"Son of a submariner!" -Kefka, "Final Fantasy VI" Legal Crap Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Final Fantasy Tactics and Chrono Trigger are copyrighted by SquareSoft Wild ARMs is copyrighted by Media Vision or Contrail, the latter being the newer name for the company. Any other thing I forgot to mention is copyrighted to it's owner(s). Please don't sue; I have no money as is. ~.~;; "Slayer Arms" is owned by one Alex, because it being owned by multiple Alexes would be silly. No offense and bad stuff is intended with this MST. No Holmcrosses or chimeras were harmed in the production of this MST... physically. Chibi-chan's notes (a.k.a. Other Stuff) OK, I've been busy working on other MSTs and a FUNZIES Suikoden 2 comic. I _could_ have finished this long ago, but that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. =>p With that out of the way, Here we gooooooooooooo!! ------------------------------------ (Singer) In the not too distant future, (Methinks it was next Thursday) A bunch of poor suckers Have some hell to pay! A group of evil people, led by Mala-chan, They were bored one day, so they dreamed up a plan. They choose some people they didn't like, Then they sent those poor victims into space and- *B-ko cackles* (Mala-chan) We'll send them crappy fanfics, As many as we can find! (Lalala!) (Marle) They'll have to sit and read them all! (Dycedarg) And they'll slowly lose their minds! (Lalala!) (Singer) Now keep in mind they can't control Where the fanfics begin or end. (Lalala!) To try to keep their sanity, Upon each other they must depend! RIFFER ROLL CALL! Rini! (I gotta BELIEVE!) Rudy! (NO PARAPPA!) Ramza! (Why me?) Lucca! (I'm BRILLIANT! ^_^) Jaaaaaaaaaack! (Oh bugger...) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science fact, Just think to yourself, "It's just a file, I should really just relax, For 'Idiotic Fanfic Theater Whatever' *Twang!* [The SOL (Not the Satellite of Love, tho')] *Lucca has set up a computer on the counter. In her hands is a game controller. She appears to be playing a game* Lucca: *Giggling insanely* This'll make Xelloss wish he never messed with us! ^__^ *Rudy walks on the bridge* Rudy: What's so funny... *Looks at the moniter* Is that Xelloss dressed as Sunny Funny?! O.o;; Lucca: Yep! It's a little game I programmed. I call it "Zelgadiss the Rapper", but in reality it's my way of getting vengence for Xelloss's line-stealing. He's dressed like that for the ENTIRE game! *Mad Scientist Laugh (TM)* ^_^ Rudy: You... are a twisted little woman. *The yellow button flashes* Um, we'll be right back... ^^;; *Presses the yellow button* -------------------------- TV Announcer: You liked the original Kick Me Chu-Chu, but thought is was too fragile? Well, Lucca Productions, with cooperation with Squaresoft and the orginal producers of the Kick Me Chu-Chu, has brought you THIS! *A studier-looking Chu-Chu doll is shown* The _Indestructable_ Kick Me Chu-Chu doll! Cushioned so you don't break a toe on it, light enough to get major distance, but strong enough to take anything you throw at it! Get yours now! Only at Indimensional Wal-Marts! -------------------------------- Rudy: ... that's *#&*ed up. Lucca: Ah, but it brings in lots of money! ^_^ *The red button flashed* Luca Blight's callin' again... *Pushes the button* [Evil Central] Xelloss: Luca Blight? I have _much_ more style that _him_. ^_^ [SOL] Rudy: Where's Mala-chan? [E.C.] Xelloss: Oh, she's having a meeting with other Head Mads, so she left me in charge. ^_^ All else: *grumble*mutter* Xelloss: Heh, aren't the cute when they're plotting against my life? ^_^ [SOL] All: .................. Lucca: I'm afraid to ask, but... what are you sending us today? [E.C.] Xelloss: Oh, this lovely crossover Chibi provided me with! It's called "Slayer Arms" and it's... promising. ^_^ [SOL] Rudy: "Promising"? Lucca: What do you mean by that?! [E.C.] Xelloss: Sore wa, himitsu desu. ^_^ *Presses the send button* [SOL] Rudy: Why am I not surprised by that? *Lights flash and klaxons go off* Lucca: WE GOT CROSSOVER