Legal Crap Mystery Science Theater 3000 & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Final Fantasy 7 is copyrighted by Squaresoft. Pokemon is copyrighted by Nintendo and a whole bunch of other companies I don't remember the names of. They Were Eleven is copyrighted by Moto Hagio Urusei Yatsura is copyrighted by Rumiko Takahashi Any other things I forgot to mention are copyrighted by their own respective owners. Please don't sue; I have no money. "Rebirth" is owned by Amber Michelle K., and she is welcome to it. The purpose of this MSTing is not to offend/insult Amber, but simply to make a humourous comentary on her story. Please don't flame me for this. With that out of the way, Here we gooooooooooooo!! ------------------------------------ [A Futuristic-looking Theater] *Ash Ketchem, followed as always by Pikachu, enters the theater* Ash: This doesn't _look_ like a Pokemon gym. But that strange guy said this was. Hmm... *Just then, another person entered the theater* Person: The hell? This ain't the testin' center! *Notices Ash* Who the hell are you? Ash: I'm Ash Ketchem from Palet Town. Who are you? Person: I'm Frol, short for Frolbericheri, as if you cared. Voice: It's about &^&*%%^#$^%* time someone else came. *Both turn around to find the source of the voice* Ash: W-who are you? Voice: Cid Highwind, (&*%(#$%^*&)^$%! *Shuutarou Mendou is thrown unceremoniously into the theater by some unknown flunky, after which all the doors and windows lock and bars come down in front of all possible exits* Pikachu: Pika pika chu? *Translation: What's going on?* Mendou: The _nerve_ of that uncouth brute. *Gets up and dusts himself off* Why am I here? Frol: That's the question we all are wonderin'. *The screen behind them turns on* The hell? [Pokemon Center of Doom] *The people on the screen are a pair of women. They look like Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny, but their outfits have switched* Officer Joy: Hello, miscreants! [Theater] Ash: Officer Jenny? Pikachu: Pikachu? *Translation: Nurse Joy?* [PCoD] Officer Joy: That's Officer Joy, and this is my associate, Nurse Jenny. [Theater] Ash: Oh. Are you two the black sheep in your families? [PCoD] Joy: How astute; too astute if you ask me! Nurse Jenny: When do we send them the story? [Theater] Frol: "Story"? The hell are you talkin' about? Mendou: Really, a young woman like yourself really shouldn't- Frol: Who ya callin' a woman? Ah'm a man, dammit! *Punches Mendou* [PCoD] Jenny: Well, you're in a theater talking to someone on a viewscreen; do the math! [Theater] Cid: Oh s#!t! They're going to force us to read ^%$&&^ fanfiction! [PCoD] Joy: Right! [Theater] Ash: But why us? [PCoD] Jenny: Why? Oh, we just picked names out of a bucket. [Theater] Cid: That's the dumbest (*^&$^*)^ thing I've ever heard. [PCoD] Jenny: That's what I thought too... *Thwap!* Ow! Joy: *To Jenny* Shush, you! *To the others* So have a seat while we show you a piece of cheese called "Rebirth". Buh-bye now! ^_^ *Screen goes blank, the light dim, then some previews show* [Theater] Ash: Now what do we do? Mendou: Probably what those ladies said to do; it's not like where going anywhere anytime soon. *Seating, L to R: Cid, Mendou, Frol, Ash. Pikachu is on the floor* Mendou: Aggghhhh! It's dark! Frol: Settle down! Mendou: ..... >Rebirth >By: Amber Michelle K. Ash: Wait... is her first name Amber or Michelle? >rydia7@gte.net Frol: Good, now we know where to send the flames. Mendou: That's not nice, Frol. *Thinks* It's dark here. And confined. Oh dear God, I'm going to die here... >Introduction: Ash: A group of random anime and video game charaters are trapped in a theater by demented versions of Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy... oh, you mean the story. >This story takes place just a year after the last battle >between Sephiroth and Cloud in Final Fantasy VII. Frol: Wasn't, like, all humanity destroyed after Holy came? Cid: We weren't dead yet; we got better. >Sephiroth >has always been my favorite villain Mendou: They got to her too... Cid: Let me guess...she thinks he's "kawaii".. >so this is for all those unsatisfied Sephiroth fans out there who >want to see more of their favorite guy! This story proves that you >just can't keep a good villain down! Frol: Since when does a fanfic count as proof? Mendou: Just as I thought, it's one of _those_ stories. Cid: Could be worse. Mendou: How? Cid: That fat-ass Palmer could be the hero. >(Note -- when I use Sephiroth's point of view, I usually refer to >people with their last names Ash: Oof. Good thing this isn't a Xenogears fanfic... Mendou: I don't want to have to say "Fong Wong" more than twice in a lifetime. Cid (Nelson {from The Simpsons}): Smells like one of Van Houten's! Frol (Elly): It does not! >-- Cloud Strife, Tifa Lockheart, Professor Gast, etc. -- so be >prepared.) Ash: "Be prepared"? Does this mean Scar's going to come out and kill someone? *Pikachu imitates Scar* >If you have any questions, see the "Explanations" >section after the end of the story or e-mail me at the above >address (no flames please!!). Cid: But that takes all the fun out of e-mail! Frol: No flames, she says. *Crosses fingers behind his/her back* Why sure I won't flame ya! >( Legal stuff: all Final Fantasy >characters and locations are the property of Squaresoft. Cid: Except for Yuffie...I mean, Kisaragi, who is property of Satan. >Please >ask me if you want to use any of the ideas or characters I >created!!) ^_^ >Lifestream...... Frol: As opposed to the Deathstream. >The Lifestream flowed peacefully, endlessly, filled with voices. Ash: Filled with voices? Maybe it needs to see a psychiatrist. Mendou: *Thinks* I must not fear; fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little death that brings total oblivion... >A dead end for a would-be god. Frol: What do Callisto or Dark Sonic *Pikachu hides at the mention of Dark Sonic* have to do with Final Fantasy 7? Mendou: Well, Kefka _did_ rip off a lot of stuff from FF6... >The planet was peaceful, and time >flowed by without a care for the Lifestream's prisoners. Mendou: I'm getting a vague impression that things are flowing in the Lifestream. Frol: Yes, it's a very subtle theme, and hard to pick up on. Ash: And then the prisoners revolted and destroyed the Lifestream, the end. >Sephiroth clenched his fists, screaming in frustration and rage. Ash (Sephiroth): I can't get past the first stage in Parappa the Rapper! Mendou: Shameless game plug #1. *Thinks* Must not fear; fear is the... Cid: That would be _Barret_, not Sephiroth. >All of this power was right at his fingertips, and he could do >nothing! Mendou: The batteries in his remote were dead. >Even if he could harness the Planet's energy and absorb >it's magic, he would still be Cid (Exile): -a weird boy. >stranded here, Cid: *Singing* o/~ With Gilligan, the Skipper too... o/~ >where that bastard Strife Frol: -had killed Kenny. >had imprisoned him. Cid (Sephiroth): Attica! Attica! >And whose fault was that? Frol: I would guess Square programmers for making the game too easy. >Jenova had tried to take over, but he'd >destroyed her influence over him and had then been too weak to fight >off Cloud and his friends as they cut him down. Mendou: TIMBERRRRRR! >He would show them. Ash: -his skill for interior design and flower arranging. >With a little time, he could get out of his prison and finish the >business of becoming god. Cid (Sephiroth): I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! >Strife would not escape him then. Mendou: Oh nooo, how could he? He's only just A MAIN CHARACTER IN AN RPG!! Don't you get it, evil can't win in a RPG, no matter _how_ stupid and/or messed up the main character is! Ash: Nice rant. I give it three stars. >But how would he get out? Cid: How would he get out and steal Christmas from the Whos? >He'd already spent a year trying and failing. Cid: I wonder if he tried sneaking out with's the Lifestream's laundry? >He tried to focus; what could give him freedom......? Mendou: A California jury? >The Lifestream swirled. Ash: A chocolate swirl? >Sephiroth looked up. Mendou (Sephiroth): Why's that bird circling around me? Frol: *Makes farting noise* Mendou (Sephiroth): Anyone got a wet-nap? >Instead of the endless >green waves he was used to, an opening into the world was there, >showing him the town of Nibelheim. Cid: But, it was pay-per-view, so he could only watch for ten minutes. Mendou: Old joke. Cid: It still works. >Nothing out of the ordinary was >there, nothing he saw that could help him. Then he knew. Ash: He knew he was a woman trapped in a man's body. >He closed >his eyes and concentrated on his desire to get out. Everything >shifted, and he opened his eyes. Frol: -and stared directly at the sun. Cid (Sephiroth): Ow, my eyes, (%$^%)*@&#%^@)#^@#^! >He saw a small, eight year old boy playing near a mako fountain, >bouncing bright colored balls Mendou: *Draws sword* No. Frol: Oh, you're no fun... >against