Legal Crap Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Final Fantasy Tactics and Chrono Trigger are copyrighted by SquareSoft Wild ARMs is copyrighted by Media Vision or Contrail, the latter being the newer name for the company. Star Ocean: The Second Story is copyrighted by Enix, tri-Ace, and LINKS. Any other thing I forgot to mention is copyrighted to it's owner(s). Please don't sue; I have no money as is. ~.~;; "Beloved? Yeah, Right" is owned by one Witch. No offense or malice is intended in the MSTing of this fic. No Bobots were harmed in the making of this MST, except for... no, that was an R2D2 replica... Chibi-chan's notes (a.k.a. Other Stuff) I am Grahf, seeker of a way to beat Cid in Triple Triad. Dost thou haveth the Selphie Card? BLOSSOM, O FALLEN DIABLOS CARD, and allow me to grant unto Cid the glorious SMACKDOWN OF DESTRUCTION! *Pause* Yeah, this has absolutely nothing to do with the MSTing. I just felt like making a Grahfism. ^^;; With that out of the way, Here we gooooooooooooo!! ------------------------------------ (Singer) In the not too distant future, (Methinks it was next Thursday) A bunch of poor suckers Have some hell to pay! A group of evil people, led by Mala-chan, They were bored one day, so they dreamed up a plan. They choose some people they didn't like, Then they sent those poor victims into space and- *B-ko cackles* (Mala-chan) We'll send them crappy fanfics, As many as we can find! (Lalala!) (Marle) They'll have to sit and read them all! (Dycedarg) And they'll slowly lose their minds! (Lalala!) (Singer) Now keep in mind they can't control Where the fanfics begin or end. (Lalala!) To try to keep their sanity, Upon each other they must depend! RIFFER ROLL CALL! Rini! (I gotta BELIEVE!) Ramza! (Why me?) Claude! (Why not? ^_^) Dias! (...........) Jaaaaaaaaaack! (Oh bugger...) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science fact, Just think to yourself, "It's just a file, I should really just relax, For 'Idiotic Fanfic Theater Whatever' *Twang!* [The SOL (Not the Satellite of Love, though)] *Rini stands on the bridge with Ramza* Rini: Hi, and welcome to our humble commode. Recently, Rudy went on strike because he's had to read every single fic when everyone else has had a break of some sort from at least two fics. And now, we can't find him anywhere! The kid just completely disappeared! You have any luck in finding him, Ramza? Ramza: No more luck than you. Where could he have gone? *Jack walks on the bridge* Jack: He's not in the hold. Rini: Dangit, where could Rudy have disappeared to? *The yellow button flashes* We'll be right back. *Pushes the button* --------------------------------------------------------- *A lone Magic Girl stands against a surreal background* Magic Girl: Hi! Do you want to fight evil and find the useless bishounen of your dreams? Well, join the Magic Girl Corps and you _can_! You get a standard MAGIC transformation item, a goofy costume, a cute animal sidekick, and a handsome but utterly useless bishounen to give you pep talks! So c'mon, join today! Lovely Soilder Happy Freesia says! *giggle* ---------------------------------------------------------- Rini: Hmm... Ramza: Don't tell me you're _considering_ that, Rini. Rini: Jealous? ^_^ Ramza: *Flustered* W-wha...?! N-no, of course not! *Charlotte enters the bridge* Charlotte: Have you seen Lucca? She just vanished! Jack: Another person disappeared?! *The red button flashes; sarcastic* _Perfect_ timing for the SeeDs to call... *Pushes the button* [Evil Central] B-ko: Hello. Mala-chan's sick today, so I'm in charge. You got anything for the Invention Exchange? [SOL] All: ........... *Get into a huddle and quickly discuss something* Jack: Uh, yeah, we got... Six Degrees of Commented Crono! [E.C.] All: ........... B-ko: "Six Degrees of Commented Crono". This should be good. [SOL] Jack: Uh, yeah, it is! You can annoy anyone and everyone with the latest installment of the "Six Degrees of..." games! Any time someone writes "Says So and So" intead of "says So and so", just link it in some way to Commented Crono, like "Says Tifa, second cousin twice removed of Commented Crono". [E.C.] B-ko: That's the second stupidest thing I've ever heard. Marle: What was the first? B-ko: None of your business. *To the screen* Well, here's _my_ infinitely _better_ invention. *Produces... a pencil* [SOL] Rini: *Flatly* It's a pencil. Charlotte: Oh, you can do better than _that_. [E.C.] B-ko: A mere pencil? Oh, nonononono! It's a portable button! *Presses the eraser* [SOL] *The lights flash and klaxons go off* Rini: WE GOT FANFIC SIGN?! *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: It's Master Prince Fleaswallow! After buying a stuffed skunk, you move on. Door 4: It's Uncle Elmo! Upon avoiding a game of Twister, you walk to... Door 3: It's your normal run-of-the-mill drawbridge. It falls out towards you, barely missing you. Door 2: It's Doc Thinker! After receiving the rest of "Messila's Journey", you move on. Door 1: It's a wall. Tinkerbelle comes, waves her wand, and an opening appears.* Rini: Now what do we do? Charlotte didn't come in with us and we're two people short... Voice: Just a second... *Dias Flac and Claude Kenni appear* Here ya go! Dias: ... where are we? Rini: Uh, just it down and riff the fic, OK? Claude: Dude, this's like MST3K! Cool! ^_^ *Seating (L-R): Ramza, Rini, Claude, Dias, Jack* >Subj: Mst >Date: 8/31/99 8:42:46 PM Central Daylight Time >From: Kitty37693@aol.com Claude: Uh, It wouldn't be a good idea to taunt the AOLer, would it? Rini: Not unless you _like_ getting hit by 10,000 volts of electricity, no, it isn't. >To: rinichan@crosswinds.net >I was wondering if you could Mst a work of mine. >It's really small, so that would be a plus or a minus >depending on how you look at it... All: PLUS! PLUS! >Witch Claude: o/~ Witch/ Witch/ Bo- o/~ *WHAM!* Rini: BAD CLAUDE! NO FLAME! >-------------------- Jack: Damn lawn dart players; they gotta watch where they throw those things. >Disclaimer: I don't own the SailorMoon characters. This is a >rewrite of a parody of one of my sister's stories. The story was >done all in good humor. Rini: Ice cream? ^^ >I don't like SailorMoon, even though I have softened up on it. >Because hell, I find that it's hard for anyone over 12 to take >the show seriously. Ramza and Rini: HEY! Jack: *snicker* >But I haven't actually seen the Japanese version, I'm only >using the names. >Beloved? Yeah, Right. (Rewrite) Jack: Hey, that rhymes! Dias: *Heavily sarcastic* Oh _goodie_. >I am a vampire. Ramza: New to theaters everywhere: "Random Character: Dead and Loving It". >I have no idea why. OK, so I dress like one, still that doesn't >give you a reason to laugh. Stop laughing! Damn it! Claude: o/~ Janet!/ I love you... o/~ Dias: *Angrily* Who's Janet? Claude: It's just a song, Dias! Chill, OK? ^^;; >If you don't stop laughing, I'm gonna leave. *All start laughing* >Terribly sorry, I digress. Anyway, I found out this secret when >suddenly I had found myself draining Chibi Usa. Claude: Yeah! Now there's no more Chibi Usa! ^__^ *ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!* WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!? Rini: Slamming any Chibi is a very bad thing to do here, Claude. >After I had washed the awful taste out of my mouth, I had to come Claude: *Shakes his head* No stamina- *WHAM!* Rini: *Tosses aside Iron Fan* Claude no hentai! Dias: You shouldn't hit Claude for things like that, miss- Claude: Yeah! Dias: -I'll do it for you. *WHACK!