To everything, turn, turn, turn, There is a season, turn, turn turn... Legal Crap Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Final Fantasy Tactics, Xenogears, and Chrono Trigger are copyrighted by SquareSoft Wild ARMs is copyrighted by Media Vision or Contrail, the latter being the newer name for the company. Any other thing I forgot to mention is copyrighted to it's owner(s). Please don't sue; I have no money as is. ~.~;; "The Jonathanlizers" belongs to Josh Taylor, and he's welcome to it. The intent of this MSTing is not to insult/offend Josh Taylor, but to simply make a humorous commentary the story. Please don't hurt or flame me. <=8 Chibi-chan's notes (a.k.a. Other Stuff) MSTing number four and I finally finished "Rebirth". Huzzah! With that out of the way, Here we gooooooooooooo!! ------------------------------------ [Aboard the Yggdrasil; the Xenogears world] *Fei, Bart, Citan, Jessie and Rico are playing poker in the gun room. Billy is sitting nearby* Fei: Read 'em and weep. *Shows his hand. He has four kings. He reaches for the money in the center of the table, but Citan speaks up* Citan: Oh, all I have is two pair; a pair of ones *Shows two aces* and another pair of ones. *Show two more aces. He then takes the money* Fei: Not again! How many times have you won in a row now? Billy: Ten, counting this game. Serves you right for gambling. Jessie: He's cheatin' I tell ya; cheatin'! Citan: I most certainly am not! *Pounds his fist on the table. A few cards fall out of his sleeve afterward* Heheh, how did that get there? ^^;; Fei: *Glares* Doc... Citan: Oh my... *Backs away slowly. Before the other players can get to him, he disappears instantaneously with an audible "ping!"* Bart: Dude, cool! *Everyone throws something at Bart* --------------------------------------- (Singer) In the not too distant future, (Methinks it was next Thursday) A bunch of poor suckers Have some hell to pay! A group of evil people, led by Mala-chan, They were bored one day, so they dreamed up a plan. They choose some people they didn't like, Then they sent those poor victims into space and- *B-ko cackles* (Mala-chan) We'll send them crappy fanfics, As many as we can find! (Lalala!) (Marle) They'll have to sit and read them all! (Dycedarg) And they'll slowly lose their minds! (Lalala!) (Singer) Now keep in mind they can't control Where the fanfics begin or end. (Lalala!) To try to keep their sanity, Upon each other they must depend! RIFFER ROLL CALL! Rudy! (Lemon fic?) Rini! (I'm hyper!) Ramza! (Why me?) Lucca! (Miss Lucca to you!) Jaaaaaaaaaack! (Oh poopie...) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science fact, Just think to yourself, "It's just a file, I should really just relax, For 'Idiotic Fanfic Theater Whatever' *Twang!* [The S#!t Out of Luck] *Rini and Rudy are arguing over who-knows-what while Jack looks on, deciding on whether or not to stop them* Rudy: Does so! Rini: Does not! Rudy: Does so! Rini: Does not! *Ramza comes in carrying a box, followed by Lucca* Rudy: Does so! Ramza: *Puts the box down on the counter* What does so? Rudy: "Sonic the Hedgehog" does so suck, that's what! Rini: It does not! Ramza: *Anime sweatdrop* ......... *Presses the yellow button* -------------------------------------------------------------- *A guy in a _really awful_ plaid suit stands in front of a satellite that looks an awful lot like the Satellite of Love* Guy: Hello, good people! This is Crazy Larry of Crazy Larry's Shack o' Satellites here to tell you that we're slashing prices on all MSTing models. That's right, slashing all prices! *Takes out a chainsaw and slices through a jumbo-sized price tag that the prop man just set out* We're slashing prices down to 50, no *Slices more off the tag* 60, no *Slices more off the tag* 99 and a half percent off the price! So all you wanna-be MSTiers should come on down to Crazy Larry's Shack o' Satellites on the corner of Smith Street and Wesson Drive and get 'em while you still can! My prices are insane! I'm insane! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *Lunges at the camera with his chainsaw and slashes it in half. The screen goes black and you can hear a struggle ensue, something about men from the local asylum and such* ------------------------------------------------------------------- Jack: That was weird... Rudy: Does so! Rini: Does not! *The red button flashes* Oh crap, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot are calling. *Presses the button* [E.C.] Mala-chan: Hello, my little iguanas! [SOL] Rudy: You're just picking random animals out of a hat, aren't you? [E.C.] Mala-chan: Yeah, how'd you guess? Ya ready for the invention exchange? [SOL] Lucca: Ready as I'll ever be, I guess. *Takes a deep breath and takes something that looks similar to a cappuchino machine crossed with a few dozen table lamps out of the box* This is the antithesis to the "Retcon 5". I call it the Low-level Ominpresent Great fact Intergrating Contraption, or LOGIC, for short. [E.C.] Mala-chan: And how does it work? [SOL] Lucca: Hopefully without exploding. *rimshot* Where did that come from? Rini: *Holding a sound effect key chain* Hehehe! Rudy: Not that damn thing again! Rini: Ha, ha! =:p Lucca: Seriously, it makes any fanfic writer within a twelve-mile radius to keep the facts straight and avoid any retroactive continuity. I'd demonstrate, but there are no fanfic authors here other than the voice, and she's transmitting her comments from an entirely different dimension. [E.C.] Mala-chan: Oooookaaaay... B-ko, bring out "the project". B-ko: *Horrified* No, not "the project"! Mala-chan: Yes, "the project"! Go, before I shoot C-ko out into space without a ship! Cecilia: *Thinks* No *&)*&*( way is she going to do that to me! B-ko: *sigh* As you wish. *Leaves* Dycedarg: Whoa, wait a minute. How come Marle and I don't know about your "project"? Mala-chan: Because you two are complete idiots. Marle: Well, that makes sense- hey! [SOL] Rini: *giggle* Amen to that one. Lucca: I'll second that! *Both get evil glares from Marle and Dycedarg* [E.C.] B-ko: H-here it is. *Tosses what looks to be a soda can to Mala and runs like hell* Mala-chan: Excellent. [SOL] Rudy: This can't be good if it frightens B-ko... [E.C.] Mala-chan: You don't know how right you are, kid. I present to you... *dramatic pause* OSCARFIC IN A CAN!! [SOL] All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! [E.C.] Mala-chan: YES! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AHA, AHA!! *Just then, Dark Sonic barges in* Dark Sonic: Hand over the can, woman! I want it to destroy the AAA multiverse and reshape it in my image! Mala-chan: Bite me, you weasel! It's mine, you here? MINE! Dark Sonic: *Begins the chant for "Endless Night"* Mala-chan: What the hell are you doing, you little freak? *Dark Sonic is still chanting* Knock it off! *No response from D.S.* That's it! *Opens the "Oscarfic in a Can" and lets it do its work on Dark Sonic* Dark Sonic: -and the tech putted on Tennis and lil' undies... Wha! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty! Here, kitty... [SOL] All: *Anime sweatdrop* ......... O.O Ramza: Dude, this is pretty f^*^ed up right here! *All nod* [E.C.] Mala-chan: *Mutters* Damn, that was my only one- *Notices the SOL crew is still on the screen* Oh, until I can get this hedgehog outta here, you get to watch "The Jonathanlizers", a horrific little adventure on Mobius. Send the 'fic, Dycedarg! Dycedarg: The hurting begins NOW! *On "NOW!", he presses the button* Dark Sonic: Artemis, my love? Where are my undies! [SOL] *The lights flash and the klaxons go off* Rini: WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN!! *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically Door 5: It's Fleaswallow. You buy one of his bottecaps and move on. Door 4: It's those darn Lemmings. You select the "Armaggedon" command and get the hell outta there. Door 3: It's your normal run-of-the-mill drawbridge. It falls out towards you, barely missing you. (Lemmings: *KABOOM!*) Door 2: It's Nav. You steal his Mentos and run like the wind through... Door 1: It's a wall. Tinkerbelle comes, waves her wand, and an opening appears right before you run into the wall.* >Introduction Rudy: Some crazy chick sent us into space to further her plans to destroy everything... oh, you mean the story. >I spent a few days writing this out and then another few days to type it >out. Ramza: Unfortunately for us. >It's small but I'll try and make them bigger in the future. Lucca: I don't think you could do that without Viagra- *SMACK!