~~We got Disclaimer sign!~~ The characters following in this MSTing are (c) their respective companies (Sega, Squaresoft, and Namco) 1999 or earlier, seeing as later would be a product of an Infinite Improbability Drive ((c) 1980 Douglas Adams). The idea of Mystery Science Theater 3000, the "WE GOT (whatever) SIGN!" line, the initials MST3K, and the "riffing" business is (c) Best Brains Inc., date currently unknown. The "Mystery Stupidass Fanfic Theater 4200" concept is (c) 1999 Swordian Master Bryann (also known as Ashton or Brian Porbansky). The original work, (Caller of the West Wind), is (c) 1998, written by your friend and mine, Chibi-chan (Lessa990@aol.com). I am not responsible for any mental or physical anguish, including but not limited to paper cuts and/or insanity which may occur from reading, using, downloading, or anything otherwise involving this fanfiction and/or MST. Wild ARMs and all related characters/creations are (c) 1995 (?), Contrail/Media Vision. Additionally, "Beawolf - The Director's Cut" is (c) 1998 Shawn Matthews (e-mail unknown) and is being used without his permission. If you would like this MST removed, Shawn, tell me. Beowulf is (c) nobody...the thing was written before copyrights even existed! THIS MST AND STORY ARE COPYRIGHTED WORKS! Please please please please please do not just put your name on it and call it yours, or else I shall sent Vito to break your kneecaps. Alterations and parodies are welcome and encouraged *as long as you give me and the original author credit for the story.* This MST was written under the assumption that any information not in the original story or in the anime it is based on is not available to the characters doing the riffs. No insult or injury is intended, just plenty of harmless C&C. The concept for MSFT4200 and its writing style is loosely inspired by Chibi-Chan's own MSTings, read them too, they're great! Also, do not complain that I use the word "prolly". You will be viewed as overly picky and properly counter-flamed and smited. Pardon any stupidity in this MST. If you would like to see my first MST, it's at: http://members.tripod.com/BryannPhoenix/ashcurious.txt. I believe my first MST was a little too...disgusting for SVAM to post, yet I may (at a later date) submit a more censored version. I may also turn into a giant piece of living fudge. In other words, don't wait for a postable version, Shinji. Thank you and enjoy your reading. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~Theme Song. PH34R IT.~~ In the not so distant future, Was prolly sometime next week... MST was gettin cancelled again, To the dismay of this avatarish freak. I couldn't take his bitching anymore, Constantly, twenty-four seven or more.. He was doing it nonstop now.. So I shut him up, shoved him out and shot him into space.. (Bryann: Get me down from here!!) (Dakal) I'll send him crappy fanfics, The worst I can find! (La la la!) He'll have to sit and read them all! As I quietly fry his mind! (La la la!) Now keep in mind he can't control Where this crap begins or ends. (La la la!) In order to keep me somewhat sane, I'll send up some more friends! MiSTer ROLL CALL! Bryann! (Sea monkeys!) Olan! (You want me to be die!) Peter! (Nubile girls and the tentacle demons that love them, next Geraldo.) Arrrrrrrche!! (I'll get you some day, Ranma Saotome!) If you're wondering why they just can't leave And other stupid crap, Just think to yourself, "It's just a MiST, I should really just relax" For "Mystery Stupidass Fanfic Theater 4200"! *Twang!* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [The scene opens on the Satellite of Spam, aka SoS. Bryann is sitting in a chair in the corner, reading a WeiB Kreuz manga. He notices the camera is rolling, looks at it, and smiles. He puts the manga to the side, and gets up, at which point we can all see he is wearing...a blouse and skirt quite similar to Relena Peacecraft's.] Bryann: Konnichiwa! Welcome to our humble abode! If there's anything I can do for you, just ask! Meanwhile, I'll just keep waiting for our resident Mads to call. [sits back down] ^_^ Peter: [offscreen] Bryann, don't you think you're taking this whole Chaos thing a little too far? Bryann: Hai! ^_^ Olan: [offscreen] So why do you insist on doing it? Bryann: Sore wa himitsu desu! Arche: [offscreen] And talk ENGLISH, would ya? Bryann: Hai! ^_^ [Assorted grumbling is heard offscreen. Then, Arche walks onscreen, holding a dress up for Bryann to see] Arche: Here, Bryann... want this? ^_^ It'd go sooo good with those shoes.. Bryann: Kawaiiiiii! O_o [gets all big-eyed, complete with CLAMP-style Shoujo sparkles] Arche: Come and get it... [Bryann goes over and grabs the dress] Arche: NOW! [Peter and Olan leap onscreen and proceed to have a cartoony dust-cloud scuffle with Bryann. When it all clears, Bryann is gagged, and tied to a chair.] Arche: Now. Bryann. I know Tessiri left you with deep emotional scars, but that doesn't mean you have to act like everyone's favorite smite-magnet fanboy, just to get attention! Olan: Actually, I prefer Desolation, myself. Arche: Hush! Anyways, Bryann... I'm going to let you go, and if you aren't back to your normal self by the time Dakal and his minions come a-calling, there's an airlock open, just for you! Okay? ^_^ Bryann: Mmphmmph. Arche: I'll let you have my Suboshi wallscroll... Bryann: [eyes light up] Mmmph! Arche: Good. We have a deal. ^_^ Now... [unties Bryann] Go, boy! Fetch! [Bryann runs off] Olan: Well... that was interesting. Peter: At least I didn't have to use the naughty tentacles... Arche: [turning green] Can we PLEASE not mention that incident? [Bryann rushes onscreen in his normal attire, just as the IFN light flashes.] Bryann: Made it! Just in time, too! ^_^ Olan: Hai. Jerry Falwell and his merry band of Teletubbies is calling. [taps the light] [IFN. Dakal is on the floor, snoring. Mustadio faces our intrepid MSTers, blinks, and then turns around and boots Dakal in the side.] Dakal: Ow! Damnit, what'd you do that for, Rei? You know I don't like your little "Red Queen Hino" antics! [opens his eyes and realizes where he is] Uh... You heard nothing. Klarth: What? Dakal: Exactly. [gets up and glares at Bryann] You heard nothing also. [cheerfully] So let's start the invention exchange, shall we? ^_^ [SOS. Peter is holding a jar with some dark green substance. Bryann, Olan, and Arche seem to be emulating that shade quite well.] Peter: Ever want to have the ecchi factor of your favorite lemon, without the horrendously bad writing? Well, I've come up with just the solution... distilled from 100% naughty tentacles...we have Sour Lemon in a Can! Bryann: Bottle. Peter: Whatever. [IFN] Dakal: I don't dare ask where you got the naughty tenacles from. Anyways, our invention for today... bring it out, Klarth. Klarth: Okie dokie. [Klarth brings out something that looks like an odd juxtaposition of an iMac and an AK-47] Mustadio: This little beaut' is what we call the L-inator. Just pull the trigger and... [Mustadio pulls the trigger and AOL CDs start shooting out of the machine at an alarming rate. Dakal and Klarth duck and cover. Luckily, nothing is harmed. Much.] Mustadio: Oops! That wasn't how it was supposed to work! Dakal: Smooth going, loser! [backhands Mustadio] Anyways, that thing was _supposed_ to be able to produce your favorite coasters of evil at a rate so fast that people can't throw them away. More diabolical than it sounds, if it worked. [SOS] Bryann: Ano.. Sorry to say, but I think Steve Case already made one of those. I seem to get a new AOHell CD every day in the mail. [IFN. Dakal pulls an AOL CD out from one of the walls and whaps Mustadio upside the head with it] Dakal: Anyways, your guest for today... [sends the transport tube off ^_-] I do believe you would know him, Olan. [SOS. The tube appears, and