* Claude: Ow! Who's side are you on, man?! >face-to-face with reality. I was a vampire. A vampire, Dracula, a >creature of the night, Rini and Jack: Must... not... sing... Rocky Horror song... >embraced my inner demon yadda yadda... Claude (Xelloss): Yare yare, all talk and no action... ^_^ >Hopping back on topic, I never remembered biting her. And I'll >tell you, if I had control over that little segment in my life, I >wouldn't have bit her. I mean, I have some taste. Ramza: Someone has a death wish... Voice: NANI?! BOLT! *Fries the screen. It magically regenerates* Dias: I take you _like_ the pink abomination. *ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!* Rini: She calls herself _Chibi_-chan. Think about it. >In short it wasn't a good day. And the frightening part is this; >Chibi Usa lived. Voice: YES! _FEAR_ THE CHIBIS, MORTALS! *Evil Bitch Laugh (TM)* Claude: She's scaring me... Jack: She scares everyone, Claude. >I decided to try to put the episode behind me. No such luck. I >just can't seem to control my bloodlust around her. Ramza (Narrator): So I used my Pointy Stick of Sha-na-na and smited her, the end. Rini: *Flatly* "Pointy Stick of Sha-na-na"? >Most boys have trouble controlling a different kind of lust >around their girlfriends. Dias: I know someone like that, _Claude_. Claude: Eheh... ^^;; >Not me. My problem lies in not trying to kill her. Like my >life needed to be more peculiar. >There she is! Dumb looking odangas and all. Ramza: Oh... Rini: ... my... Claude: Yes! Stick it to the meatball head! >"Uh... Hi Usako," I said, trying to be polite, but it sounded >sort of curt. Rini and Ramza: O.o;; Ramza: Mamoru?!? Rini: A _VAMPIRE_?!? Both: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! >"Hi Mamo-chan. Say, are you feeling well? Not to say you look >ugly..." Dias: Usagi, Master of _Tact_ and _Grace_... Claude (Wayne): ... NOT! >That's my Usagi, foot in mouth and all. I really wish she would >just say what she wanted to say and shut up. Can't that >odango-atama see I'm just a tad bit distressed? Jack: Ever consider, oh, I don't know, maybe _telling_ her what's wrong? >"It's all right Usagi. Uh... gotta go." Claude: In the rain or in the snow- Dias: Please do _not_ start quoting that insipid game again. Claude: Oh, you're just mad 'cause you suck at it. >Gee I hope she didn't get suspicious. As I haul my ass out of >there, I meet Makoto. Ramza (Mamoru): -who then, in a fit of anger of being in this fic, zaps the living hell outta me, the end. >Perfect, big strong, a Senshi, Claude: *drool* *WHACK!* Ow! Dias: *grumble* Can't you think about something else for once? >and trusts me. Yeah, I'm sure the audience has already predicted >that I'm gonna bite her. Jack (Rick Steiner): And if you don't like me, BITE ME! Claude: Hmm... Dias: _No_, Claude. >I proceed to do so, using the skill of lurking, a very handy >vampire skill. Rini: Mamoru has MAD LURKING SKILLZ, then. >I grab her and start draining away. While I'm on the subject of >biting people, Claude (Mamoru): -have you ever been in a three-way with a couple of over-excited Tetragenes? *WHACK!*WHAM!*WA-TAK!* Dias: *Mutters something unprintable about "stupid sex-crazed aliens"* >I have noticed that most people enjoy being bitten. *Everyone looks at Claude* Claude: What? >All I have to say on the topic is "The Hell?" How can having one's >life drained of you enjoyable? Ramza: Well, you start to feel light-headed and dizzy... *Notes the stares* Don't look at me like that; I've had to fight a vampire without an 108 Gems before, all right? >I myself have no idea how being bitten feels, which is sort of >ironic. Jack: o/~ It's like ra~~~in/ On your wedding day... o/~ >I still have no idea how I became a vampire, ever since >that bitch Beryl attacked the Silver Millennium I had been >changed. For no reason. What crap. Rini (Mike Myers; Scottish): If it's not Scottish, it's CRAHP! >I drained a bit, but when I dropped her, she seemed OK. I can't >tell, I'm too busy running. All: *British* Run away! Run away! >____________________ Dias: *Points at the line* Look, now Mamoru has to leap over that hurdle. >I tried. I failed. Claude: (Usagi): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I flunked the 5th grade again! *WHAM!