>Oneechan (Older Sister) >By: Chibi-chan Rudy: NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT HER!! Jane: ......... > He can never me mine. Why does he love that… Cecilia: Cold fish? >that… petty bounty hunter instead of me?! Cecilia: Close enough. Jane: Hey! >It just doesn't make sense! Jack: Nothing has to make sense in fanfiction. >I've been with him from the beginning of our journey, Elmina: o/~ It's the beginning.../ The beginning.../ The beginning of our story.../ The beginning... o/~ >I was the one who saved him from the dream demon, >Elizabeth, Rudy: At least we know who's talking now... Jack: I hated that movie. *rimshot* Huh? Where'd that come from? Rudy: Don't ask. >and yet… If I mention how I feel about him, he looks at >me oddly and tells me, Jane (Rudy; gangsta): Girl, you best get to steppin' befo' I bust a cap in yo'- Rudy: Jane! >"Oneechan, I'm sorry… I don't love you like that…" Elmina: o/~ I don't love you like that/ You don't make my whole world... o/~ >Always with that strange word, he tells me, in essence, >that I should just bugger off, Rudy: "Bugger off"? Who the hell says "bugger off"? Mysterious voice: BOLT! *ZAAAAAAAAAAP!* Rudy: *Singed* I take it you do... >find someone else. I don't want anyone else, I just want >him. Jack: Must... not... sing... Rod Stewart song... > I looked at the picture he drew of me a while back. Jack (Cecilia): Wow, this is really crappy! *WHAP!* Ow! Rudy: *Give Cecilia back her Princess Rod* Shut up, Jack. >This can't be me, I thought, I actually look kinda… happy >here. On a peculiar impulse, I took the picture, the one >he spent so much time on, and Rudy: -put it back where it belongs, because I ain't making another one. The first one took long enough to make! >tossed it into the fire in the fireplace. Jack (Beavis): Fiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrre! Elmina: No duh. Where else could she possibly thrown it into a fire? >The picture burned readily. I watched as the flames engulfed >it, Jane: -dancing cheerfully as her face got burnt beyond recognition... Cecilia: *Glares at Jane* grr... Rudy: *sigh* Now I know how Ranma and Tenchi feel... >the face burned beyond recognition, then it burned to ashes. Jane (Jake Lloyd): Yippee. >I have to stay strong, Jack (Cecilia): I gotta believe! *WHAP!* Rudy: NO PARAPPA! >I can't let this get to me, I can and will survive without >him, Cecilia: *Horribly off-key* o/~ I will survive/ I will survi~ive! o/~ *KABONG!* Ow! Jane: *Sternly* No more singing outta you, Princess! >if need be, I have to. I am not weak; Jane: *cough*bulls#!t*cough*bulls#!t*cough* *Cecilia glares at Jane* >I will go on, Rudy: I call no Celine Dion or Titanic refs! >just like that rabbit. *All fall out of their seats* Rudy: Did she write what I think she wrote? Cecilia: That was so out of place, it's almost funny... Almost. >I have to, I need to, Adlehyde needs me… Jane: Like a hole in the head. Cecilia: THAT'S IT! *Lunges towards Jane* Jane: Bring it on, Princess! *Jack and Rudy hold the two girls back* Elmina: *Amused* Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! >I began walking to the door, trying my damnedest to stay >strong, to not let it get to me. Elmina: o/~ Just put one foot in front of the other... o/~ Cecilia: Uncute tomboy! Jane: Wussy princess! Rudy: Jane, Cecilia, please stop this! Jack: Princess, fighting doesn't solve anything! *Pause* Did I just say that? >Then I passed by a mirror. Jane: -and broke it! Cecilia: You should talk, you gorgon! Jane: Hippie! Cecilia: Bitch! >I stopped and gazed at my reflection. All I saw was a weak, >lovestruck girl, who could never live without the one she >loved. Cecilia: Jane? Jane: Why you... UNCLE F^*%&R! Cecilia: Your father! >I couldn't stand looking at it anymore. Rudy: I can't stand watching this fight anymore either... Jack: Let her go. I have an idea. *Both girls are let loose. Before either of them can trade blows...