"Haaaaaaaaaaaaah! Nonsense Butler Chop!" -James, "Okage: Shadow King" Legal Crap Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Final Fantasy Tactics and Chrono Trigger are copyrighted by SquareSoft. Wild Arms is copyrighted by Media Vision and Contrail. Any other thing I forgot to mention is copyrighted to it's owner(s). Please don't sue; I have no money as is. ~.~;; "Killey" is owned by Alexander Adkins. No offense or bad stuff is intended with this MSTing No former frogs were harmed in the production of this MSTing. Obscure references were abused to the extreme, tho'. Chibi-chan's notes (a.k.a. Other Stuff) The "Killey" saga come to an end and this, discounting the non-canon group MSTs, is MSTing #49. Wowie. With that out of the way, Here we gooooooooooooo!! ------------------------------------ (Singer) In the not too distant future, Things are going very mad! That boy Klaus's little regime Has ended; ain't that sad? Mala-chan was freed, we know that much, And dear Klaus was in her clutch, But as a child of Xelloss, he was saved. And now she can't pay him back for enslaving her and su~uch! (Mala-chan: Damn... this... SUUUUUUCKS!) But now she can send the crew cheesy fanfics, The worst she can find! (Lalala!) They'll have to sit and read them all, And they might just lose their minds! (Lalala!) Now keep in mind the crew can't control Where the fanfics begin or end. (Lalala!) To try to keep their sanity, Upon each other they must depend! RIFFER ROLL CALL! Rudy! (For the Revolution of the World!) Rini! (M.I.X. the flour in the bowl!) Ramza! (Enjoy this glorious coffee!) Lucca! (Sample my goods!) Jaaaaaaaaaaack! (Digi-MODIFY!) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science fact, Just think to yourself, "It's just a file, I should really just relax, For 'Idiotic Fanfic Theater Whatever' *Twang!* [The SOL (Not the Satellite of Love, tho')] *Lucca is is her workshop, apparently screwing something together. Piles of building material and her own body block what she's working on from our view. In a corner, Rudy ssem to be playing "Whack-A-Mole" or something similar* Lucca: *Sets aside a screwdriver* Phew, that should do it. Now all I gotta do is test it. *Sensing she's being watched* Go to commercial; I gotta get the _exchange_ invention out to the bridge. Rudy, if you're done playing...? ------------------- *Lezard Valeth's tower. Lezard is surrounded by Valkyries and Rikas of various ages in little tiny bikinis* Lezard: Hello, my adoring public! Lezard Valeth here with a new product to offer! Is your clone of your beloved unruly? Dissatisfied? Annoyingly independant? Well, have I got a deal for you! We have recently merged with Beiloune's Dolls Inc., and for the low, low price of Valkyrie's bra, you can get a submissive doll clone! No worriying outside factors, just a cute and... *The _real_ Valkyrie appears with Rika Nonaka and Renamon* Valkyrie: Your sins weigh _VERY_ heavily on you, defiler of sould (among other things! Cloning _ME_ was bad enough, but an 11-year-old girl?! Rika: *Puts on her sunglasses* Renamon, walk _all_ over him. *Picture cuts out, but sounds of pain can be heard* --------------------------------------- *On the bridge, Rudy and Lucca set something large and covered by a sheet on the counter* Rudy: Good, we just missed her stupid commercial. Hey, Lucca, what _were_ you working on in there? Lucca: That... is a secret for now. I'll tell you later, OK? ^_^ *The red button flashes* Rudy: Guess it'll have to wait; the End of the World is calling... *Presses the button* [Evil Central] Mala-chan: *To Marle off-screen* And don't forget the cheese this time! *To the screen* Hello, my little pets. I see you have something to show me. [SOL] Lucca: Of course! This was really _his_ *Indicates Rudy* idea, but it took my knowhow to make. Rudy, if you will... *Rudy removes the sheet to reveal a "Whack-A-Mole"-like game with super-deformed Utena characters instead of moles. At the side, a chibi-Utena holds a somewhat ornate mallet* Rudy: I call it "Utena's Revolution Whomp". Isn't it cool? ^.^ [E.C.] Mala-chan: You both have way too much time on your hands, don't you? [SOL] Rudy: ... pretty much, yeah. Lucca: We'd have less if you'd only... *Whispers something that, judging by Rudy's expression and sudden blushing, isn't exactly PG-13 to the boy* Rudy: ... is that last part even _possible_? O_o; [E.C.] Mala-chan: As amusing as this is, I have no gizmo to display thanks to a _LACK_ of an _INVENTOR_... Marle: *Off-screen* I said I was sorry! ^^;; Mala-chan: ... I'll just get to the fanfic. Today's fic is the final installment of "Killey". Enjoy the pain, kiddies! *Presses "Send" button* [SOL] *Lights flash and klaxons go off* Lucca: *sigh* Fanfic Sign again... *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: It's Rammi! She accuses you of stealing her gig. Door 4: It's Fighter! He tries to sell you sword-chucks before you move on. Door 3: It's your normal run-of-the-mill drawbridge. It falls out towards you, barely missing you. Door 2: It's Numemon! It tries to flirt with Lucca, then Rini, then gets malleted and you then move on. Door 1: It's a