* Dias: She made it _that_ far? I'm impressed. *WHAM!* >One might ask right now why I'm in Usako bedroom, the answer is *At the same time* All but Claude: 42! Claude: 69! *WHAM!* >because I walked here. Oh, I also gave up in not trying to drain >her. I realized I really have some problem that prompts me to >drain my future family members. Or something like that. All: ........... Ramza: Uh... "All thing are real unless you dream they're not"? >Before I could truly contemplate the topic, a familiar cry of >"I'm home!" let me know that the carrot-hating bunny is home. Dias: Run, bunny, before Celine makes Risotto out of you! Claude: That was lame, Dias. Dias: ... shove it, Kenni. Claude: *!!* _WHAT_ did you just say to me?! O.o;; Dias: .............. >As she came through the door, I can see that she must have had a >rough day at school. They must have tried to teach her math >higher than the fourth-grade level. Jack: Looks like you overestimated Usagi, Claude. *Ramza glares at him* Rini: Urge to hit... rising... >Poor Usako. >I try keep hidden as I wait for her to take her clothes off... Claude: Now all we need is Sailors Venus and Mars and we have a fun lemon fic! ^_^ Rini: Hentai! *WHAM!* >don't look at me like that! It's merely a precaution to make sure >she had her locket off and she couldn't become Sailor Moon. I am >not a hentai. Dias: *Mutters* That's what they _all_ say... *Looks at Claude* >"HI USAKO!" I yell as a jump out into the open. Jack (Binkie the Clown): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY, KIDS! >Maybe I shouldn't have done that... Rini: No friggin' duh, stupid. >"Epp!" she yelps as tries to cover her body with her hands. She >turns around and sees it's me. She responds by giving me a *Dias quickly covers Claude's mouth* Ramza (Mamoru): -huge gaping papercut across by body and I died again, the end. Rini: *shudder* That was very disturbing, Ramza. >stinging slap on my cheek. "HENTAI!" she yells. >"Hey... aw hell!" I said as went over to bite her. I all I can >manage to do is grab her. Claude: *Still with Dias's hand over his mouth* MMPH! MMPH! >"Let go! WAAAAA!" >I use her whining to my advantage, and move in for the kill. And >despite her earlier conflict, our sex drive was uh... >intensified. Claude: *Eyes widen* _MMPH_! _MMMMMMPH_! Ramza: Must... not... say it... >_< >Not that intensified mind you, but our hands didn't remain >chastely on our side. And I thought the whole "Vampires >equal sex" thing was crap. Claude: *big glittery eyes* _MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPH_! Jack (Mamoru): I also thought that a Mew was really in my sock drawer.. >Unfortunately, as I was caught up on the groping, I realize I >took too much blood. Dias: *Takes his hand off of Claude's mouth* Heh. *slight smirk* Claude: o/~ Ding, dong, the brat is dead! o/~ *WHAM!* >I slash my neck, and I prepare to make her a vampire as well. >However, I suddenly have a moment of clarity and I realize that I >don't really want to deal with her annoying whining for centuries >to come. So, while it may sound extremely cruel, I ran like hell. Ramza and Rini: *Facefault* O.o;; Rini: Grr... LUNAR RABBIT FLASH! *A vaguely rabbit-shaped beam of light incinerates those two lines on the screen* Dias: *More flatly that normal* "Lunar Rabbit Flash". Jack: Hey, be happy you didn't see the pink bunny thing. *Dias give him a look that seems to say "WTF?"