out steps...] Olan: Beowulf? [Author's Note: This is the Final Fantasy Tactics incarnation of Beowulf, not the literary one.] Beowulf: Huh? What happened? Last I remember, I was about to lay the finishing blow on Altima... [Peter chuckles, and gets backhanded by Bryann] Bryann: Hush, hentai. Peter: Bite me, Relena. [Peter and Bryann get into another scuffle] Arche: AnyWAYS, Dakal. What do we have to suffer through today? [IFN] Dakal: This week, you actually have not one, but two fics to deal with... one by the name of "Caller of the West Wind", and another, which I believe you and your friend will like, Olan, a little tale about his namesake, by the name of "Beawolf, the Director's Cut". [SOS. Sirens, klaxons, the whole kit and caboodle.] Beowulf: What in the name of Ajora? Olan: No time to explain now! WE GOT FANFIC SIGN! [Door 7: Dog Bone, as usual. Duh!] [Door 6: It's sluggy.com. You get sucked into the site, but are let free after swearing you will "Worship the Comic".] [Door 5: It's a giant plush Filia. After trying for hours to pry Bryann off of the dragoness stuffy, you decided to just drag him along as is.] [Door 4: The Drawbridge lands only millimeters from your feet. For once, nothing ends up squished by it.] [Door 3: The entire cast of Suikoden is here. Wondering what the relation between Gremio and "Young Master" really is, you move on.] [Door 2: After dodging a few flames shot at you from the authors of various Suikoden fanfics, the door is completely safe] [Door 1: There is no spoon. There is also no door. You move on.] [Door .42: You open a hatch and go into the horrors beyond.] Beowulf: Now. Where in the HELLS AM I, Astronomer-boy? Olan: Relax! You're just here for a little while. Peter: And then you can get back to blowing...Altima, was it? ^V^ Beowulf: I detest that bird already. Bryann: You learn to ignore him. > B > E > A > W > O > L > F Bryann: Be a wolf? Why would I wanna do that? Olan: Not a clue. Peter: Why is that thing spaced so funny? Arche: Not a clue. > THE DIRECTORS CUT. Arche: Read: We recycle more stock footage this time through! > 'Those stupid people are really asking for it." Bryann: [Grendel] How dare they be stupid on _my_ time?! > said grendle as he lays Peter: ...Beowulf... Bryann: PETER! Ick! Beowulf: What?! Olan: Relax, Wulfie! He's not talking about you! Beowulf: I've told you before not to call me "Wulfie". > in his cave trying to get some Peter: From Beowulf, I'd assume. [Beowulf glares daggers at Peter] > sleep as the music carries on. Bryann: [singing] Awake, awake, the day doth break, the privvies overflow... Peter: [singing] So grab an ale, pull up a bale, and watch the f***ing show! Olan: This thing has the sentence structure of a Thinkerfic. >'The music must stop!" he stammered Bryann: Shouldn't that be "The m-m-m-music m-m-must st-st-stop" then? Beowulf: No, that would just be idiotic. > getting up now. "Hmm, how shall they die tonight?" Peter: [Grendel] I think I'll put them on a sattelite and force them to read "Artemis' Lover". > he thought "I will get them Bryann: [Grendel] ...a lovely gift basket. > in their sleep, those stupid people will never know what hit them." Arche: Unless you hit them, baka. > The music stopped Bryann: A shot rang out. Olan: An woman screamed. Peter: A Playboy was bought. Arche: A MSTer yawned. > and then returned. Bryann: And it was good. Peter: And on the seventh day, Beowulf rested. Beowulf: I may need to, after dealing with you. Olan: BEOWULF! CHILL! He's not talking about you! Beowulf: Who's he talking about, then? Bryann: It's a character in a story. Beowulf is this guy who kills a lot of evil things. Except he's not like you, because he's old and Danish. Beowulf: ... > "Just cant wait to eat!" he said rubbing his big-ol-stomach. Olan: What's a Big-ol, and why does Grendel have the stomach of one? > Death was definitley in the air, Bryann: [Duo] Did someone call me? > nobody