* Rini: It's too early for those, Lucca! >Look out Rini: -for the avalanche! Oh, the humanity! Ramza: AVALANCHE? Cloud? DIE! Rini: *Inches away from Ramza; thinks* Why do the cute ones have to be psychos? >for future stories which I will tell you about when I've written them. Lucca: *Darkly* Don't worry; we'll watch out... *Takes out her gun* >When you've read this e-mail Ramza: It's an e-mail? Good, then it'll be short. Voice: No such luck; a comma was left out, that's all. Ramza: Damn. >me and say if you liked it. Rudy: Don't worry; we won't. >Then I'll be able to make improvements on future stories. I thought for >a while of who can be the baddy. Rini: How about Robotnik, baka? Rudy: Or Kintobar. Rini: Nah, he's dead. >I decided to use the Jonathanlizer. Rini: The hell's a "Jonathanlizer"? >I don't know what made me think "Maybe I could do a Sonic story and >give it out to my friends.". Rini: Boredom? Rudy: Drugs? Jack: Alcohol? Lucca: Sugar and caffiene? Ramza: The wish to slowly torture them for not helping you fight those DAMN ZODIAC MONSTERS?!? Lucca: Bitter, Ramza? Rini: *Anime sweatdrop* How'd ya like to switch seats with me, Rudy? Rudy: No way, Rini. >But I'm glad I did. I hope you enjoy this story. >Josh "Knuckles T Echidna" Taylor. Author. Rudy: Rudy "Get me down from here" Roughnight. Annoyed MSTier. >E-mail:>(steven.taylor@diamond.co.uk). Rini: (bratty_girl@gimmecandy.net) Rudy: (rudy@iminhell.com) Lucca: (lucca@KABOOM!!.org) Jack: How did you guys pronounce that? Rini: Trade secret. If we told you, we'd have to kill you. >I want to thank you for reading this importent (but boring) bit. Jack: You're welcome, but it's not like we had a choice. >The Adventures of Jack: -Skippy the Hyperintelligent Pipe Mold! Rudy: *Anime sweatdrop* Not that again! >KNUCKLES Lucca (Movie announcer): The heartwarming story of Thing's debilitated older brother and his life and times. >The Echidna Rudy: *_Very_ sarcastic* Nooooo, we thought Knuckles has a flying squirrel! >The Jonathanlizers Jack: Everyone will be Jonathan. Resistance is futile. >Chapter 1 Rini: The fun's begun! Rudy: What planet are you from? Rini: An alternate Earth where magic runs rampant amidst technology: why do you want to know? >A Stranger approaches Knothole. Rudy: -from the air. The Stranger hits the ground with a resounding thud. Rini: Wouldn't that be "a resounding splat?" Ramza (Kasumi Tendo): Oh my, would someone please fetch the spatlua for me? Rini: You still do that too well, Ramza. *shudder* >Knothole is a village where people meet. Rudy: -cheap hookers- *Thwap!* Ow! >Maybe for friendship, Lucca: IfyaknowwhatImean! Rini: Lucca! >maybe for battle. Rini: And maybe to KEEP ROBOTNIK FROM ROBOTICIZING THEM!! Ramza: Oh my, not again. Smile and nod, Rini... >Nice people go there because they want a nice chat with others. Rini: -because AOL is evil. Voice: Shhhh! My e-mail account's there! Rini: Why are you telling me? You typed it- *CRASH!* Lucca: Rini! The fourth wall! Rini: I was just saying... *Trails off* >Evil people go there because they know heroes go there. Rudy: -for ten dollars an hour. Rini: Hentai! *Smacks him* >Among the heroes are Rini: Batman, Superman, Spellman, Hammerman, X-man, Nightman- Nightman's voice: Speak not my name, foul MSTier, or I shall have to kick your a- Rini: *Takes out "Spell Casting for Dummies"* Bolt 3! *Lightning takes out the P.A. speaker* Hmph, no one talks to me like that! >Sonic The hedgehog. A fast, cool Jack (T.V. announcer): -minty flavor is what you'll get in this new gum! >character. He saved Mobius hundreds of times and lives in Knothole. Rudy: Where he shacks up with Sally and Bun- *SMACK!* OW! >The Stranger approaches Sonic. Lucca (Stranger): Where is Furinkan High School?! >Sonic:(Stranger, shocked) Lucca: Bzzt! *Rudy jumps* Hehehe! Rini: You know that's not funny anymore, right? Rudy: Since when was it ever funny? >KNUCKLES! What are you doing here? Rudy (Knuckles): Lookin' for some cheap weed, man. You know where I can find any? >Knuckles was a hero just like Sonic. Rudy: No, if he were a "hero" like Sonic, he'd have an ego the size of Adlehyde. Rini: Don't insult Sonic, baka! >He had a massive punch with his Knuckles and could dig and climb with >them. He also could glide. Rudy: Plot contievence powers, ACTIVATE!! Rini: Um, he actually _can_ do all that. Rudy: My point exactly. Since when have you seen a real echidna glide? Rini: And since when do you see blue hedgehogs; that's not the point, Rudy! >Knuckles:(Sonic)I've heard of this place. Supposed to have loads of