* SHADOW BIND! *Both girls are paralyzed* That oughta stop 'em for a while... >The mirror cracked and some of the glass shattered as my fist >struck the offending reflection. Jane: It offends me too. Cecilia: Bite me. Jane: Which acre? >All the rage, all the pent-up frustration of what I've been >feeling was released on the one person who has angered me >for so long… Rudy: Jane? Elmina: Zeikfried? Jack: Skippy the Hyperintelligent Pipe Mold? *Rudy and Elmina look at him oddly* Rudy: Tell me again why you find him attactive, Elmina. Elmina: *Anime sweatdrop* Well, he makes me laugh... >myself. I didn't even notice I was bleeding from the glass >shards that broke off of the mirror and embedded themselves >in my hand. Jane (Cecilia): -because I'm a useless hippie. Rudy: Jane, that's enough! >It was about that time he showed up. The blue-haired guardian >angel that was there to protect me, but not to love me. Jane: Ha ha! *Notices Rudy's glaring at her* Sorry... >He glanced at the mirror momentarily, then looked at me and >asked, "Cecilia! What happened? Why's the mirror broken?" Elmina: It's because she hit it, you dummy! Rudy: Hey! >I couldn't tell him. I could barely even look at him without >feeling like a complete and utter fool. Jane: ......... >"Cecilia? What's wrong?" he implored, his brown eyes full of >concern. Jane: *Dreamily* His beautiful brown eyes. If you look in 'em, it seems as if you could fall into them... Cecilia: *Ditto* Yeah... *sigh* Rudy: *blush* Aheheh... >"I… I… It's nothing, Rudy, really," I managed to get out. I >looked away from him. Damn it, Hanpan: o/~ -Janet!/ I love you... o/~ >why did he have to come? Why couldn't be someone else? Elmina (Cecilia): He took my pronoun! >I can't keep anything from him for long, anything. He was >always able to tell if anyone was hiding something from him. Cecilia: -Because he's a world famous detective! Jane: o/~ Nanananana, Inspector Rudy/ Nanananana, woo hoo! o/~ >"Cecilia, you're bleeding! Did you break the mirror?" he said. Elmina: *Really sarcastic* Naw, it was the boogie man! >I said nothing. Rudy: Wore nothing, too- *KABONG!* Ow! Jane: RUDY! >"Maybe you should get it checked out by the new doctor; Rudy: Or just _get_ checked out- *WATAK!* Ow! Cecilia: Bad Rudy! >we don't know how deep the glass went." >I remained mute. Jane: THRILL as Cecilia becomes Primera! Cecilia (Primera): ......... >"Cecilia…" he whispered. Jack (Rudy): o/~ I just met a girl named Cecilia! o/~ >"………" Jane: Wow, you really _did_ become Primera! >"Say something to me! Anything!" he cried. Jack: Something to me! Elmina: Anything! >"… something… anything…" I mumbled. Rudy: *Heavily sarcastic* Wow. I did _not_ see that coming. >"… fine. If you won't talk to me, I'll get someone you will >talk to," he said in a low tone. He turned and walked slowly >towards the door. Elmina: Then tripped over a misplaced petticoat and fell flat on his face! Then she picked him up, tied him to the bed and proceeded to- Jack: ELMINA! Rudy: And you said I was bad. She's even worse! >"Why, Rudy?" I whispered softly. Jane (Rudy; dumb): Duuuh... why what? Cecilia (Herself; dumb): Duuh... Why are rabbits so fuzzy? >He turned around. "Why what, oneechan?" he asked. Hanpan: And Rudy slips into fanboy Japanese. Rudy: *In Japanese* [Fanboy? Me? Explain this, pal!] Hanpan: ......... >I cringed. That word again. I think I officially hate that >word now. "I think you know 'why what', Rudy," I hissed. Jane: Now she's a snake! Rudy: Royce's Bromide... *Goes off into a daydream* Jane: You can have him if you want now... Cecilia: Uh, no thanks... >He turned away from me. "That again? I told you before-" Elmina (Rudy): It was a one-night stand! I was drunk, you were drunk... Rudy: ELMINA! >I cut him off. Elmina: It's "Cecilia Goes Postal"! Cecilia: Don't give Agent Q any ideas! >" I know, I've heard it again and again. Jack (Random Teletubby): Again, again! *WATAK!*KABONG!* *WHAP!*BLARG!* Ow! *Pause* Blarg? Elmina: Hey, it's out of the ordinary... >'Oneechan, I don't love you like that, I'm sorry…'" Jane: Shinji Ikari _is_ Rudy in "Oneechan"! >"Then why do you keep asking me that?! Don't you get it, >princess?!" he said harshly. Cecilia: *Glares at Rudy* ......... Rudy: eep! It wasn't me! It was an alternate Rudy! >I recoiled. He never calls me that unless he's really pissed >off about something. Jack: Which is basically every ten seconds. Rudy: Jack, shut it. >"What. Did. You. Call. Me?!" I shrieked. All: HE CALLED YOU "PRINCESS"! >"We have nothing more to talk about. Good day, Your Majesty," he >said icily. Jack: That's one hell of a reality check! Elmina: More like a reality bitch slap. >He turned and walked out of the room, quietly closing the door >behind him. Elmina: What, no yelling? No throwing stuff? Not even a door slam? Well, this sucks! >I was crushed. Elmina: SQUISH! Jack: *Anime sweatdrop* Elmina... >He never talked to me like that before, let alone him being so… >so… Jane: Buttons? *rimshot* >curt with me. Elmina: Curt Henning? Jack: The West Texas Rednecks Rule! o/~ I~~~ hate rap... o/~ *WATAK!