wall. Tinkerbelle comes, waves her wand, and an opening appears. Seating (L-R): Ramza, Rini, Rudy, Lucca, Jack* Rudy: Too bad we couldn't being the Revolution Whomp in here with us... Lucca: Don't worry; my invention will make up for it and then some. ^_^ >Killey >Chapter 4: Hero of the day Rudy (Heero): Omae o korosu. Lucca (Hiro): LUCIA! Rini: Erk. That's a crossover I don't need to think about. Voice: Can we have Trowa team up with Mystere? ^_^ >Location: Tinto Jack (Brad Pitt): I need-o a ride-o in your el truck-o... > Walking into town, Killey took in the sights and sounds of Tinto. Ramza (Killey): My God, I'm stuck in a musical! >This city was a city of class paradoxes. Lucca: Lovely, now he's in Ivalice. Ramza: If Delita shows up and starts being vague again, I'm leaving. >It was indeed a huge mining >town, but it was also the center of government for this region. This >is where miners, covered in dirt and mud strait Jack: o/~ Money for nothing and chicks for free... o/~ Rini: "_Mud strait_", not... oh, it's too early for this. -_-; >from the mines, could >be kicking back ales with some old professors from the local school at >the tavern. Jack (miner): Whadda mean, "Completing the Square is a silly way to solve a quadratic equation"?! It's a perfectly legitamite method! Ramza (professor): I mean, the Quadratic Formula is _much_ easier to do! Rudy: ... what the hell's a quadratic equation and why does Jack know what one is? >That’s right, here is where you can easily find roughnecks Voice: *giggling* Hee hee, "Rudy Roughneck"... Rini: Eh? Rudy: Firstborn Dragon reference. Please don't ask. -_-; >from the steel refineries and forges laughing it up with a friend of >theirs in the bureaucratic offices. Jack (steel worker): And then... haha... the guy says... "But shouldn't nature scenes be symetrical?" Hahaha... Ramza (bureaucrat): Heheh, artistically-challenged idiot... >Such a bustling city yet it was >also set high up on Jack: -rock and roll! >a mountainside. In a tough land like this city is >quite unusual to find. However this was of absolutely no interest to >Killey right now. Rini: Nor to me. When do I get another "vacation"? Voice: Well, you can ship this new dress design to Tessiri... Rini: Er... As I was saying, this is facinating! Do go on, Alexander! > “Blast it! Where is the Inn at?” Killey mumbled. Lucca: Accross from the butcher shop, by the gates. *pause* No, wait, that's Tenel... > The aching in his right arm was getting worse. Rudy: So does this mean he's gonna take it off and replace it with a fake arm that turns into a gun? >Ever seance that rune >imbedded into his arm a slow but steady pain was moving up his arm. Jack: o/~ Movin' on up/ To the east side... o/~ >“Maybe I should find a doctor or some one who sells pain killers.” *Everyone looks at each other, then to the screen* Rudy: Too easy. Lucca: Yep. Jack: Not worth it. Ramza: I'm still mad at him about the chaos his cooking caused last week anyway. >He >said. He was cradling his right arm as he moved though the city. Rini (Killey): Yes, you're a good little right arm, yes, you are! Rudy: It's not gonna change into an Angel Arm, is it? >Being >new to the city was not helping him find what he so desperately needed >right now. Rini: Well then, dumbass, _ASK_ somebody! > Eventually he walked his way to the upper part of the city. Ramza: -and jumped off the side. Splat! >“(Sigh) A pharmacy isn’t up here…” Jack (Killey): There's only some stoned Norwegian kids eating soul cookies up here. -_-; > He was about to turn around and head back down into the city when >Killey realized that they built a cathedral in the upper side of the >city. Lucca: So he went in and healed himself using the statue of Althena. >The out side of the cathedral was more ornately carved than he >expected in this mostly roughneck town. Voice (Rudy): I AM RUDY ROUGHNECK! *Breaks into a fit of hysterical giggling* Rudy: Anyone think a rocket launcher is a bit too much to use to blow up a P.A. speaker? -_-;; >It looked like a notch or two >below the truly grand cathedrals back at home. >“Hum, isn’t this place just full of suprises?” Killey pondered. Rini: Narf. >He >paused as an old memory passed his mind. Rudy (Saionji): Touga... He must have shown her something eternal! >“I’ll go in a say a prayer or >two. It’s been too long sense Jack: "Too Long Sense"... wasn't that this one group that was singled out by oversensitive censorship nazis who wanted censorship or at least warning labels for music? Rudy: ... I think so, yes. >I have spoken to the lord in his house. Ramza (rapper): Yo, yo, yo, Da Lord is in the hiz-ouse! *WHAP!