nice >people who come here. Jack (Knuckles as Jerry Lewis): Oh nice people, I want to meet you! >Sonic:(Knuckles)You've got that right. Sit down and have a drink. Jack: Could you get one for me too? Make it a double of whatever you got there... >Drops of rain start to come down on Knuckles and Sonic. Ramza: -and they turned into a human girl and a panda, respectively. >Sonic:(Knuckles)Oh no! Jack (Wicked Witch of the West): Ooooooh nooooo! I'm melting, meeeeellltiiinnng, what a woooorlldd, what a woooorllldd.... >It's starting to rain. We better get inside. Rini (Sonic): Sally and Bunnie are waiting- *Normal* What am I saying?! Rudy: Welcome to the hentai side, Rini. >Meanwhile Feather, a cute blue bird skips back home. Ramza: Sadly, that home was Uncle Jimbo's. He yelled, "It's coming right for us!" and shot Feather dead, the end. >A shooting star hits Lucca: -Midgar, when Holy came and tried to help it destroy the city. Then, the Lifestream- Rini: Enough "Final Fantasy 7", Lucca. You don't want _him_ *Points at Ramza* to go wacko, now do you? >the ground near Feather. Feather being adventurous Lucca: Actually, feather beings tend to be rather weak. _Dragon_ beings, however... >walked to the shooting star which made a big crater in the ground. Rudy (Feather): Oh no! My cat Fluffy was standing there! >Feather:(Puzzled)That doesn't look like any shooting star I've seen. Jack (Feather as Pinky): All the ones I've seen are all pink and squishy and fun fun silly-willy, narf! >A figure comes out of the shooting star. It was huge, had ears pointed >like horns, blood red skin, an evil grin and the eyes where slits with a >golden glow coming out of them. Rudy: *gasp!* That's the agent I fired for getting me in "Rudy Goes Postal"! >Feather:(Figure, worried)Who ... Who are you? Rudy (Figure): I am the rising star of the Kendo world; I am the BLUE THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGHhighhigh... Tatewaki Kuno, age seventeen. Rini (Figure): I am _Princess_ Angelina Contessa Louissa Franchesca Banana-fana-bo-besca... the Third. Lucca (Figure): *Takes out another gun and shoots the screen repeatedly until she's out of ammo* Marta Nys. >Figure:(Feather) I'm a Jonathanlizer. >Chapter 2 Jack: Electric Boogaloo. Rini: Does ever MSTier have to use that riff at least once? *CRASH!* Rudy: Apparently. >Jonathanlizer:(Feather)We have bred on the planet Jonathan. Rudy (Jonathanlizer): I mean, we were like rabbits, man! *Thwap!* >We grew and grew and grew Lucca: The miracle of Viagra, everyone! Rini: Lucca! *Smacks her with the Iron Fan* >until we were big enough to dominate planets. Lucca: *About to say something* Rini: I have a roll of duct tape. Lucca: ......... >And we're going to start with your planet. Ramza (Jonathanlizer): First, we're going to get rid of those _tacky_ drapes and knock out those walls over there. Who did your interior design in the first place, honey? It's so blech, ya know? Everyone else: ......... >Feather:(Jonathanlizer, worried)But ... Our planets army is almost >indestructible. Rini: What color of crack has she been smoking? There is no army; just Robotnik, his minions, and the Freedom Fighters! >Jonathanlizer:(Feather)Ahh ... But we have a special weapon. Jack (Calamity Jane): Because this is a fanfic; we always carry a special weapon! *Rudy glares at Jack* >Allow me to demonstrate. Ramza (Feather): For the last time, I don't _want_ to see your vaccuum cleaners! Don't make me call the cops on you! >Feather turns and starts to run but Jonathanlizer grabs him. Rini: Eww, in public? Rudy: Do you realize what you just said? Rini: ......... oh, sorry. >Claws like butchers knives come out of his hands Rini: Then Lazar Wolf came in and smited the Jonathanlizer for besmirching the good name of butchers everywhere. Rudy: What are you talking about? Rini: *sigh* Never you mind... >and he puts them into Feathers head - slowly. Jack: Feather's going to have one hell of a headache in the morning. >Feathers just stood there, not a scream came out of him. Ramza: Well, by that time he'd be dead. Jack: Who's "Feathers"? We know there's "Feather". Maybe he's related to "Commented Crono"... Rini: Don't you start that again! >His feathers started to turn red, Ramza: Ah, fall. When feathers turn colors and fall off the birds and the trees fly south... >his eyes went smaller and smaller until they were slits. Rini: *gasp!