Turn yourself around... That's what it's all about! Legal Crap Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Final Fantasy Tactics and Chrono Trigger are copyrighted by SquareSoft Wild ARMs is copyrighted by Media Vision. Any other thing I forgot to mention is copyrighted to it's owner(s). Please don't sue; I have no money as is. ~.~;; "The Cursed Waters" belongs to Cynthia Chan and she's welcome to it. The intent of this MSTing is not to insult/offend Cynthia Chan but to simply make a humorous commentary the story. Please don't hurt or flame me. <=8 Chibi-chan's notes (a.k.a. Other Stuff) MSTing number three and I have nothing of interest to say. Ah well... With that out of the way, Here we gooooooooooooo!! ------------------------------------ (Singer) In the not too distant future, (Methinks it was next Thursday) A bunch of poor suckers Have some hell to pay! A group of evil people, led by Mala-chan, They were bored one day, so they dreamed up a plan. They choose some people they didn't like, Then they sent those poor victims into space and- *B-ko cackles* (Mala-chan) We'll send them crappy fanfics, As many as we can find! (Lalala!) (Marle) They'll have to sit and read them all! (Dycedarg) And they'll slowly lose their minds! (Singer) Now keep in mind even Lucca can't control Where the fanfics begin or end. (Lalala!) To try to keep their sanity, Upon each other they must depend! RIFFER ROLL CALL! Rudy! (Lemon fic?) Rini! (I'm hyper!) Ramza! (Why me?) Lucca! (Miss Lucca to you!) Jaaaaaaaaaack! (Oh poopie...) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science fact, Just think to yourself, "It's just a file, I should really just relax, For "Idiotic Fanfic Theater Whatever" *Twang! [The S#!t Out of Luck] *Rudy and Jack are on the bridge. Both seem very focused on something* Rudy: Kasumi. ......... Ash. Jack: ... Pokemon or Vandal-hearts? Rudy: Vandal-hearts. Jack: Eleni. ......... Alundra. Rudy: Meia. *Lucca and Rini come in carrying a _huge_ box. They put the box on the counter* ......... Ryu. Jack: ... Breath of Fire or Street Fighter? Rini: What are you doing? Rudy: Breath of Fire. *To Rini* Oh, this? We're just matching up RPG characters to their love interests. The first one to get one wrong loses. Jack: Nina. Rini: Oh. Can I do one? Jack: Sure. Rini: OK, *evil grin* Rudy Roughnight. Rudy: *Blushes* None of your damn business. Rini: Nuh-uh. You _have_ to answer or you lose, right Jack? ^_^ *A yellow button flashes* Jack: Right. What's that button do? *Presses the button* -------------------------------------------------- *Various scenes of confused RPG and anime characters appear as an announcer speaks* Announcer: Are you trapped in a dead-end? Are you completely clueless as to what to do next? Well, we have the solution! *A green vial floats in the center of a dark blue background* The Instant Plot Device (TM)! It'll open up new areas and uncover secrets, allowing you to move on in your adventure! *Cut to a scene of Vormav of Final Fantasy Tactics in front of a castle* Vormav: Instant Plot Devices (TM) worked for me! *Cut to the shot of the plot device* Announcer: You can get your Instant Plot Devices (TM) at these *A reverse black "L" shrinks the scene of the Plot Device and lists various stores* and many more fine stores. Singers: o/~ Instant Plot Device (TM) is quite nice! o/~ -------------------------------------------------------- Rini: *Gawks at the screen* An Instant Plot Device (TM) commercial?! Lucca: *shrug* A girl's gotta get spending money somehow. Rini: *To Rudy* You still haven't answered yet, kiddo. Rudy: *Blushes again, then mumbles something* Rini: Come again? *The red button flashes* Jack: Guys, the Dixie Chicks are calling. *Presses the button* [Evil Central] Dycedarg: Who are you calling a "Dixie Chick"?! [SOL] Rini: Well, the inside of your head is a wide open space... [E.C.] Dycedarg: *Unable to come up with a comeback* ......... Mala-chan: *To the screen* Bonjour, my petite rabbits! [SOL] Rudy: Do you practice being absurd or does it come naturally? [E.C.] Mala-chan: *Dry laugh* How drol. You ready for the invention exchage? [SOL] Lucca: You betcha! *While rummaging through the box, periodically throwing out a pen or wand* Have you ever just had the urge to go out and smite evildoers? Well, now you can with this! *Pulls out a strange pen* This is the Mostly Automated Goofy-clothes Interchanging Creation, or MAGIC for short. [E.C.] Mala-chan: So what's it do? [SOL] Lucca: *Adjusts glasses* Watch. Rini, if you will. Rini: *Snatches the pen* Righty-o! *Throws the pen into the air* Um, EVIL SMITING POWER, MAKE UP! *Standard transformation sequence. Rini appears in a cross between a "Salior Senshi" outfit and a "Magic Girl Pretty Sammy" outfit* [E.C.] Dycedarg: Holy s#!t! Marle: Oh my God... Cecilia: *Come out of hiding for a moment* Dude, that kicks ass! B-ko: C-ko? Cecilia: Shi- *Hides again* Mala-chan: *Stands there, speechless* [SOL] Lucca: Granted, it's just a prototype, but... Rini: Can I change back now? My legs are freezing! Lucca: Sure. Rini: Huzzah! *Runs off* [E.C.] Mala-chan: *Still stunned at the prospect of a method to create more magic girls; thinks* Crap, if there are more of those irritatingly cutesy magic girls, they could come and stop all of the people forcing good guys to read bad fanfiction! Gotta think fast... *Out loud* Hmph, how petty. [SOL] Lucca: PETTY?! _PETTY_?!? Now listen, you, it took me all night to come up with just that prototype! You stupid bi- [E.C.] Mala-chan: Quiet, or I send you "Chibiusa's Seventh Birthday". [SOL] *Sound of crickets chirrping. Rudy looks particularly frightened* [E.C.] Mala-chan: Much better. B-ko, bring it out! *B-ko comes out with a small canister* B-ko: Here it is, Mala. *Hands it to Mala-chan* Mala-chan: You've heard of Ratliff gas and Thinker gas, right? *The three on the SOL nod* What I have in my hand is even more dangerous than both of them put together. [SOL] Rudy:What, "Oscarfic in a Can"? [E.C.] Mala-chan: Uh, no, but that's a good idea. [SOL] Lucca: *Glares* You just _had_ to make a comment, didn't you, Rudy? Rudy: *Anime sweatdrop* Heheh, sorry... ^^;; [E.C.] Mala-chan: I call this one "Retcon 5." [SOL] Jack: *Sees that Rudy and Lucca seem frightend* "Retcon 5"? What does it do? *Rini and Ramza enter. Rini is in her normal clothes* [E.C.] Mala-chan: *Evil smirk* It causes even the best of fanfiction writers to inexplicably change facts and history to suit the story at any time. With all the fanfiction unreadable, it'll drive fanboys and fangirls mad and then, then they shall destroy THE WORLD! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AHA, AHA! [SOL] Rini: Clever, but not all otaku-type persons _read_ fanfiction. [E.C.] *crickets chirrping* Mala-chan: Just for that, I'm going to send you "The Cursed Waters", a putrid little crossover of Ranma 1/2 and Captain N! Dycedarg! Dycedarg: Right, they'll be suffering in no time flat! *Pounds the button* [SOL] Rudy: Now see what you've done, Rini?! *The lights flash and the klaxons go off* Rini: Shush, you, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!! *Door Sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: It's a bathroom door and the teachers from Parappa the Rapper are standing in line in front of it. You rap past them all and continue. Door 4: It's a Pokeball. You let Bulbasaur out and keep on going. Door 3: It's your normal run-of-the-mill drawbridge. It falls out towards you, barely missing you. Door 2: It's Oscar. You throw a Oscar Decoy (Artemis doll) at him/her and run past. Door 1: It's a wall. Tinkerbelle comes, waves her wand, and an opening appears.