could stop grendle now.....Not yet. Peter: Not until his big-screen debut. Beowulf: And what is a grendle? Is that something like gristle? > As night falls, the hall where the danes ate, slept, and Bryann: ...played poker... Arche: ...read Marmaduke... Olan: ...switched tense mid-sentence... > sang came grendle Peter: Any relation to Right Said Fred? > as he slowly walks down the hall licking his lips with a bib > around his neck. Bryann: [singing] And two eyes made out of coal... > 'AHHH!!!!!!!!!!" boomed grendle, as he steps into the room. Olan: ...switching tense in mid-sentence once more. Beowulf: He exploded into the room? Disgusting. > 'It's....it's a monster!!!!!" screamed a soldier. Bryann: [Soldier] Eeeek! A monster! Get it away! Get it away! Arche: That was lame. Bryann: So? Would you rather I wore the dress? Arche: Never mind. Beowulf: I...don't think I dare ask. > "Attack!!!!!!" screamed the > leader as he draws his sword. Peter: Keep that thing in your pants! Grendel isn't here to eat you in THAT sense! > "Uh no" grendle as he picks up the leader and > snaps his body in half. Bryann: Uh..."Gyra famous on Amy"? Olan: No, just really bad writing. Beowulf: [to Olan] That boy is a few green cherries short of a fruitcake, if you ask me. > "Why can't we move!" replied another soldier. All: Plot device. Live with it. Olan: Now. Was that a question, or a statement? Bryann: Yes. Olan: [to Beowulf] I see your point. > " Because I put a spell on you, you idiot.!" snapped grendle Bryann: Apparently the spare punctuation made him snap, doctor. Olan: Okay... WHERE does it say Grendel can cast spells?! > as he eats the > leader with a knife and a fork slowly eating every blood-dripping body part > one by one. Arche: My, aren't we feeling redundant today? Peter: [Author] Der, I like rice. > "Okay who's next?" Beowulf: Might I suggest an after-dinner mint? > "Not me, not any of us." cried a soldier. > "Are you as dumb as you look? "You can't even move, so how are you going to > get away?" Olan: [Soldier] That spare quotation mark will save us! I'm sure of it! > " I uh, don't know." " Okay then, all of you pathetic soldiers must > die!!!!" Arche: Ow. Didn't know being stupid was enough to drive one to murder. You might want to watch out, Bryann. > At that moment grendle began slashing, stomping, snaping, grinding, > crunching, and laughing at everyone in sight. Olan: Particularly the grammar, capitalization, and spelling. > when finished a booming voice in > the air said "FATALLITY!!!!!" "GRENDLE WINS!!!!!" Bryann: Okay, that was REALLY F***ING STUPID. Arche: And that's saying something, coming out of your mouth, Bryann. > "Grendle then looks around > the room. "This place looks a lot better than before." Olan: [Big Gay Al as Grendel] Yeah, thith wallpaper is jutht thuper! > He said as he looked > around the blood covered room with eyeballs, guts , intestines, brains, arms, > and legs scattered all over the place. Peter: When Tsunai lemons go too far... > This carried on the next day, following > the next day, after more days of torment. Bryann: Torment is right. Beowulf: The torment of reading this story, I'd assume? > King Hrothgar's men and his people > suffered for twelve long years of terror and total destruction. Arche: And all the king's horses and all the king's men... Olan: Couldn't put the fanfic together again. > The king could > do nothing but look on, as he prayey for a hero, a warrior, a chosen one to > take the misery away from hiself and his people. Peter: Little did he know the "hero" he "prayeyed" for happened to be a whiny 14 year old named Shinji Ikari. Bryann: [looking at Peter oddly] Where the hell did you get _that_ from? It was never stated that Shinji was a warrior, or a hero. Peter: Alright, Amuro Ray then. Happy? > 12 YEARS LATER... Bryann: "Be A Wolf - The Next Generation". > "King Hrothgar, why don't you just let me have the