"In the name of Grandpa Genkaku, Here's his Golden Bird Holy Flower Dragon Tooth Glory Punch!" -Nanami, Suikoden 2 Legal Crap Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Final Fantasy Tactics and Chrono Trigger are copyrighted by SquareSoft Wild ARMs is copyrighted by Media Vision or Contrail, the latter being the newer name for the company. Any other thing I forgot to mention is copyrighted to it's owner(s). Please don't sue; I have no money as is. ~.~;; "Decency Patrol #2" is owned by one Mr. Pink, because it being owned by multiple Mr. Pinks is absurd. No offense, unnecessary pain, or WWF/Parappa crossovers were intended with this MST. No sentinent pieces of lint were harmed in the production of this MSTing, besides Chuck, that is... *innocent whistling* Chibi-chan's notes (a.k.a. Other Stuff) Uh... Pukiri? Pukyu! *WHAM!* (Rudy: Quit with the Peco-speak!) ... brat. With that out of the way, Here we gooooooooooooo!! ------------------------------------ (Singer) In the not too distant future, (Methinks it was next Thursday) A bunch of poor suckers Have some hell to pay! A group of evil people, led by Mala-chan, They were bored one day, so they dreamed up a plan. They choose some people they didn't like, Then they sent those poor victims into space and- *B-ko cackles* (Mala-chan) We'll send them crappy fanfics, As many as we can find! (Lalala!) (Marle) They'll have to sit and read them all! (Dycedarg) And they'll slowly lose their minds! (Lalala!) (Singer) Now keep in mind they can't control Where the fanfics begin or end. (Lalala!) To try to keep their sanity, Upon each other they must depend! RIFFER ROLL CALL! Rini! (I gotta BELIEVE!) Rudy! (NO PARAPPA!) Ramza! (Why me?) Lucca! (I'm BRILLIANT! ^_^) Jaaaaaaaaaack! (Oh bugger...) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science fact, Just think to yourself, "It's just a file, I should really just relax, For 'Idiotic Fanfic Theater Whatever' *Twang!* [The SOL (Not the Satellite of Love, tho')] *Rudy and Jack are talking on the bridge* Rudy: So then- *A woman's scream comes from stage right* What the...?! Jack: That sounded like Lucca! *The same female voice (Now identified as Lucca's) now swears incessantly, ranting about Expert Gamer, Suikoden 2, 108 Stars, and Nanami* Rudy: Guess she found out the hard way you only have _one_ opporutnity to get Gilbert and that magazine didn't say how. *Rini enters with Ramza from stage right, wide-eyed* Rini: Wowie... Some of those words even _Cid Highwind_ has never heard of... O.O;; Ramza: I've heard worse. Rini: When was that? *The yellow button flashes* Ramza: Well... Jack: We'll be right back... *Pushes the yellow button* -------------------------------------------------------- Announcer: From the maker of Instant Plot Device comes the This is the "Become an Angst-Ridden Main Character" kit! It comes with three wigs, *Shows three spiky blue, blonde, and red wigs* a book of psychological disorders to choose from *Shows the book*, and a catalog of childhood-to-early teen traumas to give one reasons to be distant, moody, and an overall royal pain in the ass. Get yours now at the Interdimensionl Wal-Mart near YOU! ----------------------------------- Rini: ... dude, what's she gonna sell next, the LOGIC device? Rudy: Nah, I think that's already out there. *The red button flashes* Oh joy, Flik, Camus, and Mikoltov are calling. *Presses the button* [Evil Central] Marle: Hey! Watch who you're calling a guy, you! Xelloss: Ooo, can I be Flik then? *WHACK!* ^_^ [SOL] Rudy: Eh, bite me. [E.C.] Marle: No thanks; I'm not into metal- *WHAM!