* >The Cursed Waters Rudy (Jusenkyo Guide): Welcome, sirs, to "The Cursed Waters". It too tragic tale of a cartoon that died many, many year ago and a anime that has far too many obsess fans... > > > Rini: This space for rent. >Please don't be turned off by this image. If you don't like it, >e-mail me, or just ignore it and go on to the rest of my page. Jack: Sorry, we don't have a choice in the matter. Lucca: What image? Rini: It probably was in that space earlier. >This image I got from els81 from the Anime Web Turnpike. Rini: Does this mean els81 has the right to sue the author? Rudy: No, the author gave els81 credit. Rini: Damn. >I will change the picture when I change the song. The song is called >"Memories", Rini: *Off-key* o/~ Meeeeeeeem'rieeees/ Misty water color meeeeeeeeem' rieeeeeees... o/~ >from the series, "Ranma 1/2". Enjoy the show, and on to business! Lucca: Looks like Nabiki's in this one, then. Rudy: Or Marta Nys. *Drools a little* Rini: You do know she's a lesbian, right? Rudy: Yeah, but do I care? Jack: Wouldn't that make it "The Price of Business" then? Rudy: Shut up, Jack. >"WHOAAAA!" Rini: -ho, ho, ho, stop the car! We've got an emergency, can't you see? Rudy: *grumble* parappa reference *grumble* >a boy cried in the outskirts of Tokyo. A girl was coming at him with a >frying pan in her hand. Lucca (Baby Dinosaur): Not da momma! Jack: It's Calamity Jane! Rudy: Jane? Where? *Looks around the theater* Rini: That answers that question, now don't it? Rudy: What que- oh, that one. *Blushes* >"RANMA!!! Come back here, so I can whack you good!" Ramza: Like saying that ever does any good. Rudy: Saay... Rini: Rudy! >the girl shouted, waving the pan in her hand. >"Akane! I swear, Rini: o/~ By the moon and the stars in the skyyyyy... o/~ >I didn't do anything!" Rudy (Ranma): It's not my kid! I never even _touched_ Shampoo! >Ranma kept running away from her. "What's wrong with not doing anything?" Jack: *Shakes his head* You have no idea, kid... >"That's bullshit, Lucca (Akane): Mousse told me so! He knows you were at the Lonely Hearts Motel the night of the eighth! >Ranma, and you and I know it! You know what you DIDN'T DO!" Lucca (Akane): -and that was me! You philanderer! >Akane was gaining on Ranma. Jack: *Hums "Scooby Doo" chase music* >Finally, she reached him and slammed the pan, square on his head. Rini and Jack: KABONG! Lucca (Akane as Baby Dinosaur): NOT... THE... _MOMMA_! >Ranma screamed in pain and fell to the ground. Rudy: I know that feeling all too well... Ramza: -dead. The end. >Akane came closer. Rudy: -and ripped off his pants- *Thwap!* Ow! Rini: Hentai! >"You didn't eat your lunch, didn't you? Rudy: Well, that's because he values his life. >I packed you a good lunch, All: *Laugh* >and you DIDN'T EAT IT!" Rudy: There's a Duke Nukem joke here, but I don't really care enough to say it. Rini (Anthony Clark): EAT IT! Stupid cow. Lucca: Obscurity, thy name is Rini. >Akane then remembered an episode of "South Park" that she watched with >Ryoga after he bought his new big-screen TV set. Rini: South Park?! Since when is South Park being shown in Japan?!? More importantly, how did Ryouga find the money _and_ his house?!? Ramza: Smile and nod; remember what happens to Tom Servo when he thinks too hard, Rini? >"I oughta cut you open with a chainsaw, the way they did to Kenny on >'South Park'!" Ramza: Akane with a chainsaw; scary concept. Rini: Almost as scary as Rudy with a chainsaw- Rudy: I thought I told you _not_ to bring up that fanfic, Rini. Rini: Like I care. =:p Ramza: What are you talking about? Rini: Oh, a little fanfic known as "Rudy Goes Postal"... ^_^ Rudy: *groan* Please don't remind me... Voice: But I like "Rudy Goes Postal". Rudy: You would. >Suddenly, the land began to shake, and Jack: -Godzilla emerged from the heavily polluted waters to crush Tokyo! >a swirl of blue began to appear. Rudy: Rini's coming! Ranma, Akane, run for your lives! *SMACK!* Rini: Baka! >"What the hell was that?" Ramza: -shouted Stan as the space station MIR fell on Kenny. Rini: Since when do you know South Park? Ramza: Since now. >Ranma cried. A few figures began to from from the swirl of blue dust. Rudy: Let's hope that Goldust doesn't follow. >Ranma began to back away, Rini: Nani?! Ranma has no common sense; he would just stand his ground! Ramza: Remember Tom Servo, Rini. >but Akane held her ground. Rudy (Akane): It's my ground, you hear, _mine_! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! >Eyes wide open, Jack: Well, she kind of can't help it, being an anime character and all... >she stared at the figures that were forming, and she recognized the female >form emerging. Lucca (Akane): You were in that lemon fic with me last week, weren't you? Rini: I'd say something, but seeing as that _does_ happen all the time in the realm of fanfiction... >She yanked Ranma to his feet and slapped him on the face with her left >hand, angry at his last reaction. Lucca: TOGG!! Jack: *Confused* Why would she be angry? Rudy: She's Akane. She's always angry at Ranma. >"You idiot!" Jack (Akane as Ren): Thees ees _my_ ice cream bar! >Akane yelled. "Those are our guests! Now stand tall and look good, Lucca: Too late on that last part. ^_^ Rini: You said it. ^_^ >if you don't want me to cook DINNER for you!" Ramza: Couldn't Ranma get her arrested for that death threat? >Ranma obliged, and very quickly shook off the dust on him and smiled. Rini (Ranma): I'm going to greet the hell out of them. Rudy: Rini! Rini: What? *Thinks for a moment* I didn't mean it _that_ way, baka! >The forms became human. Jack: As opposed to Cano-sapiens. Lucca: It could be worse; they could become Wels and try to eat humans. >Two of the people were Ranma and Akane's age, and the girl was the one >that she recognized earlier. Lucca: -for she was in a lemon fic with her last week. >There was also a pilot guy with blond hair, a whip and a knapsack. Lucca: He was there, too. Rini: *Darkly* Knock it off or _I'll_ get a chainsaw... >A dog was standing near the boy, Jack (Dog; thinking): I _will_ get those Milkbones out of his pocket, so help me Scooby! >and there was a red-haired tyke with wings. Rudy: AAAAAAAAH! Chibimoon Eternal! *Dive under the seat* Voice, Ramza, and Rini: *Angrily* What's wrong with Sailor Moon?! Jack: Wouldn't that be "pink-haired" if it were Chibimoon? Rudy: Oh, right. *Sits back down* >Also with them were a kid in green and gold armour and a visor over his >eyes, Rini: How do they know this? They're still just forms to them! Ramza: Look on the bright side; at least there's details in this story. >and a weird, hovering white rectangluar-shaped computer Jack: It's Nicole! >with some controls in the front, a green screen and a smiley face on >the screen. Rudy (Computer thingy; thinking): I am so stoned, man... Rini: Is there something you're not telling us, Rudy? Lucca (Mr. Mackey): Drugs are bad; you shouldn't do drugs, mm'kay? >Ranma screamed at the computer, and it screamed back. Rudy (Ranma): *Screams* Damn, you're ugly! Rini (Computer): *Screams* You should talk, aquatransexual! >"Hurry, or we'll miss the warp!" Jack (Random character): Where _is_ the warp? Rini (Woman): It's just a jump to the left- Rudy: *Sternly* No, we are _not_ going to start this; we have too many running gags as is. >a woman with long brown hair yelled to a bunch of Ramza: -Klingons, prompting them to shoot her dead, the end. >people in a park. Lucca: Must be one big car. Rini: Lucca, I'm warning you... >They were all running. Ramza: -into traffic, where they were hit by a bus, stomped on by a marching band, and then run over by a kid on a tricycle, the end. Rini: ......... >"Don't worry, Your Anxiousness! *At the same time* Rudy (Guy): We'll help you get back the Tear Drop! Lucca (Guy): I won't hurt you... much. *Loads her gun* Rini (Guy): We'll release that dragon guy you seem to have taken a liking to. >We'll catch the warp in time!" Jack (Guy): All we need is a lasso, a boxing glove, and some Spam! Rini: Spam? Jack: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, and Spam. Rini: *Anime sweatdrop* I walked right into that one, didn't I? >announced a blonde-haired man with Rini: -cat ears and a tail, who can pick locks like nobody's business. >goggles, a whip and a knapsack. Lucca: He must be in some very "interesting" lemons then. Rini: Lucca! *Smacks her with the Iron Fan* >He reached inside his blue jacket and pulled out a mirror to look at >himself. Rini: *Takes out a little mirror* Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who's the cutest in the land? Rudy: It sure as hell ain't you, tomboy! Rini: Baka! *Smacks him* >"I do hope I look good enough for our hosts!" Rudy (Guy): -even though we're just going to invade their brains and make them eat people... >The boy that was running next to the blonde ma Rini: *giggle* "The blonde ma"? Rudy: -was immediately told to slow down and not to run with scissors. >grabbed the mirror from his hand Jack: -and accidentally broke the mirror, giving him seven years bad luck. >and stuffed it into his knapsack. "Simon, we have no Lucca: -need for Tenchi? >time for vanity! Lucca: Oh. >This is the last time the warp Rini: *About to say something* Rudy: I said "No 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' running gags." *Takes out his Hand Cannon ARM* And that also goes for "Sliders" gags. Rini: You're no fun, kid. >opens, and then it closes for the rest of the day!" Rudy (Boy): Then I won't be able to get that Furby for my niece! >The kid in green and gold armour added, "We can't wait until Ramza: -the end of the story. >tomorrow for this warp to open again! That will make our hosts >mega-mad!" Rini (Slappy Squirrel): Is it "mega"? Jack (Skippy Squirrel): Yeah! Rini (Slappy): Well then... NO! Lucca: Now how many people are going to get that one? >"Yeah, I heard the girl there can be real meanicus!" Rudy: *Looks at Rini for a moment* You invited them here, didn't you? Rini: Baka. >said a boy with wings, *Rini and Lucca giggle* Lucca (T.V. announcer): New "Boy" with wings for added protection! Rudy: *Thinks* Why me? >red hair, sandals, a toga Rini: Musta been some party. >and a bow with a quiver of arrows. Rini (Boy): Now they'll _have_ to let me join Robin's band of men in tights! >He was flying alongside the Jack: -Goodfeathers in hopes of joining them. >green-and-gold kid. A dog ran with the teenage boy, Jack: -trying to get those Milkbones the kid was keeping from him. >and a computer, rectangular-shaped, flew near the dog. Rini: Now there's something you don't see everyday. Ramza: What? Rini: A flying pooper-scooper. Lucca: Hmm, that gives me an idea... >"There's the warp!" the woman cried. Rudy: Ack! It's Usagi! Rini: You're pushing it, kid... >A blue swirl was visible, and they were fast approaching it. Ramza: They couldn't turn around fast enough, so they hit it, causing the boat to sink and Leonardo DiCaprio to die. The end. Rini: Now _that_ was a good one, Ramza. Ramza: I do my best... >As soon as they neared it, they all desided to jump for it, Ramza: -ending it all rather than being trapped in a bad fanfic, the end. >except the angel-like Lucca: AAAAAAAAAAH!! ANGELS! Get the Gears and the Eva units! Fire up the Yggdrasil! Better yet, just get Fei and his Gear- Rini: Sssssh! Don't say anything that can be a spoiler! Not everyone who wanted to play "Xenogears" has gotten to do so yet! >boy, who flew through it. The woman jumped first, Rudy: Then Sam and Max, freelance police... >then the teenage boy, Jack: Then the Professor and Mary-Ann... >then the dog and computer, Rini: Then Yakko, Wakko, and Dot... >and the other two boys. Simon hesitated, until hands emerged from the warp >and pulled him through. Lucca: -by the- Rini: Lucca... Lucca: -nose. What? > > > Ramza: The three most meaningful lines of the story. >"Wow!" Akane spoke, mouth agape. "You're the N-Team!" Jack (Mr. T): No, we the A-Team, foo'! >"N-Team?" Ranma gasped, "Unreal!" Rudy: That's for sure... >"That would be us," the woman announced, "As you all know, I'm Princess Rini: -Angelina Contessa Louissa Franchesca Banana-fana-bo-besca the Third. Jack: But you can call her "Dot". Rini: Call her "Dottie" and you die. Rudy: *sigh* There's no stopping the running gags here... >Lana, and the young man standing to my right is Captain Jack: Bartholmew? Rini: Yellowbeard? Ramza: Bligh? Lucca: -of the basketball team? Rudy: -of the cheerleading squad? >N." All: *Let down* Oh. >She pointed to the teenage boy. Lucca (Lana): He's Shampoo's baby's father, not Ranma! >"Figures," Akane whispered to herself, "the almighty legendary warrior >is here, in my land, and he HAD to be a boy!" Rini: Sucks, don't it? *sigh* Why do "legendary warriors" always have to be guys anyway? Lucca: Yeah, why is that? I mean, Agrias could probably kick Ramza's butt any day of the week, and Meia, if given a chance, could have done as good a job as Alundra in the fight against Melzas... >Captain N heard that, and, very uneasily, said, Rudy (Captain N): I like milk. Jack (Captain N): I have a scab shaped like an Acid Bunny. Ramza (Captain N): My dog just peed on your leg. >"My name's Kevin Keene. You - uh - don't have to call me captain if >y-you don't want to, y'know?" Rudy (Captain N): You can call me "Bambi" if you're nasty- *Thwap!* Rini: Hentai! >"The pilot here is Simon Belmont, and he's a vampire hunter," Lucca: Tsk, it's sad to see D have to take such roles just to get by... >the woman continued. Rudy: -trying to pick up Akane. And Ranma. At the same time. Rini: Rudy! *Smacks him* Lucca: Besides, that's Kunou's job. >"The very best!" Rini: o/~ -like no one was before!/ To catch them is my real test... o/~ >boasted Simon. Ramza (Simon): I caught all one-hundred-fifty Pokemon! Rini (Akane): Uh, there's one more; there's a legendary bird one. Ramza (Simon): D'oh! >"The dog's name is Duke, Lucca (Lana): He turns into a Frenchman and fights with a big-ass sword on occasion. >and he's Kevin's dog. Rudy: I have a comment; it's just too wrong to say. >Also, the kid with wings is Kid Icarus, the kid in gree and gold armour Jack: -hot dogs. Hanpan: *Peeks out of Jack's pocket* Oh dear lord, not another one! Jack: Yep. This one's a crossover of Captain N and Ranma 1/2. Hanpan: Well, good night! *Goes back into the pocket* >is Mega Man, and the rectangluar-shaped computer is Jack: -Nicole. >Gameboy." >"Well, we're very pleased to meet you all," Ranma said, Rudy (Ranma): We'll "get to know you better" later on, if you know what I mean! Rini: *Gets out "Spell Casting for Dummies"* Bolt! *ZAP!* >"I'm Ranma Saotome, and this is my, um, Rudy: *Weakly* -dominatrix? Rini: Rudy no hentai! *WHAM!