* He's becoming Brock! >Feathers grew and Jonathanlizer shrunk. Lucca: Tsk, he shouldn't have put his Jonathanlizer in the dryer. >Jonathanlizer stopped when he and Feathers were the same height. Jack (Jonathanlizer): Now you can't beat me in the limbo competition! Mwahahahahahaha! >Jonathanlizer slid his claws out of Feathers head. Ramza: -causing Feather's life blood to come pouring out of the wounds... Rini: Stop right there, Ramza; you're getting _too_ dark now. >Jonathanlizer:(Feathers)The Jonathanlizing is complete. Jack (Jonathanlizer): Resistance was futile. We are now Jonathan. >Go and destroy Lucca (Jonathanlizer): Hanson, Hachi Machi, my agent, Kenneth Starr, and Robert Tsunai. Rudy: *Takes out a sword* TSUNAI?!? DIE, DIE!! *Tries to attack the nearest thing to him, but Rini "calms him down" by walloping him with her mallet* Jack: *Shakes his head* He's never been the same since that one "incident"... >anyone, anything that gets in your way. Jack (Jonathanlizer): -especially any Squaresoft game translators. Ramza and Lucca: SHUT UP, JACK! >Feathers leaves Ramza: Can I go too? Rini: No. >followed by the Jonathanlizer. Another Jonathanlizer comes out of the >shooting star, followed by another, and another. There were hundreds, Lucca: Wow, thay really _were_ like rabbits! >ready to rule Mobius. Rini: Get in line, pal; there's Robotnik, Ixis Naugus, and various others ahead of you. *All except Rudy exit* *Reverse door sequence* [SOL] *Rini is searching the bridge for something* Rini: *Mumbling to herself* where is it? i could get us down if i can find it... Rudy: *Stumbles out of the theater* What happened in there? The last thing I remember was Lucca saying something about Kenneth Starr... Rini: You went destructively violent after she mentioned a certain notorious fanfic writer, so I had to stop you as quickly as possible- Rudy: So you hit me with a mallet. Rini: Well, it worked, didn't it? Rudy: I guess so. Oh, by the way, I found this *Takes a silver locket out of his pocket* when I was on the floor. You know who this *Rini yanks it out of his hand* belongs to? I guess you do... Rini: You betcha! This is our key to gettin' offa this ship and back home! Rudy: How- *Remembers something* Wait, isn't that- Rini: Yep, the locket I had during the filming of "Magic Knights...?" If its magic can overcome the dimensional warp barriers on this ship- Rudy: We can finally go home! Rini: But... Rudy: But what? Rini: With those barriers up, it'd be dangerous to even try to use it; the effects would be unpredictable! Rudy: Oh, come on; how bad can they be? Rini: Oh, everyone here could become flying, fuku-wearing Jerry Springer guests. Rudy: You've got to be kidding! Rini: I wish I was. Ther was this one time- *The lights flash and the klaxons go off* We have FANFIC SIGN!! *Door sequence: Door 6: Same as before. Door 5: This time you have to buy a stuffed skunk to get past Fleaswallow. Door 4: You try to walk through the remains of the Lemmings without vomiting. (Rini: *urk!*) Door 3: Same as before. Door 2: Nav is too busy shooting cardboard cutouts of the Sailor Senshi to notice you. Door 1: The opening's still there.* >Chapter 3 Rini: -we have to see! Ramza: Unfortunately. >The sun beamed down on Knothole. Ramza: -and burnt all the inhabitants to a crisp, the end. >It looked like a beautiful afternoon Rudy (Beauty contest host): And the new "Miss Time of Day" is... MISS AFTERNOON! o/~ Theeeeeeeere she iiiiiis, Miiiiiisss Time oooof daaaaay... o/~ >but it was going to turn out to be a nightmare. Rini: *gasp!* An evil version of Rudy is going to kill Lynxara and Shinji and take over the AAA while wearing a plugsuit?! Rudy: Rini, what the hell are you talking about? Rini: Oh, it was just this strange reoccuring nightmare I've been having. There's no way it could come true, right, voice? Voice: Right. >Knuckles:(Sonic)I'd like to see the rest of Knothole later if that's >okay. Jack (Stuart Smalley): And that's... okay. Just look in the mirror and repeat after me: I'm good enough, I'm- *WHAP!