* >I hope no one heard anything. >Epilogue: After this little "episode", Mamoru decided that he >better hide or the Senshi will kick his ass. Ramza: -and many more Sailor Moon fanpersons... >Unfortunately, Makoto, still very pissed about Mamoru draining >her, eventually tracked him down and staked him. Claude: Yay, Mako-chan! ^__^-<3 Dias: *Rolls his eyes* >Oh well, that’s life. Rini (Tevya): To LIFE! Jack: Uh... huh? >By Witch >Kitty 37693@aol.com >I know the story seemed a bit mean, but I didn't mean anything by >it. Don't sue. Jack: I call no "A Boy Named Sue" refs, OK? *Dias and Claude disappear. All else exit* *Reverse door sequence* [SOL] Rini: Hey, where'd those Star Ocean 2 guys go to? Voice: I sent them back since I found Rudy and Lucca. Jack: You found them?! Where were they? Voice: Where was the one plce you _didn't_ look? Ramza: In Rini landfill- I mean room! ^^;; Rini: It's not _that_ bad... *pout* *Rudy and Lucca walk on the bridge* Rudy: It wa the perfect hiding place too... Lucca: Yeah, no one in their right _mind_ goes in there! ^^;; Rudy: That's why it's Rini's room. ^_^ Rini: Baka. *WHAM!* *The red button flashes* Jack: Oh, the Uptight Crazies Brigade is calling. *Pushes the button* [E.C.] *The place is completely concealed in shadows. An evil woman's laugh fills the room... then a fit of coughing. Suddenly, a beam of light reveals Mala-chan's face* [SOL] Rini: Are all these dramatics _really_ necessary? [E.C.] Mala-chan: Indeed, widdle girl, indeed. Our dear fwiend, Dr. Thinger, has send us a _lovely_ bundle of joy for you do view. *Sneezes* [SOL] Rini: Is that considered alliteration or not? [E.C.] Mala-chan: SILENZE! Nexdt time, our evil will be unfurled! *Fade to black as she laughs agains* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AHA, AHA! *cough*cough*hack*cough* oh bugger... *cough*cough* *Roll credits* --------------------------------------------------- THE REAL END E-mail comments to me at: Lessa990@aol.com Don't make me send Selphie after you... >Unfortunately, Makoto, still very pissed about Mamoru draining >her, eventually tracked him down and staked him. Season one: ------------------ Episode 101: "Battle of the Strongest" Episode 102: Raging Double Feature ("Wild ARMs Rage" and "Toshinden Rage") Episode 103: "The Cursed Waters" Episode 104: "The Jonathanlizers" Episode 105: "Final Fantasy VII: The Untold Story" part 1 Episode 106: "The Return of Lord Thinker" Episode 107: "Get Rich Quick" spam. Episode 108: "Don't Freak Out" Episode 109a: "The Price of Redemption" parts 1-3 Xenogears interludes: ------------------------- Episode 109b: "The Price of Redemption" parts 4-5 Episode 201a: "Messila's Journey" part 1 Episode 203: "Ash's New Friend" Episode 206: "Emerald Nights" part 1 Episode 207: "Pokemon Gangbang" (MSTed with Hyperonius) Season Two: ---------------- Episode 202: "Why RPGs Should be Severely Censored and Devoid of Character Development" Episode 201b: "Messila's Journey" part 2 Episode 201c: "Mesilla's Journey" part 3 Episode 204: "FFVII: The Untold Story" part 2 Episode 205: "Behind the Scenes" Episode 208: "Beloved? Yeah, Right" Season Three: ------------------ *Coming soon!* Episode 301d: "Messila's Journey" part 4 Other MSTings: ------------------ Episode 000: "Rebirth" (MSTed with Nick) Episode 001: Stephen Gohan's letter to the GIA (MSTed with Katana Angel) *Coming soon!* Episode 002: "Cloud Vs. Aeris" (MSTed with Nick) Lookie, a shameless plug! Organized Chaos! http://www.crosswinds.net/~rinichan My own site. MSTings, Captions, and more! Just beware the Temporary Portal- er, Pic of the Week, it may lead to the "Secret Area"...