SIGN! *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: It's UmJammer Amelia! Depending on your mentality, you either laugh, get pissed at this mockery, or mutter something to the effect of "WTF?" before you move on. Door 4: It's Oasis! She blows up, sadly enough... Door 3: It's your normal run-of-the-mill drawbridge. It falls out towards you, barely missing you. Door 2: It's AOL! After sending Luca Blight or any other insane homicidal menace after it, you go to... Door 1: It's a wall. Tinkerbelle comes, waves her wand, and an opening appears. Seating (L-R): Ramza, Rini, Rudy, Lucca, Jack* Rudy: Where the hell were you guys? Rini: We forgot what today was, I guess. ^^;; >Subj: The EVIL Crossover 'fic Rini (Alex as Dr. Evil): I will call it... Mini-Me! *Dr. Evil Pose (TM)* >Date: 12/18/99 8:13:24 PM Central Standard Time >From: ZelgadisGe@aol.com >To: rinichan@crosswinds.net >I'll still a constant viewer of your site so I >thought I'd give you a gift. Jack (Alex): It's a fruitcake! Rudy and Lucca: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE BANISHED FROM THE THEATER! O.o;;; Jack: *sigh* I meant a _real_ fruitcake, _not_ Xelloss. Rudy and Lucca: Whew! ^^;; >Merry Christmas, >Alex >-------------------- Lucca: *Ducks* Kinnison, watch your aim! ^^;; >Slayers Arms Rudy: I beg your pardon?! O.o;; Jack: Well, we at least know it's a first... ^^;; >Part One Rudy: PART _ONE_?!? O.o;; > Zelgadis sat inside the tent he was sharing >with Gourry Lucca: It wasn't the only thing he was sharing with Gourry, ifyaknowwhatImean! ^_^ Jack: *Mumbles* It starts... oy. >silently while the others were out fishing. Lucca: Goodie! We get to see Yam Koo! ^_^-<3 Rini: Booyaka! ^_^-<3 >They asked him to go along but he refused as soon as >he remember the Lake Dragon ordeal so he decided to >stay back at their campsite. Rudy: -and make coffee-bean s'mores! Ramza (Zel; hyper): Yessirnothinglikelots'nlotsofcoffee- beans'mores! Nopenopenopenopenopenope! >He sighed as he thought >the usual about finding the Clair Bible, the cure he >wouldn't give up on Jack (Zel as Ellis): Ah nevah geeve ahp! >and looked out of the tent as Lina, >Amelia and Gourry approached. Ramza: Then they all fell into the pit of spikes Zel made and died, the end. Lucca (Zel): Yes! Now I can go out with Xelloss without them complaining- *WHAM!* Rudy: Don't. You. Start. With that. *eye twitch* >Just they were about to >greet him, he noticed something fall in front of him >and he glanced up at the sky which had started to crack. Rini: Crack, crack, cra... ah, forget it. >Lina raised a brow at Zel, looking up to see what the >big deal was and she dropped all their fish. Rudy: They still ate the fish later, even though they were caked with dirt and other unspeakables. Jack (Lina): Mmm, crunchy... Lucca (Gourry): Hey! I wanted to eat that one! > "HEY! Look at that you guys! The sky is cracking >like ice!" Ramza: o/~ It's as cold as ice.../ Paradise.../ And the feeling.../ Was-a nice! o/~ >Lina shouted, pointing at the sky just as it >shot a beam of light down on them. Rini (Kirk): Scottie, we... seem to be on... a strange world... Why is... that guy's hair... so... _pointy_? Rudy (Zel): ... go away. >When Zelgadis opened >his eyes, Lucca: -he saw he was naked, strapped to a bed, and that Xelloss was hovering over him... *WHAM!* Rudy: We do NOT need that mental image, Lucca! And besides didn't I tell you _not_ to start with that?!? >he was surrounded by trees and animals but >everything went blurry after a few seconds then it got >dark. All: ................. Ramza: Um, "NEVER USE JOE CHIN'S CHAINS FOR THEM"? >Somewhere in the world, a woman looked up suddenly >and departed with her scythe, her crimson hair swaying in >the breeze. Jack: Elmina?! Run! Run from this fic as fast as you can! > "Over here! This way Rudy!" Lucca (Cecilia): I got a good feeling! Rini: It said "This way", not "This's is the way", Lucca. Lucca: So? >A girl called, waving >her arm until a young blue haired boy appeared at her side. Ramza: Ashley! Rini: Vahn! Lucca: That kid from the Wild ARMs anime! Jack: Blue after she fell into the Spring of the Drowned Human Male! *All stare at him* What? >The boy called Rudy tilted his head at what he saw, two >men and two women laying in a clearing. Lucca (Rudy): Hey, that spiky-haired guy's kinda cute- *WHACK!