"Call me the Dark Adonis!" -Mid-Boss, "Disgaea: Hour of Darkness" Legal Crap Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Sonic the Hedgehog is owned by Yuji Naka, Sonic Team, and SEGA. "Interlude of a Quest" is owned by 'NUBIS. No offense or bad stuff is intended with this MSTing. No Harpie Ladies or Duelists were harmed in the production of this MSTing. One hedgehog may have been permanently traumtized, tho'. Chibi's notes: ... blame my renewed interest in Sonic the Hedgehog for this... Between the Gamecube ports of the games and Sonic X, I had no chance of escaping. *Anxiously awaits Sonic Heros* And now, prepare for... Mystery ARK Theater 2 Advance! ------------------------------------ [Space Station ARK, bridge] *Sonic and Knuckles stand alone, staring out at the Earth from the windows* Knuckles: ... even _I_ saw that Eggman would ditch us if we let him in the shuttle first. Sonic: Don't remind me. *Shadow enters, talking excitedly with Amy about Sailor Moon* ... you know, not that I'm disappointed that Shadow's all right, but I wish he'd shut up about that. -_-; Knuckles: Just how the hell did he get here anyway? Sonic: *shrugs* I just know he muttered something about a Chao Key and "his babies coming to his aid". *The image of a foxgirl that had _WAY_ too much sugar today appears on a nearby monitor* Foxgirl: Hey-yo! This is your friendly neighborhood AI, Chibi 3.0, with an incoming transmission from the big giant belly! *Vanishes. The less pleasant face of Dr. Ivo Robotnik, also known as Eggman, appears in her place* [Hidden Base] Eggman: Hello, lab rats. I hope... *Sees Shadow, takes off his glasses for a moment, then replaces them* What...? How...? [ARK] Shadow: The chao saved me. Sonic: *Waving his hand nonchalantly* That's all we can get out of the Lord of the Chao here. So, what'cha' want, Eggman? [Hidden Base] Eggman: Why, to crush your spirits, of course! Trying to destroy you bodily hasn't worked out, so I think it's time for a change of plans. [ARK] Sonic: So you're going to what, show us bad movies? Puh-LEAZE. It didn't work for Doctor Forrester and it won't work for you. Shadow: Doctor who? Knuckles: No, that was another doctor entirely. Amy: Third base! *All look at her oddly* What? Someone had to say it. [Hidden Base] Eggman: Er, no. *proudly* I've found something more vile that _those_ to subject to you! I present to you, _bad fanfiction_. *glasses flash* [ARK] *Sonic and Amy "O.o". Shadow and Knuckles look puzzled* Sonic: You... You... Amy: You _FIEND_! Shadow: I'm missing something here. What's "fanfiction"? [Hidden Base] Eggman: Oh, you'll find out... And your first story is an interesting bit of Yu-Gi-Oh erotica. *laughs evilly* [ARK] Shadow: And that is...? Sonic: Y'know, porn. *Shadow looks at him blankly* A sex 'fic, Shadow. Shadow: Oh. *beat* Question... Sonic: You don't know what that is? *Shadow shakes his head* Greeeeeeaaat... Amy: Well, he _was_ one big science project. Would _you_ tell a homemade volcano the birds and the bees? Sonic: *Mutters* If it could possibly have kids, yeah... [Hidden Base] Eggman: Enough chatting! Now you shall feel pain like no other! *Evilly laughs as he presses a button* [ARK] Rouge: *Entering* Amy, Tails needs your mallet-- Amy: OKgoingbye! *Runs past Rouge as alarms start sounding* Rouge: What the...? Chibi 3.0's voice: Please make your way to the theater on level three! ^_^ Sonic: Er, we'll tell you on the way. Let's go before he decides to turn off the air in here or something. [Floor three, theater] *Seating, L-R: Shadow, Sonic, Knuckles, Rouge* >Interlude of a Quest Shadow: Isn't that a movive with that Tom Cruise fellow? You know, the one with the vampires... Sonic: Dude, I'm going to have to give you a crash course in pop culture when we get out of here. >a Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction by 'NUBIS Rouge: Someone hit Caps Lock instead of