*Normally* I deserved that, didn't I? >Getting some peace of mind should help out now a days.” Ramza: Just don't read the Germonik Scriptures and you'll do fine. >He walked to the front doors and as quietly as possible opened them. >Sounds of an old catholic song came to Killey’s ears. Rini: And leading the choir was Whoopi Goldberg in a habit. >He slipped in >and slowly closed the door behind him. It took about less than a minute >for his eyes to adjust to the darker interior, but when they did, >Killey noted that he was in a forurae room. Jack: Oh? Then where's the old gypsy lady who reads your palm? >Unhooking his traveling belt >his new weapons were hanging off on and as discretely as possible, he >hung them on an empty peg hook covered over by his long jacket to hide >them. Ramza: Idiot. Doesn't he know many enemies, even those in the church hierarchy, will still attack you even if you're in a church? -_-; Rini: Ah yes, the "No Respect of Religion" cliche. Reno did it best. "Oh, and don't step on the flowers." ^_^ >“I really don’t want to bring weapons in here but I don’t have any other >place to put them. This is holy ground anyway.” Killey thought. He put >his hat on the peg and his bags just below it as well. “There doesn’t >seem to be a lot of people in here now, it’s too quiet for a daytime >service.” Ramza: That's because the priests and the High Priest were all killed in an attempt to get more information in order to ressurect Ajora. Lucca: And after that, Billy Lee Black found out the church was a cover for Solarian agendas. Rini: _Another_ headache-inducing crossover idea... >Walking into the main chapel room, Rudy: -he found the lifeless body of Nicholas D. Wolfwood. >there was a small choir young children >singing in a subdued manner led by a non descript middle age pastor. Rudy: Of course, they were only subdued because of the Ritalin. >There >was a handful of sitting people in the pews near the altar. Jack: Ew, don't they have toilets? Sitting in their own pew isn't sanitary. >All were women >and all of them were bent forward praying with rosaries. Lucca: Hey, they have dolls of the the Great Hero! >Their faces were >obscured by black vails but what Killey could see of the wrinkles on their >hands that many of them could have been around their mid 40’s. A few of >them were obviously much older, however no one noticed him. Rini (Killey): Ah, I see my superior ninja arts are still in top condition! >Quietly walking to a side nook that held a small altar, Killey kneeled >down and prayed silently. Ramza (Killey): I am _really_ sorry about what I did to that goat in Toran, but it looked at me with this funny look... >Only the flicker of the many-lit candles alerted >him that another person kneeling next to him. Lucca (Elder): Ah, Ari, you did well to make it this far! Rini: Lucca, enough with the obscure Okage references. Lucca: But there's no other _kind_ of Okage reference! >Without turning his head, he >looked to his right and saw a beautiful young woman praying next to him. Rudy: Hanako? Or maybe Relena, or... ^_^ Lucca: _Me_? Rudy: He said beautiful, not cool. Lucca: ... should I be flattered or offended by that? >Her long very golden blond hair reached down the mid back of her purple >satin dress. Her tanned skin was flawless but she too had a black vail >over her eyes. Rudy: Whoa, Matael hit the tanning booths. >“Hello stranger. Jack (woman): My mother told me never to talk to stangers, and baby, you're as strange as they come. Rini: Channeling flim noir, Jack? Jack: I guess so, damn... >I hope you like our city here. Are you going to be >staying for awhile or are you just passing though?” The woman said quietly >without turning her head. Rudy: Instead, the rest of her body spun around in a scene reminicient of "The Exorcist", only inverted. >“She’s a bit nosey, but somehow I feel something seems out of place with >her.” Ramza (Killey): Maybe it's the fact she has a tail and a shirt that reads "I Eat Puppies" on the front. >Killey thought. “Maybe, just how did know about me? What do you want >with me?” He replied just as quietly. Rini (woman): I just wanted to know if you wanted some Avon goods, that's all. >“Oh, the sight of a lone traveler dressed in red walking into and around >town does spread gossip you know.” She answered. Rudy: It does? Maybe I should wear blue then... >“What do you want with me Mrs…” he trailed off. Jack (Killey): ... Weasley? What the hell are you doing here?! Rini (Mrs. Weasley): I heard I'm a potential candidate for being the "hard to write death" Ms. Rowling was talking about, so I moved the family here. >“It’s MISS Alison sir, and I heard that you were holding your arm. Did you >hurt your it?” Ramza (Darien): Find my me! Jack: It, thanktully, was not hurt and was safe at home. Killey did, however, "take out" Gran'pa Munster. >She said quietly. She finally turned her head to face him. >Killey could tell at this distance that she had green eyes. Rudy: Blonde hair, green eyes... Fuu let her hair grow long! Lucca: Either that, or it's a pre-Alex Dragonmaster. >“Well, let’s just say I had something jab me in the arm real hard. It just >hurts a lot.” Jack (Grim): Pain is an illusion. *beat* An illusion that really hurts! >In saying that, he remembered the pain again. Wincing from >the pain, he could swear that it’s spreading to his shoulders and up and >down his back. Alison mouth opened up a bit in surprise. Rudy (Teke-Teke/Allison): Ooo, such pain! I envy you! ^.