a wall and catching them. The boy's hair was Mendou: Perfectly normal. Ash: This is fanfiction based on Japanese fiction. How can anyone have normal hair? >black with a white streak in the front that fell over his eyes Ash: He's Pepe le Pew! *Pikachu imitates Pepe* >which were a deep blue-green...... mako eyes. Sephiroth knew that face. >He was looking at his son. Cid (Seph): Since when do I have a son? >An idea began to form. Cid (Sephiroth): That's how I'll steal Christmas! >"Nathan!" a familiar voice called. Frol (Familiar voice): Lane, sugar, take off your sister's dress; she's been looking all over for it! >So the boy's mother had named him Nathan; gift of the spirits. Mendou: Two to one the author made that up. Frol: Totally. >Sephiroth smiled. She didn't know how right she was! Ash: Mentos _are_ unholy! >Kielle glided into the scene. Cid: Extreme hang gliding! Ash: SURGE! >He stared for a minute, captivated by her beauty just as he had been >so many years ago, before the Nibelheim disaster. Mendou (Seph as Yakko Warner): Hellooooooo, nurse! >His gift had served her well; Frol: Until it broke, and by that time the warranty had expired. >the Jenova cells he'd fused with her body had stopped the aging process. Frol (Kielle): Wow! Oil of Olay really works! >There were no gray streaks in her raven black hair or wrinkles >around her vibrant green eyes. She still resembled her niece >Aerith Cid: Aerith's her _niece_?! What the &*^(^? Frol: My thoughts exactly. >in many ways, with alabaster skin and dark fringed eyes, and the way she >stood made her seem so shy...... Cid: But when you got her alone, rrowwl... >"But Mom--" Ash (Nathan): I didn't mean to put the hamster in the microwave... Pikachu: Pika pika pika! *Trans.: That's sick, Ash!* >"I want you inside by sunset or you'll be grounded again." Cid: The only difference between her and Aerith is that Aerith was nice, and Kielle is a really mean- Mendou: HEY! If you couldn't say that word in FF7, you can't say it here! >She left. Ash: -muttering, "The boy ain't right." >The boy sullenly gathered up his toys, still standing near the mako >fountain. Cid: Cloud! The action figure that stands there while people get killed!--With super-staring action! Frol: Cid! The stereotypical American action figure!--With super-swearing action! Mendou: Cait Sith! The unfunny comic relief action figure!--With super- ...um... stuff... >Now was his chance. With the last of his power he could harness the >spiritual power of the Lifestream and touch his son's soul, displace >it, and take the empty shell as his own body. Ash (Nathan/Jimbo): Is this legal? Mendou (Sephiroth/Skinner): Only in this state and Tennesee. >The boy was too young to resist his will. Sephiroth would merge with his >son and be reborn! Cid: *Singing* o/~ I only live to be born again... o/~ Frol: Who is going to get that joke? Cid: Someone who listens to Blue Oyster Cult? Frol: Name one person besides yourself who listens to BOC! Mendou: Urge to kill... rising... >In a body descended from both Jenova and the Cetra, he would be unstoppable! Ash: And then there will be much rejoicing. All: *Blandly* Yay. >Gathering his will, Frol(Seph): Oh great, I can't remember where I put my will last... let's see... the kitchen..? >Sephiroth channeled the last of his power through the Lifestream and reached >for his son...... Ash: That doesn't sound right... >Nibelheim: Thirteen Years Later...... Mendou: As opposed to thirteen years sooner. *Thinks* With _Frol_ here, I probably _am_ going to die here! >Nibelheim. Ash: The Big Avacado. >He still detested the town. Thirteen years of childhood >memories definitely didn't give him any warm feelings about it. Frol: Too easy. _Far_ too easy. >Worse, >those thirteen years living just a street away from Strife and >Lockheart, Mendou: Attourneys-at-law. Frol: You forget who you're talking about, Mendou. >his wife. Not that it mattered, really; he spent most of >his time fighting at Mt. Nibel or in the basement of the Shinra mansion >anyway. Frol (Kielle): Sugar, come on outta there! Ash (Sephiroth): But Ma, I'm planning world dom- I mean, I'm making snow cones for the poor! >Whenever Strife's children got within a hundred feet of him he >usually attacked them with the coveted blade, Frol: Excaliber? Mendou: Ragnarok? Cid: Save the Queen? Pikachu: Pikachu? *Trans: Ultima Sword?* Ash: Guardian Blade? Mendou: Wrong game. >Masamune, All: Oh. >and they would run crying to their parents. Cid (kids): Daaad! Nathan maimed us agian! Mendou (Cloud):...... Ash (Cloud's kids): Oh, forget you. Mom, that weird kid tried to kill us again! Frol (Tifa): Oh, he just wants to be alone. He'll grow out of it. ^_^ >He caused Kielle some trouble that way, but she didn't seem to mind. Mendou (Kielle): Did you try and kill the Strife kids again? Frol (Seph): Well, yeah, but they started it! Mendou (Kielle): Don't worry, I don't mind. >He had long ago absorbed his son's remaining spiritual energy Cid: He's (&*^ super-absorbant! Ash (T.V. announcer): Try new Sephiroth with baking powder for the same absorbancy with odor control! >and become completely himself. Nathan was gone; he no longer existed >on the mortal plane. Cid: What, mortals get their own private jet now? Where's my jet?! >Not only was he stronger than before, Frol (Sephiroth): Now I can crush soda cans on my forehead, mwahahahahaha! >but he also seemed to have a natural gift for magic, Frol (Sephiroth): Hey Cloud, watch me pull world domination out of my hat! Ash (Cloud): Again? >something Kielle said >hadn't happened to any but the Cetra for thousands of years. That, >coupled with the knowledge locked away in the Shinra library, would >help him accomplish his goal: Mendou: Building a software company to take down Microsoft. >draining the Planet's energy into him. He would be god over every living >thing...... Frol: Except, for some reason, it didn't work on dingoes. Cid (Sephiroth): I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Frol: Cid, if ya do that just one more time, so help me I'll... >all he had to do was >find a way to fuse the Black and White Materia. Ash: -into one mighty saiya-jin warrior. >Sephiroth slammed the book shut, tossed it onto a tall pile of >discarded books and reached for a new one. Cid: Saga Frontier strategy guides. Frol (Sephiroth): Hey, this one's hiding a porno magazine! Mendou: Frol... >He knew it was there, somewhere. Ash: *Singing* o/~ Sooooomewheeeeere ooooooout theeeeeere... o/~ >He remembered reading the paragraph that awful night Frol: o/~ -when the lights went out in Georgia... o/~ >when he'd found out he wasn't really human, Ash: -he was really a Holmcross. Cid: Wrong game, kid. >at least not in the normal sense of the word. He wasn't crazy anymore, >though. He was quite sane. Cid: But, unfortunatley he still had "help me" written backwards on his forehead in permanent marker. Frol: What does everybody want?! Mendou: I'm not answering that. Ash: But I will! *Singing* o/~ Everybody wants to rule the world! o/~ Mendou: Urge to kill... rising... >Just frustrated. He threw the book to the floor and >leaned back in his chair, clutching the hilt of his sword. Mendou: He then used the sword to commit seppuku, the end. Frol: Feelin' dark? >"Nathan.....?" Frol (Kielle): I thought I told you to give that dress back to your sister! Ash (Sephiroth): But Ma, it makes me feel pretty inside! Mendou: Frol, I command you to quit corrupting that child! Frol: Bite me. >He placed his sword on the table and stood. Kielle entered the >library. Mendou: -and fell into a pit, the end. >"I came to see if you're feeling well. You've been here all >night." Frol: Seph's an AOLer! Female voice: *ahem!