kingdom." replied > grendle. Beowulf: How can you reply when nothing has been said? Bryann: [Grendel] I mean, it'd make a good appetizer. > 'As long as I sit on this throne the kingdom of the danes will > always be mine." Bryann: So what happens when he flushes? Arche: That was tasteless, Bryann. Bryann: I know. ^_^ > "Then how can you just sit there knowing that your people and > your men die everyday?" Olan: So men are not people, and people are not men? > "Your days are numbered grendle!" Beowulf: Odd counting system. > "HA!!!", Twelve > years I have brought you nothing but fate, what makes you think I will > stop?" Bryann: [Hrothgar] C'mon, stop. I bet 50 dollars on it. Olan: You know, this fic has enough quotation marks lying around that you'd think a punctuation factory exploded. > "I have faith" "Faith in what?" Olan: [Hrothgar] Faith in bad fanfiction! Peter: [Hrothgar] Sir Oscar, Sir Tsunai, Sir Thinker... come forth and smite the unbeliever. > boomed grendle so loud that hrothgar > almost fell off his thone. Olan: Gah! Why is he wearing a thong in the first place? Beowulf: That is merely an error of "throne". > "I have faith in a higher power, a power much > grater than you and I put together." Bryann: [Hrothgar] I believe in the power...of cheese! > "That must be a figment of your > imagination." Peter: [Redneck Grendel] That'n there's just a fig-newton of yer immigration. > "Everybody dies grendle, I will die as well as you . Arche: [Hrothgar] In fact, I'll die better! > "But when > you die you'll be roasting in hell for all eternity. Olan: Flame-roasted Grendel. New, at KFC. > "Well see." Bryann: Yeah, I see. Deep subject, isn't it? [All but Bryann groan] > * * * Arche: Someone DESPERATELY needs to get Leonard Maltin back in line. > Later that night, grendle was in for the surprise of his life. "ahh" said > grendle as he walked tward the meadhall. "I can smell the food already." He > walks inside and quickly eats a soldier, Beowulf: To think I was pulled out of the middle of a battle for the gripping suspense and detail of this. > but then screams in pain as a grip as > fierce as the sea grips a sinking ship, grabs his arm. Olan: Indeed, the comma popped straight out of it. > " What the hell is > going on here!?" "Who are you?" > "I am Beawolf, lord of the geats, a conquer > to take thy soul of a murderer." Arche: Nani? Bryann: I think that says... "I am Sailor Be A Wolf, and in the name of the Goats, I will conquer you!" Olan: More like... "You have no chance to survive make your time." And that's "Geats", by the way. Bryann: It's not a typo? Peter: A winner is you! > " We can sort this out if you just let me > go!" Olan: Like Grendel was always one for family values and talking things over. > "And if I don't?" "You will die beawolf!" Bryann: How can you die AND be a wolf? Beowulf: Reincarnation. Bryann: Ooooooh. > "Okay I will let you go, but this > is a fight till death. Olan: Who would be so stupid as to let someone go when they could just kill them when they were held captive? > "HA, you fool, now I will show you why I am called > grendle!" Bryann: Wha? Beowulf: He is called Grendel because it's a violent name that the creator of the story chose. > "Beawolf whips out his sword . Peter: See? I told you at the beginning! They were destined to get it on! Arche: -_- Baka hentai. > Grendle swings his claws as hard as > he could, knocking beawolf through the wall. "HA , HA, HA!!!" Olan: [Siegfried] Go! Guys! Ha! Ha! Ha! > laughed grendle. > "Beawolf is no match for grendle!!!" Peter: And there's narration that rivals that of a DC comic! > I would'nt speak so soon!!!" said > beawolf as he charged grendle. "Thats impossible said grendle startled. Olan: He's right! Grendel can't be hurt by swords! > "TIME > TO DIE GRENDLE!!!" screamed beawolf as he struck grendels head right off. Olan: NO! Damnit, that's not how the story goes, you idiot author! BAKA