* Ramza: Somehow, I wouldn't doubt it... >fiancee Akane." >"I noticed you said 'um', Mr. Saotomicus," Kid Icarus told Ranma, >before Lana Ramza: -ripped off his wings. Rini: *Inches away from Ramza* >covered his mouth. "Kid Icarus! I'm sure Mr. Saotome --" Jack (Lana): -stole just as many panties as Happosai. Lucca: Wrong Mr. Saotome, Jack. >"Excuse me for interrupting, Your Highness, but you can call me Ranma. >All my friends do," Lucca: Along with all the guys who want him dead and the girls who want to marry him... >Ranma smiled, "As for your unspoken question, Kid Icarus, I --" Lucca (Ranma): -will go to the prom with you! >Akane interrupted next. "Perhaps what my fiance is saying is that I >have a Jack (Akane): -birthmark shaped like a Ukyoback. >prejudice, no, no, no, a dislike, uh, no... wait! An allergy to uh -- >the, uh, the --" Ramza (Akane): -evil key limes that are invading the earth! What? No, I'm perfectly sane, why do you ask? >"The what?" the N-Team asked her. Jack (Akane): The Macarena! Rudy: *Gets a sword* Macarena?! *Looks around a couple of times, then sits back down* Rini: Nani? What's that about? Jack: Uh, why do you think he went postal in the first place in that story? Rini: They forced him to listen to the Macarena non-stop?! Jack: That, and made him read "Chibiusa's Seventh Birthday". UnMSTed. Repeatedly. Rini: Oh my goddess. Lucca: That's "megami-sama". Rini: Oh, right. And he's still mostly sane?! Jack: Yeah, except he now has this fear of the Sailor Senshi. Rini: Oh my. >"The uh, uh ,mmm, t-t-the male g-g-gender! That's it! The male gender." Lucca (Akane): -can be _very_ useful at times, ifyaknowwhatImean! Rini: Lucca! >The N-Team stared at her, confused. Ranma explained. Rudy (Ranma): You see, she's totally convinced that I'm the father of Shampoo's baby. Rini: And you tell _me_ not to start running gags... >"She hates guys." he told them. Ramza (Ranma): She's been going out with Ukyou for weeks now. *All stare at Ramza; normal voice* Did I say something wrong? >"if she hates guys, then why is she your financee?" Simon asked him. >"That's a long story, which Ramza: -don't really care about, thank you very much. >we'll show you on the way to the springs." Rini: What springs? >"OK, to the springs it is!" Kevin announced, and the whole gang marched >off to the cursed waters. Jack: *Whistles marching music* Rini: They're marching to China?!? Ramza: *Thinks* Please don't let her head explode. Please don't let her head explode... > > > Rudy: Future site of a Wal-Mart. >At the Cursed Waters... Rini: *Gradually getting higher-pitched* They're in CHINA?!? >"This is the same waters that changed me into a girl, and Father into >a panda bear," remarked Ranma. Rini: *Still getting higher-pitched* How the hell did they get to _CHINA_?!?! Hanpan: *ahem* Pandas are not classified as bears in science. Rudy: This is _Ranma_ we're talking about, remember? Hanpan: So? >"You? A girl? You're pulling my leg!" Lucca: I wonder what _else_ he's pulling... >Simon laughed, and Ranma strolled over to an ordinary lake. Rini: *Same as before* How can he f^*^ing tell the f*^*ing _DIFFERENCE_?!?!? >Akane followed, and so did everyone else. Jack: Then Foxy-loxy started cutting their heads off. Ramza: Hey, leave the dark stuff to me, OK? >"Watch this," Lucca (Akane): I'm going to pull a rabbit out of his nose! Rudy, Jack, and Ramza (N Team): *Assorted "Ooh"s and "Ahh"s* >Akane whispered to everyone, as Ranma stood near the lake. Rudy: She then saw him ogling Shion Nys, which made her boot him into the troposphere. Ramza: Shion? Where? *Looks to both sides* >Akane pushed him in. Rini: *Same as before except now she has a white battle aura* Why the (*^(^ DIDN'T HE JUST JUMP IN?!?!?!? Lucca: Uh, oh, she's reaching critical mass... *Jumps back a row* >Ranma toppled over into the lake, and a sudden transformation >happened. "Ranma! You can get out now!" Akane yelled. Rini: *Battle aura flaring* YOU CAN'T HEAR UNDERWATER, BAKA!!! Rudy: *Looks at Rini* Uh, voice? Is she supposed to be glowing like this? Voice: Let's just say you alll should move back a few rows just to be safe, OK? Rudy: You heard the lady; move out! *All but Rini go to the back of the theater* >"Next time, watch who you're pushing!" a girl with red hair said as >she climbed Lucca: -on top of Tatewaki Kunou. Rudy: Ugh, bad mental image... >out of the lake. She had on the same clothes as the boy had earlier. >"Ranma,...you're a girl!" Kevin cried Rini: *Extemely bright battle aura* NO S#!T SHERLOCK!! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH STUPIDITY! HOLY FLARE!! *A large white ki blast disintergrates the screen and the P.A. speaker. Rini, exausted, collapses* Rudy and Ramza: *Wide-eyed* ......... Jack: That about sums up our feelings about the story... Lucca: At least we don't have to read the rest of the fic this way. *Ramza picks up Rini and they all exit the theater* *Reverse door sequence* [SOL] *Lucca is tinkering with a machine and Rini is elsewhere* Ramza: How did she do that? Rudy: She's a "Mary Sue"; they can pull all sorts of attacks out of their... *Searches for the right word* sleeves. I didn't think she'd have a ki attack, though. Any more surprises like that, voice? Voice: Nope, that's the only one you didn't know about. Jack: *Mumbles* hmm, all that rage, focused in one place at one time... Why don't I give it a try? *Draws his sword. A window appears over his head, reading "Fast Draw hint acquired". The window disappears and he sheathes his sword* Rudy: *Anime sweatdrop* Oh, good grief... *KABOOM!* Ramza: *Looks around* What? Where? *Sees Lucca and her now exploded machine* Are you all right? Lucca: *Holding the remnats of the machine* *cough*hack* Yeah, I'm fine, but now I'll have to start all over. Rini: *Staggers in* What exploded? Rudy: Lucca's machine. Rini: She OK? Rudy: Yeah. *A dusty blue portal forms and the N-Team comes out* You _did_ invite them here! *Glares at Rini* Rini: No, I didn't! Why the hell would I do that? Captain N: Uh, do you know the way to Furinkan High School? Jack: If we knew that, why would we still be up here? Captain N: Oh, sorry for taking up your time. *Another portal appears and they leave* Rudy: ......... wait a minute! They could've gotten us off this satellite! *The lights flash and the klaxons go off* Oh, great. I don't know how, but WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! *Door sequence Door 6: No change. Door 5: This time, you rap cool and a toilet runs on train tracks. You follow it to the door and go on. Door 4: This time you let Squirtle out. He uses "Water Gun" on Rini, but she's too tired to do anything about it. Door 3: Same as before. Door 2: Felicia is there. It appears that she mauled Oscar for that whole "That Girl" story. Door 1: The opening's still there.* *The screen and P.A. speaker are back and in working condition* Jack: That's impossible! Lucca: Maybe I shouldn'tve let Instant Plot Devices (TM) be sold... Voice: That's only part of the formula. I'll explain about this some other time, 'K? >"Yeah, I get this from everybody." Rudy (Ranma): First Kuno, then those Klingons, then Ryouga... Rini: Klingons? Why... oh forget it, I don't think I want to know... >Everybody stared as the girl brushed herself off. Rudy: -for she was topless. Rini: Voice? Voice: Sorry, not my jurisdiction. You're supposed to keep the hentai in check, not me. Rini: This is going to be a loooong story, isn't it? >"Wanna go back into the house? I got dinner on the stove," Akane told >the N-Team. Rudy (Gameboy): Ha, ha! I can't eat! You'll just have to suffer, suckers! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!! >"And I'll go take a hot bath and --" Rudy (Ranma): -have Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyou join me... Rini: Rudy... Ramza: -Ryouga too. Rini: Ramza?! >"Ah-ah-ah-ah! No way, Ranma! You're NOT wriggling out of this one! You're >going Ramza (Akane): -to die! >to cook dinner with me!" Akane ordered her. Rini: -own dinner. She wasn't stupid enough to eat her own cooking. Akane's voice: Baka! *A mallet falls on Rini's head* Rudy: How the hell did she pull off that?! Akane's voice: Since the voice and Rini can't do anything about Lucca's and your hentai riffs, she asked me to fill in. Of course, if one of you happens to insult me or my cooking... Rudy: Oh crap. >"What do you mean he, I mean she, shouldn't have a hot bath?" Lana >inquired. Lucca (Akane): Well, I want to join- Akane's voice: *ahem* Lucca: -the, er, Filgaian Defense Force. Yeah, that's the ticket! Akane's voice: Much better. >"Well, you saw me push HIM into the lake, right?" Akane told her, Lucca (Akane): Wasn't that funny? >"Well, it's like this. He becomes a girl when he gets wet with COLD water, >and HOT water changes her back into a boy. Rudy: *Mutters under his breath* thank you, miss exposition... Akane's voice: What was that?! Rudy: I said, um... er... ano... aw, hell, just drop a mallet on my head and get it over with. Akane's voice: Well, I can't if you don't tell me what you said. Rini: *Takes out "Spell Casting for Dummies"* Bolt 3. *Lightning destroys the P.A. speaker* Rudy: Thank you. Rini: You're welcome. >And I already told you that I don't like boys. Ramza (Akane): That's why I'm dating Ukyou. *All stare at him again* What? >So that's why she can't have a hot bath right now." Ramza (Akane): Ukyou's not here. Rini: You feelin' OK, Ramza? >"Oh," Lana whispered, and Kevin knew he had an uphill struggle with >Akane coming. Ramza: So he's in Tarteres. Jack: I don't get it. Rini (Mysterious voice): Who understands that sentence? Only Chibi knows... *CRASH!* Lucca: *Anime sweatdrop* There goes the fourth wall... >"Let's head back, now. We can see our fathers and Ryoga," Ramza: -naked. Rudy: *Very sarcastic* Thank you _so_ much for sharing that _lovely_ image with the rest of us. Rini: Ramza, what has gotten into you lately?! Ramza: *shrug* I'm not sure myself, Rini... >Ranma told them. > > > Lucca: Space: the final frontier. >At the house, ... Ramza: -that Jack built. Jack: Huh? Ramza: Just forget it, OK? >"Ranma, when are you going to start training the N-Team?" Rudy: There's a Pokemon reference here; I just don't give a damn. >a panda signed at the girl at dinner. Lucca (Panda's sign): Hey Xiaoyo, can you help me ditch Kuma? Ramza (Panda's sign): Hey baby, come to panda! Rini: I never thought I'd have to say this, but Ramza no hentai! >"Soon, Father. I think tomorrow morning." >"I still can't believe the way your Captain reacted when we first >met. Ramza (Panda's sign): He was surprisingly gen- Rini: Ice 3! *A _huge_ block of ice drops on Ramza* >I must have looked as though I broke out from the zoo, the way he >was shooting at me like that! Talk about a madman there!" Rini: Oh, no, it's not normal to _freak out_ if a panda shows up in a house! >"Mr. Genma, I didn't realize you were her father. I'm really sorry," >Kevin apologized. >"Fine, fine. Ranma, go back into the kitchen and see what Akane's >whipping up. Rudy: With our luck, it's probably Ukyou... >Help her, or we'll all die from food poisoning." Jack: Some things never change. Rudy: Unfortunately. >"You want to come with me, Kevin?" Ranma asked. Rudy: Hmm... *Thinks for a moment* Nah! >"Sure." Rini: What does he want anti-persperant for? >"I wonder why those waters are mega-cursed?" Rini: *Trying to stay calm* ......... >Mega Man asked the gentleman on his right. Although Mega Man didn't need >to eat, Rudy: He should be considered blessed in this 'fic, then. >he enjoyed the company and conversation. Jack: Us, unfortunately, aren't all that crazy about their conversation. >Kevin and Ranma left through the door to the kitchen, and something >in Mega Man's sensors was not right. Jack: He's Miss Clavelle! > > > Jack (Stereotypical Artist): I call it, "White Dog in a Blizzard". >In the kitchen, something smelled like pure garbage rot. Ramza: Good, maybe they'll get the plague and die. Rini: Welcome back, Ramza. >Ranma noticed, Kevin noticed, and definitely Akane noticed. Ramza: -that Sephiroth had summoned Meteor and was about to kill them all. >She had been throwing things together for dinner, and it looked as though >the pot was about to explode. Rini (Akane as Cheep-Cheep the Cooking Chicken): M.I.X. the pollutants in the bowl! >"Sulphur and nitrogen?" Kevin asked her, eyeing the bottle of Jack: -beer on the wall. Speaking of which- Rini: Yes, there is alcohol on board; I hid it a while back to keep out of the wrong hands and forgot where I put it. Jack: You _WHAT_?!? >sulphur and tank of liquid nitrogen. Rudy: Ya know, the thought just came to me. Wouldn't Akane make a good chemist? Ramza: Not from where I'm from; she'd probably cause a poison status rather than cure it. Rudy: Wrong type of chemist, Ramza. I mean, think of all the new chemicals she'd come up with? Rini: Hmm, not a bad idea, Rudy... >"Sulphur's for taste, nitrogen's for the refrigerator," Akane answered. Lucca: Where on earth would she get that stuff in the first place? Rini: The C-ko Cooking Catalog; where else? >"Let me get this straight, Akane," said Ranma, still a girl, Rudy: We don't need to be reminded every few lines that he's still a girl, author. Rini: That wasn't very funny, Rudy. Rudy: Bite me. >"You put sulphur in the chicken Rini: Whoa, Cheep-Cheep's not going to be happy about this. >and cheese in the ice cream and milk? Not to mention you grated cherry >cough drops and chewable pills in the applesause!" Rini: That explains so much about the residents in the Tendo household... >"Lighten up, you boys!" Akane shouted, puking in a garbage can because >of the smell, Ramza: -of this fanfic. Lucca: That's _one_ way to lighten up. Rudy: I was going to say that! Lucca: So? Ya snooze, ya lose! >"What's that smell?" Rudy: I refuse to comment. Rini: No way you could have a hentai comment for that anyway. Rudy: I could too! Rini: Prove it. Rudy: ......... Rini: I'm right, aren't I? Rudy: ... oh, bite me. >"You mean from the oven?" Kevin asked her. Jack: Ellis's head is in there! >"The OVEN!!! OH, NO!" Ranma screamed. Rudy: He's Mr. Bill! >Kevin, Ranma and Akane rushed to the burning oven. When Akane opened >it, it Ramza: -created a backdraft, blasting them all out the window, the end. Rini: I'm not sure which is worse; you being dark or you being a hentai... >breathed fire! Jack: What's Ryu doing there? Doesn't he have to stop Myria or something? Everyone else: *groan* >A fire so huge, it almost engulfed half the kitchen! Ramza: -killing everyone there, the end. >One of its flames tore off from the mother and danced on Kevin's >jacket. Rudy: No comment. >Another grabbed hold of Akane's hair. Rini: *Turns to a page entitled "Really Painful Summoning Spells"* Any comments? Rudy and Lucca: ......... >Ranma was grappling with a third flame dancing on her pants. Rudy: *Thinks* Must... resist... must... not... say it... >Kevin zapped at the flame, but it grew more. Lucca: *Thinks* Don'tsayitdon'tsayitdon'tsayit... >Akane scowled at him, and all he could do was smile at her and scream. Jack: Scream. All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! > > > Hanpan: Hey, I got a triple! Jack: Tetris? Hanpan: Oh, like anyone else had a blank space riff. >"Something's not mega-right," Jack (Mega Man as Miss Clavelle): o/~ Something is mega-wrong/ and that is why/ I sing this sooooooong! o/~ Rudy: *Anime sweatdrop* I don't know him, honest! >Mega Man notified the others. "I better check the kitchen to see if >everyone there's OK." >They agreed, Rini (Random character): The one-armed man _did_ kill his wife! >and Mega Man went round to the kitchen. He could not believe what >he saw. Ramza (Mega Man): Ukyou! Akane! In the kitchen?! Rini: Do I need to cast another ice spell? Ramza: Sorry, temporary relapse. I'm OK now. >Half the kitchen was blackened by a fire. The other half had the >three heroes, Lucca: -fighting bravely to save Cephiro... >cowering from a humongous monster fire, Lucca: Quick! Get the Ice Wand from Ice Manor! Rudy: *Takes his seat* Fangirl. >threatening to burn the flesh off their bones. Shocked, Lucca: Bzzt! *Rudy jumps* Hehehe! >Mega Man raced back. Jack and Rini: o/~ Here he comes, here comes Mega Man/ He's a demon on wheels! o/~ >"Anyone have a fire extinguisher? Or some water? I'm all mega-out!!!" Lucca: Just use the Ice Wand, simpleton! >he cried. Rini: What, no Sailor Moon joke, Rudy? Rudy: I don't feel like it right now, is that all right with you? >"What? Akane's cooking in the oven? Jack: That's one way to get a tan. Rini: That's sick, Jack. >I TOLD her to STAY AWAY FROM THE OVEN!!!!" Soun yelled. Ramza (Soun): Even though telling her never stopped her before... >Kid Icarus flew in and Mega Man followed. Rudy: Nah, no one can follow that act. Lucca: That's show-biz for ya. >"I think I can helpicus! With my water arrows!" Lucca: Shouldn't that be one sentence? Rini: Oh, come on, there's gotta be a better riff for that line. Lucca: Well, there is a "Will Shatner School of Speaking" one... >Kid Icarus chose a blue arrow, Jack: Steve's going to be very upset when he hears about this... Rudy: Do you have to mention "Blue's Clues" in every MSTing? *CRASH!