* Frol: Oh, sorry. >He saw his reflection in her eyes. Mendou (Milhouse): I'm a nerd! Ash (Sephiroth as Simba):That's not my father; that's just my reflection. >His face no longer bore any >resemblance to hers. Mendou: The point of telling us is...? >The white streak stood out among the mass >of his dark hair. Why hadn't she figured it out yet? Mendou: Because she exists in a universe where no one has an IQ larger than that of a tomato? Cid: Heh, yeah... hey... >She was the >most intelligent being on the Planet with the exception of himself >and Ash: -Skippy the Hyperintelligent Pipe Mold. >the red-furred creature in Cosmo Canyon. Frol: Finally, the mention of a _good_ character! Cid: I didn't know Fritz Fraundorf had red fur. Mendou: Not Cosmo Canyon the _website_! >The most intelligent being...... Mendou: Ben Stein? Frol: Dogbert? Ash: Bobby Heenan? Cid: Huh? >"Mother," he said softly, moving around the table. "Do you know >anything about mako fusion?" Cid: Fusing sharks? What the...? >Why hadn't he thought of asking her sooner? Mendou: Because she would learn his plans- Cid: -to steal Christmas! *Frol smacks him* (*&%*^#%()*^#&%#* ^*#%$&*^)(*^&*#$*&! Frol: Enough Grinch jokes already! >"Mako fusion?" She sounded surprised. Ash: Why is "she" capitalized? Frol: Maybe it's referin' to a goddess- Mendou: That's "megami-sama"! Frol: Fanboy. >"Not much. But there is a >book in here, if I can remember...... Here it is!" Frol (Kielle): The recipe for clam chowder! >She reached up, >stood on her toes to reach the tome, and needed both hands to bring >it down. She dropped it on Mendou: -her head, killing her instantly, the end. Frol: Dark much? >the table, causing a cloud of dust to >rise into the air. "It should be in here, somewhere after page nine >hundred." Mendou (Kielle): Right after the part about Life, the Universe and Everything. >"Thank you." He covered her hand with his. Frol: With his what...? Mendou: Frol... >Kielle smiled. "No need to thank me. That's what I'm here for." Cid (Kielle): I'm here to be used in your plans for global domination, narf! >She kissed his cheek and turned away. "Just try to get some sleep >this time, okay? I don't want you working yourself too hard." Frol: *pervetedly chuckles* Mendou: I _don't_ wanna know... *Thinks* The walls are closing in on me! >He watched her walk away, his smile fading. You just take care >of yourself, okay? Aerith's last words to his mortal enemy >before she died in the ancient city. Frol: *Deep voice* The Ancient City. Crime, drugs, and other things run rampant here. Even flower girls can get skewerd by black-clad megalomaniacs durin' their prayers... >Kielle's green eyes stared >through him in his mind's eye, and Sephiroth saw Aerith instead. Cid (Sephiroth): I gotta lay off the booze, man! >Why did they look so much alike? Cid: It might have something to do with the fact that they're related, Seph. >Aerith had died at his hands. Cid: S#!t, it was his _sword_ that killed her! His hands were holding the damn sword! Mendou: Do the words "Figurative speech" mean anything to you? Pikachu: Pika cha... *Trans.: Hypocrite...* >He clutched his head. No! He would not kill Kielle. He still >needed her. Frol: To do his- Everyone else: Frol! Frol: -laundry. What? >Killing her wouldn't help him destroy Strife. And if >she was to bear him more children, Mendou: The hell? He may be himself, but the body he's in is still his son's! Wouldn't that mean he'd be- Frol: Don't finish that thought. That's too sick, even for me. >she must be alive. But how would he tell her? Their memories together >weren't all good ones. Ash: Yeah, he's quite sane alright... >Kalm: Seventeen Years Earlier...... >He crept silently through her home, knowing she would not hear or >see him. All: *Hum the "Mission Impossible" theme song* >His real body was encased in a materia crystal of her making; but even >a projection of his true self was enough for this mission. Frol: Nah... >She deserved a reward for saving his life after the traitor Strife had >almost killed him. She wouldn't be expecting him, not like this. Ash: For he had unexpectedly turned into a Dratini. Frol (Sephiroth as Hunter): Yet another unexpected twist, bummer! Cid: He could get arrested in most states for something like that. Mendou: You would know that, wouldn't you? >Her humming led him to the kitchen, where she was setting a table >for dinner with their daughter, born just before the Nibelheim >incident. Frol: Hey, Nathan really _did_ have a sister! Ash (Hunter): I did not see that coming; no way! >A child called from the front yard, asking if her >friend could play. Mendou: -with her collection of sharp, pointy knives... Ash: Are you feeling all right, Mendou? >"Go ahead Shara," Kielle said before their daughter opened her >mouth, and the little girl grinned and dashed outside. Ash (Servo): Wanna play? I've got a box of men... >Now was the time. "Kielle." He solidified his projection. Frol: *Chuckles perversly* Mendou: *AHEM!* Cid: This is bordering on the obscene. >She spun around, knife extended before her. "Sephiroth?" Her >eyes registered confusion. Cid: Ah, all she needs is a smack upside her head and she'll be all right again. Ash: Or use a Pinwheel Mendou: Or a Pancea. Frol: Fanboy. >"Yes. No need for the knife." Sephiroth plucked the blade out >of her fingers, slipping it up his sleeve. Cid (Seph): YEEOOUUCH! Mendou: Little did he know it was a spirit ward in disguise. The instant it touched him, he disappeared, never to be seen again. The end. >"It's been too long, Kielle." He cupped her Mendou: Waitaminute here! >chin Mendou: Oh. Whew. >with his other hand, preparing to kiss her. Frol: We have LEMON SIGN! *Pikachu climbs up the seat and pushes Ash's hat over his eyes* >"Impossible!" She pulled away. "You shouldn't be awake yet. >The healing isn't complete! How did you escape the materia >crystal?" Ash (Sephiroth): It's a long story involving a Swiss Army Knife and a Vulpix. >"Your words called me back. Don't you remember?" I loved you, Ash: o/~ You loved me/ We're a happy family... o/~ Everone else: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! NOT BARNEY! >but did you ever really love me? Her exact words. Frol: -were, "Get bent, you megolomaniac pig!" >She had saved him, given him a new purpose. She deserved something >great in return. Ash (Seph): This NEW CAR!!! Cid (Seph/Vince McMahon): It's the Hardcore Title. I think you've earned it. >"No! Why are you here?" Frol (telemarketer): This is just a courtesy visit to see if you are interested in Sephiroth Long Distance service. >He smiled to cover up his anger. Frol: Uh, why is he angry? Ash: I have no idea. Maybe he should see a psychiatrist like the Lifestream. >Time to try the direct approach. Ash (Sephiroth): You _will_ buy these cookies! >With a slight flick of his wrist, the knife dropped back into his hand. Cid (Seph): OUUUUCH! >She gasped, her beautiful green eyes widening. Ash (Kielle): Well, I kinda can't help it; I am an anime character, at least in design. >"You murderous bastard!" She made a break for the door. Mendou(Football announcer): But the opening quickly closes and Sephiroth makes a clean tackle for a 2 yard loss. >So cold...... Frol: *Singing* o/~ You're as cold as ice... o/~ >His smile deepened and he lunged for her, stabbing viciously with the >knife. All: *Imitate the "Psycho shower scene" music* >She was fast, but not fast enough. He felt the blade slide into her >body. Frol: He likes stabbin' a lot, don't he? >Kielle didn't even scream-- she simply stiffened and fell to the >floor...... Cid: Nice guy, that Seph. Ash: Light as a feather; stiff as a board. Light as a feather... >Nibelheim...... Ash: The city that never sleeps... Frol: ... in its own bed, that is. >Such a shame she had felt betrayed by that; he had meant well, Ash: Yeah, like _that_ will hold up in court. >and her 'death' had not been painful. Mendou: Well, what did you expect?! You *)&^%%) _ATTACKED_ her with a *(^)*( _KNIFE_!! How can she _NOT_ feel betrayed?!? Frol: For a fanboy, you sure don't know much 'bout RPGs. >He had given her the gift of the Jenova cells-- to live forever Frol: o/~ FAME! I'm gonna live forever! o/~ >without fear of age or injury. Mendou: Or comprehension. >It was simply her misfortune that the treatment could not be >administered to a live subject. Cid: *ahem*cough*Cloud*cough* Mendou: Wha?! Sephiroth could be considered "alive" when he was injected with Jenova cells! >Now, how would she react to his possession of their son? Frol (Kielle): That's okay, I don't mind! >But then, their son didn't really exist anymore. Only Sephiroth >remained. Ash: -to pay the _huge_ bill from their dinner. >He wasn't sure he wanted to tell her. Being...... Frol: Laid? Mendou: Frol! Do you need a time out? Frol: Like I'm scared of you. =p >mothered was a new experience for him. A childhood in the lab of Professor >Gast, and then in Hojo's Ash: Hojo's _what_? Bar and Grill? >was not a childhood at all. Mendou: But it just said- Ash: Don't think too hard; remember what happens to Tom Servo when _he_ thinks too hard... >They were the cause of his madness. After all, if his mother had been >there for him...... Cid: ...he would've been a *well-adjusted* psychopath. >Enough. Cid: Damn straight! >He opened the leather-bound tome to the nine-hundredth page >and began reading the faded handwriting: Ash: -In order to use the ARMs, or Ancient Relic Machines, one has to synchronize with it psychically... Pikachu: Pika pika pikachu... *Trans.: And they call Mendou a fanboy...