* B-ko: NO SPOILERS! Marle: Ow... Mala-chan: *Anime sweatdrop* Um, shall we start the- *Sees Lucca walk on the bridge holding a badly-mangled Playstation* Never you mind... O.o;; [SOL] Lucca: *mumble*mutter* $#$*&#@ guide *Fumes* [E.C.] Mala-chan: Well, you story for today is "Decency Patrol #2". Dycedarg, send them the fic. Dycedarg: Consider it sent! *Pushes the send button* [SOL] Ramza: Decency Patrol? Isn't that- *Lights flash and klaxons go off* WE GOT ANIT-FIC SIGN! Lucca: *grumble* *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: It's Teriyaki Yoko! After carefully avoiding being forced into being her back-up band, you move on. Door 4: It's Riff! After avoiding fearfully his lastest invention, you run to... Door 3: It's your normal run-of-the-mill drawbridge. It falls out towards you, barely missing you. Door 2: It's the ICQ flower. After running terrified from it, you wind up at... Door 1: It's a wall. Tinkerbelle comes, waves her wand, and an opening appears. Seating (L-R): Ramza, Rini, Rudy, Lucca, Jack* >MR PINK PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS Rini: Ooo, we get presents? ^^ *Rudy rolls his eyes* >A fanfic by Doug Troy >Decency Patrol #2 (Electric boogaloo! I couldn't resist!) Lucca: ... this mean I can't say "Merribian Boogaloo" now? Rudy: Yep. Lucca: Dammit. >Disclaimers are at the bottom of the page. >Contact me at mrpink67@hotmail.com >__________________________________________ >Slogan of the day >"Doug Troy 9:28 sez 'Uh, is that a beer?'" Rudy: Don't let Ramza drink it or he'll start getting all perverted again! ^^;; Ramza: Huh? Rini: Don't ask. That reminds me... *Thwaps Ramza upside his head* >__________________________________________ >"Rocky! Rocky!" Jack (Bullwinkle): Watch me pull an anti-fic out of my hat! Hanpan (Rocky): Again? >These were the sounds coming from the TV room on Monday night. Raw night. Rini: _Nitro_ night. Jack: *blink*blink* WCW? Ick... Rini: What can I say? Bret Hart's the _man_. Jack: No, Mick Foley is. Rini: Bret! Jack: Mick! Rudy: *Hiding his face* Of all the holy wars that could break out, _this_ one does... >Nachos and copious amounts of caffeine soaked sodas were the snacks of >choice for both Doug Troy and Richard Blackthorne on this night of high >entertainment. Rudy: What, no pizza? >Doug in particular was getting into it, while Rich just sat >back and watched. Ramza: Watched what? ^^;; Rini: RAMZA! *Thwap!* *To Jack* Bret! Jack: Mick! *Rudy points the Prism Ray ARM and the Phaser ARM at Jack and Rini respectively* eep. Rudy: Shut up. Just shut up. No one gives a rat's ass about this. Uh... no offense, Hanpan. Hanpan: None taken. >"If you smellllllllll...." the TV blared. >"...what the Rock is cookin'!" Doug finished. Lucca (The Rock as Cheep-Cheep): Crack, crack, crack, the egg into the bowl! Jack: ... that's very disturbing, Lucca. Lucca: I do my best. ^_^ >"What the hell is so cool about that guy?" Rich asked. "All he does is >spew the same catchphrases week in and week out, throw a dozen right-handed >punches in a row, and his finisher is an over-glorified elbow." Ramza: -macaroni. >Doug didn't answer. He was fully caught up in the on-screen drama as the >Rock set up for his grand finale. Jack (The Rock as Bullwinkle): Now watch me pull a jabroni out of his roody-poo candy ass! *WHACK!* Rudy: I _said_ "shut up". >With deft pricision, the Rock delivered >the People's Elbow and covered for the pin. >"1... 2... 3! The Rock wins!" Jim Ross blared. Ramza (MK announcer): Fatality. Rini: Uh... Booyaka? >Doug quickly got up and snapped off a crotch chop before sitting back down. Rudy: EXCUSE ME?!? O.o;; Ramza: He did a WHAT?!? O.o;; Rudy: Is he _INSANE_?!? O.o;; Jack: *Shakes his head* It's not what you're thinking, you two... > Rich rolled his eyes and muttered something about "supermark." Rini (T.V. announcer): Yes, Super Mark, with fanboy abilities far beyond that of anyone with an ounce of sanity! From the planet Fanboious... *Trails off* >"Why do you guys watch that shit?" Mr Pink said from the doorway. Jack: Mr. Hankey's there? Lucca: Must... restrain... using the Doomsday Weapon hidden in Rini's landfill/room... Rini: EXCUSE me?!? >"It's fun. Like Melrose Place, but guys do all of the fighting." Rudy: No catfights? What a rip! *WHAM!