* Jack: Don't blame me; blame Chibi. *CRASH!* Lucca: It was nice having a fourth wall while we did... >circulating with water. He shot at the big fire. Lucca: BANG! >"It's not working! I'll try my Thunder Arrow!" Rini: Since when does thunder beat fire? Ramza: Since now, I guess. >He did. It didn't work. Rini: And the Rules of RPG Magic stayed intact a little longer. >All this time, you could hear Kevin, Ranma and Akane, screaming, Rudy: "Get us the hell out of here, you simpletons!" >trying all different kinds of attacks, but to no avail. Finally, three >of Kid's Rain Arrows did the trick. Ramza: They sawed a woman in half and put her back together. >He shot them all with one blow, Rini: Not one word, you two. >and a flood of water rained on the Ramza: -earth for forty days and forty nights. >fire. Mega Man avoided the water for fear of Rudy: -turning into a cat. >rusting, and he stood behind the panda Genma and watched as the fire >died down. Simon Belmont rushed to the scene. Jack (Simon as Calamity Jane): That was my bounty; gimme 2,000 gella. *Rudy glares at Jack* >"I'm glad that's over!" he announced. Ramza: It is? Yay! *Gets up to leave* Rini: Sit yer ass down; it ain't finished yet! Ramza: Can't we just pretend it is? *Rini shakes her head. Ramza sits back down* >"You okay?" Lana asked the three. Rini: Is _anything_ OK here? *Battle aura flickers* Ramza: Smile and nod, Rini. Destroying the screen doesn't stop the hurting. >"Only our clothes and hair, but otherwise fine," Kevin and Ranma both >told her. >"I thought I told you to stay away from the oven, Akane!" Soun scolded >her. Jack (Soun): Bad Akane! No biscuit for you! >"Sorry," Lucca: -is one lame-ass game. >was all she could say. >"I wonder what caused this madness?" Ryoga entered the house through >the back door. Simon peered in the oven and laughed. Rudy (Simon): I find the fact her cooking could've killed us all humorous! Hahaha! >"Simon, what's the matter? Don't you know this is serious?" Ramza: Finally, a voice of reason! >Lana told him, and then laughed Ramza: -or maybe not. >as Simon pulled out Lucca: His whip from Ak- Akane's voice: You will respect mah authoritah! Bolt! *ZAP!* Rini: Nani? But the P.A.- *Notices the P.A. speaker is back* Jack: But that's impossible! Rini: Bolt 3! *Has no affect on the speaker* Akane's voice: This one's bolt-proof. Rini: Ice 3! *A massive block of ice crushes the speaker* >the tray that held the pot Rini: That explains so much. Rudy (Akane, stoned): Dude, you got any munchies? >that caused it all. Everyone laughed, except Akane, who blushed at >her goof. Jack: I thought he was on the Satellite of Walt. Rudy: Wrong Goof, Jack. >It was an "oxygen" cake, that is, chocolate cake mixed in with >extra pure oxygen, the kind that starts fire with one spark. < Rini: Just how the hell do they know that?! Ramza: Please calm down, Rini... >"Ranma, Akane, it's time for their training," announced Soun Tendo, Rini: Right after they nearly got killed?! _Great_ timing, Soun! >Akane's Father. Rudy: Uh, don't you think we knew that already? >"Something smells like gasoline," commented Ryoga, Rudy (Ryouga): -but that's probably because of that gas station across the street. >"not to mention garbage, overdue milk and rotten eggs." Rini: "Overdue milk"? Did they forget to return it to the library or something? >"How was I supposed to know that?" Akane shouted. Ramza: Oh, I don't know. Maybe by paying attention to what you're doing? >"You mean it's not an oxygen cake?" Kevin asked. >"Yup, you're right. Look at this," Jack (Ranma): It's Cologne and Happosai and they're naked! All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! Rini: Why did you have to say that, Jack?!? Jack: I thought it'd be funny! Rudy: Well, it wasn't and now we have this _horrible image_ in our heads! Jack: Sorry... >Ranma beckoned everyone to the pot. Sure enough, gasoline was present. >"I thought it was cooking oil," Akane told them. Ramza: Is she purposely being this stupid, or is she really a complete idiot? >"And the rotten eggs and garbage?" Ryoga asked her. >"Ingredients?" Akane answered dubiously. >"I've had enough. All: So have we! >Let's order take-out. The kitchen's too smelly and contaminated. Ramza (Kasumi): Oh my, what a mess I'll have to clean up! Rini: You do that far too well... >Then Ranma and Akane can train you later." Soun announced. >"Thank you, Mr. Tendo," Lana told him, "Thank you, everyone!" Lucca (Lana): *Clutching her gun like a award* You like me, you really like me! >"Our pleasure." Rudy (Person who said the last line): -will come later, ifyaknowwhatI mean! *Thwap!* Ow! > > > Lucca: It's an empty parking lot! >That night at the Nibounacci springs, or one of the Cursed Waters, Rudy (Jusenkyo Guide): Why for all the time people train at cursed spring? Do they no realize they always fall in? Oh, I have guest! Welcome, sirs... >Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo began training the N Team. Rini: Aren't they just _asking_ for trouble by training there? >"Ok, now do a side kick, Lucca: Gyah, Robin, run for your life! Rini: Lucca... >Lana," said Ranma, who became a boy after a hot bath. Rudy: -with Akane, Ukyou and Shampoo- *SMACK!* OW! Ramza: -not to mention Ryouga- *Thwap!* Ow! I see you're feeling better, Rini. >Lana kicked sideways with her right foot and smashed the wooden >plank that they nailed to two trees earlier. Rini: Now what did that plank ever do to her? People these days... >"Excellent! Jack (A king): Execute them. Rudy and Lucca (Bill and Ted): Bogus. Rini: Ladies and gentlemen, the "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" scene. >Now a forward kick in the air." Rini (Master Onion): Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind! Rudy: *grumble* damn parappa... >Lana jumped into the air and kicked forward with her left foot. Lucca: -sending Kunou flying towards the horizon. Rudy (Ranma): Hey, that's my job! >She somersaulted and Ramza: -fell into a pit of molten lava, the end. >landed gracefully on both feet. "Great! Now your turn, Kevin." Rini: If you say what I think you're going to say, don't. *Turns to the "Really Painful Summoning Spells" page* >Kevin kicked in the air, the same way as Lana did, but this time, he >landed on his butt. Lucca: Can I please- Rini: *Flatly* No. >Determined to try again, he jumped into the air and kicked gracefully. Rini: -Ranma into the air. Rudy (Akane): Why are people stealing our jobs? >Ranma gasped at where he was heading. Rini: *gasp!