* >Materia is a condensed version of mako energy, otherwise known as the >Lifestream, engraved with the ancient wisdom of-- Mendou: -Mick Foley >He skipped a few pages: Cid (Homer S.): BORING! >The holder of the White Materia and the Black must combine Holy and >Shadow energy within the chosen vessel to release the power of Chaos-- Cid: Naw, all you need is to go behind the waterfall and get the manual Lucrecia leaves behind. Frol: I'd call you a fanboy, but you were in FF7. >Holder of the White Materia? Why was it necessary to have a holder? Ash: Well, if you don't have a holder, the coffee will spill on an old lady's lap, causing her to sue McDonald's. Everybody else: *groan* >He had mastered the Black Materia, but only Aerith knew the secret of >Holy, Mendou: -along with the secret of Monkey Island, the secret of Mana, the secret of Evermore, the secret world of Alex Mack, the Secret Garden- Frol: Shaddap before I smack you, boy. >and she resided in the Lifestream. Frol: Yeah, she bought a condo with the money she had saved up. Cid: &*(%&, that's the _Promised Land_! Mendou: Leave the nitpicking to the professional, Cid. >He knew, for he had spoken with her on many occasions. Frol (Aerith): Why the hell did you have to kill me for, you wacko?! Ash (Sephiroth): Well, you were sorta in the way of my being a god and all... >He regretted killing her. Mendou: *heh* >She was almost as interesting as her father. Frol: *Thinks for a moment* Nah, I'll skip it. >If he had known she was the daughter of Professor Gast, he wouldn't have >taken her life. Cid: *cough*bulls#!t*cough* >-- The vessel will then channel the gray elemental, sacrificing its own >life force to the greater force of Cid (Fritz Fraundorf): -Pikachu! Pikachu: Pika! *ZAP!* >the Planet. The gray elemental will Frol: -then force Squaresoft to crappily translate every game they put out for the Playstation. Cid: ^&%$^#$^($#^@%#^(@#, THAT AIN'T TRUE! Frol: I take it you haven't seen the translations for Final Fantasy Tactics and Xenogears yet. >smother the will of the Lifestream Mendou: -thus killing everyone and everything, the end. Ash: You're starting to scare me now... >to allow the materia holders access >to its infinite power-- Frol: So this information is just lying around, waiting for anyone to read it? Mendou: I guess. Cid (Pinky): What are we gonna do tonight, Seph? >The White Materia would not accept just anyone. Frol: They'd have ta buy it dinner first. >Holy wouldn't heed his call. Mendou (Answering machine): Hi, this is Holy. If this is Sephiroth, I still have that restraining order against you, so bugger off! >Kielle might be able to summon it, still half Cetra as she was, >but that would mean revealing his All: AAAAAAAHHHHHH! >plans All: Whew. >to her. Cid: -his plans to steal Christmas! *SMACK!* &*%($^$&^*()&$&^($&*%!! Frol: No more Grinch jokes! >The materia had belonged to Aerith, but he was fairly sure it would >respond to anyone in the family line. All: ......... Ash: That... made sense... Mendou: It's a miracle! *A Halleujah chorus starts up* >Sephiroth scanned the rest of the passage on materia fusion, found >nothing else of any use, then turned his back to the book. Ash (Sephiroth): I never want to see you again! You've been cheatin' with that Necromicon, you cad! Mendou: Another Wild ARMs reference? Cid: Whaddaya expect? One of the MSTiers is a obsessed fangirl- *CRASH!* What the ^*(^ was that?! Ash: The fourth wall. What's left of it, anyway... >If he expected to finish this before being discovered he had no time >to lose. Ash: Why? Cloud isn't exactly the most intelligent of heroes, you know? Mendou: I think that if Cloud doesn't notice the kid in town who looks like Sephiroth and threatens his kids, he isn't going to notice this. >Strife was beginning to get suspicious; Mendou: He almost found out about his crossdressing- Ack! You're corrupting _me_ now! Frol: Heh, heh, heh... >for a common soldier formerly Cid: -known as Prince. >under his command, the man knew too much of him for his own good. Frol: I think that's the most unrealistic line we've seen so far. >He couldn't kill Strife without arousing suspicion, Cid: _From_ Strife. >though. The thought irritated him. Ash: -and gave a terrible rash to boot! Cid (Sephiroth): Strife will _not_ foil my plans to steal Christmas! Frol: I SAID QUIT IT!! *Wallops Cid with a transdimensional mallet* Mendou: Are you _sure_ you're not a woman? *WHAM!* Frol: I'm a _MAN_, dammit! >Behind him, the book slammed shut of its own accord and a ghostly smile >graced his face, his eyes pure crystal ice. Ash: The book has a face? >On to business. Mendou: Baking cookies! Ash: Oh, the Tendo sisters are here? >Kielle leaned over the kitchen table, polishing the cherrywood surface >lovingly. Frol: *Chuckles perversely* >Her back was turned to him, just as it had been seventeen >years earlier when he'd come to reveal himself to her. Frol: Here we go again... Ash: Seph sure is a pervert. >How ironic. Ash: o/~ It's like raaaaaaain on your wedding day! o/~ >But things were different this time. Cid: *Comes to* -for he had the unholy power of Mentos! Mendou (Nav): *Comes to* The Freshmaker! >She wouldn't reject him -- he held the body of their son, though >technically he was no longer her flesh and blood. Mendou: Nani?!? It's _her son's body_! It still _is_ her flesh and blood! Ash: Maybe he really _is_ a Holmcross. Frol: I think we've met our "Wild ARMs" reference quota for the day with that one. Ash: Really? I thought we had one more... >He dropped the act he'd been playing for the last thirteen years, >and for the first time in over a decade used his true voice. Ash: I bet Seph sounds exactly like Ken Shamrock. Frol: I had always imagined him sounding like the Blue Meanie. Mendou: I think he probably sounds like Dexter, of Labratory fame. >"Kielle...." Mendou: -over and die already! Frol: Wrong spellin', Mendou. >She froze. Ash: -when her heart's not open? >The polishing cloth dropped from her hands. "Sephiroth.....? No, that's >impossible...... Frol: It can't be butter! >You were gone--" Her whisper cut off sharply. Mendou: -with a knife in her back. >"I am always by your side." Frol (Sephiroth): You know which one, nudge, nudge, wink, wink! Mendou: Frol... oh, why bother? >Sephiroth walked into the kitchen, using his sword as a staff, Mendou: There's another one! Cid: Another what? Mendou: Another line that could be considered obscene. Cid: Should Ash be reading this? >and stopped behind her. She was shaking. Frol: So this is a lemon scene. Pikachu: Pika! *Climbs up the seat and pulls Ash's hat over his eyes* >Slowly Kielle turned around to meet his eyes. "This is a cruel >trick, Nathan-" Ash (Kielle): *Adjusts his hat* Just like the one you did with that poor hamster so many years ago... Pikachu: Pika! *Trans.: Ash!* >"Not Nathan!" Frol (Sephiroth): It's Bambi now! >His eyes flashed with the power and anger he held in >check. His fist clenched around the sword, but as he coiled to >strike her, cold reason washed his anger away. Cid: *Singing* o/~ When my fist clenches, crack it open. Before I use it and lose my cool... o/~ Mendou: You know, there is an off chance that someone might have heard that song. Frol: By the way, who sings that song? Ash: Who. Frol: That's what I'm asking. Ash: That song is sung by- Mendou: *Drawing his sword* SHUT UP! I would rather read a fanfic than listen to that! >It would not be logical to kill her. Mendou: *Waving sword threateningly* If anybody makes a Spock joke, I can't be held responsible... >Yet. She was still too valuble. "Nathan is gone! Ash (Sephiroth): So I get to keep the dress! >I sent him on his journey to the Mendou: -center of the earth. >prison of the Lifestream thirteen years ago!" >Her eyes were terrified. Ash: What about the rest of her? Everyone else: *groan* >"No...... Sephiroth......" She drew herself Ash: At a time like that? Sounds pretty unreasonable to me. >up, backing up against the table. "Have you come to kill me too? >Don't think it will be easy!" *Mendou puts sword away* Cid: Feel better? Mendou: It's still too dark in here. >"Would you kill your own son?" he asked mockingly, seizing Frol: Uh, no comment. Ash: The day? Mendou: The city? Cid: Who gives a flying *(^*(? >her shoulders. She struggled but he held his grip firmly and she gave >in to his superior strength, staring at him with eyes that could kill. Ash: So he's become Piccolo. Mendou: That or Nappa. >"I didn't come to kill you...... Mother." Mendou: He's Norman Bates! Ash: Mother?! The queen of the Metal Demons is here! Get Rudy, Jack, and Cecilia! >He smirked. "I like the sound of that, don't you?" Frol: Not in partiular... Cid: Now is that an overtone, or an undertone? >Kielle flinched. "Get to the point. Frol: *Thinks for a moment* Nah... >I'm sure you didn't come here just to chat." Mendou: I'd say something about AOL, but... >He almost laughed. She really didn't want to confront him. Mendou: That's because she values her life. >He could see it in her eyes. She knew he was stronger. "Will you >cooperate? You know what I want." Frol (Kielle): But I threw out the bond- Mendou: FROL! That's it; time out! *Grabs a handy dandy roll of duct tape and tapes Frol's mouth shut* >"You've got to be joking!" Cid (Kielle): I mean, trying to steal Christmas. Seems damn near impossible- *THWAP!