* Rudy: _NO_, Lucca. >He looked at the >girl and shrugged. > "What's the big deal Cecilia? Maybe they were drunk >and passed out here." Jack: *snicker* Classic Rudy line... Rudy: Jack, shut the hell up. >Rudy said, shrugging again while >Cecilia glared at him. > "You usually get drunk in a bar Rudy! All but Rudy: *gasp!* Rini: It's not good to get drunk at bars, young man! Rudy: But- Jack: Yeah! Exactly how long has this went on?! Rudy: It's just a grammar mistake! A missing comma, to be precise! Zephyr, you guys are _idiots_! >If they were >drunk, they wouldn't have passed out here, they probably >wouldn't have made it to the door anyway." Hanpan: Never underestimate a drunk, Cecilia. Rini and Rudy: *grumble*mutter* Ramza: I still don't get what happened... >Cecilia >mumbled, jabbing her index finger in Rudy's face. Rini (Daffy Duck): Ha! Hoo hoo! Dodge! Parry! Spin! Dodge! Ha! Thrust! Rudy: THONK! >"Look! >If you aren't going to take me seriously then go back to >Adlehyde!" Rudy: OK! *Gets up, but Rini and Lucca pull him back in the seat* Lucca: If we gotta stay, so do you! Rudy: *Mutters* Dammit... >She shouted, stomping off to the group in the >clearing. Zel came to again, he sat up and looked around >the same green forest he had seen before only there was >girl kneeling by Lina. Rudy (Cecilia): Do you know what "yuri" is in relation to fanfics? ^_^-<3 *WHAM!*WA-TAK!* *Normal* Ya know, this is totally unfair! You let most of _her_ *Indicates Lucca* yaoi comments go unpunished, but I make _ONE_ comment about yuri and the _both_ of you hit me! Rini: So? > "....Who're you and where are we?" Zel asked as he >sat up, Jack: The line's "Where the hell am I and just/ who the hell are you?", Zel. >looking at the girl out of the corner of his eye. >Cecilia jumped a little and turned to face him, somewhat >surprised. Rudy: "Somewhat"? Considering there's no such thing as a chimeric curse in Filgaia, I think she'd be a little more than "somewhat surprised". Rini: Hey, leave the nitpicking to me, kid, OK? > "Oh! You're awake! I'm Cecilia Adlehyde...the >princess of Adlehyde. This is Filgaia." Rudy: And just _how_ would she know to tell them that?! Rini: Cecilia must have MAD PSYCHIC SKILLZ. Lucca: Or be using EXTREME... PLOT DEVICE... ACTION! >Cecilia replied, >smiling a little at him. Lucca: I'dve picked Gourry myself, but hey, he ain't bad either, Cecilia! ^_^-<3 >A few hours later, Zel and co. >were resting in bedroom in Adlehyde castle and being >treated like royalty while they waited for Cecilia to >return with her friends. Ramza: And their execution. ^_^ Rini: *Disturbed by Ramza's smile* Um... ^^;;; > "So what do you think of this place so far Lina?" Rudy: Out of character! That's a somewhat intelligent question coming from Gourry! *WHAM!* Rini: I _SAID_ leave the nitpicking to _me_, boy! >Gourry asked, finding mostly everything the same as >their world except much more ocean. Rudy: .............!!..............!!..............!?! Jack: *Seeming to understand* Rudy, Rini said not to nitpick. Lucca: *Ditto* *nod* But it's still a good point. Rini: Huh? >Lina looked up >from her meal and gave him an odd look. Rini (Lina): Who the hell hit you with the smart stick, Gourry? Jack (Gourry): What? Wha'd I say? Rudy: ........................ not commenting about Lina _looking up_ from her _free_ food... > "It's just like our world. Mountains, rivers and >the whole works as well. I can't wait to see what kind >of magic this place has!" She exclaimed, snickering to >herself. Lucca (Lina): YES! More ways to destroy stuff! Booyaka! Rudy: *Fumes* I am _not_ saying a word about Elw technology or vast wastelands or the Guardians... Rini: Good boy. >Just then, Cecilia returned with Rudy and >another man with long blonde hair and a blue ribbon tied >into a pony tail. Lucca: Stahn Aileron in drag? Rudy: Well, it can't be Jack because one, it's a green piece of fabric, and two, it's not tied like a ponytail. *WHAM!