^ >“Are you ok? Are you bleeding? Do you need a doctor?” She asked. Concern >filled her voice as she bearly able to keep her voice down. Jack: Don't let her keep you down, voice! Fight the power! >“No, no. I’m not bleeding; I don’t need a doctor. But I am aching >something fearse. Come to think about it. Jack (Killey): How _did_ It live, anyway? It couldn't eat or anything, right? >My whole body hurts right now. >I guess I have been though a lot.” Rudy: *Flatly* You made him read "FFVII: The Untold Story", Chibi? Voice: Please, I'm not cruel enough to let that out to the public _twice_ in a lifetime. >Alison paused. “I guess you just need a rest, that’s all.” Rini (Allison): I could hit you with a mallet if you want. That'll put you to sleep _REAL_ fast. *^_^* >She shifted her >sitting spot so she was nearer to Killey. Jack: Actually, she was getting away from someone's pew because the smell was overwhelming. >“Yes, I guess so. I don’t have a lot of money left now. I don’t know if I >can afford a room right now.” Ramza: I'll give you 100 gil if you'll go away. Rini: I'll give you _200_ if you'll just go back to your own world. >Killey remembered that he gave Zed and his >family the majority of his cash reserves. Rudy (Zed): The Ultimate Macho Man appreciates it. ^_^ >He sighed on the inside, but at >least it went to a good cause. Jack: And that cause was "Release the Hounds". >“Here, take this.” Lucca (Allison): You're too young to do much with, but you can call if you need a shoulder to cry on. Rini: Lucca, stop. No one besides you has ever played Okage. Lucca: Well, maybe I'll inspire others to do so by doing this! >She reached inside the front of her dress and pulled >out a small pouch of money. Ramza (Allison): Squish some spiders while wearing these kitty ears and a little bell and this's yours. ^.^ >“This will more than pay for a few days in >the Inn.” She hands it to him. Killey gave her along look. *Rini puts on a cowboy hat and Jack pull out his guitar* Rini and Jack: o/~ Yipee kaaaii yi yo/ Get aloooong, little lo~okie/ It's yoooour misfooortune and nooone of my ooown! o/~ Rudy: *Mutters* Stupidity is contagious... -_-; >“Thanks but no thanks. I know all to well that there has to catch with >this.” Lucca (Killey): All I did was hit that stupid monkey, sheesh... >He said. Turning his eyes away and closing them in prayer. Ramza (Killey): Now, back to the goat business... >“No there isn’t, I swear! I have plenty of…” Jack: Nougat! >Cutting her off, Killey said. “First of all, I don’t do killings on >demand, theft, bodyguard work, or be the ‘entertainment’ for you tonight. Rini: Then what good are you? >Second, I have never seen you before, so how can I really trust you?” >Alison fell silent. She lowered her head in defeat by his logic. Rudy (Allison; badly dubbed): You have defeated me with your superior logic-fu. I will hang my head in shame now. >“You are >right, you have no reason to trust me. But at least let take the money, I >know you need it. Ramza (Allison): Because you're really starting to smell. Go to the inn and take a frikkin' _BATH_, man! Jack (Allison): This sitting in pew isn't helping the smell either... >I’m, I’m sorry to have bothered you sir.” Rini: And then she malleted him for great justice! Ramza: WA-TAK! >She gave out >a little sniff that sounded like she was holding back tears as she got up >and left. Rudy: Actually, she was allergic to Killey's shirt fibers, but that's what it sounded like. >Killey’s view kept on sliding down to the pouch of cash that was >left next to him on the floor. Jack (Killey/Chichiri): Time to buy beer and porn, no da! >“Well don’t expect me to do anything for you.” He said under his breath. Lucca: Wow, he's channeling Squall Leonhart. >He quietly picked up the pouch of money and pocketed it. Looking around the >chapel to see if Alison was still around, he made his way out of there, >pausing only to drop a few coins into the offering box. Rudy: Then someone quickly put a little church over his head and asked him if he wanted to confess something. >Stepping outside, >Killey adjusted his weapon belt and bags as he buttoned up his jacket. Even >though the sun is still up and his warm jacket on him, he felt a chill pass >over him. Ramza (Killey): It seems I forgot the put on underpants... ^^; >“Who ever that Alison woman was, I have a gut feeling she is trying use me >as a pawn in some one’s game.” Killey thought. Rini (Jenova): You are... a puppet. >He proceeded walking down the stairways back to the heart of town. Killey >didn’t notice Alison peering at him from around the corner of the church. Ramza: Nor did he notice the sound of a chainsaw revving up... >She started giggling, and as she was giggling her form and color shifted >and flowed like water. Rudy: Soneone better get a mop. >Her body finally reformed into the half dragon >body of Achika. Lucca: Houston, we have Teepo-chan! >“He’s a cold one on the out side that Killey, just like master Zohar >told me he would be. Jack (Achika): But inside is warm chunky soup! ^_^ >But at least his rune is bonding well into his body. >At this rate, it should be finished by morning. (Sigh) But I wonder if he >really does have a heart left inside him.” Achika said. Jack: If not, the Wizard of Oz can hook him up with one. >She leaped up into the air and flew up the