* >Rich >said, not knowing why he was defending the WWF. Not that WCW was any >better... >"Puppies!" Doug yelled. Jack (Steve): You found Blue! Good job! ^_^ *rimshot* >Debra was on, doing a great job of teasing the >audience and Lawler with some massive T&A action. Rudy: *Staring in an awed stuper* Duuuh... bouncy, bouncy, bouncy... O_O-<3 Rini: *About to hit him, but she puts away the mallet* *sigh* Why do I even bother...? Ramza: *Also staring* Bother what? O_O-<3 >"I think we found Doug's reason for watching." Rich said. "What'd you >want?" >"We've got a target. A kid named Oscar. Didn't you guys already take care >of him?" Lucca: IFyaknowwhatImean! *All gag* >"Yes, we did. But that's one of the quirks about the Matrix. After an >avatar has been eliminated, they can be brought back either by their >creator or anybody who writes them! > into a story." Rich answered. Rini: Hmm... kinda like a twisted version of the theory of Narrative Causiality... 'cept we don't have anything about a Matrix or such... And without the "all stories have a corresponding dimension"... >"Sounds like a scam to me." Mr Pink said. >"I know. Ain't it cool?" Doug said, finally paying attention to the >conversation. Ramza: -but Miss Conversation was so angry that he didn't pay attention so she fired a bolt from her crossbow through his heart and he _died_, the end. >"Anyway, let's get moving." Lucca (Cloud): Let's Mosey! >__________________________________________ >"Okay, the fic you're being logged into is called "Black Day". Rini (Cammy): Log on! HA! Rudy: Cammy-sama... ^_^-<3<3<3 Ramza: I like Chun-Li myself... ^_^-<3 >You're >going in about when the youma shows up, so you can catch him when he's >distracted. He won't have any help, so don't worry about that." Mr Pink Jack: Not "Mister Pink", mind you, but Emare Pink, Mr for short. >said as Doug and Richard sat down in their respective chairs. "Are you two >ready?" Lucca (Mr Pink): -for the gratuitous yaoi scene? *All gag again* Rini: Lucca, for crying out loud, save it for when we get something with _cute_ guys in it! Lucca: Oh, right, where'd my mind go? ^^;; >"Ready as I'll ever be." Rich said. >"Make it so." Doug said, prompting Rich to slap him upside the head. Rini: Ya know, I kinda like Rich... ^^;; Rudy: If he summons a mallet, so help me, I'll shoot myself in the head. >"Here we go..." *Theme song plays* Rudy: Very frickin' funny, Chibi. Voice: I try... ^^;; >__________________________________________ Hanpan: ... anyone got a good line comment? Jack: There are _good_ line comments? >Doug and Rich found themselves on top of a skyscraper, Ramza: -but they fell off of it to their deaths, the end. >Doug in his black >duster trenchcoat, All: ................... Rudy: We have a comment, but it's _really_ not in good taste. >Rich in his customary body armor. Ramza: ... body armor. Riiiiiiiight, so he _wants_ to be severely slowed down. Rini: *ahem!* I'm the one who's supposed to nitpick around here, Ramza; remember that. *Summons mallet briefly* >Below, Oscar and the >Sailor Scouts were doing battle with the youma. Rudy: *Goes wide-eyed* SENSHI?!? SAILOR MOON BAD! *Goes into his typical terrified overreaction to the Sailor Senshi* Rini: ... think I should "calm him down" with my mallet? Lucca: If he doesn't calm down on his own soon, go for it. >Oscar, as overpowered as >he was, was getting his ass handed to him by the youma. Ramza: Bad mental image there... O.o;; >Oscar retreated to >catch his breath by flying to the nearest tall building. What he saw when >he landed made his blood boil. Lucca (Oscar): Artemis! Molly! How could you?!? *WHAM!* Rini: *Turns green* Ugh, _Lucca_... >"YOU!" Oscar yelled. Jack (Bugs Bunny; pissed): _Yes, ME_! Thought you'd seen the last of me, eh, Svengalie?! >"Yep, it's us. You've heard you've been a bad little boy, so we came to >administer your punishment." Doug said, getting ready to fight. Rini (Doug): CALL ME _QUEEN_! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! Ramza: Speaking of more bad mental images... O.o;; Rudy: *Has calmed down a bit* She does that _far_ too well... O.o;; >"Can I?" Rich asked. >"Knock yourself out." Rini: Why? I'd knock you out for you for free... *Summons mallet* >Rich responded by stepping away from Doug. He took two steps toward Oscar. Lucca: o/~ Two steps forward/ Two steps back.../ We come together 'cause opp-o-sites attract and you know... o/~ > Oscar turned his attention toward Rich, still wearing the cocky smile. >They stared at each other for a time. Lucca: It was love at first si- *CHOMP!