there's_ a mental image I did not need. -_-; Lucca: *Trying not to snicker* And yet some people actually _claim_ the Suikoden series doesn't have yaoi undertones... *giggle* >you need your rest. We'll even stop by Rokkaku >Hamlet to see your girlfriend, Kasumi." Ramza (McDohl): But I'd rather see my boyfriend Flik! ^.^ Lucca: *cough*that'sgremio*cough* Voice: *cough*it'sted*cough*dammit*cough* Quatre: Well, I think... never mind. I don't want to start something here. ^^; >Gremio shoved the young >master out of the room, leaving the three knights there. Lucca: Camus? Miki? ^_^ > "She's not my girlfriend Gremio! Rudy (McDohl): You are! *Normal* Gah, I can't believe I just said that... >Why don't you 'pay back' >Camille then!" McDohl shouted while Gremio continued to drag him >away. Rudy (Gremio): I already have. Several times, in fact. ^.^ Quatre: *Again, missing the point* But wouldn't he be broke then? Rudy: Er, it's not _that_ kind of "paying back"... > "That's QUITE enough young master! I did pay Camille back >and then some so she won't be bothering me for a while." Gremio >finally pulled McDohl out of the room. Quatre: But... I thought... weren't they...? Ramza: This is a SI fic. Continuity means nothing in those. > "Hey Pesmerga? Do we sleep?" Jacob snickered, pushing in his >chair. > "Not very much." Pesmerga stayed seated, taking a larger sip >of his drink. Lucca (Pesmerga; drunk): You know, after a few drinksh, you're kinda attractive... >"Where are you going?" He set down his glass and >looked at Jake. Jack (Jake): I'm gonna go start a black market Viagra ring in Mexico with Bun-Bun. > "I'm going out. Maybe Valeria is strolling around town or >maybe I'll find some other Stars of Destiny." He shrugged and left. > "So what do we do then Pesmerga?" Alan pulled off his helmet >and ran a hand through his hair. Quatre (Pesmerga): Get you some Rogaine. Most of your hair came out when you did that. Ramza (Alan): Oh, I~ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY HAIR!! > "Let's go to the bar. Nothing exciting around here." >Pesmerga finished his drink and stood up, heading for the door. Jack (Snagglepuss as Pesmerga): Exit, stage left! > Meanwhile, Clive hurried through Gregminster hoping that >McDohl had not gone to sleep yet. Rudy: Lucca, Ramza, please don't say anything, all right? Please. Quatre (Clive): Oh, my darling McDohl, how I hope to see your shining eyes once more... *Rudy smacks Quatre. Rudy gets zapped* Voice: _NOBODY_ hurts Quatre around me and doesn't get smited, Roughnight! Rudy: *Dazed* o/~ do you know the way to san jose...? o/~ X.x >When he arrived at the McDohl >residence, it was too late as all the lights were out and there >didn't seem to be anyone up and about. Rudy: *Still in a daze* daz good no ruin clive character yet... Lucca: Figures he'd be a fan of Clive. *Muttering* Friggin' gun nut... -_-; >Now extremely pissed off, >Clive stormed off to the bar to drown his sorrows in a nice tall >glass of beer. All: *Loooooooong pause* ??? Quatre: I was right? O.o; Lucca: Well, good thing Rudy's not~ *Rudy wakes up, sees line, and... says absolutely nothing* Oh, well, let's hope this is a good sign. >The moment he entered the bar, he was greeted by >the sight of two guys singing Yellow Submarine loudly, obviously >punch drunk. Lucca: Why Miklotov shouldn't be allowed to have vodka, everyone. Rudy: Wait, just how the hell do they know "Yellow Submarine"?! Jack: Dude, it's by the Beatles. They're pratically mulitversally known, ya know. >One man was completely clad in black armor and the >other guy looked like a bear wearing clothes. Ramza: The bear then begain maiming people left and right before Clive shot several holes into it, the end. >Staring at the two >singing men was a younger looking boy who looked like the man in >black but his armor was more of sapphire color. Next to him was >a man wrapped in a blue cloak that covered up what looked like a >breastplate. Lucca: Flik? ^_^ Rudy: For the love of Filgaia, not this again... -_-;; > "Viktor...you're making too much noise! People are staring!" >The man in the blue cloak shouted, barely catching the bear's >attention. Lucca: Must... not get... mental image... Viktor/Flik moment... ow... Quatre: Well, bears need love too, I guess... ^^;; > "Let'em stare Flik! We're havin' fun! Right Pesmunubea?" Lucca: *Rambles* NoViktoryaoipleasenoickyickyicky... O.o;; >Viktor shoved Pesmerga, who swayed for a minute and shoved him >back. > "Uh huh! We're some cra-zee fools man!" The black knight >spun around in circles, emitting a hiccup every now and then. Rudy: Oh, dear Guardians, they killed Pesmerga's character! Lucca: You bastards! >Clive approached Flik and tapped him on the shoulder. Quatre (Clive; hushed voice): Hey, I can hook you up with a mobile suit if you want to quickly put an end to this story... > "Hey Flik. What's up?" Flik's head jerked around and he >looked up at Clive for minute then shrugged. > "Nothin' much Clive...oh yeah. This kid here is Pesmerga's >friend, Alan. Alan, this was the Liberation Army's best >sharpshooter, Clive." Ramza: Then Clive gave him a demonstration of that little fact by shooting Alan right between the eyes, the end. >Flik gestured to the man in the black hood. > "Considering I was the