shift at the end there, I see. >11:14 PM >The island of Duelist Kingdom, just off the coast of Domino, Japan Sonic: The Professor had made a boat comprised only of coconuts, but Gilligan screwed up their chances of getting off the island yet again. >"Wake up princess... Knuckles (NPC): Cecilia, Wake up! Class is over! It won't look good for the kingdom if our princess has mental problems. >oh miss kujaku..." Rouge: It's only "Miss Kujaku" if you're nasty. Not telling us somthing, mysterious voice? >Mai's eyes fluttered open, awakening her to the present darkness. Sonic (Mai): ACK! I'm blind! Knuckles (mysterious voice): Oh for... Take _off_ the blindfold, Miss Kujaku. -_-; >Groggily, she stood up, rubbing her pounding head. Shadow (Mai): That's the _LAST_ time I take anything from someone at a Pink Floyd concert. Sonic: Ha, maybe you're _not_ so clueless after all. ^^ >Eyes adjusting to >the night, she looked around, only to realize herself positioned on a >dueling platform. Shadow: That's an odd place for a nap. >"Hey, whats going on?! A minute ago I was walking back to camp..." Sonic (Mai): You know, one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute-- *Knuckles covers his mouth* Knuckles: _NO_, Sonic. >"Thought you might want to take the chance to show your pathetic >skills to a REAL duelist," taunted a voice nearby. Rouge: Seto? Is that you? >"Too bad I've already seen myself play," mai smirked. Knuckles (Mai as Triple H): I _am_ the Game! >"Hehehe..cute.. Perhaps you'd like to put your star-chips where your >mouth is! they do call me the player killer, after all." Sonic: He's Sora? Shadow: What does that girl from Digimon have to do with anything? *Sonic facepalms* >Mai threw down eight stars."if you think you're so tough then lets get >it on!" she shouted, incensed. Sonic: Houston, we have porn! Knuckles: I'd say something, but we _were_ warned about this story... > thought >Pegasus, watching the live feed. Shadow: MINT-CHAN! ^^ Sonic: *Eyes Shadow questioningly, then says to Knuckles and Rouge* We are _NEVER_ letting him watch magic girl anime with Amy _ever again_. >"DUEL!" Rouge: O, rose of a noble castle... Wait, wrong series. >Mai-2000/PK-2000 Knuckles: It's too late to party like it's 1999 for them, huh? >"First i'll summon my harpie lady, in attack mode!" announced mai, the Shadow: --cousin of Commented Crono? *All look at him oddly* I do not have any idea where that came from either. >sky demoness rising from the board with a screech of fury. Rouge: You'd be furious too if you slept on _your_ wings wrong. >Then- >FWOOOOOSH! Sonic (Daggit): I am the silent wind of doom, FWOOOOOSH! >Twin jets of flame seared the air around Mai, causing her >to scream. Knuckles (Jim Ross): Mah God, it's KANE! The Big Red Machine! >"Oh, i'm sorry, did that scare you? Of course i probably should have >mentioned this, but fear is my favorite tactic to use on my opponents- >something about the way they squirm..." Sonic: *yawns* You and every other evil underling. No one cares, pal. >Mai chuckled, "Oh, I wasn't scared, just startled a bit." Knuckles (Mai): Now excuse me while I change my underwear... >"Really?" >FWOOOOOOOOSH! the jets rose dramatically again, but this time there >was no fear in the girl's eyes. Rouge (Mai): I don't think Kane's coming, sweetheart. Knuckles (player-killer): Dammit! I knew I should have offered him more money... >"Hmm... well, perhaps a different strategy. let me see..." Shadow (player killer): I know it's here somewhere... *Pulls out a mallet, a rubber duck, two chao eggs, a string of silk scarves, and a copy of William Shatner's Greatest Hits out from under his seat* Sonic: I'm not asking how you're doing that. >The player >killer looked down at his custom dueling board as words seemed to jump >to the air. Knuckles: And now, words jumping on trampolines! >"A file listing psychological profiles for every duelist >on the island... Rouge (player killer): Hm, nothing yet, but I didn't know Seto Kaiba was afraid of flan... >such a nice bonus from Pegasus-sama... Sonic: Of course, he liked the naughty pictures of Seto Kaiba better, but this bonus was the more practical one. >now what have >we here?" Sonic (player killer): Now why would Pegasus-sama have a Mokuba/Seto doujinshi-- *smacked by Knuckles* Ow! Knuckles: Don't. I mean it. >A grin spread across the Player Killer's face, "Oh, this >will be fun..." Shadow: *shudders* I know that look. That's Chibi 3.0's "I'm gonna Photoshop you in a dress" look. >"I'll play two more cards face down, and its your move, loser!" Rouge: So said the disembodied spirit of Seto Kaiba, which was wandering in the area. >The Eliminator looked up from his data file and smiled tauntingly. Sonic (player killer): Thanks to this, I know all about your Wonder Woman underwear! Rouge (Mai): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Er, I mean, what Wonder Woman underwear? >"All right then, i'll summon copycat, to mimic your lady! your turn." Shadow: Hn. Strategically speaking, not the best move. Rouge: Perhaps... But you really shouldn't think too hard about anything here. >Mai stared at his monster- it looked as if- but no... yes! it was! Sonic: It _WAS_ naked, arching its back and licking its lips, looking at her mistress with lust-- *WHAP!* Knuckles: Shut. Up. >strangely enough, the fake harpie was looking staight at her... with >bedroom eyes? Sonic: Ha! I was on the right track! Knuckles: You were right? This bodes ill... >As Mai drew her card she scarcely noticed what it was, distacted by >the intense stare of the copycat harpie. she noticed her cheeks >reddening. Rouge (Wanda): I hope you mean the ones on your face! > she thought, hologram, i mean it's a female monster, after all> Sonic: Hm, lesbian Harpie Ladies... Do tell us more. ^_^ Knuckles: You won't give up, will you? -_-; Sonic: Of course not! Quitting is for wimps! >"I activate my face >down card: rose whip! Now my harpie is 400 points stronger than yours! >Attack!" Mai's monster lashed it's opponent, tearing it apart. Shadow: o/~ The Whip Master,/ The Whip Master,/ They call her the Whip Master! o/~ >Mai-2000/PK-1600 Shadow: Is this what they mean by "beating one into the last century"? >The hulking man just laughs,"I think it's time to up the ante..." Sonic (player killer): Let's make this _Strip_ Duel Monsters! >"I'm already wagering all my stars!" Rouge: So said the disembodied spirit of Rainbow Brite. >"Not quite what I meant- Go! Black Magician Girl!" the monster >(monstette?) Sonic: Monsterita! Knuckles: The Monster chick! Rouge: Femmymon! Shadow: Monster-chan! >takes form, giving mai a nonchalant look, totally unlike >the copycat's stare. Knuckles: There _was_ the small matter that the girl monster wasn't wearing any clothes-- Ack! You got _ME_ doing it now! Sonic: Yes! Now to corrupt Shadow too! Shadow: I can _hear_ you, Sonic. -_-; >The blonde begins to relax, seeing that the >come-hither look had been a fluke after all. Knuckles: *eye roll* Yeeeeeaaaaah, like all those times Yugi had Kaiba beat were flukes... >"And I'll combine it with this magic card," adds the Player >Killer,"it's a very rare one, specially designed by Mr. Crawford to >spice up this duel... Ecchi Spirit!" All: ................ Knuckles: Ecchi. Rouge: Spirit. Shadow: I do not understand... Sonic: And suddenly, every Yu-Gi-Oh! porn doujinshi makes a _little_ more sense now... >Suddenly the magess begins to quiver, as if in a cold wind. Knuckles: Anastasia! NO! >Her eyes >roll into her head and she stiffens momentarily, before falling limp >and collapsing to the field. Rouge: *Shakes head* So many comments. So very many comments. >"Ecchi Spirit has some very interestig side effects, as you'll soon >discover..." Shadow: For one thing, it's an effective deodorant. >The beautiful spellcaster stired, and rose, her gaze peircing Mai's >eyes, heart and very soul. Sonic: Ouch, that's a pain that'll linger. Rouge: It'd hurt more if it was _piercing_. >The look was so intense that Mai, though >fully clothed, felt naked and bare. Rouge: o/~ I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor... o/~ >She barely noticed that her >opponent was still talking... Knuckles (player killer): ... and that's how you make a coconut cream pie. >"...It causes the monster to take quite an interest in the human >player facing it, rather than the other creatures on the field..." Shadow: *Darkly* ... right before it latches onto the human and lays its eggs in the human's head... >...The image of the card leapt upwards landing on Mai's platform... Knuckles: There's a Bunny Hood card? Sonic: Nah, you'd see the ears if that were so. Shadow: ... bunny-girls... ^^ >"...The monster often forgets it's still dueling..." Rouge: ... and then goes out to a bar and drunkenly sings karaoke. >...The girl closed in on Mai, rapidly invading her personal space, Sonic: "Invasion of the Yuri-tastic Duel Monsters", coming soon to theaters! >staring into the player's terrified eyes with a fervor of ardent >lust... Shadow: *Confused* Plant life feel lust? Rouge: "Ardent", not "verdant". >"...And pursues other objectives..." Knuckles (Shion): KOS-MOS, why are you acting on your own?! >...As the magician's hand stroked Mai's inner thigh, sliding her hand >under her skirt, Mai tried to scream, but couldn't, her throat >closing, her head swimming... Shadow: Question: Can a holographic image _DO_ that? Knuckles: Well, if they can _hurt_ a player, I suppose this could happen... >"...Of course she probably doesn't know you're a homophobe, nor cares >, i imagine..." Shadow: She's a word that's spelled the same but sounds different? >... Mai yelped as the card yanked down her panties and clamped her >mouth over the duelist's womanhood, Rouge: *winces and crosses legs* Could you _NOT_ use "clamped" in that context?! Knuckles: The Black Magician Girl then dropped dead, for Mai was made of poison. >then began stroking her nether >lips with a stong tongue, while suckling Mai's clit with her upper >lip... *Shadow is silent and looks utterly baffled* Sonic: The fuh...? I thought... Isn't that supposed to be on the inside? So how is she...? And both at the same time? Rouge: *reaches over and pats him on the head* Don't think about it too long or you'll go cross-eyed. Knuckles: *mumbling; flustered* bosom... so close... O_o;; >"...Of couse, you really can't blame me, i'm doing you a favor, >helping you overcome your fear...heheh, get it, come..." *A lone rimshot is heard, follwed by crickets chirping* >...Mai began to shake, the adrenaline high of fear mixing with the >intense pleasure, she felt her body giving in... Rouge (Mai): Dammit, I _WILL_ eat that entire pint of Ben and Jerry's, calories be damned! >"...Of, course you can always surrender, the hologram will dissapear, >and you will be free to go...home that is..." Sonic (player killer): ... that is, your new home... IN THE SHADOW REALM! *evil laugh* Knuckles: *twitch* If I hear "send to the Shadow Realm" _ONE MORE TIME_ as a euphimism for "kill", so help me...! >...Mai began convulsing, Knuckles: Call 911! She's having a seizure! >thrusting her hips, Sonic: o/~ BUt it's the pelvic thru~u~u~ust, that really drives you insa-yay-yay-yi-ane! o/~ >grinding her slit into >the mage's mouth, when... Shadow: *Still silent* O.o; Sonic: I know; I can't think of the rail levels the same way again either. >"...If you want it to stop, all you have to do it give in to your >fear...and scream. just scream, and it ends..." Knuckles (Mai): Fine. Eeeek. Can I _go_ now? Being molested by a hologram without my permission kinda sucks... >...Suddenly the girl stopped sucking, leaped up, and pushed Mai to the >metal floor. Sonic: Buh? No, no, just forgot details earlier, can't think about this more than ten seconds without banging my head against the wall... >Mai gasped, trying to contain herself, Rouge: --in this lovely Tupperware container! *Sonic and Knuckles golf-clap. Shadow remains silent* >"please...more...don't stop..." Knuckles: Oh, _very_ good job at containing yourself. Really. I mean it. >at this the monster tore off her own >panties and slammed into Mai, their orchids rubbing together >frenziedly, *Rouge begins giggling uncontrollably* Knuckles: What's so funny? Rouge: Ha ha... "Orchid"... heheh... comes from Greek word... Hee hee! For "testicles". *resumes giggling. Sonic joins her* Knuckles: Oh, brother... -_-; >sending Mai into ecstasy... Sonic: Heh, never knew Mai was a raver. >"... Just scream in fear, and I'll call her off, I know you can't be >enjoying this, what with your phobia, and all. Rouge: _Yes_, people _always_ ask for more when they're not enjoying themselves. Moron. >Besides, its only a >game, heheheh..." Shadow: *Sounding strained* Some game! O.o;; Sonic: Well, well, it _speaks_! Shadow, you OK? *No answer* Shadow? Shadow: .............. O.o;; >...Mai and the spell-weilder had grabbed eachother's legs, and were >pulling themselves together, relishing the waves of heat washing thru >them... Knuckles (KOS-MOS): Physical appearance down 90%. Shion, I need to be cleaned... WITH FIRE. >"...As entertaining as it is to watch this little show, i do have a >schedule, so if you intend to forfiet i'll give you to the count of >three..." Rouge (Chuckie): One... two... What comes after two, Tommy? >...Mai could fell her body tensing, her muscles rippling, it was too >much... Sonic: o/~ It's too much, baby/ It's too much... o/~ Knuckles: That's "too late". Sonic: So? >"...One..." Rouge: o/~ --is the loneliest number that you'll ever do... o/~ >...the card slid off and in one motion reared like a cobra and struck, >biting down on Mai's flower... Rouge: *Crosses legs again* Bad mental image! Sonic: GAH! Bad Crimson Noble porn memories! BAD CRIMSON NOBLE PORN MEMORIES! >_< >"...Two..." Knuckles: --four, six, eight; Monty is a reprobate? >...Mai's world stopped. Sonic (Wayne): Mai's World! Mai's World! Party time! Excellent! >all was silent. the only noise in her head was >a distant roar, as though a massive wave rushing to meet the beach... Rouge: o/~ Like the waves _CRASH_ on the land; like a storm that has to be reckoned! o/~ >"...Three..." Knuckles: Then the owl cruched the Tootsie Pop, handed the kid the stick, the proclaimed it took three licks to get to the center. >...Mai threw back her head and bellowed into the night. Sonic: ... whereas we want to run _screaming_ into the night right about now. -_-; >All her prior >fear and pain gone- there was only now, only here, only this. Rouge: Only on Playstation. >All else >was faux to this moment. Knuckles: All else was _fake_ to the moment? Sonic: No, no, I think I get it! This was all one messed-up dream, and when she wakes up, she'll be lying next to the lesbian Harpie Lady and Anzu and it'll be happily ever after! *Knuckles shoots him a look* OK, no, but I can dream, can't I? >A moment of unmistakable power. Knuckles (Fred Savage): Yeah, yeah, keep your Power Glove off of her! *Rouge and Sonic look at him oddly* Sorry, old movie flashback. >Unbelievable pleasure. Sonic (Fabio): I cahn't believe it's not pleashaa! >Undeniable love. Rouge: *snort* _Right_, being molested by a hologram means TWU WUV. Knuckles: *eye roll* Well, of _course_. Doesn't _everyone_ know that? >The player killer laughed heartily as the holograms faded, "Well, >that's that, I guess I win!" Sonic (Wakko): Bingo! Bingo bingo bingo! >suddenly reality hit Mai like a truck, knocking her breath away. Rouge: o/~ You can hit me with your 18-wheeler truck, and I won't give a fu... o/~ Sonic: Please don't mention trucks. >_< >"I... >I lost...?" Knuckles: Survey says... *PING!