* OWOWOWOWOWOW! *Tries to pry Hanpan off her hand* Jack: You should know better than to mention "love" and "Oscar" in the same sentence around Hanpan by now, Lucca. >"Hey Rich. How about doing this sometime today?" Doug asked impatiently. >Rich responded by drawing both of his Desert Eagles. Rudy: *!!* That bastard robbed Rally Vincent-sama! Now he DIES! *Draws Phaser ARM and fires at the name "Rich" on the screen repeatedly* >He fired both >repeatedly. Oscar responded by creating a small energy wall. Lucca (Rena): Energy Net! >The hail of >bullets were Ramza: -turned against Rich, kiling him instantly. >stopped short by the barrier. After both guns emptied, Oscar >brought the energy wall down. Oscar then brought both of his hands to >waist level as a glowing ball of chi manifested itself between both palms. Lucca: ................. no comment. >"KAMEHAMEHA!" Oscar roared as he unleashed the energy. Richard thrust his >right hand forward, palm o! Rini: o/~ -klahoma were the wind keeps sweepin' down the plain... o/~ >ut. The burst of energy rippled, then it began >to slow down. The glow diminished dramatically as the energy burst ground Lucca (Claude): Tear into pieces! Rini: ... can you _get_ more obscure, Lucca? I think someone got that one. >to a halt only a few feet from Rich. Oscar's cocky smile turned to a look >of utter astonishment. Jack (Oscar): Duuuuh... cheese is happy... >The former doomsday blast was nothing more than a >ball of ice. Ramza: Like this? ICE! *A ball of ice crahes through the screen* >"No way." Oscar said. >"You bet your sweet bippy he did." Doug said. Jack: *chuckle* "[S]weet bippy"? >"Doug, I don't think I can hold this up for much longer." Rich said, >straining with the effort that comes with both turning a Kamehameha into >ice and keeping it aloft. Ramza: So he stopped doing that and got killed by the Kamekomaha, the end. Rini: Kamehameha. Rudy: That's one nasty cough you got there, Rini... *Thwap!* >"Go ahead then." >Rich's brow furrowed as he started heavily concentrating. The hovering >ball of ice cracked, then started glowing again. Jack: It's radioactive! Rini: Stock riff number 3. >The glow doubled, then >tripled in intensity as Richard accelerated the molecules. Rini: Accerlerated? That could mean that Rich stepped on the- *WHACK!* Rudy: _NO_ Parappa. >The Kamehameha >was returned to its normal energy. >"NOW!" Doug said as he ran for the edge of the roof. Lucca: o/~ When the Kamehameha showed its head/ Sir Doug bravely turned his tail and fled... o/~ Ramza (Doug): Did not! >Richard yelled as he >rised his hand. The Kamehameha soared into the air. Oscar watched it >ascend, so he didn't see Doug leap off the edge. Ramza: Splat. >Richard followed, and as >he leapt into the air he pointed his hand at Oscar. Rini (Rich ala dog owner): Bad Oscar! Bad! >The Kamehameha >reversed direction and headed back toward the roof. Oscar's eyes went wide >as he realized what was going on mere seconds before it hit. All: WA-TAK! >The resulting explosion annihalated the upper five floors of the building. Jack: That's got to suck for the people who lived there. Hanpan: No _duh_, Jack. >Before Doug and Rich had landed on the other roof, debris had already began >to rain down. Ramza: Other roof?! Dammit! >The two of them looked at the conflageration and hollered in >triumph. Ramza (Squall as Doug): ... whatever... Rini (Selphie as Rich): BOOYAKA! ^_^ >"I say goddamn, what a rush!" Doug yelled as he snapped off a crotch chop. Rudy and Ramza: O.o;;; Jack: *sigh* I told you, it's not what you're thinking... >Then he looked at Rich. "You okay?" >"Yeah. I've just been drained, but that's all. How long do you think this >one will stay dead?" Rini: Until his petition to become a moniter of his home dimension goes through the council... oh, right, wrong section of the Multiverse. Rudy: Rini, just