only guy in the Liberation Army that >used a gun, I suppose I was the best." Clive sat down next to Flik. Lucca (Clive): Hey, since McDohl's not available, how about you and me...? >"So why're the knights here?" > "Turns out that Alan here is gonna bring together the Stars of >Destiny and as usual, we're stars." Jack: o/~ Hey now, we're again stars,/ Gotta fight a war... o/~ er... ah... crap, can't get the rest of the verse done. ^^; >Flik raised his mug for a moment >then set it down just as Viktor started hitting on the waitress. Quatre (waitress): Will you _please_ stop hitting me, bear man?!? > It's gonna be a long journey... Alan thought to himself. Rudy: And far too long a journey for us... *sigh* *All exit* *Reverse door sequence* [SOL] *Rudy, Quatre, and Lucca are on the bridge. Rudy faces away from the others as he idly plays a Game Boy* Lucca: So, Quatre... *Puts an arm around Quatre's shoulders and talks in a low tone* Is there anything goin' on between you and Trowa? You can tell me... ^_^ Rudy: *Still playing* I'd plead the fifth if I were you, Quatre. She'd bug you endlessly with either answer. Lucca: *Takes her arm off Quatre's shoulders* Who the hell asked you to comment, Rudy? Rudy: *Turns off Game Boy* It's my duty to protect those in distress around here. Lucca: Does he _look_ in distress to you?! *Points to a retreating Quatre without looking* Rudy: *Facing her* I wouldn't know. He just left. Lucca: *Looks where Quatre was, then back to Rudy* Why, you made him run like you do! Rudy: I _don't_ run away. Lucca: You run away from me. Rudy: Do not. Lucca: Prove it, then. *Takes a step toward him* Rudy: Fine, I won't move. Lucca: *Getting a little closer* Fine. Rudy: *Nervously fiddles with the Game Boy* F-fine. Lucca: *Mere inches away from him* Fine. *Leans in toward him _eeeeeeeever_ so slightly* Rudy: Uh... uh... uh... *With a flash of blue light, Rini appears in front of the counter. She holds a bottle of an unknown substance in her hand and looks incredibly pissed off* Rini: Dear _ALICE_, what a day! *Takes a drink from the bottle* I swear, if I ever have to deal with that _woman_ again... Rudy: Er, I should go find Quatre and make sure he doesn't get lost... *Exits to the right* Lucca: Damn. Damn, damn, _damn_! Rini: Hmm? *Holds out bottle to Lucca* Want some? *Lucca _GLARES_ at Rini. The red button flashes* Oh, Jose's calling. *Presses the button* [E.C.] Klaus: I see you're back, my lady. Of course, I use the term "lady" _extremely_ loosely. [SOL] Rini: Yeah, yeah, blow it out your arse, ya git. I've had a bad enough day already. *Takes a drink* [E.C.] Klaus: Good. Next time, you shan't escape me. Next time, you will be in absolute agony! You hear me? ABSOLUTE AGONY! Mala! Push the button! *Mala does so* *FWOOOSH!* *Fade to black* *Roll credits* --------------------------------------------------- The REAL End Comments? E-mail at: lilka@senshi.net Or we let Chufei deal with you... *evil laughter* >Joshua gasped for breath and Pesmerga's head jerked up. Lookie, shameless plugs! Organized Chaos! (My RPG humor site) http://www.crosswinds.net/~rinichan *~swearing to the sky~* (My Wild ARMs shrine) http://www.angelfire.com/wa2/filgaia Season one: ------------------ Episode 101: "Battle of the Strongest" Episode 102: Raging Double Feature ("Wild ARMs Rage" and "Toshinden Rage") Episode 103: "The Cursed Waters" Episode 104: "The Jonathanlizers" Episode 105: "Final Fantasy VII: The Untold Story" part 1 Episode 106: "The Return of Lord Thinker" Episode 107: "Get Rich Quick" spam. Episode 108: "Don't Freak Out" Episode 109a: "The Price of Redemption" parts 1-3 Xenogears interludes: ------------------------- Episode 109b: "The Price of Redemption" parts 4-5 Episode 201a: "Messila's Journey" part 1 Episode 203: "Ash's New Friend" Episode 206: "Emerald Nights" part 1 Episode 207: "Pokemon Gangbang" (MSTed with Hyperonius) Episode 301f: "Messila's Journey" part 6 Episode 301g: "Messila's Journey" part 7 Episode 305: "An Interesting Twist" (MSTed with Hyperonius) Episode 402j: "Messila's Journey" part 10 Season Two: ---------------- Episode 202: "Why RPGs Should be Severely Censored and Devoid of Character Development" Episode 201b: "Messila's Journey" part 2 Episode 201c: "Mesilla's Journey" part 3 Episode 204: "FFVII: The Untold Story" part 2 Episode 205: "Behind the Scenes" Episode 208: "Beloved? Yeah, Right" Season Three: ------------------ *Special!* Episode 300: "The Happy Spell" *Special!* Episode 208b: "Beloved: A Vampire's Tale" Episode 301d: "Messila's Journey" part 4 Episode 301e: "Messila's Journey" part 5 Episode 302: "Decency Patrol #2" Episode 303: "Slayer Arms" part 1 Episode 301h: "Messila's Journey" part 8 Episode 301i: "Messila's Journey" part 9 Episode 304: "Killey" part 1 Season Four: ------------------ Episode 401: Miscellanious Miscellany ("Chick Tract" parody) Episode 403: "Killey" part 2 Episode 404: "Killey" part 3 Episode 405: "Genso Suikoden: Super Stars of Destiny" Other MSTings: ------------------ Episode 000: "Rebirth" (MSTed with Nick) Episode 001: Stephen Gohan's letter to the GIA (MSTed with Katana Angel) *Coming soon!* Episode 002: "Cloud Vs. Aeris" (MSTed with Nick) Episode 003 or Fortuna Fanfic Theater 5000 episode 9: "10-chi Returns" (MSTed with DadyTengu)