BAKA BAKA! > The next day the danes rejoyced as grendels head hung in the meadhall along > with the courage of a hero in their hearts. Bryann: Oh, yeah. That makes a great mantlepiece - a severed head. Beowulf: Is that atrocity over? Bryann: Unfortunately no, we've got one more to go. Dakal's Voice: Actually, you're wrong... Beowulf, you've served your role. You can go back and kick holy ass now. [Beowulf vanishes in a flash of light!] Arche: Oh, well. Either way, the next fic is starting. > Caller of the West Wind Bryann: [AT&T Voice] Please deposit thirty-five cents. > By: Chibi-chan Arche: "Little Small". The hell? Olan: Or "Miss Small", depending... either way it doesn't make sense. Bryann: [Hysteria-chan] Waaaah! They're just such kawaii chibi-chans, ne? Ne? Ne? > The Wind Caller Alter of Basker. Peter: What in the hells is a Basker? Bryann: A sunbather, I guess. > They come here Bryann: [Documentary Narrator] ...to practice an exotic sexual ritual... Olan: [same] ...involving Jell-o, and lots of whipped cream. Peter: Nonono! You got it wrong! That's "Evening at Lita's"! > to try to summon the > long-lost Guardian of Hope, Zephyr, here. All attempts up to now have failed. Olan: Wouldn't it make sense that it wasn't going to work, then? > This time will be different; I can feel it. Peter: [Rudy] ...in my loins. > With Raftina and Justine helping > us, we can't fail! Olan: "Raftina"? They named a boat? Bryann: Er, not quite. > The east wind blows as we climb to the top. Cecilia mutters something > about it being a bad omen, Arche: [Cecilia] Girl power, a curse on all men... > but I can't believe that. If I do, I've already > failed. We've come so far; we can't give up now! Bryann: I'll never let go... never... [pause; normal] GACK! TITANIC REF! > The wind of fate will change > and bring to us the wing of hope... Olan: Lyrics straight out of a cheesy anime. Bryann: Or a Working Designs game. > We arrive at the top. Wow, we're pretty up here. Arche: [Rudy] And we're DAMN ugly down there. > I never noticed this > before... The Runes of Love and Courage Bryann: I'm Sailor Raftina, and I fight for Love and Courage! In the name of the Rune, I will punish you! Olan: [rolls his eyes] Don't tell me you've been going to Chibi's site again, Bryann. > shine as a dazzling light gathers > before us. I hear a barely audible "What the hell...?" escaping from Jack's > lips. Olan: Feeling's mutual. > Come on, Zephyr, you have to come back to us... Bryann: Oh Zephyyyyyyyyyr! Here, Zephyr! [Arche whistles the Lassie music] > "Even with our combined power, we still can't reach him," Bryann: [Zephyr] By your powers combined, I am CAPTAIN PLANET! > says the > ghostly, echoing voice of Raftina. Bryann: o/~ There's something strange / In the neighborhood o/~ Arche: Cheesy, Bryann. REALLY cheesy. Bryann: The cheesiest! ^_^ Arche: I'm not talking about macaroni. > "No..." I barely get out, "It can't be..." Olan: [Rudy] NOT THE HAPPY FUN TALKING PINK SPORES!!! > Cecilia's denial, however, is far louder than my own. "How can this > be?! Even with your power...?!" > > Anything else she says after that I can't recall. Peter: Looks like Rudy's been dipping into Citan's stash. > I did the only > thing I could do at that point... Peter: [Rudy] I dropped my pants and started *WHAP!* Bryann: Phoenix no hentai! > Zephyr, come back. Come back to the people > who hold hope in their hearts and those who need to. Arche: ...get a life. Bryann: Like the author? *ZAP!* Voice: Avatar wa baka desu. Don't insult Cheebs like that. Olan: ...O_o "Cheebs"?! > Please, you can't just > leave us stranded. Bryann: o/~ Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale... o/~ Peter: o/~ A tale of a fateful trip... o/~ > Zephyr... I could swear that the winds started to change, Peter: [Rudy] Cecilia! What'd I tell you about eating those bean burritos? > but I must remain focused. "Zephyr, Guardian of Hope, keeper of the west > wind..." Olan: How exactly does someone keep wind? Bryann: Jars and liposuction. Arche: ...Baka. -_- > Raftina speaks in disbelief. "He's... trying to bring forth Zephyr > with the light in his heart? Olan: Odd... usually hearts only pump blood, not light. Peter: Maybe he's really bright. Or something. Arche: Yeah. "Or something". Bryann: What is he, a Metanoid? Olan: No, he's a Hol-*MMMMPH!