what the hell are you talking about? Rini: ... sore wa, himitsu desu. >"Depends." Doug replied before looking back at the totaled building. What >he saw made his blood run cold. "Holy shit on me." Jack: That don't sound very sanitary... >The exclaimation made Richard turn his attention toward the building also. >The reaction was pretty much the same. "No way. No fucking way!" he said. Lucca (Rich): They couldn't have cancelled MST3K! >Amidst the smoke, flames and devastation, Oscar hovered. Without a >scratch. Not ! >only that, but smiling. Hanpan: Allow me to join their sentiment with an "Oh... f^*&." >"Okay, I'm open to any ideas you might have." Doug said. >"How about running?" >"Works for me." All: *British* RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! >Both started running away from the terror behind them. Oscar's smile >transformed into a sneer as his hands started glowing brightly. Lucca: If he casts Nitro Dagger or Rock and Roll, I'm outta here. >The glow >intensified as he launched into a Vegita-esque chi rain of death, pouring >energy down in waves. Jack (Surfer): Surf's up- GAH! >Doug and Rich jumped off of the building just before >it was vaporized. The assault continued as they flew through the air and >landed on another building. Lucca: o/~ They fly through the air/ With the greatest of ease/ Their choice in underwear is/ "Free to the Breeze"... o/~ Rini: Dammit, Lucca, will you _STOP_ saying things like that?! Lucca: Nope! ^_^ >"SPLIT UP!" Doug yelled. "GIVE THE BASTARD TWO TARGETS!" >Rich complied and jumped to a large office building. Doug then jumped to a >series of row houses. In midair, he pulled out his twin Glocks and fired >wildly at Oscar. Ramza (Doug; falsetto): You DARE ^(!@ with the great Marta Nys?! WA-TAK! *All stare at Ramza* Lucca: And you said _my_ lines were disturbing! O.o;; >Oscar yelled in pain as a bullet blew through his >shoulder, interupting the assault. Oscar, furious, used the remaining >energy from the attack to fling a blast at Doug. Ramza: It hit and Doug died, tha end. >The blast missed and >instead hit a crowded bridge, obliterating the middle of it and any cars >that were on it. All: ................ Hanpan: This place must be an insurance salesman's fantasy... >Doug landed hard and painfully rolled. He bounced up to >his feet and turned toward where Oscar had unleashed his attacks from. >Nothing was there. Rini: Except for... the cat! Jack: o/~ The cat came back/ The very next day/ The cat came back/ We thought 'e was a gonner... o/~ >Doug looked around for any threat. He had about a >second's warning before Oscar planted his foot into Doug at about 200 >miles-per-hour. Jack: He kicked him with several Tails on his foot? *rimshot* >Doug flew thirty feet and rolled into a standing position. > He shook the cobwebs out, then got into a fighting stance. Oscar followed >suit. Doug seemed to ripple... Rini: Chocolate ripple? ... I want ice cream now... >Oscar attacked first, running forward and throwing a series of punches. >Doug successfully blocked each punch, moving as fast as a bullet. Rudy: "Fast as a bullet", eh? *Draws ARM* Care to test that theory? *evil grin* >Doug >returned with his own series of punches. They were also blocked. Oscar >let loose with a spinning kick, but struck only air. Doug rewarded Oscar >for his efforts by rammed his fist into Oscar's gut. Rini: *Mock naive* That sounds messy. >He followed up with a >sweep kick and delivered a hammer punch to Oscar's chest. Lucca (Hammer as Doug): Didja see that? I got MAD SKILLZ! >He took a step >back. >Oscar lay still for a second, then jumped back into a standing position. >Doug went back on the assault, but! Rudy: Something went wrong and an exclaimation point attacked. > Oscar surprised him by whipping him >toward the edge of the roof. Doug realized this and jumped when he was >only a few feet from the edge. He flew across the short alleyway, hit the >adjacent wall feet first, and jumped back toward Oscar. Rini: Boi~ing! >While flying, he >executed a spinning jump kick into Oscar's face. As he continued to >rotate, he looped his other leg around Oscar's neck and brutally slammed >him to the ground. Oscar hit hard, gagging for air as his windpipe was >constricted. Lucca: !! *Turns green. Rini follows suit* O.o;; Rudy: ??? Ramza: ...!! *Finally figures out what they're thinking; turns green as well* Rudy, if you value your sanity, don't ask... *urk!