* He's heading towards the mall, and it's the day before Christmas! Rudy: What's a "Christmas"? *Rini falls out of her seat* Rini: *Anime sweatdrop* Kid! I can't believe you're asking! You don't know what Christmas is?!? Rudy: Uh, no. Rini: I guess I'll have to tell you... *Tries to explain Christmas to Rudy* >"Oh, no! The Nibounacci Springs! He's heading for it!" Ranma yelled. Ramza (Uncle Jimbo): It's coming right for us! >Sure enough he was. Kevin lost his stance and panicked as he fell >headfirst into the Cursed Waters. Ramza: -smashing his head on a rock and dying, the end. Rudy: *To Rini* Well, we don't have any holidays like that on Filgaia... >He had jumped too far. Rini (Robin Williams): We're in the land where nothing's funny now... >Lana jumped into the air to catch him, but that only made the fall worse >for both of them. Rudy: Depends on how you see it, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. *Thwap!* >Ranma, Akane, Simon, Mega Man, Kid Icarus, Duke and Gameboy all heard the >splash in the waters, and came running down to them. "Don't worry, everyone! >Simon Belmont will save them!" Simon bellowed. Hanpan (Simon as Mighty Mouse): o/~ Heeeeeeereeee I come to save the daaaaaaaaaay! o/~ Rini: And monkeys fly out of my butt. Rudy: Remember the last time you said that? Rini: Thank you _so_ much for reminding me. *Smacks Ramza* Ramza: Ow! What was that for?!? Rini: You know perfectly well what that's for, toots. Ramza: Jeez, I said I was sorry about that! What more do you want? Rini: Don't get me started, OK? Lucca: What the hell are you three talking about? Rini: Long story, don't ask. Let's just say it involved "Spell Casting for Dummies". >"NO, SIMON, NO!!!!!" Akane tried to restrain Simon, Lucca: So that whip has a purpose _after all_. Rini: Lucca! >and Ranma tried to block his path, but the stubborn vampire hunter for >once forgot his vanity and dove into the Lucca: -vat of non-dairy whipped topping- Rini: Ice 2! *A smaller chunk of ice falls on Lucca* >waters. Knowing that Simon can't swim, Duke rushed in, too. Rini: Nani? How does that dog know that?! >For one minute, no one surfaced, Ramza: They're all dead! It's over! Hurray! Can we go now? Rini: No, sit down. >and Kid Icarus pulled out a rope arrow, to try to save them without >going in himself. He fired, and caught the rope's end, however, he was >too weak, and was pulled in. Lucca: Maybe he should have used the Power Glove. >Mega Man grabbed the end of the rope and pulled with all his might. >Fearful that Rini: -Kenneth Starr would go after him next... Rudy (Kenneth Starr): You see, not only has he destroyed Dr. Wiley's property numerous times, he has also had an affair with Monica Lewinsky... >he would go in, too, Ranma and Akane pitched in, as well as Gameboy >who yelled orders for everyone else to grab hold. Jack (Mr. Rogers): Can you say "useless piece of junk"? Sure, I knew that you could. >It took one hour and thirty minutes to get everyone ashore, but they >did it. Rini: Wouldn't that mean all the people in the spring would be dead by now? >Suddenly, everyone that fell into the waters were not themselves >anymore. >"I'm a GIRL!" shrieked a young teenage girl in Kevin's clothes. Ramza (Kevin): -and I feel PRETTY! >"I'm a BOY!" yelled a little boy in Lana's clothes. Rini (Lana): So that's why I have this urge to watch football in my underwear... *Rudy and Jack glare at her* Ramza: What's football? >"Oink! OINK!" oinked a pig with blonde hair and in Simon's clothes. Jack (Simon): Oh look, I made a pig of myself! Everyone else: *groan* >"Awk! AWK!" Jack: Eek! Eek! Tooky-tooky! Rudy: "George of the Jungle"? Jack: What's wrong with "George of the Jungle"? >squealed a bald eagle in Kid Icarus's clothes. Rini: Wait, if they're now animals, how can they still have clothes on? >"I'M HUMAN!!!! SOMEBODY GET ME SOME CLOTHES!!!" yelled a naked young man >with a blue scarf around his neck. Rudy: *Sarcastically* Thank you for sharing. Jack: Thank you for not going into details, story. Lucca: Hehehe! *Big smile* Rini: *Waving a dollar bill in the air* Take off the scarf! Rudy: Hypocrite. Rini: Shush, you. >"Kevin?" Ranma asked out. The teenaged girl stepped forward. Ramza: -into a big pile of dog crap. >"Lana?" Akane asked. The little boy stepped forward. Ramza: -and kicked Ranma in the shins. >"Simon?" Ranma asked. The pig oinked and ran around everyone. Ramza: -making them all dizzy, next! >"Kid Icarus?" Akane asked. The eagle flew around and make a hawking >noise. Ramza (Kid Icarus): Moo! Moo! I mean, awk! Awk! >"Duke?" they both asked. The angry man barged forward. Lucca: *Really giddy* Hehehehehehehehehehehe... Rini: *Still waving a single* Work it, hon! Rudy: Will you two _please_ quit that? Rini: No, bugger off. >"YES, That's ME! But I still need some clothes!" Rini: Wait, he's really a dog. I don't think he'd really care about clothing. >"Let's go back, and we'll get you some clothes. You can wear my >overcoat." Rini: Since when does Ranma have an overcoat? >Ranma handed Duke a grey overcoat for him to wear over his naked self, Lucca and Rini: *Let down* Awwwww... >and everyone, changed or not, trudged back into the house. >"Man, am I mega-glad that didn't happen to me!" Mega Man announced on the >way back. > > > Rini: This fine piece of land can be yours for only twenty dollars! >"What the-" Genma shouted, now in human form. His hair was wrapped up in >some sort of white turban, Rini: It's a bandana, baka, not a turban! >and he wore a white fighting outfit. Rini: That would be a "gi". Jeez, wouldn't ya think the writer would know this? >"Who are these people, Ranma? Friends of yours?" Rudy: Nah, I don't feel like saying it. >"And yours, too, Father," Ranma answered, looking him right into the eye, Lucca: -and noticed there was a fly trapped by his eyelashes. Rini: You shouldn't have said that. Now I have this weird mental picture of Aeon Flux and Genma Saotome... >and Genma knew what happened. >"You ALL fell into those cursed waters?" >"Not us, Mr. Saotome," answered Mega Man. Gameboy hovered behind him, Ramza: Doing what? Rini: I thought you said you were better. Ramza: Looks like I was wrong, don't it? >and Genma saw a Lucca: -Kamehameha fly past the house. >teenage girl, a little boy, a pig, an eagle and a man in a grey overcoat. Jack: -a walrus, a bunch of oysters, some short guy, a girl in a blue dress, a dodo- Rudy: Jack, shut up. Jack: Make me. >"Not me and Gameboy, thank mega-goodness!" Rudy: Not just goodness, _mega_ goodness! >"Ranma, get the hot water ready, while I try to explain this curse to >them." Ramza (Genma): We got some villagers to scald, you know. >"Sure." There's no point in arguing with Genma Saotome in what was >practically the middle of the night. Ranma hurried to the bathroom. Jack (Ranma): I shouldn't have eaten Akane's cooking! >Suddenly, a black pig with a yellow scarf around its neck scurried over >to Akane, all covered in mud. Lucca: Can we say "foreshadowing" here? Rini: The good kind, too! *Lucca and Rini snicker conspiratorially* >"P-Chan! You dirty boy! Lucca (Dr. Forrester): I'm a naughty boy, a naughty- Rudy: Enough! >That's it! I'm giving you a bath!" Akane yelled. Rudy (Akane): Along with Ukyou, Shampoo, and Ranma. *Normal* You didn't hit me. Rini: I didn't feel like it, OK? >Before P-Chan could run away, she snatched him up. Then she had an idea. Rini: An awful idea! Akane had a wonderful, awful idea! >"Can I give Simon a bath, too, Mr. Saotome? That would save a lot of time >and noise." Lucca: So _she_ says. *giggle* >"Fine. As long as those pigs do not disturb my beauty sleep." All: *Laugh* Rini: So he's going to sleep forever now? >"Thank you!" That's when P-Chan really squirmed and pounded at her chest. Rini: Ryouga no hentai! >Simon stayed calm. He wanted to be normal again. All: *Laugh* Rini: That guy? Normal? HA! >In the bathroom... Rudy: Ranma was currently expelling Akane's latest "meal". >"Come on, P-Chan!" Akane yelled. "YOU WANT YOUR BATH OR NOT? LOOK AT >SIMON! HE'S ENJOYING IT!!!" Rudy: But that's probably because Akane's shirt is all wet and... *Goes off into his own little dreamworld* Hehehe... >"Simon bathed in lukewarm water, still a pink pig. She had stripped off >all his clothes, Rini: *Imitates striptease music* >and told Ranma to wait for her signal when the pigs were safely locked >in the tub. Lucca: Wait for it... Ramza: -where they drowned, the end. >"Why do this, Akane? I can bathe P-Chan just as well!" Ranma objected. Rini: Not yet... >"Yeah, right! The last time YOU bathed him, he disappeared! I could not >find him, and Ryoga was found in the house!" Jack: I still can't believe she doesn't know Ryouga is P-chan... >"Fine. YOU bathe him!" Ranma told her off, "but you'll be sorry later!" Rudy (Ranma): *Snaps out of his daze* If you know what I mean. You didn't hit me again, Rini. Are you feeling all right? >"FINE!" Akane stepped into the bathroom again, and told the pigs, "Now, >usually, I bathe you with COLD water, but Simon needs to be human again, >so I hope the water's not too hot, P-Chan." Rini: Almost there... >P-Chan oinked and tried to run, but Akane held him firmly with her >right hand, and with her left, turned on the hot water faucet. Then >P-Chan transformed as soon as the scalding hot water hit his skin. Rini and Lucca: Huzzah! >Akane screamed. Simon stared, Ramza: Can ya blame him? Rini: Um, what's that supposed to mean? Ramza: Whatever you think it means, that's what. >even as he was transforming back into a human. Ranma rushed into the >bathroom and also screamed. Ramza (Ranma): I'm in a bad fanfic! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! >"Ryoga!" Akane screamed. "Ryoga! YOU WERE ..." Ramza: -magnificent? *All stare at Ramza* What? >"P-Chan," Ryoga finished for her. "What's this guy doing here? And YOU!" >He turned to Ranma. "I'M GONNA KILL YOUR ASS!" Jack: What about the rest of him? >"What's an `ass'?" Simon, now naked, asked. Rini: Damn, even _Goku's_ not this ignorant! >"Hey, I'm human again! Yippeee!" All: Huzzah! >"Ranma, you better put some clothes on him, before I start to freak!" >Ryoga yelled. Lucca: And here comes the yaoi! Rudy: Lucca! Rini: Aw, where's your sense of humor? >Ranma took Simon and dashed to his room. Akane followed. Ramza: -the yellow brick road and was smited by some flying monkeys, the end. >"Ranma, you son-of-a-bitch!" she cursed. All: *gasp!* O.O Rudy: Akane doesn't swear! o.O Rini: Well, she does now! >"How can you not tell me about P-Chan being Ryoga!" Ramza (Ranma): Well, since he has front-row seats to you and Ukyou's... rendevous, he tapes them for me- *SMACK!* Rini: Seriously, Ramza! What has gotten into you today? >"Sorry, Akane, but he made me promise him not to tell anyone. Ramza (Ranma): What we do behind closed doors is none of your business anyway- *SMACK!* Rini: RAMZA! KNOCK IT OFF!! >It's because of me and Father that he turns into a pig when cold water is >splashed onto him." Akane screamed. Jack: *Confused* I thought Ranma said that... >"It's a good thing Kasumi and Nabiki are on vacation with Shampoo and >your mother, Rini: Nani?! Why the hell would Shampoo go with Ranma's mother and the other Tendo sisters?! Ramza: Smile and nod, Rini... >Ranma, because now you and Ryoga have to tell everyone what happened >to him! And it's not going to be good." Rini: Since when is it anyone else's business?! I mean, Akane has the right to know, but no one else needs to know! Jeez! >"I better get Ryoga out of the tub before he comes here to strangle >me to death." Ramza: Nah, he'd bludgeon you to death first. >Ranma gathered up some guy's clothes for Ryoga to wear. Lucca and Rini: Aww... > > > Rini: I'm drawing a blank here... *rimshot* >"I think it's time for girl training," announced Akane to a female >Ranma and Kevin, Rudy: *big smile* Hehehe... Lucca: You're not smacking him? Rini: After that whole Ryouga thing, it would just seem hypocritical. Lucca: You will start it again when we get the next fic, right? Rini: Yep. >"so you'll need female names for the outside world to know you." Rini: How about "Tweddle-dee" and "Tweddle-dum"? >"I already have 'Ran-ko', the name I used to hide from Mother," said >Ranma. >"What's your girl name, Kevin?" asked Akane, "'cuz a girl named Kevin's >just as ordinary as a boy named Sue." Jack: Somewhere, Johnny Cash weeps... >"Okay, okay, let me think!" Rudy: Don't strain yourself now. >Then, "I got it! You call me Kayla!" >"My boy name's Leo!" said Lana, now a boy. Rini: Then, the white lion comes and smites Lana for defiling his name, the end. Ramza: I thought I was supposed to be the dark one... Hanpan: Leo 3:16 says he just mauled your ass. >"My name's okay as a human, too. Call me Duke, just don't say 'Good boy', >or everyone will notice," announced the human Duke. Rini: Actually, I don't think anyone would care. Rudy: We don't! >"And these two will stay the same, name-wise?" asked "Leo", pointing to >the pig and the eagle. Jack (Uncle Jimbo): They're coming right for us! *BANG!*BANG!* You say somethin'? >"Yeah, why not?" replied Ranma. >stay tuned! Voice: I liked that movie, but John Ritter as a fencing teacher... Rudy: You would; you have no taste. Voice: Bite me. >Cynthia Chan - CSCI/F97 >Last modified: Fri Sep 25 21:48:01 EDT 1998 Rudy: Last MSTed: Thur Jan 7 15:03:? CDT 1998 Rini: Whee, it's over! Let's go! *Reverse door sequence* [SOL] Rini: Really, Ramza, what was with you during the story? You never were hentai before! Ramza: I... I really don't know what came over me... Lucca: If you turn into a guy named Id, I'm outta here. Rini: Ssssssh! Spoilers, remember?! *The N Team returns* Captain N: Um, hello again. Rudy: Still lost? Captain N: Well, duh! Rini: N Team?!? *Battle aura flares* Captain N: Uh oh... MOVE OUT! *All leave through the portal* Rudy: Rini! They were our ticket outta here! Rini: *Glares at him; battle aura still up* What did you say? Rudy: ......... *The red button flashes* Jack: Hey, Little Texas is calling. *Pushes the button* [E.C.] Mala-chan: How was today's fic, impudents? [SOL] Rudy: Extremely contrieved with out of place references and misinformation about cursed springs, basically. And why the hell would anyone want to write a crossover with Captain N in the first place? Lucca: It wasn't so bad... Rini: It had its high points... Lucca: Especially near the end. *grin* Rini: Yeah. *grin* Ramza: The end itself was the high point, if you ask me. [E.C.] Mala-chan: Well, if you don't like Captain N, I happen to know of a whole archive full of fanfics about it... B-ko: Um, not anymore. Someone accidentally deleted all our bookmarks. *Marle slowly backs away* Mala-chan: WHAT?!? [SOL] *Everyone begins to celebrate* [E.C.] Mala-chan: Not so fast, my dear chipmunks- [SOL] Hanpan: *shriek!* [E.C.] Mala-chan: I still have the next fic I'm going to send you right here! *Waves a printout* [SOL] *The celebration abruptly stops* Rini: Oh bugger. Rudy: It's not "Rudy Goes Postal", is it? [E.C.] Mala-chan: Maybe, maybe not. Dycedarg, push the button! Dycedarg: What button? Mala-chan: What button?! You don't know which button?! Dycedarg: Uh, no? Could you tell me? Mala-chan: ........ I don't know either. *Cecilia sneaks past and pushes the right button* *Fade to black* *Roll credits* --------------------------------------------------- THE REAL END E-mail comments to me at: Lessa990@aol.com Pwease? If you don't, I'll send you Dan. *Holds up Dan from Xenogears* >"What's an `ass'?" Simon, now naked, asked. Season the first ------------------ Episode 101: "Battle of the Strongest" Episode 102: Raging Double Feature Episode 103: "The Cursed Waters"