* >She shook her head. "I don't want to get >caught up in your plans again! Aren't two children enough?" Frol: Mmmmmph! >"Who said anything about children? Mendou (Kielle): I did just a second ago, baka. Frol: *Rips the duct tape off of his/her mouth* YEEEEEOWCH!! >Shara is doing quite well on her own." His rare laughter was gone, >leaving cold steel behind his eyes. Ash (Joel): Ha, ha, ha,.... OH! Mendou: Enough about the eyes! Move on to another facial feature! >"I want Holy." >"Holy?!" Ash: Cow? Mendou: Moly? Cid: S#!t? >She exclaimed. "I won't help you get it --" Frol (Kielle): You can get your bag of candy by yourself! >"You have no choice." Frol (Sephiroth as Bill Gates): You _must_ use Windows '98! >He stroked her cheek. "There is more to the Planet than Holy and the >Lifestream. Cid (Sephiroth): There's also the Tootsie Roll center! >Power beyond imagining can be...... Ash: -used to create a _huge_ desert that cuts across the planet. Frol: I call no more Wild ARMs references, ya dig? >ours. My plan doesn't endanger the Planet. Cid (Sephiroth): It'll just kill all life on it. Frol (Kielle): Well, when you put it that way... >In fact, I will be helping it recover from Aerith." He just needed to >distract her for a few more moments. Cid: Why? Is somebody sneaking up behind her with a steel chair? Mendou: I wish. >"Aerith has done nothing." Mendou: Except being a modest-looking heroine in an RPG. Ash: Yeah, they always seem to get killed or kidnapped, don't they? >"She led the Lifestream to destroy my summoning when she saw Holy could >not avert disaster. The Planet was drained." Ash: *Makes flushing sound* >His ghostly smile returned >and he released his biting grip on her shoulder. Frol: Bad Sephiroth! No bite! Bad! Mendou: Vampire Hunter D _is_ Sephiroth _in_ "Rebirth". >"I can restore it by offering my living energy to the Lifestream." >"...... And becoming its god, no doubt." Cid: I hate that band. Frol: You would. >Kielle stood transfixed by his eyes. Mendou: One more line about eyes and so help me, I'll... Ash: Smile and nod, Mendou. >It was working. Cid: All he needed was a reindeer- *SMACK!* Mendou: _What_ was working? Ash (Seph): Maybe... you'd like to... SLEEP! >He could still control her using the secret of Mendou: -the Teletubbies' popularity. >the Jenova cells that were a part of them. "Once I feel the Lifestream >flow through me I can take direct control." Frol (Sephiroth): -of that _lovely_ boutique I saw down the road. >He moved closer. "Then we can have our son back." Frol: Eew... Mendou: Flashing back... Chibiusa's Seventh Birthday... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! >Kielle shook her head. All: *Make rattling sounds* >"I can't control Holy. Cid (Kielle): I can't even make it sit down. >Only Aerith can do that. Frol: No comment. >The White Materia was passed down to her, and you killed her before she >could pass it on to anyone else." Cid: Uh-oh. Looks like Seph's insane killing sprees have finally backfired. >She had as much as agreed to cooperate. >"You will find a way. I seem to remember you casting a spell to revive a >dead villager in Mideel. Mendou: Nani? Back story, people, we need back story! >Perhaps you can resurrect Aerith." Frol: No, because her death was a plot device! Mendou: Yeah, Seph, that only works if they die in battle. Ash: Yeah, if a group of FF7 fans can't do it, you can't either. >"It isn't that easy! When we Cetra die our spirits travel to the Promised >Land, through the Lifestream, not within it. Mendou: Well then why did Seph say- Cid: Don't try to think. The pain is lessened that way. >She isn't here anymore. The best I could do would be to summon her shade." Cid: She's going to summon a MSTier? *CRASH!* Ash: Cid, the fourth wall, remember?! >"That's all I want." Frol (Sephiroth): That, and you in a vat of whipped cream nekkid- *SMACK!* Mendou: That's enough, young lady! Frol: I told you I'm a man, idiot! *A tussle ensues between Frol and Mendou* >Sephiroth cupped her chin in the same gesture he had used before, keeping >his face devoid of emotion, but victory burned in his eyes when he kissed >her, and he knew he would triumph over all the odds. Pikachu: Pika _pika_ pika! *Trans.: Now _that's_ a run-on sentence!* >And Strife would be made to pay at last. All: Yay!! >Tifa sat bolt upright in bed, Ash: I don't think a bed is a good place to put materia. Pikachu: Pikachu... *Trans.: What a pathetic riff...* >listening to the night. Cloud tossed in his sleep, Ash: Why on earth would he make a salad in bed? Pikachu: PIKAAAACHUUUUUU! *ZAAAAAP!* >turning on his side and pulling most of the blankets with him, but >she didn't care. Cid: -'cause old master's gone away. >Something had woken her up. Frol: The sudden realization that her life was a horrible lie? >Someone pounded on the front door downstairs. She slipped out of bed Ash (Tifa): Waaaaugh! *Falls out of his seat* >and ran down the stairs, wondering who would disturb anyone so late at >night. *Frol and Mendou stop fighting* Ash: Telemarketers? Mendou: I don't think that joke works in this situation. >"Tifa......?" she heard Cloud mumble, but she didn't have time to stop. Ash: o/~ Tifa, Tifa, Tifa of the Bad Brakes/ Watch out for that doooooor! o/~ >The person knocked again more insistently, and Tifa flung the door open. Frol (Person): Ow! Ash (Tifa): Sorry, I forgot the door swings out... >"Tifa! I'm so glad you're okay! I was afraid something was wrong." Frol (Kielle): I was afraid you had married a loser... oops, too late. >Kielle leaned on the lance that was her chosen weapon Mendou: -pointy side up, causing it to impale her shoulder. The wound got infected and she died, the end. >and stopped to take a breath. Mendou: -of Fire. >"Why would anything be wrong?" Mendou: Oh, I dunno. Maybe it's because A PLOT CONTRIEVENCE BROUGHT BACK THE GUY WHO NEARLY DESTROYED THE PLANET!! Ash: You need to lay off the cough syrup, OK? I'm worried about you... >She heard Cloud breathing behind her and reached back to hold his hand. >He squeezed it reassuringly. Cid: Assuring her that Cloud was, indeed, breathing behind her. >"Nathan is gone. Frol (Kielle): He ran away to perform at some place called "The Birdcage". >He's going to Ash: -become a Pokemon master! >get the Black Materia from the crater! He killed Jonai and her husband when >they tried to stop him." Cid (Kielle): I should have seen the signs; first he plays around with that sword, then he's trying to take over the world! I'm a failure as a mother! *Pretends to cry* >Kielle grabbed Tifa's arm and pulled her out the door. "We have to stop >him! Ash (Kielle): 'Cause a year without Christmas is like a dance floor without me! Do you understand that? Frol: Cid! Cid: I didn't say it, he did! *Points at Ash* Frol: So? You started it! >We can't allow the black magic Mendou: *To Cid* No Santana references! >to be loose on the world, or you'll have to deal with Sephiroth all over >again. Cid (Cloud): Duh... Sephiroth is bad, right? Frol (Tifa): Um... I think so... Ash: Alright, I think we've worn out the Cloud/stupidity jokes. Frol: But we've just started with the Tifa/stupidity jokes! >If I can get the White Materia before he does, I can stop him, but I need >your help! Please?" >"Cloud?" Tifa looked back at him. His face was stony, Frol (Cloud): *Stoned* Dude, when did you sprout wings? >and he stared coldly Mendou: What else is new? >at Kielle. "Cloud, she needs our help......" Mendou (Tifa): After all, the fact that her child trying to kill ours repeatedly is no reason to not help her! >"Sephiroth.....?" His voice made her shiver inside. She thought he had >gotten over that hatred. Mendou: He hasn't in any of the other fanfiction written after the game, why should he start now? >She turned back to Kielle. "We'll help you. Just give us a minute." Frol (Tifa): We have some "business" to attend to first. ;) >Kielle nodded and Tifa closed the door softly, pulling Cloud back upstairs. Cid: What, did he lose all motor control? Frol: No, I just think Cloud is whipped. >"It's happening all over again," he said, shaking free. Ash: *Way off-key* o/~ Born freeeeeee! o/~ >"No it isn't. Frol (Tifa as a little kid): Itisn'titisn'titisn't! Now get me a cookie! >Not if we help. Now shut up and get dressed. I have a >feeling this is going to take a while." Cid: Oh nooooo, just travling to the top of the world will take _THREE SECONDS_! Mendou: In the game, it pretty much _does_ only take three seconds if you have the airship. Frol: Fanboy. >Tifa stuffed a travel bag with a few potions and a change of clothes, Ash: ...her lucky penny, a superball, some marbles... Mendou: Nani?! Since when does _anyone_ in an RPG change their clothes? Ash: In Wild A- Frol: *ahem* No more references to that game, remember? >then fastened Premium Heart to her right hand, making sure all her materia >were still in place. Ash: Except for that Bolt one in her bed, of course. Cid: Did we already do a Yuffie joke? Mendou: Yeah, I think so. >There was a blinding flash outside, Ash: -that reduced their parry rate by 50%. Frol: *Glares at Ash* I said no more Wild ARMs references, and you will respect mah autoritah! *Holds transdimensional mallet* >and a deafening explosion sent her flying