* Bryann: No spoilers! Not everyone's played this game! > Is that even possible for one who does not > belong in this world?!" Arche: So where DOES he belong? Uru? Bryann: [Lum] Darling! ^-^ > "... for all those who hold hope in their hearts and for those who > need to regain it..." Bryann: [Announcer voice] Try new Hope in a can! If you need to pour some hope into a major internal organ, and FAST! > Justine this time. "This is impossible! Peter: [Justine] How the hell do they fit all those bad marketing ideas into Micheal Eisner's head?! Arche: o/~ When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you areeee, we'll take your dough. o/~ > How can an artificial being > summon Zephyr when we cannot? Peter: Two words: Harpy Ooze. Olan: Ick. > How can he hope for the future? Can he even > dream?" Olan: [Shinji] Is this a dream? What is a dream..? Bryann: ACK! NO END OF EVA! > Each word comes as a strain now. How can they just give up?! "... I > beseech you, Bryann: [Voice] C'mon! Can't I get just $10, Tengu? Pleeeeease? > come forward and grant us your aid..." I mustn't give up... for > the future, for the ones I care about... Olan: [Shinji] I mustn't run away... > I half-hear my friends encouraging > me to go on. They say I belong; that's all I need... "ZEPHYR, I SUMMON THEE!" Bryann: [Rudy] Zephyr-chu, I choose you! > My cry rings out and echoes... then it is gone. The wind has changed > and is blowing so strongly I can barely stand my ground. Peter: [Rudy] God! You had the chili dogs too, didn't you, Cec'? > A sound, like that > of stone shattering, Arche: Ah, Jack finally lost it. Olan: What's to lose? > is heard right before Cecilia cries out, "The dragon > idol...!!" Out of the now -intensified light, Bryann: Now minus intensified? Olan: Equals stupid. > the form of an immense dragon > appears. Peter: Bleu? Olan: Bahamut? Bryann: Tiamat? Arche: That damned green dragon? > "Zephyr..." All: Oh. > Don't faint, don't faint, don't faint... Bryann: [Rudy] Can't sleep, clowns will eat me... > The dragon speaks. "Who has finally awakened me from my long > slumber?" Bryann: Alex? Olan: Bilbo? > He pauses and looks to me. "This artificial life...? Arche: [Zephyr] What is it doing here? Get it away from me. It smells like _humans_. > Hmm... If he > was able bring me here with the light from hie heart, All: Hi, heart! > I assume he is worthy > of receiving my assistance. If you need me, just call my name in the name of > Hope." Arche: [Sailor Moon] In the name of the Moon, I WILL PUNISH YOU! > With that, he vanishes, leaving behind a stone tablet, Bryann: [Zephyr] Now go, Rudy, and deliver these Ten Commandments unto the people... > the Hope Rune. Arche: Better that than the "Rune of Eroticism"... [Somewhere, off in the distance, a mazoku screams.] > I hear a faint whisper of "Don't disappoint me..." Peter: [Rudy] Don't worry! I'll fake it better than I ever have before! *WHAP!