* Rudy: *Puts away Rini's Iron Fan* Shaddap. >Sonic:(Knuckles)Maybe. Someone's missing. Jack (Steve): Do you know where Blue is? >Knuckles:(Sonic)Who? Rini (Slappy Squirrel): No, no, no, the band on stage. Jack (Skippy Squirrel): Who. Rini (Slappy): No, the band that's playing. Jack (Skippy): Who. Rini (Slappy): I mean the BAND PLAYING ON THE STAGE! Jack (Skippy): Who! Rini (Slappy): THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW!! Rudy: *Anime sweatdrop* Somebody's watched far too many episodes of "Animaniacs" here... >Sonic:(Knuckles)Feather. Cute little blue bird, small. Ramza: I never knew Sonic went that way. Rudy: You haven't read ASADAE yet, have you? Hanpan: Would you mind _not_ saying that title in my presence? Rudy: Oh, sorry, Hanpan. >Seen him? Ramza (Knuckles): Nah, he's not my type. Rini: Ramza... >Knuckles:(Sonic)Nope. If I see him I'll bring him back to Knothole. Rudy (Knuckles): That is, if he doesn't viciously kill me first. Lucca: Red shirted ensign, go! Rini: I don't think he's going to be killed; you do remember the nickname of the author, right? >Sonic:(Knuckles, puzzled)You hear something? Jack (Knuckles): Yeah, it sounds kinda like... "Mmmbop"... Rudy (Sonic): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! GET THE BIG GUNS!! Lucca (Marta Nys): You rang? Ramza (Bart): I'll have Sigurd get the missles ready... Rini (Cid): *&()^&*(^! Lady Luck, don't fail me now! Hanpan (Steve Austin): I'll open a can of whup-ass on those girly-boys, and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so! >Knuckles:(Sonic, smug)Could be my stomache. Lucca: Stom-ache? Is that a medical term I'm not aware of? >Knuckles laughs. All: *Monotone* Ha, ha, ha. >Sonic:(Knuckles, sarcastic)Very funny. >Knuckles laughs some more Rudy (Knuckles): Hahahahaha, I find your frustration amusing! >Sonic:(Knuckles, angry)STOP LAUGHING! Jack (Sonic; whiny): SALLY! Knuckles won't stop laughing! >Knuckles:(Sonic)I didn't laugh. Rini: Nani?! >Sonic:(Knuckles, puzzled)Then who laughed? Rini: That's what I want to know! >Knuckles:(Sonic)Just your imagination. Now for some food! Lucca: That reminds me; all the chocolate is missing. Anyone here know where it disappeared to? Rini: *Tries to look innocent* Uh, no? >Knuckles licked his lips and Rudy: Uh oh, ASADAE flashback... Hanpan: NO, GOD, NO!! >ran to a fruit bowl. Rudy: Guess I was wrong. Hanpan: Simpleton. >Knuckles was just about to have a grape but a Jonathanlizer appears from >the bushes Jack (Uncle Jimbo): It's coming right for us! >Knuckles:AAGGHH! Rudy (Knuckles): It's my last girlfriend! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Rini: Since when do you have a girlfriend? Rudy: ... I hate you. Rini: I'm glad. >Knuckles drops his grape. >Jonathanlizer:Sonic, hero, destroy, Knuckles, hero, gaurdian of the >chaos emeralds and floating island, Rudy: Huh? Since when is there a Guardian for another planet? Rini: Not that kind of guardian, Rudy. >destroy, chaos emeralds, gain for destruction of universe. Jack (Jonathanlizer): Lather, rinse, repeat. >Knuckles:(Jonathanlizer, angry)AAGGHH! YOU MADE ME DROP MY GRAPE! Lucca: Damn, who pissed in his cornflakes? It's just a grape, for cryin' out loud! >Sonic:(Knuckles)Err...I think he's a bad guy. Rudy: Noooo, really? I thought he was there to pick up the dry- cleaning! >Knuckles:(Sonic)We can take him down. There's only one. Jack: *Take out his sword* There can be only one! >A Jonathnlizer army suddenly appears from the bushes laughing. >Knuckles:(Sonic, worried)And nine hundred and nine. Jack: Is that supposed to be funny? >Chapter 4 Rini: Damn, there's still more. Lucca: When we get down, we'll settle the score. Rudy: Screw you guys, I want a s'more. Ramza: One more rhyme and I'm out the door. >Jonathanlizer:(Sonic and Knuckles)Don' t think about attacking us ... >We're indestructible. HA! HA! HA! HA! Rini: That's what they all say. It's cliche number 316, if anyone cares. >But we can destroy you. Rudy: *Chanting* Do it! Do it! Do it! >A Jonathanlizer shoots at Sonic and Sonic jumps back Rudy (Jonathanlizer): Pull! >but Sonic is still Rudy: -lame and pathetic? RJ Bachler's voice: BAKA! *A load of cartoon bricks falls on Rudy* Rini: Thank you! >hurt from the blast. Rini: Na-nani?! But he- Ramza: We know, just don't think and it will hurt less... >Knuckles helps his friend up to his feet. >Sonic:(Knuckles)Thats one nasty lazer. Lucca: It's also a nasty _laser_. Rini: Don't start spelling-flaming now, Lucca. Lucca: Bite me. >Knuckles jumps right in front of the Jonathanlizer and punches him in >the jaw. Rini: Is he on stupid pills or something?! Those guys just shot a _laser_ at Sonic! What make him think they