across the room into the wall. All: *Fall out of their seats as well* >She shook her head, trying to clear it, Frol: That's probably not hard for her. >and raised her eyes. Mendou: *Takes his seat, along with the others* -because they came out of her sockets. >Everything in the room looked normal, except for Cid: -Cloud's hair, but it was never normal in the first place. >a few loose objects lying on the floor. Cloud was hanging at the window >sill, Ash (Cloud): Uh, Tifa? You mind pulling me up? Frol (Tifa): Nah, if you die, I get a million bucks. >staring outside. Ash: You know, staring is basically his only emotion. >"The Shinra mansion is on fire." Mendou (Cloud; deadpan): Wow. That's really something. Cid (Beavis): Fire fire, heheh, fire fire! >Cloud beckoned for her to see. "Most of it's gone. Look!" Tifa peeked >through the curtains. Frol: -and saw the Turks moonin' her. >Only the charred frame of the house was still standing; the rest of the >property was engulfed in flames. Frol: Hey, if we're gonna use any Ultros\fire jokes, now's the time. Cid (Ultros): AGHHH! I'M ON FIRE! AGGHHH! HELP!!! Mendou: Now that's an obscure joke. There's probably about 20 people in the world who are going to get that. >The rest of Nibelheim stood untouched. Villagers were running out to >see the fire, Ash: -bringing marshmallows and hot dogs with them. Cid: Wow. Cities on Flame With Rock N' Roll. Ash: Huh? Mendou: *To Ash* Nothing. Just a stupid Blue Oyster Cult song. >crowding around the gate. >"How stupid." Cid: Amen to that one. >She picked herself up Ash: -with a colorful bouqet from her local florist. >and grabbed her bag. Why would anybody waste energy burning that place? Frol: Probably to get Cloud staring at it so he would waste time. >"Come on! Kielle's waiting." Mendou: -in the shadows, holding a sharpend meat cleaver... >"Why did the explosion shake everything up like that? Mendou: Oh, maybe because you were _ABOUT A BLOCK AWAY FROM THE EXPLOSION_?!? Ash: *Throws a Pokeball and releases Butterfree* Butterfree, sleep spore! *Butterfree uses sleep spore on Mendou* >Something else must be going on. It felt like the entire planet screamed." Cid: No, that was just half of Midgar after Palmer wore a thong on TV. Frol (Planet): I'M IN A CHEESY FANFIC! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! >"Then we should hurry!" Tifa shouted, Ash: Uh, why? Maybe she should see a psychiatrist too. >dragging him downstairs and outside. Frol: *Makes whip-crack sound* >Kielle was waiting for them at the edge of Ash: -eternity. >their house furthest from the explosion, her back turned to her former home. Mendou: *Wakes up* Wait, doesn't she still live there? Ash: Ladies, gentlemen, and Frol, we have foreshadowing. >"Come on, we have to hurry! He already has the Black Materia. Now he'll be >heading to the Ancient City. Ash: Des Moines? >We must get there before him!" Ash (Tifa): How do you know that? Frol (Kielle, nervously): Well, heheh, I'm just, um, psychic. Yeah, that's the ticket! >She ran for Mendou: -it in a futile attempt to get out of the fanfic. >Mount Nibel, not even sparing a glance for the burning mansion. Frol (Tifa): Nope, sorry, can't spare a glance. Ask Cloud. Mendou (Cloud): Wait... Do you have change for a stare? >Tifa exchanged looks with Cloud, but shrugged and ran after Kielle. >Forgotten City...... Mendou: So how'd they get there? Cid: Maybe I was written out of this fanfic at the last minute. Thankfully. >"It hasn't changed much." Cid (Cloud): Except for that Wal-mart being there. >Tifa had to agree with Cloud's comment. Ash: She had accepted the "Mike Nelson School of Dealing with Plot Contrievences" by just smiling and nodding. >The city looked just like it had fourteen years ago, when they'd followed >Aerith to save her from Sephiroth. Cid: *Sarcastically* Feh, good job they did of it too. >Kielle was already halfway down the glass stairway leading to the place >Aerith had died, and Tifa followed her. Cloud was slower. Mendou: He was held back in the third grade three times in a row. >"There. Stop there." Tifa stopped where Kielle pointed. Frol (Kielle): Now a little to the left. There! Wait... do I have the lens cap on? >Her friend nodded and turned back to the columns leading to the platform >on which Aerith had prayed. Cloud halted behind Tifa, not even daring to >breathe as he watched Kielle jump to the platform, Cid: He probably just forgot how. Mendou: -causing him to suffocate, the end... >trying to keep her skirt from flying up while she was in the air. Mendou: Was that line really necessary? Frol: Panty shot! >Tifa understood; she felt a little teary-eyed herself. Ash: Teary-eyed about Kielle's skirt almost flying up? >Kielle looked so much like Aerith that Tifa almost thought it was her >old friend she was watching instead. Kielle knelt down in the center of >the platform, directly under a sun beam, and her hair and blue dress >shimmered as she bowed her head to pray. Frol (Kielle): Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yay, God! >Her whispers did not reach Tifa's ears, but she felt the Planet answering >Kielle's call. Frol (Planet): Hello? Oh, hi, Kielle! I've been tryin' to avoid calls from that looney Sephiroth all day... >The lake began to pulse in time to the movement of Kielle's lips, and a white >glow suffused everything. The sun beam darkened and faded away. Cid: Is this leading somewhere? Mendou: Be patient. I'm sure this will get good sooner or later. (Mendou's thoughts): Just keep telling yourself that. (Mendou's consience): It's not *that* bad. (Mendou's thoughts): Quiet, you! Mendou: AGHHH! I'm freaking out!!! *Mendou almost attacks the theater screen when Frol hits him in the back of the head with a stereo* Cid: Hey! My Rush CD is in there! Ash: Poor Mendou. Frol: He had it coming. Ash: But to be hit with a stereo with a Rush CD in it... >"Cloud!" she whispered, Ash: That's some loud whisper if it needs an exclaimation mark! >pointing at the water. Frol (Tifa): It's Jimmy Hoffa! >The White Materia was rising, shining bright as the sun. Cid (Tifa): Look, you can see the string. >Tifa couldn't look at it directly. Ash: Then how did Tifa know it was the White Materia? *Thinks* Smile and nod, smile and nod... >Kielle extended her hands, palms up, and the materia settled into them, >lighting up her face and enveloping her in a heavenly glow. Ash: Are you sure Mendou's okay? Frol: It's better this way. >As soon as the White Materia touched her hands Kielle spoke, her voice >resonating in the tense silence of the Ancient shrine. Ash (Kielle): I'Mi'mi'm THEthethe GODDESSgoddessgoddess! *That was a lame attempt at typing an echo effect, just so you know* >"Spirits of death, Cid (Kielle): -take me so I don't have to be in the story anymore! >restore to us once more the lives of those departed! Sheath thy form in holy >light and clothe your soul once more with mortal flesh!" Ash: What's all this about? Why doesn't she just summon Phoenix? >Stardust Cid: I could make a Bowie reference, but it's no fun with Mendou out like that. >showered Tifa and Cloud, and a still human form materialized at her feet, >coated in shimmering silver powder. Ash: I'd say something about "Tomba!", but no one would get it. >"Revitalizing energy, grant our lost soul life unending! Revive!" Frol: Did you guys see the Jan. 4, 1999 episode of RAW? Cid: Yeah, that was cool. Ash: Mankind rules. Frol: Yeah. Oh wait... looks like something's happening. >The glow of Holy pierced Tifa's eyes Frol: -rendering her blind for the rest of her life, the end. >and she was forced to close them and clap her hands over her face to shut >out the light. Ash (Gizmo): Bright light! Bright light! >Kielle's last call echoed unendingly through the vast chamber and in >her mind. Frol: -which are one and the same. >"Aerith!" Frol: o/~ I just met a girl named Aer-ith! o/~ >Cloud's agonizing cry was almost as loud as Kielle's prayer. >Tifa opened her eyes. Ash: Well, yeah. That's kinda what you do with 'em... Frol: What is with this story's facination with _eyes_? Ash: Smile and nod, just smile and nod... >"Aerith!" She dropped to her knees next to the girl's *All give a warning glare to Frol* >sleeping body, touching her Frol: Saaaayy... >hand Frol: Oh. >to see if it was real. Aerith's vivid green eyes opened and focused on her, >her mouth opening to say something. Ash (Aerith): Cloud never really loved you, you know. Frol (Aerith): Oh great... I thought I had left you losers for good... >Movement caught her eye and she glanced up, Cid: It's Yuffie running away with her materia! Go get her, Aerith! >above the platform Kielle was jumping away from. Ash: Anyone wanna bet it isn't Sephiroth? Any takers? *crickets chirrping* >A lithe form dropped from the heights of the inner-city dome Cid: *Imitates the "Wile E. Coyote falls of a cliff" sound* Frol: What? A sports dome in the ghetto? Huh? >and descended on the party like a black angel of death, Cid: It's the Undertaker and he's _pissed_! Frol: Vince McMahon, watch your ass! >long-bladed Ash: Wesley Snipes! Cid: No, that would be simply "Blade", kid. >sword glinting in the light of the White Materia. Ash: I never knew the Guardian Blade was there- Frol: ASH! I SAID NO MORE "WILD ARMS" REFERENCES!! *Ash falls out of his seat* Ash: Jeez, you don't have to yell... *Sits back down* >Kielle joined her next to Aerith, and Tifa opened her mouth to yell-- Frol (Tifa): ANOTHER PLOT CONTRIEVENCE!