sky to trail after Killey. Lucca (little girl): Look, the dragon lady's about to crash into the same tree the bird lady with the crow did! Rini: What's with the obscure refs today, Lucca? *Lucca shrugs* >Wandering though Tinto agein, Jack: "Agein"? Didn't we fight that? Rudy: No, that was Ageless. Jack: Then it some kind of semi-precious stone. Lucca: No, that's agate. Jack: Then it's what a bundle of yarn is? Rini: That's a skein. Jack: Then it's gotta be the father from "Comedy of Errors"! Ramza: Egeon, Jack, Egeon. Jack: Then it's an... aw, forget it. This is getting too stupid. >Killey restarted his search for the inn with >more calmness than before. Rudy: Guess the stoned Norweigan kids were good for _something_. >He stopped at an opening of some narrow, old >equipment strewn, darkened alleyway when he heard the sounds of a struggle. Lucca (Maggie): This is Spotted Cat territory! Go home, Whisker Mole Team! >On instinct, he turned and entered the alleyway. He couldn’t go very far in >due to some old mining equipment barring is way. Rudy: Gee, that sounds _safe_. Ramza: An accident could work in our favor right now to spare us from a cliche. -_-; >He tried looking in the >deep darkness of the shadows to no Advil. Rini: "No _Advil_"? Well, there goes any relief from the pain of the fic... >“It’s too damn dark in there. I can’t see a thing, what is going on in >there?” Killey thought. Rudy: If you must know, it's a shadow play girl convention. Rini and Voice (Shadow girls: Do you wonder? Do you wonder? Do you wonder what I wonder? >To his suprise, he felt the warmth of flames build behind his eyes. Rudy; Visine should clear that up. Jack (Ben Stein): Wow. >The >darkness of the alleyway brightened up just as if sunlight was pouring >into the alleyway. Alex's voice: It's the Sunbeam of Death! RUN! Voice: .................. >Killey saw a pack of 4 grubby street thugs surrounding >a gagged and bound young girl in torn green dress. Her carrot orange hair >and the rest of her body was smeared here and there with dirt from the >ground. Lucca: They have one of those little girls from the Moonlight Parade! Those _bastards_! >She didn’t even look ten years old and she definitely did not want >to be there. Rini: All together now, people! 3... 2... 1... All: DUH! >“I can’t believe our plan worked dude! We actually got her!” one of the >thugs said. Ramza (thug): We caught Izzy-chan! Now we're real Bishoujo trainers! Rudy and Jack (other thugs): Huzzah! >“This little bitch’s pop is loaded with dough. Jack: So, does this mean if you poke her stomach, she'll giggle? >We’ll be living the good >life once we get the ransom money.” Another thug grunted out. Rudy: Xanatos will not be pleased, nor will he pay the ransom. He has "friends" who can get her back. >“He, he, he. Why don’t we have a little fun with the little whore until >we get the money.” The third thug said. Lucca: Why those little... *Reaches for her gun* Rudy: *Aside to audience* And this is why you _don't_ mess with Lucca's world, folks. ^^; >“Sounds good to me! I’m going in first.” The forth thug said. Lucca: *Holding two guns* Lesse, the Shock Wave is more reliable, but the WonderShot is more powerful... >Two of them held down the girl and pulled her legs apart. The forth thug >started to pull his pants off all the while fumbling at rip off her cloths. Ramza: *Dryly* Must be ambidextrous. Lucca: *To herself* Or I could just Flare 'em... >The poor girl knew what was going to happen to her. Ramza (girl): NO! No fanfic satellite! O.O;;; >She struggled, but >they held her down. She tried to scream, but the gag prevented that. All >she could do was to cry. Rini: *grumbles* At least Lilka tried to _fight_... >Seeing that was the final straw for Killey. His anger was building at >seeing and over hearing the kidnapers, but this last thing was too much. Rini: His Limit Meter had filled up, and he was ready to lay smack down. >He felt his body filled with unearthly power, his rune started to glow >with a pale red light. Rudy: Then the power of Dios fills him and he wins shortly after. Lucca (Killey): Valkyrie, grant me power! Finishing Strike... Round Rip SABER! >With ease, he hopped over the tall pile of old junk >and landed gently on the other side. Doing a leap like that would have >normally suprised the hell out of Killey, but he didn’t even acknowledge it >then. The thugs stopped what they were going to do to the girl and looked >at him. Jack (thug 1): Guess it's time to die now. Ramza (thug 2): Looks like it. *sigh* The life of an expendable thug isn't easy... >“Let. Her. Go. Now.” Killey said in the strongest voice that he has ever >made. It barely hid the rage he felt inside. Rudy: ... OK, so it's the power of _Fuujin_ inside him. Honest mistake. >The three of the thugs faced Killey while the forth held the girl. Rini: Well, that's well and good, but where's the _fourth_ thug? >“Well, well, well. Jack: Deep subject, deep subject, deep subject. >What do we have here? Some jerk who wants to be a hero. Lucca (Ashley): HEY! I'm not a jerk! >_<; Rudy (Utena): And I wanna be a _prince_, jackass! >_<;; >Let’s get him!” Ramza (thug): -a