* Rini: You never give up, do you?! >She gave him a shove, forcing him to >stumble forward a little. Ramza: -into the pit of spikes Amelia meant for Cecilia for liking _her_ Zelgadiss and he died, the end! > "Erk...I'm..uh..Jack." He said, scratching the >back of his head sheepishly. Lucca (Yuzu): What a cutie! I'll raise it up big and strong! ^_^ >He wasn't really good at >introducing himself. Cecilia giggled and gave Rudy's >bottom a swat, forcing him forward as well. Jack (Cecilia; thinking): Tee hee, I touched Rudy's butt... ^^ Cecilia's voice: Jack, shut up! ^^;;; > "....I'm Rudy Roughknight..." Rudy said quietly, >also not the social type. Rini: Evil twin of Rudy Roughnight. Jack: At least it's not "Rudy Roughneck". Rudy: *groan* Don't remind me... ~.~;; >Hanpan jumped out of Jack's >pocket, running around a little before stopping in front >of Amelia. Rudy (Hanpan): Dammit, I thought that was a skirt... Hanpan: *Glares at Rudy* Don't put me at your level, boy. > "Don't forget me Jack. I'm Hanpan, the wind mouse. >I'm Jack, Rudy and Cecilia's traveling companion." >Hanpan squeaked, hopping onto Amelia's shoulder while >Jack rolled his eyes. Rudy (Hanpan): Hey, baby, come to Hanpan- *WHAM!* > "I'll introduce myself first. I'm Zelgadis >Greywers." Zel mumbled in his usual tone and by miracle, >everyone heard him. Rini: The castle has choice acoustics, ne? ^^;; >Lina glanced at Amelia who had been >scratching Hanpan behind his ears. > "I'm Lina Inverse." She said quickly, Gourry >watching a clock in awe until Lina elbowed him. Jack (Tickety-Tock): Hi, Steve... er, Gourry! Rudy: Shouldn't that be the "Beautiful Genius Sorceress, Lina Inverse"- *WHAM!* Rini: For the last time, I SAID, "Leave it to ME!" > "Ow! Don't do that Lina! I'm Gourry Gabriev, >Lina's guardian." Jack: There's a Guardian of Small, Greedy, Destructive Sorceresses?! O.o;; >Gourry whined, rubbing his Lucca: In public?! >arm. Lucca: Oh, sorry. ^^;; >Zelgadis signaled Amelia that it was her turn to introduce >herself. > "Eek! Lucca (Amelia): Pull your pants up, Zel! *WHAM!* Rini: _Don't_. Rudy (Ameila): That's sexual harrassment and I don't have to take it! >I'm Amelia Wil Tesla De Sayruun. Princess of >Sayruun." Rini (Amelia): But you can call me Dot. ^_^ >She chirped, already aware that Cecilia was also >a princess. Jack and Rudy looked at her skeptically but >Cecilia just stood there silently. Ramza (Cecilia): How can I kill her? Let me count the ways... >Later that night, >Amelia sat on the balcony that was above all the courtyard >and sighed. Jack: She was depressed that Sailor Moon had been canceled. Rudy: SAILOR MOON?!? SAILOR MOON BAD!! O.o;;; >Even though she didn't show it, it seemed like >Cecilia was also taking liking to Zelgadis...but Cecilia >wasn't the only one. Lucca: Millions of fangirls were already posed to snatch him if ever he showed up in their dimension... >Off in the Demon's Lab, Lady Harken Jack: Elmina?! WHY, GUARDIANS, WHY?!? >stood silent as she watched the redhead, blonde and >lastly...the chimera. He was different, he had...power, >passion and every else Lady Harken desired more than human >suffering. Lucca (Narrator): He had a Dreamcast. Rini (Lady Harken/Butthead): Huh huh, come to Harken... >She had to find a way to use that power for >her own benefit. Lucca: And that was getting him in bed with her and Xell- *WHACK!* Rudy: *Dangerously quiet* I told you not to say anything about that... > "Manipulate him. Make his allies become his enemies. >That shouldn't be too hard." Harken cackled with an evil >grin, Rini (Lady Harken): OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! >returning to her quarters unaware of what she was >getting into. > This was rather interesting Zelgadis thought as Jack >flew the Gull Wing toward the ancient arena. Rudy: *Still quiet* Who. Let. That _moron_. Fly. My. _Gullwing_? *Silently draws the Phaser ARM* Jack: We should go quickly to the back of the theater... O.o;; *All rush towards the back* Rudy: *Barely audible* Fury