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! >The black coated figure landed, and all hell broke loose. Cid: It really _is_ the Undertaker! >Strife's eyes rose from the resurrected form of Aerith and rested on the >figure standing over him, first surprised and then filled with hatred. Frol (Cloud): I see London, I see France. I see Sephy's underpants! Eew, and they're _floral_! Ash (Sephiroth): I knew I shouldn't have worn this dress... *Mendou begins to wake up* Mendou: Ow... my head... did I miss anything? Cid: No- *Frol covers his mouth* Frol: Yeah, Miss Lum stopped by and was about to rescue you from here, but, when she saw how peaceful you looked on the floor she decided that it would be best not to disturb you since you haven't ever been relaxed since she's known you. Mendou: Urge to kill... rising... >A sidelong glance at Kielle revealed her shock as well; Ash: She turned into a Pikachu? >he was fully himself now, no longe Sephiroth in Nathan's body'. His short >black hair was now Ash: -bright blue, held back by a red bandana-type thing. Frol: *Fuming* Ash... >flowing white, and his eyes pure emerald green. He smirked, dropping the >sword sheath and extending the long blade to Strife's throat. All except Mendou: *Chanting* Do it! Do it! >"To the settling of everything," Ash: The potato chip makers' motto. >he whispered, mimicking Strife's words at the eve of Ash: -Destiny? Cid: Wrong story. I don't think anyone outside the SquareSoft Archives would know what you're talking about anyway. >their last battle. He ran the sword along his captive's throat, Frol (Race announcer): And it's Masamune by a nose! >end to end, and watched droplets of blood trickle from the shallow scratch >down the leather straps of his armor to dot the glass floor. Ash: Um, if the floor's glass, why hasn't it given way to their weight? Mendou: That would mean it'd end, but if it did, that would make us happy. It's trying to spite us, you know. Ash: ......... >He saw Aerith rise unsteadily to her feet Ash: Huh? Cid: I guess getting revived and all takes a lot out of you. >and start to reach shakily for his sword to push it away from Strife's throat, Mendou: Don't do it! If he dies, it'll end and we'll be free! >but Kielle seized her wrist and pulled her away from the confrontation. Mendou: BOO!! >The resemblance between the two >was amazing Ash: Same with the Olsen twins, but no one likes them either. >at that moment, but the expressions on their faces were >different-- Kielle had no expression, controlled by Sephiroth's will, Cid (Sephiroth): Now you will SLEEEEEEEEEEP! >but Aerith had a strange, panicked look. Frol: Yeah, that's called _fear_. Stupid RPG characters... Cid: Hey... Ash: Wait... who's point of view is this now? >She tried again to go to Strife but Kielle yanked back, Ash: Aerith's a yo-yo! >shoving her niece against a column Mendou: TOGG! >and forcing her to sit down at the edge of the platform. Ash (Kielle): Now roll over Aerith! Play dead! Speak! >A glow emanating from the lake bathed them in green light. Mendou: It was plutonium. They all got radiation poisoning and died, the end. >The Lifestream was revealing itself, Ash (Random woman): Eek! Pervert! Mendou: That's "Pervect"! Ash: Who's going to get that? >according to plan. Cid: But Christmas came anyway- *SMACK!* OW, &*(%^^%^!! >"Kielle?" Lockheart called, Ash (Tifa): I've been trying to reach you all day! Frol (Kielle): Sorry, but the Planet just wouldn't shut up! >scrambling away from Sephiroth. Ash: She's an egg now? Cid: Egg-cellent! Frol: Don't egg him on! Mendou: This fic should be egg-ecuted... Cid: Well, we all know it won't be poached... Ash: Or over easy. Mendou: And by the end we'll be fried. Frol: Stop this fowl business! Ash: This joke was cracked in the first place. Mendou: Eggs-actly what I was thinking. Frol: *Fumes* >"Kielle, what are you doing? Kielle!" Frol (Kielle): Sephiroth, who else? Mendou: Frol! >"You were with him all along!" Cid (Kielle): Damn, and I coulda gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids! >Strife turned his gaze to Kielle. Ash: And Cloud just now figures this out... >Sephiroth put himself on guard-- he could not allow anything to happen to Cid: -the sled, for he wanted to return the stuff to the Whos- *SMACK!* >her yet. "You planned this together, didn't you!" Mendou (Kielle): Well, yeah. Ain't it a cool joke? >He brushed Sephiroth's sword away and started advancing on her. Mendou: Nani?! Why didn't he do that before?! Ash: Smile and nod, Mendou. >Kielle turned her expressionless eyes to him. Mendou: Again with the eyes?! >"Cloud--" Frol (Tifa): I'm leavin' you for Yuffie. I hope you don't take this the wrong way... *Everyone else gags* >Sephiroth rounded on Tifa Lockheart, Ash: -immediately got dizzy and fell backwards. >seeing vividly the little girl who >had tried to attack him with his own weapon on the night he died. Mendou: But he- But she- THIS MAKES NO DAMN SENSE!! ARGH!! *Collapses* >He smiled. Frol (Seph): Heh... I like mittens... >In one swift movement he flowed through his ready stance and slashed her Ash: -tires. >across the chest, Mendou: *Gets up* -which would have been fatal for a normal woman, but her, um, attributes protected her from serious damage. Cid: So that's how she lived through that... >then turned again and sliced the tender skin of her abdomen, reveling in her >scream of pure agony as she flew back onto the staircase from the strength of >his blows to land face down on the first step. Frol (Tifa): I've fallen and I can't get up! >"Tifa!!" She didn't move. Frol: o/~ Ding, dong, the bimbo's dead!/ Which ol' bimbo?/ The whiny bimbo! o/~ >Her hair and clothes were soaked in blood. Ash: Somebody get a mop! >Strife started to run to her. Cid: -but he tripped and fell on his face. >Sephiroth laughed. Ash (Prince of Space): Hahahahaha! Your weapons cannot harm me! >His taunting, Cid (Frenchman): Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! >cutting laughter reverberated throughout the temple, hitting Strife like >physical blows. This was a sight he had been waiting to see for years. Frol: That guy has _way_ too much time on his hands. >Strife would pay. Ash: Cash, check, or credit card? >Cloud looked back. Cid (Cloud): Eew, Red XIII ralphed on the rug again! >The pain in his eyes was absolutely unbearable. Mendou: So's the story. Next! >Sephiroth laughed harder, Cid (Sephiroth): MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOOOOOW! I ruptured something! >unable to contain the joy his enemy's suffering brought him, but his sword >never wavered. His opponent loosened his own weapon, slowly taking it in >both shaking hands. Frol: Now this is yaoi? *Smack!* MENDOU NO BAKA! *Procedes to pound him* >"Sephiroth.....!" Cid (Voice): I love you! >Sephiroth turned. Cid: o/~ To everything, turn, turn, turn... o/~ >Aerith was grappling with Kielle, pushing her struggling aunt to the edge >of Frol: Madness? Mendou: No, that's where we are. >the platform. Cid: Woo! Catfight! Pikachu: Pika! *ZAP!* >Intense green light washed out their features, Cid: What, are they at a disco? >but Kielle was losing. Her feet balanced on the very edge of the glass, >and she was holding on to Aerith for dear life. With a mighty shove, Ash: Any relation to Mighty Mouse? >Aerith threw Kielle into the vortex of the Lifestream and dove in after >her. Ash: SPLASH! Frol: *Gets up* Hmph, how dare he smack me! *Sits down* >"Sephiroth!!" Cid (Voice): Cait Sith has set your hair on fire! >He spun around, but too late. Strife leapt up into the air and came down, >dealing a blow that sent him reeling. All: BOOT TO THE HEAD! >"You never did reach your full potential," Ash (Sephiroth): If only you had gone to college! Then, then you could have been somebody! >he gasped, staggering. In a >moment the weakness was past, and Strife's attack useless. Mendou: *Sits back down* It wasn't useless, you idiot! It friggin' _hurt_ you! *Thinks* Owie, ow, ow, this is a pain that's gonna linger... Damn Frol... >Kielle was gone. >Strife was here, and Sephiroth wanted his blood. Ash: He's a vampire? Mendou: Good, maybe D will come and kill him. Frol: Wait, I though Vincent was the vampire... >"Now it's just you and me, Strife. The way it should be." Frol (Sephiroth): Now you and I can be alone- *Mendou duct-tapes Frol's mouth shut again* Mmmmmmmph! >They stood for what seemed like an eternity, staring at each other, >refusing to look away, waiting for the other to Frol: MMMMMPH! >attack. Motion near the Lifestream whirlpool caught Sephiroth's eye and >he saw Kielle climb out onto the glass platform. He ignored her. Mendou: Nani?! If he saw her, he didn't ignore her! Maybe after she got out, but- Ash: Can it, Mendou. >Strife's grip tightened on his sword indecisively, and Sephiroth brought >his blade up slightly. Cid: Really intense action scene here. Mendou: Then Slain cast a spell on the sword and Cloud was smited, the end. Frol: *Yanks the duct tape off* YEOOWCH! >A warm breeze sifted through his hair, blowing the long white strands into >his eyes. Ash (Sephiroth): Eww, who cut the cheese? Pikachu: Pika pi! *Trans.: Ick, Ash!