new Kia Sephia! Rudy and Jack (other thugs): Huzzah! >A thug said. >One of the creeps picked up the girl and tossed her off to the side into a >pile of garbage Rudy: Chiralry? Dead? _Naaaaah_. >while two of the brutes charged Killey with a large club >and axe respectively. Jack (thug): Tatatata ta TAAAAAA! Puppy Power! >He didn’t even flinch as they closed in on him. Rudy: Didn't I see this on Dragon Ball Z? >As >soon as they were a few feet away, Killey grabbed his weapons and unsheathed >them with inhuman speed. Rudy: Yep, DBZ. >With the rune’s power coursing though his body, he >sliced both of the thugs faster than the human eye could see. Jack: Behold the power of the Ginzu Sword! Rudy: Or was it Battle Arena Toshinden...? >The kidnappers stopped in mid stride and coughed up mouths full of blood. Jack (Allisin): Too soon... >The thug with the axe’s head fell off from a super fine cut while the one >with the club’s body split evenly from crotch to his head. Ramza, Rudy, and Jack: O.o;; Lucca: Well, looks like I don't need this then... *Puts away gun* >Ignoring their >corpses, Killey continued to walk towards the remaining thugs. Rini (thug 3): ... I just want you to know before we die that I always loved you, Thug Number 4... Lucca (thug 4): I know, Thug 3, I know... >“B-b-back off man! Back off or I’ll kill the bitch!” One of the remaining >thugs said. Jack (Killey): Oh no, not Lassie! Ramza (Thug 3): Not to mention the girl too! Jack (Killey): You FIEND! >Both of them pulled out a sword. Rini: Too cheap to spring for two swords, eh? >One pointed his sword down at the girl >who was partly buried in junk and couldn’t see what was going on. Lucca (girl): I am damn unsatified with my role in the story. >Killey >continued walking towards them in a slow steady manner that was visibly >instilling fear in the kidnappers. Jack: No one rushes Killey, the Smaller But Still Red Machine. >“You will not live long enough to do that.” Killey said in a voice like >ice. Rini (thug 3): ... I also want to tell you before we die that I banged your girlfriend too, Thug Number 4. Lucca (thug 4): I know, Thug 4; she said it was the worst she ever had too. Rini (thug 3): Oh, that's... WHAT?!? >He thew his weapons at the remaining two thugs with all his might. Lucca (Ashton): Piercing Swords! >The >blades turned dark as they flew though the air, just as if they became >a shadow. Lucca: Stan! ^_^ Rini: Not again... -_-; >The one with his sword at the girl was hit square in his chest. Ramza: 50 points! >The force drove the blade hilt deep into his body and knocked him off his >feet and down the alleyway. Jack (random Iraqi soldier): Dat's one heckuva throw! >He was dead before he hit the ground. The last >thug dodged the blade aimed at him and it imbedded into a crate beyond him. >The last kidnapper took off down the alleyway to get away from Killey. Rini (thug): Run away! Run away! >In Killey’s head he heard the voice of that man of fire once again. Jack (fire man): Use the Force, Killey... >“Let me handle this one.” Said the voice. >The glow from his rune flared and real fire erupted from his hands. Rudy: Well, fake fire would be silly, now wouldn't it? >The fire >formed into an orb and streaked after the escaping kidnapper. Lucca (Harley/fire): Whee! I'm naked! >The thug >reached the end of the alleyway and ducked behind the corner in hopes that >the fireball would miss. Rini: Heat-Seaking Magic cliche says it won't. >The fireball curved around the edge of the building >and hit him with right in the head. Rini: Told you so. >He screamed in pain as the fire burned >his face off. He died a slow and painful death. Ramza: The end! >Killey heard the voice of the woman of fire in his head. Lucca (fire woman): Take your clothes off and dance naked. >“Don’t worry, I will not leave your side.” Was what she said. >The blades freed themselves from where they were and floated back to Killey >and slid themselves back into their stealth. Jack: They have superior MAD NINJA SKILLZ! >Turning his attention away from the dead kidnappers. Killey thew the old >junk and garbage off of the girl with ease. She looked up at him in confusion >and fear. She was crying out of control. Rini: Well, who wouldn't if someone just killed four dudes in the same alley... oh, you mean it's _not_ because of him. Sorry. >He could still feel the urge to kill >strong within him. Rudy: Then Kaoru broke out of the mind control and stopped him short of killing again. >“She’s weak, helpless, easy prey…no! She is innocent. She does not deserve >this. I must return her to her family, no matter what.” He thought. Lucca: You'd better, or I get the gun. >The murderous rage faded away. Killey reached down and picked up the young >girl and held her close while he carried her out of the alleyway, hoping >that she wouldn’t see the carnage that he did to her kidnappers. Ramza: But she did, fought her away out of his grasp, and ran away. >After >running for felt like an eternity, he stopped in an out of the way stop in >the city and set the girl down. Jack (Killey): You know, you could afford to lay off the soul cookies. Rini (girl): But they're so light and buttery! >“It’s ok little girl, those bad men won’t ever hurt you again.” He said to >her. Rini: _That's_ the Understament of the Year. >Killey untied and ungagged her but she didn’t say anything. Lucca (Pililka): Waaaaaah........ Waaaaaah............. >She sniffled at >bit as she stopped crying and she looked at him in confusion. Rudy (girl): I never thought anyone could be so ugly... >He realized >that he would have to calm her down and show her that he meant no harm to >her. Going down to one knee so that he could talk to her face to face. Rini (Killey): Ouch! I just fragmented by sentence! &#)@&$)!(@^ kid! >_<; Lucca (girl): Uncle Cid talks like that too... >“I know that you are scared little one. I mean you no harm. My name is >Killey, and what is yours?” Lucca (girl): Stanley Hihat Trinidad the XVIII. It's... a long story. >He said in the most calming way possible. Ramza (girl): Don't patronize me, psycho. >“Lilley…(sniff) I want to go home! I want my daddy!” She said. Rudy: We _all_ wanna go home, but we can't always get what we want. Lucca: Speak for yourself! After looking at a spoiler for Chrono Cross, I'm _NEVER_ going back! O.O; >“I’ll take you home, but you will have to point out the way though. I >don’t know where you live.” Killey said. Jack (girl): *sniff* Second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning. >“Oh, ok. (Sniff)” Lilley said. >Killey shifted his bags around so that he could carry Lilley on his back >too. Ramza: And all was well and good until her head hit a low bar. Rini: Clong! >It was about five minute walk back up the mountainside to a large >building. Rini and Lucca: ........... Rini: "Minute"? Not "mintune"? Lucca: He finally got it right! Get the party hats! Rini: I got confetti! *Tosses bagfull into the air, coating herself, Rudy, and Ramza in the process* Rudy: Yeehaw. -_-; Ramza: Yippe-ki-yay. -_-; >Normally this hike wouldn’t be much to Killey, but the fire >inside him had faded and gone out. It left him totally exhausted. Jack: Well, Dr. Aki _warned_ you that the Medaforce'll wipe out your Medabot once it uses it. >He let >her down as they approached building and she bolted to the front door and >let her self in. Rini: Impressive Sonic the Hedgehog impression, but you forgot to roll into a ball to break down the door. >“I wish you well little Lilley…” Killey said. Ramza (Westley): As you wish... >Exhaustion finally over took him and darkness was the only think he knew. Lucca: o/~ From the dark, to the light,/ It's a supersonic flight;/ Gotta keep it goin'... o/~ >Achika landed on top of a nearby building and looked over the passed out >body of Killey. Rudy (Achika): Idiot didn't drink responsibly... >“Now I am beginning to understand why Lorelai fell for you. Rini (Achika): She was an idiot, just like you. >You really do >have a large heart and a determent soul. Boy did she ever lose out…” Ramza: But she got a Kia Sephia from the money she didn't have to spend on him, so it evens out. Rini: "Kia Sephia"? Ramza: *shrug* I just like the name. >Achika said. >She ducked out of sight as a flood of people came out of the house Lilley >went into. *Lucadia appears and drenches the crew* Rini: It wasn't funny the first time you did this, nor is it funny _now_, boss. Voice: But it's fun! *Undine appears and soaks the crew again* Hee hee hee! >Many of them were Tinto elite guard troopers. The surrounded >Killey and picked up his limp body. Ramza: Don't worry, Killey, that happens to lots of guys... *thwap!* Well, _someone_ had to say it. >A rugged looking middle aged man >wearing a slightly wrinkled but still stately uniform walked and a haggard >look on his face walked out of the house carrying Lilley in his arms. Jack (man): I'm sorry, but the princess belongs in _another_ castle. >One >of the troopers walked up to the man and saluted. Jack: -his shorts. Voice: o/~ Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts o/~ >“We found an unconcouse man nearby Lord Gustav.” The trooper said. Rudy (trooper): Can I keep him? I'll make sure I feed _this_ one! ^^ Lucca (man): That's what you said about the _last_ one! >“Bring him here, I want to see him.” Lord Gustav said. Rini: Beheaded, I hope. Ramza: Too cliche. I'm hoping it'll involve inported pirahnas. >“Yes sir!” >The troopers dragged Killey by his arms up to him and held him up for both >Lilley and Gustav to see his face. Lucca (Gustav): Magnificent. Get him washed and in my bedroom within the hour. >Gustav looked at Lilley with a lot of >concern in his eyes. >“Is this the man who saved you from the kidnappers dear?” he asked Lilley. Rudy (Lilley): No, it was the _other_ doofus in in red. Twit. -_-; >“Yes daddy, he’s the one who saved me. He brought me home.” She replied >as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Jack: Lilley used Wrap! Gustav cannot move! >Gustav paused in silence as he decided what to do with Killey. Rini: *Chanting* Beheading, beheading... Ramza: *Also chanting* Pirahnas, pirahnas... >“Bring him in with his bags and put him in one of the guest rooms. He >saved my daughter’s life. I owe him much but I guess he’s had enough today.” Rini; He's not the only one. >The troops did as commanded and everyone went back inside. All except for >Achika who waits and watches with great patience as the sun goes down over >Tinto. Rudy: Wow, she was way too much time on her hands. *All exit* *Reverse door sequence* [SOL] *Rudy and Lucca are inside Lucca's workshop. We can now see what she was working on earlier. It appears to be one of her telepads, but...