Shot. *The normal laser-type beam that shoots from said ARM is replaced a beam thrice the intensity of a normal shot. Needless to say, the screen's in bad shape* Ramza: Just what the _hell_ was THAT?!? O.o;; Jack: Fury Shot. His most powerful attack. *The screen repairs itself* ... dammit. > "You sure you want to go here? Your opponents will >be pretty tough...there is also a chance that you could >fight 'him'." Jack explained, looking at Zel as he >tilted his head in confusion. Lucca (Zel): Why the hell was the word "explained" used there? You didn't really _explain_ anything... > "Who do you mean when you say 'him'?" Zel asked, >watching the ground move rapidly. Ramza (Jack): Velius... *shudder* Rini (Jack): Queen Alice... *shudder* Lucca (Jack): Lavos... *shudder* Jack: Um... who's Queen Alice? Rini: Don't ask. O.o;; > "Boomerang." Jack replied, getting another odd >look from Zel. Ramza: DUCK! *All duck as a boomerang passes over their heads and back again* > "Who the hell is Boomerang?" Zel asked again, >reaching for his sword as the arena came into view. Rini: Crocodile Dundee's cousin? >Jack >didn't say anything, he just landed the Gull Wing near >the arena and tapped the Juggernaut against his shoulder. Lucca: I hope that's a _sword_... O.o;; > "You'll see kid...you'll see. Just don't make me >look like a wuss." Jack joked, getting a smirk from Zel. Hanpan: Too late! ^^ Jack: Ah, bite me. *Reverse door sequence* [SOL] Rini: *Playing a game on the computer* Whaddaya mean I'm "Rappin' AWFUL"?!? Rudy: *Laughs* Having problems, Rini? *Ducks a controller thrown at his head. It hits Jack instead* Rini: Eheh, sorry. ^^;; Jack: Ow... *The red button flashes* *sigh* Leknaat and Luc are calling... *Pushes the button* [E.C.] *A badly-beaten (but still smiling ^^;;) Xelloss is sprawled out on the floor* B-ko: *Mutters* Sorry, Mala, but we couldn't take one more "Sore wa, himitsu desu". *eye twitch* Marle: *Tossing aside broken pool cue* Yeah, I mean, enough is _enough_! Dycedarg: Do I push the button now? B-ko: Uh, sure, whatever... *Dycedarg pushes the button* *FWOOOSH!* *Fade to black* *Roll credits* --------------------------------------------------- THE REAL END E-mail comments to me at: Lessa990@aol.com Or feel the Golden Bird Holy Flower Dragon Tooth Glory Punch! Hell, I couldn't choose just one stinger... ^^;; Number one: > "You usually get drunk in a bar Rudy! Number two: >Lina looked up >from her meal and gave him an odd look. Lookie, a shameless plug! Organized Chaos! http://www.crosswinds.net/~rinichan My own site. Beware the Temporary Portal, er, Picture of the Week; It can lead you to strange things... Season one: ------------------ Episode 101: "Battle of the Strongest" Episode 102: Raging Double Feature ("Wild ARMs Rage" and "Toshinden Rage") Episode 103: "The Cursed Waters" Episode 104: "The Jonathanlizers" Episode 105: "Final Fantasy VII: The Untold Story" part 1 Episode 106: "The Return of Lord Thinker" Episode 107: "Get Rich Quick" spam. Episode 108: "Don't Freak Out" Episode 109a: "The Price of Redemption" parts 1-3 Xenogears interludes: ------------------------- Episode 109b: "The Price of Redemption" parts 4-5 Episode 201a: "Messila's Journey" part 1 Episode 203: "Ash's New Friend" Episode 206: "Emerald Nights" part 1 Episode 207: "Pokemon Gangbang" (MSTed with Hyperonius) Season Two: ---------------- Episode 202: "Why RPGs Should be Severely Censored and Devoid of Character Development" Episode 201b: "Messila's Journey" part 2 Episode 201c: "Mesilla's Journey" part 3 Episode 204: "FFVII: The Untold Story" part 2 Episode 205: "Behind the Scenes" Episode 208: "Beloved? Yeah, Right" Season Three: ------------------ *Special!* Episode 300: "The Happy Spell" Episode 301d: "Messila's Journey" part 4 Episode 301e: "Messila's Journey" part 5 Episode 302: "Decency Patrol #2" Episode 303: "Slayer Arms" part 1 Other MSTings: ------------------ Episode 000: "Rebirth" (MSTed with Nick) Episode 001: Stephen Gohan's letter to the GIA (MSTed with Katana Angel) *Coming soon!* Episode 002: "Cloud Vs. Aeris" (MSTed with Nick)