* Ow... >To make things worse, that's when the pain in my hand from when >I smashed the mirror was working overtime. Rudy: But it wasn't being paid for it! Union! Union! >To put it simply, I was miserable. Just a miserable little >wretch who wanted to curl up in the woods somewhere and >die. Jane: ... nah, I'll skip it. >I didn't, or else I would not be able to tell you this. Elmina: No freakin' _DUH_! >I decided to take Rudy's advice and go to the new doctor at the >hospital. Rudy (Cecilia): Because Rudy's the only _sane_ person here. Jane: Sane? You? If you're so sane, then... TSUNAI! Rudy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NO MORE! *Runs around the room, screaming* Senshi bad, senshi bad! No want see senshi porn! >If I used a healing spell, any deeply embedded glass would be >stuck there indefinitely. Cecilia: At least this author uses logic... Rudy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not the soda can thing! No bananas! Jack: Soda can? Bananas?! O.o Just what the hell went on in that story?! >I left my room and later the castle. Jane: And there was much rejoicing. All but Rudy: Yay. Rudy: Sailor Moon bad! *KABONG!* >* * * Rudy: *Out of it* Pretty stars... > When I returned, Jack was loitering at the entrance. Elmina: -exposing himself... Jack: ELMINA! >As I passed by, he casually said, "The kid ran off." Jane (Billy): Primera! Where are you? Rudy (Primera): *Stil dazed* ......... > I froze. "He what?!" I said in surprise. All: HE RAN OFF! Jane: Damn, you need hearing aids in this story, Princess! > "He mumbled something about princesses, crazy stunts, and not >wanting to be trouble and took off," Jack told me. Rudy: I would not run away from that! Cecilia: Yes, you would. Rudy: Would not. Cecilia: Would too. Rudy: Not. Cecilia: Too. >"You have any idea what that was about?" Elmina (Cecilia): Well, it was a one-night stand involving canola oil, rope, and a bottle of peppermint Schnapps... Jack: Elmina, don't tell them what we do behind closed doors... Hanpan, Rudy, Jane, and Cecilia: TOO MUCH INFO!! O.o;; Elmina and Jack: Sorry... > I lowered my head. I was too ashamed of my behavior to >answer him. Jack: Bad Cecilia! No bisquit for you! Elmina (Dr. Forrester): She's a naughty girl, a naughty, naughty- Rudy: ENOUGH! We don't need to hear this! > "I take it you know why. You don't have to tell me if you don't >want to," he said in a strange uncharacteristic moment of compassion. Cecilia: Yeah. Usually he'd just say something dumb... Rudy: Then you'd smack him upside the head... >He put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Don't worry, he'll be back." Rudy: Three, two, one... Jack (Rudy as Arnold): I'll be back. Rudy: You're getting predictabe, Jack. Elmina: Says who? *wink* Rudy: I think I'm gonna hurl... > I'm not so sure about that…I thought, but I didn't tell him that. >* * * Rudy: Hey, there's little people there! Jane: o/~ Look at all those losers, you find them ev'rywhere... o/~ >As an afterword, Jack was right; Rudy came back a few days later. Cecilia: *Way off-key* o/~ The Rudy came back/ the very next day- o/~ *KAOBNG!* Jane: I said no singing outta you! >However, the atmosphere was strained for a while after that. Rudy (Julia Child): And made into this lovely whipped topping! Elmina: Speaking of whipped toppings, Jack... Jack: *blush* Not in front of the kids... Rudy: O.o I _really_ think I'm gonna hurl... >It's almost the way it was before, but I still have to fight the >urge to Jane: -go on a homicidal killing spree! Elmina: I did that once... I was still Lady Harken then... *All inch away from Elmina* >do something stupid and illogical like what I did that day again. >Hanpan told me "oneechan" meant "older sister" in some foreign >language. Hanpan: Fanboy Japanese, to be exact. Rudy: Quiet, you! >Now I understand why. He can't think of me romantically >because he already thinks of me as family… Jack: o/~ I love you/ You- o/~ *WATAK!*KABONG!*WHAP!*BLARG!* All else: NO BARNEY! >* * * Rudy: It's the Hong Kong Danger Duo! Jack: But there's three of them. Rudy: They're not the brightest group of people. Jack: *Confused* Oh. >End All: YAY! >"You've already won me over/ In spite of me./ Don't be surprised if I've fallen/ Head over feet…/ I couldn't help it;/ It's all your fault…" >-song unknown, Alanis Morrisette, Jack: Gah! Alanis Morrisette! Back, foul demon! *WATAK!* Cecilia: I _like_ Alanis Morrisette! >Jagged Little Pill >Comments? E-mail: Lessa990@aol.com Rudy: I have a few comments for her, but most free space providers would ban them. >All characters copyrighted © by Contrail (or Media Vision, if you >prefer that name).