* O.o;; Rudy: ... I don't think I want to know anyway. >Doug got both of his hands around Oscar's neck and started >strangling the life from him. However, Oscar was able to get one word past >Doug's effort's. Lucca: *Still green* Man, that's talent... O.o;; Rudy: *sigh* Enough with the yaoi-ish implications, OK? Just don't think about it and you won't get sick... Rini: Easy for you to say... O.o;; >"KYOKEN!" Jack (Chun-Li): KIKOKEN! >Oscar was englufed in red energy that rejuvenated him and threw >Doug off. Doug landed on his back, hard. He grimaced and looked up to see >Oscar levitating, glowing with a fearsome power. Jack: He's got the power of "Oooooooooh!" Rudy: Think that's scary? You should see Rini when she's got PMS... or Lucca, or Charlotte... Especially Charlotte... O.o;; >Doug stood up and got >into a combat stance. Oscar yelled as he released a quick chi blast. Doug >rippled and got out of the way just in time. He ran around to Oscar's back >in bullet time and jumped into the air. All: *blink*blink* Rini: "[B]ullet time"? Anyone know what that is? *All give the general inpression of "I don't know"* >Just as he was level with Oscar, Oscar spun around and threw a punch >blindingly fast. Doug took it right in the gut. He flew backwards from >the force of the punch. Ramza: -and through a wall to Asuka's dressing room, where he was promptly mauled betond all recognition. Rudy: ... she's not _that_ bad... >Oscar flickered and then suddenly appeared behind >Doug. He delivered a quick hammer punch that knocked Doug back to the >roof. Rini (Oscar): Now _I_ got the MAD SKILLZ! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! >Doug hit the roof hard enough to make it crack slightly. Oscar >landed a few feet away, with a cocky smile on his face. >"You really think that you can kill me?" Oscar asked. "Just because you're >fast doesn't mean you can stand up to a Saiya-Jin." Lucca (Doug): I can't... but that guy behind you with a knife can. >Doug stood up, slowly. He held his side in pain. >"No, but I can give you a run for your money," Doug countered. Rini: o/~ Money, money, money... is all you ne~ed... o/~ >"Run for my money?! He he he. You didn't even come close." >As Oscar gloated, Doug reached into his holster. Jack (Rudy as Doug): Dammit, where'd I put that Phaser ARM...? >"Come on then, you sick bastard. Finish the job." Doug said, as if signing >his own death sentence. >Oscar sneered. Then he blurred as he ran forward, fists blazing with chi >energy. Just before he made contact, D! Lucca: Doug's grade in English? *WHAM!* Rini: The technical aspects of this are fine, if you haven't noticed! Lucca: Ow... sorry, reflex. ^^;; >oug slid to the side, pulled a >stiletto blade out of his pocket, and jammed it into Oscar's back. All: ............... Rudy: MAD SKILLZ, Rini? Rini: *nod* MAD SKILLZ. Jack: *sigh* You mind stopping with the "MAD SKILLZ" thing? Rudy and Rini: Yes. >Oscar >screamed in pain as his momentum caused him to fall and skid three feet on >his face. Oscar got back up, only to have Doug run into him. Lucca: o/~ Crash.../ Into me... o/~ >Doug carried him to the edge, jumped off while carrying Oscar, and then >kicked off of Oscar, propelling him back onto the roof. Oscar, in the >meantime, smacked into the adjacent building hard enough to smash through >the brick. Doug stood on the edge of the roof, winded. Ramza: Then he had a stroke and died, the end? ^^;; >"Suck on that, furvert!" he yelled. Lucca: O.o;; For all that good in the Multiverse, DON'T! >He turned to walk away, but Oscar chose that moment to get his third wind. >He rose into the air, Doug's stiletto in hand. >"Hey, you Nav-wannabe! I think this belongs to you!" Oscar said