* Number one answer! >Her mind raced as she stood up, pulling on her panties. Rouge: Or would have, had those damned underpants gnomes not been in the area. >But no, there >was no arguing, the judging AI built into the platform had declared >it's winner... Sonic: A winner is you! Thank you for players! >"Mai! what's wrong? are you okay?" Yelled a familiar young voice. Sonic: Tails? What the hell are you doing there?! Tails's voice: *Over P.A.* It's not me! ^^; >And the rest, as they say, is history. Knuckles: Just like the story. Can we _go_ now? Sonic: *Pokes Shadow in the arm* Shadow? You OK? Shaaaaadooooow... Shadow: ............ O.o; >AUTHORS NOTES: thanks for reading! i know it sucks, but any questions >or comments (they better be good...lol) are welcome, email me. Rouge: *Muses* Actually, a spell-check, proper capitalization, and some different word choices would make this halfway decent. >hope >you liked it, if so, just tell me and i'll make more! (this was my >first fic) Knuckles: Hn, a newbie. I suppose that means there's hope. >if you didn't like it, just tell me what to fix- criticism >is welcome, but i'll ignore flames. Sonic: So sending Dilandau to "insist" on a bigger focus on lesbian Harpie Ladies would be ignored. Damn. >have a yuri day! sayonara, >'NUBIS. Rouge: Quoth 3.0, "BAI BAI!" >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Knuckles (Dieter): ANTS! ANTS! ANTS!! Sonic: *Pokes Shadow some more* Yo, it's over! Say something! _MOVE_! Do _SOMETHING_! *Shadow suddenly stands up* Shadow: _THAT'S_ SEX?!? WHAT THE HELL?!? O.o; *Walks out, muttering about never letting anyone touch him _EVER_* Sonic: Hoo boy. We've got some damage to repair. -_-; *All those remaining exit* [ARK] *Sonic and Rouge and quietly talking amongst themselves. Knuckles enters* Knuckles: *Looks around* I thought you were going to talk with Shadow. Sonic: We tried, but it only made things worse. Rouge: You can't really blame him; what a way to first be exposed to that... Knuckles: So where is he now? Sonic: With Amy. We're hoping the healing powers of her magic girl collection can bring him out of it. *Amy enters* How's it goin', Amy? Amy: Well, he's definitely doing better. A bit twitchy still, but he should be all right. Sonic: Good. We don't want Eggman to win when this it the most cliched attempt at driving people mad in exisitence. *Chibi 3.0's face pops up on a nearby monitor* Chibi 3.0: HI! His round rumped-ness is calling again! *is replaced with Eggman's face* [Hidden Base] Eggman: Hello again. Like your first excursion into a world of pain? >) [ARK] Sonic: Eh, I've seen worse. There weren't nearly enough lesbian Harpie Ladies for my liking, either. Knuckles: *eye roll* _Again_ with the Harpie Ladies? Sonic: Would you prefer Renamon? *Knuckles remains silent and decides the floor is utterly facinating* Rouge: *Mutters* Did that person _have_ to use "clamped" in that situation? *shudders* [Hidden Base] Eggman: Hm, I suppose this means I'll have to up the foulness of the stories. Don't think this is that last time, hedgehog! *The monitor turns off* [ARK] Sonic: Eh, whatever. *pause* So, who's up for exploring this place? *Chibi 3.0 appears again* Chibi 3.0: Need a guide? ^_^ Sonic: Er, that's all right... Chibi 3.0: *pouts* Oh, all right... Oh, beware of the airlocks! You don't want to be sucked out, now do you? Bai bai! *Monitor shuts off* Sonic: *shakes his head* This place is going to take getting used to, huh? *The others nod* *blip* *fwish!* ------------------------- The REAL End Comments? E-mail at: chaoscheebs@sbcglobal.net Or be sent to the Shadow Realm! *WA-TAKed by an echidna* Lookie, shameless plugs! Chapapanga.org, new home of Organized Chaos and Swearing to the Sky!: http://www.chapapanga.org >... Mai yelped as the card yanked down her panties and clamped her >mouth over the duelist's womanhood,