won't shoot him?!? Lucca: It's called being OOC, Rini. Rini: ......... >The Jonathanlizer doesn't even flinch. Rini: NANI?! *Battle aura flickers* >Jonathanlizer:(Knuckles)Like I said before ... We're indestructible. Rudy: Jeez, is this becoming "Prince of Space" or what? >Knuckles:(Sonic)I've got a plan. Rini: Oh, are you da man now? Rudy: *growl* Parappa reference... >Knuckles whispers into Sonics ear. Jack (Sonic): That's a good plan, but where are we going to get a game junkie doctor at this time of day? *As if on cue, Citan appears in the theater in a puff of pink smoke* Citan: This is most unusual... Rini: But- but- but- aw crap! *Instead of her head exploding, the top of her head goes up like a door on lots of little missles fly around the theater ala Lucille of "Samurai Pizza Cats"* Rudy: How the hell did you do that?!? Rini: I... don't know... I just wanna go... *The locket Rini had before glows blue. A pulse of blue light surrounds her, and she disappears* Lucca: Whoa, this episode has gone from weird to surreal now! >Sonic:(Knuckles)Got it! But still no way as good as a plan I could have. Citan: What is going on here? Where am I? Hanpan: You're on a satellite and we're being made to read bad fanfiction. Citan: Oh dear, I have heard of such occurances, but I had no idea they were true... Lucca: Anyway, have a seat and we'll get this figured out when the 'fic is over. Citan: All right, then. *Sits where Rini was a few moments ago* >Knuckles:(Sonic, angry)This is no time to argue! Citan (Sonic as Woody): THIS IS A PERFECT TIME TO ARGUE! Jack (Buzz Lightyear): You are a sad little man. >Knuckles being a great digger starts to dig underground Jack: o/~ Working in a coal mine, goin' down, down... o/~ >and comes out Rudy: -in the Batcave. Citan (Batman): First that Greyson kid, then Timmy... Who's gonna find this place next, Alfred? Mr. Freeze? >near the Jonathanlizers. He jumps over them and digs on the other side. Citan: o/~ Dig down, dip deep, les miseranimals- o/~ Rudy: Oh great, we lose one "Animaniacs" watcher just to get another. Citan: Sorry, but my daughter watches it and, well, one cannot help but pick something up from it... >Knuckles comes out . Ramza (Knuckles): I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it! Lucca: Is there something you're not telling us, Ramza? Ramza: No, I don't think so, why? >Jumps. Digs. Jack: Talks. Like. Shatner. >The Jonathanlizers were confused Rudy: Well, that's stating to obvious. >not knowing Jack: -that Scott Hall was sneaking up behind them with a tazer... >where Knuckles would pop up next. Jack: Hey! It's a Pop Tart commercial! Lucca: Shameless product plug number 1. >This was a perfect distraction Ramza: -from logic. >while Sonic super spin attacked the Jonathanlizers. Citan: Should he not have gotten into the rinse cycle yet? >Sonic bounced onto one and then onto another. Citan: This reminds me of this one college party I went to- Voices over the P.A.: NO! >All the Jonathanlizers fell to the ground. Citan: It ended the same way, too... Fei's voice: DOC! Elly's voice: Fei, you know I love you, but if you don't settle down soon, I may have to restrain you. Bart's voice: Does it involve a video camera? *SMACK!* OW! Rudy: The hell? >Sonic:(Knuckles)WE DID IT! Lucca (Sonic): You were- Hanpan: NO! Don't finish that sentence! >Sonic and Knuckles were just about to do a high five but all the >Jonathanlizers suddenly started to get up. Jack: Whoa, Jonathanlizers wobble but they don't fall down! >Sonic:(Knuckles)Told you your plan wouldn't work. Ramza (Knuckles): Ah, bite me. >Knuckles:(Sonic, angry)YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT! Lucca: He's right, you know. >ANYWAY THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO ARGUE! >Sonic:(Knuckles, angry)WHY ISN'T IT THE PERFECT TIME TO ARGUE! YOUR PLAN >JUST BUMBLED! Citan: Should we make another "Toy Story" reference? Jack: Nah. >Knuckles:(Sonic, angry)I'LL TELL YOU WHY THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME! >BECAUSE THE JONATHANLIZERS ARE AIMING THEIR GUNS AT US NOW! All: YAY!! >Sonic:(Knuckles)Oh yeah! RUN! Citan: Run, Forrest, run! >Sonic and Knuckles ran until they got trapped at boulder bay. Ramza: There, an avalanche occured, killing them all, the end. >Sonic:(Knuckles)We're trapped. Rudy: Brilliant display of emotion he's showing here. Almost on Cloud Strife's