as he >threw the stiletto right into Doug's left hand. Doug cried out as the >stiletto cut through flesh and bone. All: !! Ramza: Ouch... now that's a pain that's gonna linger. >He fell to the ground, grasping his >hand. Oscar floated over and landed right next to him. Oscar's hand >started glowing. Lucca (Ghaleon as Oscar): Time to die. >"Time to die, little man." >"Don't you mean 'send to another dimension'?" Doug quiped, bracing himself >for the inevitable. Rini: You mean Dimensions #HFIL, #HELL, and #HEVN? Rudy: Uh... huh? Rini: Never you mind... >"Whatever works." >Oscar was about to release the blast, but was interrupted by a bullet going >through his stomach. He jerked and the glow in his hand abruptly died. Jack (Minister): We are here today to mark the passing of The Glow in Oscar's Hand... >Oscar turned to see his assailant and saw Richard, who was packing a Desert >Eagle. Oscar snarled and hurled himself at Richard. Richard merely put >the hand out that wasn't holding a gun and concentrated. Rudy (Richard): Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows... >Oscar's advance >slowed as his molecules slowed down. Puzzled, Oscar looked at his hands to >see them turning a dark blue. Rini: Tsk, not a good time to be fingerpainting, Oscar. >He only had time to look up with an >astonished look on his face before he froze solid. Richard looked at the >statue in front of him. Doug slowly got up. Lucca (Doug): Now is it time for the gratuitous- MMPH! Rudy: _No_. >"Hey, man. You alright?" Rich asked. >"Do I look alright? I've got a damn knife in my hand." Doug replied, >yanking the knife out. "Shit, that hurt!" Jack: I think that's a given when a pointy object if driven through one's hand, Doug. >They paused and surveyed the scene, comtemplating everything that had gone >on today. >"What now? Is he dead?" Rich asked. Ramza: The end? >"I'm! > not sure. Let me check." >Doug walked over to Oscar and stood in front of him for a second. He >tensed up and concentrated hard. His body seemed to ripple violently. Rini: I'd even take strawberry ripple... *pout* I want ice cream. Rudy: No one cares, Rini. Rini: ... bite me. >"SMACKDOWN!" he yelled as he thrust his right hand forward, delivering an >open palmed strike. A ten foot circle of real time, tried to merge with >bullet time, with disasterous effect. Jack: *gasp!* It summoned Jerry Springer guests?! O.o;; >The air itself began to ripple, and >the statue that was all that remained of Oscar cracked. Suddenly, a >shockwave expanded out from Doug's hand. Lucca (Justin): Here goes, HA! Rini: *Rolls her eyes* Great, first obscure Star Ocen 2 refs, now obscure Grandia refs... >The shockwave spread, shattering >Oscar's body completely and disintegrating the fragments. The distortion >of the Matrix destroyed everything within five feet Jack: Dude, that's gotta suck... Ramza: *Joyfully* THE END! ^_^ >(except for Doug of >course. Being able to exist in two realities at once has its advantages). Rudy: *Snidely* Off course. >As the attack completed, Doug stood up and walked away. >"I hope we don't have to do this again anytime soon," Doug said. Rudy: The feelin's mutual. >"It'll probably be about a week before someone brings him back by putting >him in a story. A month if we're lucky." Rich said as he pulled out his >cell phone and hit redial. Rini: *Muttering* Be happy you _get_ breaks. *grumble* 400 years without a vacation... Ramza: What was that last part? Rini: *!!