* Arche: Phoenix, anta baka! > as we go to leave the > alter with the rune... Bryann: So they're leaving to change the rune. Olan: I guess. > * > End Olan: The best word we've seen in months. > Nothing is hopeless when you believe hard enough... Arche: Sailor Moon says! [pause] What? > Comments? E-mail: Lessa990@aol.com Bryann: ...if you never want to see your money or hentai again, that is. *SPLUT* Hey! What gives with the sponge? Voice: What did I say about insulting Chibi-chan, Avatar boy? > Wild ARMs is owned by Contrail (or Media Vision, as you may know the > company...). Bryann: Like any of us really care. Let's go. [All exit] [Reverse door sequence] [SOS. All hell is breaking loose... Bryann is running around in circles with a "SD Godzilla thingie" attached to his arm. As he's running around, he keeps knocking over miscellaneous things... a lamp here, a desk there, Peter over there... Arche places her broom at a position where it just happens to make Bryann trip... and fly into the Satellite wall.] Bryann: [face still in the wall] Ow. Arche wa kowai. Arche: [Walking over to Bryann] Damn straight I am. Now, let me see that. [plucks the SD Godzilla thingie off of Bryann's arm, and blinks when it starts gnawing on her own] Dear Gaia, this is the real McCoy! Or, at least the real Rampage... How in the hell did this get here? Olan: [offscreen] Narrative Causiality? Peter: [now also offscreen] We have a bigger problem, guys... any idea why my closet seems to have become a gateway into Sarcasm's personal harem? ^^; Bryann: [pulling his face out of the Bryann-shaped dent] Damnit, I think our author is taking this "Fanboys" thing too far. [talking to somewhere above the ceiling] This, quite frankly, is insane! Do you mind letting our lives be NORMAL for once?! Voice: Not really... I thought you'd feel right at home with being the freak. [Arche visibly winces] Bryann: You know... you can take your opinion and shove it up your a-*WA-TAK!* Arche: Hush. Just because we've made Fourth Wall breaches impossible doesn't mean you can insult your author. You ARE his avatar after all. Bryann: [mumbling] Oh, bite me. [Cue IFN light flashing] Arche: Well, at least we can end this soon... [taps the light] We're here, Dak. [IFN. Dakal is there, looking rather... startled.] Dakal: Listen, guinea pigeons... we've got other problems on our hands here, so if you could just be as quick as possible with your reviews... [the crack of a whip is heard] Yes, yes... I know, "Call you Queen", right, Rei-sama? Rei: ^_^ However did you guess? OHOHOHOHOHOHOH! [SoS. Bryann and Arche are holding their ears] Bryann: Gah. Rei Hino, budget Naga. Rei: [offscreen] Hey, Michiru and Haruka can do it, why can't I? ^_^ Dakal: [offscreen] Jo'o-samaaaaa... ^^; Arche: Uhm, yeah. Anyways, the first part could only be described as something that Thinker's computer randomly barfed up. Stupid, nonsensical, and... uh...stupid. As for "Caller", well...it wasn't that bad of a fic. I still think it'd be more in character for Rudy to randomly sprout naughty tentacles, however. Bryann: I agree with Arche there...Rudy was not meant to have a voice! That's the idea... if you want main characters that talk, play a FF game. Or Lunar. [impersonating Alex] LUNA! Ghaleon, what are you doing? Nooooo... [normal] And the other short was pure crap, plain and simple. Olan: [coming onscreen] The "Beawolf" short was the most ill-written, stupid, idiotic, lame-ass piece of fan-excrement I've had the misfortune of reading. It had the syntax of a Thinkerfic, and it MASSACRED the idea of the original classic. Using massacred in the most gruesome form of the word. "Caller" was good, but it had a few glitches in the typing, not to mention that anyone who hasn't played Wild ARMs wouldn't know that's Rudy that is narrating. Peter: [also coming onscreen] "Beawolf" was bad. Beowulf tried to kill me. Not to mention that there weren't as many innuendoes in this than there were in SML or Goku 1/2. It was almost...tame. And that's surprisingly scary. Bryann: So, is that it? Can we get things back to normal here now? [IFN] Dakal: Yes...go right ahead. Push the button, Klarth? Rei: [whips Dakal] Why don't you do the work yourself for once? Dakal: Yes, Rei-hime. [pushes the button] Rei: I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME THE QUEEN! ~~Blipfwooooooosh~~ <> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > "I am Beawolf, lord of the geats, a conquer to take thy soul of a murderer."