* Rudy: Very nice. What does it do? Lucca: *Grinning widely* It's out ticket outta here! It can teleport all of us off this thing! *pause* Well, that, send us through time, or both. I haven't tested it yet. *Something sparks up on the control panel* Or worked all the bugs out. ^_^; Rudy: *Looking a little nervous* So I see. I'm afraid to ask, but... how are you going to test it? Lucca: With this! *Picks up a nearly-dead begonia plant and sets it on the telepod* OK, hold this button down *Points to a button on the control panel* and I'll handle the rest of the controls. *Rudy does as he's told and Lucca gets on her knees to work the rest of the controls. The plant twirls around for a bit, then suddenly finds itself high in the air as a humaniond form appears on the telepad beneath the plant. With a brief flash of light, a green-haired swordsman with the plant on his head stands on the telepad* Green-haired swordsman: Lucca? 'Tis really thou? Lucca: *Has to take a minute to recognize the swordsman* Frog?! But you were... and now you're... Frog: I got better. Lucca: *Looking him over* I'll say; damn... Why didn't you ever tell me you used to be cute? Rudy: *a-HEM!* Lucca... Lucca: Oh, eheh, this is Rudy. Rudy, Frog. Frog: Hello. Rudy: Hn. Lucca: *To Frog* Don't mind him; he's tends to get a little jealous. *To the general audience* Guess I'll have to work on this thing more. At least it works _one way_ already... *Frog vanishes with another brief flash of light. The plant crashes to the ground* And it seems unstable. I hope he's all right... *On the bridge...* Ramza: Why do _they_ always get the most screen time while I'm lucky to get a brief appearance. *sigh* Oh well... *Presses the Narrative Causiality button* *FWOOOSH!* *Roll credits* --------------------------------------------------- The REAL End Comments? E-mail at: lessa990@aol.com Or Stanley Hihat Trinidad XVIII will come after you. >He screamed in pain as the fire burned >his face off. He died a slow and painful death. Lookie, shameless plugs! Organized Chaos! (My RPG humor site) http://spoonybard.nu/chaos *~swearing to the sky~* (My Wild Arms shrine) http://www.angelfire.com/wa2/filgaia Season one: ------------------ Episode 101: "Battle of the Strongest" Episode 102: Raging Double Feature ("Wild ARMs Rage" and "Toshinden Rage") Episode 103: "The Cursed Waters" Episode 104: "The Jonathanlizers" Episode 105: "Final Fantasy VII: The Untold Story" part 1 Episode 106: "The Return of Lord Thinker" Episode 107: "Get Rich Quick" spam. Episode 108: "Don't Freak Out" Episode 109a: "The Price of Redemption" parts 1-3 Season Two: ---------------- Episode 202: "Why RPGs Should be Severely Censored and Devoid of Character Development" Episode 201b: "Messila's Journey" part 2 Episode 201c: "Mesilla's Journey" part 3 Episode 204: "FFVII: The Untold Story" part 2 Episode 205: "Behind the Scenes" Episode 208: "Beloved? Yeah, Right" Season Three: ------------------ *Special!* Episode 300: "The Happy Spell" *Special!* Episode 208b: "Beloved: A Vampire's Tale" Episode 301d: "Messila's Journey" part 4 Episode 301e: "Messila's Journey" part 5 Episode 302: "Decency Patrol #2" Episode 303: "Slayer Arms" part 1 Episode 301h: "Messila's Journey" part 8 Episode 301i: "Messila's Journey" part 9 Episode 304: "Killey" part 1 Season Four: ------------------ *Special!* Episode 400: "Crystal Rainbows" part 1 Episode 401: Miscellanious Miscellany ("Chick Tract" parody) Episode 403: "Killey" part 2 Episode 404: "Killey" part 3 Episode 405: "Genso Suikoden: Super Stars of Destiny" Episode 406: "Genso Suikoden: Moving On Up" (Part 2 of SSoD) Episode 407l: "Messila's Journey" part 12 Episode 408: "Slayer Arms" part 2 Episode 409: "Genso Suikoden: Super Stars of Destiny" part 3 Episode 407m: "Messila's Journey" part 13 Season Five: ------------------ Episode 501: "Killey" part 4 Episode 502: "Genso Suikoden: Super Stars of Destiny" part 4 Episode 503: "Crimson Desires" Episode 504: "Bewitched by Harry Potter" Episode 505: "Killey" part 5 Xenogears interludes: ------------------------- Episode 109b: "The Price of Redemption" parts 4-5 Episode 201a: "Messila's Journey" part 1 Episode 203: "Ash's New Friend" Episode 206: "Emerald Nights" part 1 Episode 207: "Pokemon Gangbang" (MSTed with Hyperonius) Episode 301f: "Messila's Journey" part 6 Episode 301g: "Messila's Journey" part 7 Episode 305: "An Interesting Twist" (MSTed with Hyperonius) Episode 402j: "Messila's Journey" part 10 Episode 402k: "Messila's Journey" part 11 Other MSTings: ------------------ Episode 000: "Rebirth" (MSTed with Nick) Episode 001: Stephen Gohan's letter to the GIA (MSTed with Katana Angel) Episode 003 or Fortuna Fanfic Theater 5000 episode 9: "10-chi Returns" (MSTed with DadyTengu)