* Um, nothing. ^^;; >"Operator," Mr Pink said on the other end. >"We've got him. Did you get the proof?" Rich asked. >"Got it and forwarded it. We'll get our reward soon. How's Doug feeling?" Jack (Wakko as Doug): I feel... with my hands! Rini (Mr Pink as Scratchnsniff): No, no, no, how are you _feeling_? >"Just great. You really oughta try having a Saiya-Jin stab you in the hand >with a knife. It's quite a rush." Doug sarcasticly replied. >"Well, you're fine on this end. Come on home. There's a pay phone on the >corner. That's your exit." Lucca (Mr. Pink): Just ignore George Carlin; something went wrong and he thinks he's Rufus for the Bill and Ted movies. >Rich hung up. >"I need a vacation. Maybe I'll zap myself into 'Go AMP Go' for some fun." >Doug said. >Rich gave a quick snort of laughter as they made their way to the fire >escape. Hanpan: -while we make snorts of disgust. >THE END >__________________________________________ >Check it out! Another one cranked out. They're pretty short, aren't they? Rini: _NO_, Lucca. Lucca: But- Rini: _NO_. >Oscar belongs to someone. I have no idea who they are, but I bear no ill will >toward them. >Why do I write these fics? Ramza: Because Hanpan said so? Hanpan: Did not! Rini: Nothing better to do? Rudy: Drugs? Lucca: Overload on soda pop? Jack: Uh... just because? >They're good for the soul. Whenever you have lots >of pent-up aggression, writing something violent gets rid of a good deal of it. Rini: I personal trash the theater when that happens. ^^;; All else: We know, we know... ~.~;; >I ho! >pe that explains it well enough. If not, just keep thinking that I'm a sick >creep that gets his jollies by writing anti-fics. Rudy: Fine with me! *WHAM!* Rini: BAKA! *All exit* *Reverse door sequence* [SOL] *Jack appears alone in front of the counter* Jack: I know we were saving this kinda thing for "FFVII: TUS" part three, but we just had to do one for this fic. Without further adieu, the epilogue to "Decency Patrol #2"... *Step out of the way. Rini and Rudy walk out dressed like Rich and Doug* Rini (Rich): So, what do we do now, Doug? Rudy (Doug): The same thing we do every night, Rich; WATCH DEBRA'S EXTREME... T&A... ACTION! *WHAM!* *Normal* Hey, what the heck, Rini?! We're _supposed_ to be acting, you psycho- bitch! *WHAM!* Rini: DON'T CALL ME A PSYCHO-BITCH, ROUGHNIGHT! Rudy: Jeez, is it that time of the mo- *Dodges mallet* Ya mi- *WHAM!* *The red button flashes* Jack: *Exasperated* I give up... *Pushes the red button* [E.C.] *Dycedarg storms in with purple hair and in only a towel* Dycedarg: MALA! That stupid fruitcake put hair dye in my shampoo! Mala-chan: *Looks at Dycedarg* I think it's an improvement. Marle: *To B-ko* Combing his hair in front of his _face'd_ be an improvement. B-ko: *To Marle* I'll say... Marle: Um, isn't it time to push the button- *Cecilia stealthily pushes the button* *FWOOOSH!* *Fade to black* *Roll credits* --------------------------------------------------- THE REAL END E-mail comments to me at: Lessa990@aol.com Or I'll send Shiro after you... (Shiro: *howls*) >Oscar hit hard, gagging for air as his windpipe was >constricted. Lookie, a shameless plug! Organized Chaos! http://www.crosswinds.net/~rinichan My own site. Beware the Temporary Portal, er, Picture of the Week; It can lead you to strange things... Season one: ------------------ Episode 101: "Battle of the Strongest" Episode 102: Raging Double Feature ("Wild ARMs Rage" and "Toshinden Rage") Episode 103: "The Cursed Waters" Episode 104: "The Jonathanlizers" Episode 105: "Final Fantasy VII: The Untold Story" part 1 Episode 106: "The Return of Lord Thinker" Episode 107: "Get Rich Quick" spam. Episode 108: "Don't Freak Out" Episode 109a: "The Price of Redemption" parts 1-3 Xenogears interludes: ------------------------- Episode 109b: "The Price of Redemption" parts 4-5 Episode 201a: "Messila's Journey" part 1 Episode 203: "Ash's New Friend" Episode 206: "Emerald Nights" part 1 Episode 207: "Pokemon Gangbang" (MSTed with Hyperonius) Season Two: ---------------- Episode 202: "Why RPGs Should be Severely Censored and Devoid of Character Development" Episode 201b: "Messila's Journey" part 2 Episode 201c: "Mesilla's Journey" part 3 Episode 204: "FFVII: The Untold Story" part 2 Episode 205: "Behind the Scenes" Episode 208: "Beloved? Yeah, Right" Season Three: ------------------ Episode 301d: "Messila's Journey" part 4 Episode 301e: "Messila's Journey" part 5 Episode 302: "Decency Patrol #2" Other MSTings: ------------------ Episode 000: "Rebirth" (MSTed with Nick) Episode 001: Stephen Gohan's letter to the GIA (MSTed with Katana Angel) *Coming soon!* Episode 002: "Cloud Vs. Aeris" (MSTed with Nick)