level. Ramza: CLOUD?! *Takes out a sword* Citan (Sonic; deadpan): Oh no, we are going to die. I am too young to die, boo hoo, boo hoo. >No way am I going to swim. Citan: So he would rather die than swim. Rudy: Looks that way. Citan: What kind of idiot is he? >Just as it looked like Sonic and Knuckles were bacon, Jack: They're pigs now? Ramza: The Jusenkyo curses strike again! >an army of terapods came. Terapods are like the dinosaur triceratops. Lucca: ......... Jack: That about covers it, Lucca. >One of the Terapods gave an ear piercing shriek. Rudy: So that's where Rini ended up! Rini's voice: I heard that! All: ?!? >The Jonathanlizers screamed with pain and disappeared. Ramza: Speaking of disappearing... Rudy: Just wait a little longer, Ramza, OK? >Sonic and Knuckles didn't know if they died or teleported. Citan: Nor do we care. >A hologram of a Jonathanlizer came up. Rudy (Random fanboy): Wowie! This is an ultra-collectable one of a kind Jonathanlizer holographic trading card! Citan: You do that too well... >Jonathanlizer:(Sonic and Knuckles)You may have found our weakness is >high pitched sound but we shall return more powerful then ever. Lucca (Dr. Claw): I'll get you next time, Gadget! NEXT TIME!! Citan (Gadget Hackwrench): Golly, what did I ever do to you? >The hologram disappeared. >Sonic:(Knuckles)Why the long face? We won. Citan (Sonic; deadpan): Wow. We won. Yippee. >Knuckles:(Sonic)Yeah ... We won ... For now. *A big musical sting comes from nowhere* >THE END All: YAY! >?????? All: D'oh! *All exit* *Reverse door sequence* [SOL] *Jack stands alone in front of the counter. He is trying his best to look dignified* Jack: *ahem* And now, a recap of today's story. *Walks off-screen. As soon as he exits, Rudy comes out wearing a plastic "Sonic the Hedgehog" mask* Rudy: Ah, yes, another lovely day in Knothole. *Citan comes out wearing a wig of fake dredlocks* Oh hi, Knuckles. What are you doing here. Citan: Good question. I should be- Jack: *Off-screen* Stick to the script! Citan: Oh, you're no fun. *In character* I'm here to meet nice people. Rudy: I don't know about meeting them, but you can rent- Jack: *Off-screen* RUDY!! Rudy: Bite me. *Back in character* Oh look, it's raining. Let's go. Citan: OK. *Both exit. Lucca comes out with a fake beak* Lucca: Oh, lah-de-dah, I'm just a red-shirted ensign waiting for trouble... *A crash is heard off-screen* Oh my, what is that? *Rudy's old agent comes out* Rudy's agent: Do you happen to need an agent? I work cheaply! Rudy: *Off-screen* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! YOU AGAIN?!? *Runs on-screen (without the mask) with a clown hammer, wallops the agent, and shoots him out the airlock* Lucca: That was weird. *The red button flashes* Great, the Goodfeathers are calling. *Presses the button* [E.C.] Dark Sonic: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! MAKE IT STOP! Hi tech! NO!! HELP ME!! Artemis, I love you? *Begins crying, believe it or not* Mala-chan: *Censored* [SOL] Jack: *Enters with the others* I see you haven't gotten rid of Dark Sonic yet. [E.C.] Marle: How do you get rid of him?! No one wants to get close enough to pick him up and throw him out! [SOL] Rudy: Have you tried using an Instant Plot Device (TM)? [E.C.] Marle: No, not yet. Cecilia: *Jumps out of her hiding place* That's it! I can't take this &(^*^$( hedgehog anymore! Screw the plan of getting everyone down, this is just too (*&^(ing much!! *Casts "Escape" and disappears* Marle: WAIT! Damn, I wanted to go too... B-ko: C-ko?! Oh bugger. Dycedarg: *Takes a deep breath* Kick the hedgehog! Dark Sonic: Wha! Dycedarg: Kick the hedgehog! *Punts Dark Sonic through the window* Mala-chan: IT'S ABOUT &*(^*&^&^ TIME!! *Heavily censored* All: *Anime sweatdrop* ......... Mala-chan: Dycedarg, push the button! Dycedarg: But what about- Mala-chan: JUST DO IT, *(^&(*%^$^$$%(%!! Dycedarg: Right, then. *FWOOOOSH!* *Fade to black* *Roll credits* --------------------------------------------------- THE REAL END E-mail comments to me at: Lessa990@aol.com Feh, like you're going to anyway, no one ever does... >Knuckles:(Jonathanlizer, angry)AAGGHH! YOU MADE ME DROP MY GRAPE! Season one: ------------------ Episode 101: "Battle of the Strongest" Episode 102: Raging Double Feature ("Wild ARMs Rage" and "Toshinden Rage") Episode 103: "The Cursed Waters" Episode 104: "The Jonathanlizers"