* >In that moment he moved, leaping with lightning speed into the air Frol: o/~ Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'! o/~ >and raising his sword high above his head. "Remember this, Cloud?" Frol (Sephiroth): This was where we fell in love. >He hacked into Strife with all of his strength and momentum from the fall, >stabbing and slashing, Ash: Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind! >blue sheet lightning flashing every time his sword connected with Strife's flesh. >"Everything you gave me I shall return!" Cid (Sephiroth): Starting with this awful sweater, blech! >He jumped again and dealt his final blow, striking down with lethal force >and springing away, Ash and Frol (Yakko and Wakko Warner): Boingy, boingy, boingy! >holding his sword in the traditional ready position. >Strife staggered and collapsed, dropping his sword. Cid (Cloud): Dude, I shouldn't have had all that booze! >Blood streamed down >his face and his body. His armor was scattered in pieces across the glass >platform, Cid: What armor? They don't wear armor in FF7. Mendou: The author must have confused this for Final Fantasy Tactics. Cid: I guess, damn. >his clothing shredded almost to a bloody pulp. Ash: Not from concentrate. Mendou: Now that's just weird. >Sephiroth laughed victoriously, mocking his opponent. Strife twitched but >couldn't even raise his head. Watching his worthless victim clench his >hands in impotent fury, Cid and Frol: *Snicker* >he almost felt sorry for him. His laughter died down to a simple smile >when Strife finally managed to raise his head and lock eyes with him. Frol (Cloud): Just a flesh wound! >Fury burned in Strife's eyes. Cid (Cloud): Ow, my eyes are burning. Ow, ow, ow. Mendou: Eyes...? Oh, never mind. >Sephiroth laughed again, grounding the >tip of his sword into the floor and leaning on it. Ash: The sword broke, along with the floor, causing them all die, the end. Frol: Ash, you all right? Ash: Yeah, the fic just got to me for a minute there. >His could see everything that went through his opponent's mind-- he saw >himself plummeting from the sky and stabbing Aerith as she prayed, Strife's >own cry of anguish...... Ash: We're supposed to be feeling sorry for Cloud, right? >Lockheart sprawled on the stairs, dying from the wounds Sephiroth had >inflicted. All: YAY! >With a howl of rage Strife grabbed his sword, leaped up and charged, >vaulting into the air above Sephiroth, Cid: The newest Olympic event, Sephiroth vaulting! >who raised his own weapon to defend against the omnislash. >He felt the impact of the two blades meeting, Strife's just a bit off, and >Masamune shattered. Ash: Now _it's_ made of glass like the floor! Mendou: And that had to break instead of the floor. Nifty. >A pillar of fire thrust up from below, Frol: *snicker* Cid (Ultros): AGHHHH! >searing his skin, the sparks morphing Ash: Go, go, Power Rangers! >to ice and cleaving through his armor, piercing his skin. Frol: Sephy the Pincushion! >Frost curled around him and a bolt of lightning struck from the sky, >sending him reeling. Cid (Minnesotan fisherman): Oh, dat's a strong fish. Look at dat reel go! >The glass platform shook and shards of rock speared through the rime >of ice, shattering it and burrowing into him. Mendou: Please say by "him" it means "Cloud"! Pleasepleaseplease? >He and Strife fell as one, Mendou: ......... >Sephiroth on his knees clutching his broken sword and Cloud in a twisted >heap, unconscious, an almost blissful smile on his face. A victorious >smile. >No...... How could Strife possibly think he had won? Frol: Maybe because he just opened a can o' whup-ass on ya? >Sephiroth leaned on his broken sword, Mendou: How?!? The sword's supposed to be shattered! >using it to rise unsteadily to his feet. "You will have no peace, >Strife! In the end, it will always be the same-- Victory will be mine!" >He raised his sword for the final, killing blow...... All: *Unenthusiastic* Yay. Ash (Sephiroth as Kunou): Now my pigtailed goddess will be free! DIE, SAOTOME!! >"Bearer of Light," Mendou: -bear us the hell out of here! >Aerith's strong voice filled the shrine. Sephiroth's head snapped up in >surprise. Cid (guy from western movie Big Jake): I thought you was dead! >"Heed my call, that we may vanquish this evil and glorify your name! Holy!" >White light engulfed him. The pain was unbearable. Ash (Sephiroth; whimpy): Owie, owie, owie! Stop that, you craaazie! >Holy delved into his body, searing his soul until he knew he couldn't take >any more. Then, through the haze, Cid: Purple haze? >he felt a hand grab his Mendou: ACK! >coat Mendou: Whew. >and pull...... Green light replaced the white, pulsing in familiar >waves. Frol: More disco lighting. Weird. >"Here, you will stay, dear one." Kielle's beloved voice faded away, >leaving only the Planet's whispering song. Ash: Sadly, that song was "Mmmbop". >Sephiroth's entire body shook. All: EARTHQUAKE!! >Not again, not after all his effort! Frol (Seph): I should've used that last save point! No! >The blood, the pain, the rage...... Cid: -the burritos, the gorditas... >"NO!!!!" His cry was lost in the ever-changing pattern of the Lifestream. Ash (Seph): Cat on my head! Cat on my head! Agghhh! Mendou: If it's lost, then how...? Ash: Smile and nod... >Aerith knelt down next to Cloud, gazing sadly first to him, then to Tifa. Cid (Aerith): Damn, they're pathetic! >Sephiroth was defeated again, she hoped permanently this time, but what a >price to pay. Ash: Yeah, I hope Shinra had insurance on their mansion. >She sighed. Kielle was gone, too. All: GOOD! >The Lifestream had cleansed the Ancient of Jenova cells as it had done >for Cloud, and her aunt had made the ultimate sacrifice to balance her >evil deeds with Sephiroth and the good she had done before. Cid: You know, this is almost as confusing as the actual FF7 ending. >She wouldn't even be granted existence in the Lifestream; she was >lost forever, sleeping in her dark place. Frol: New Jersey? >Aerith took Cloud's hand and Tifa's and brought them together. Cid: And right about now, the ref wakes up, sees Cloud covering Tifa, counts to three, and an unconsious Cloud wins the match. >They deserved that much. Slowly she stood, and walked over to the fading >pool of the Lifestream. Ash: Everyone into the pool! *A beach ball comes from nowhere and bounces across the theater* Huh? >The Lifestream surged and she disappeared, leaving only stardust behind. Cid: Now they can cast Comet 2! >"Tifa......" Cloud tightened his hand around hers. Tifa smiled at Cloud >with her beautiful brown eyes. "I'll save you, Tifa......" Ash: *Sarcastic* Yeah, he's done a real good job of that so far. >The End All: Yay! >Explanations: All: D'oh! >(These are answers to questions that have already been asked (duh), Frol (Alicia Silverstone): Well, duh! As if! >so if you have one I don't answer here, e-mail me at rydia7@gte.net. >Please, no complaints or flames. ^_^) Ash: Flames, I understand, but why not complaints? Complaints might help her become a better writer. Frol: Exactly. >1.)Sephiroth's relationship with Kielle: Cid: -is something we don't care to know about. >Well...... So many people have asked me for details that I might just >write a fan fic on that one too. Mendou: ...... Frol: I think Mendou speaks for all of us right about now. >Here's a short, undetailed explanation-- They met a couple of years before >Sephiroth went to Nibelheim, Ash: When? Mendou: Sephiroth was supposed to be the greatest SOLDIER ever, so when would Shinra ever give him enough time to even get a date, let alone- *SMACK!* Frol: Shaddap! >and I'm sure you can guess where their relationship went, since we know >they have two kids. After Nibelheim, Kielle found him in the Lifestream >and encased his body in materia. Mendou: But- but- but- Cid: It's over. Let's just go. >2.)Kielle: Yes, she is an Ancient. (that's another long story.) Ash: Shoot me. Shoot me now. Please? Anyone? >She is the (much) younger sister of Ifalna, Aerith's mom. >3.)I did not bring Aerith back to life (sigh). It was just her shade, Cid: She owns Chibi-chan? *CRASH!* Female voice: It's not that kind of "Shade", Cid! >as mentioned by Kielle in Nibelheim. >4.)Sephiroth's return to his own body is really only an illusion. Ash: Coulda fooled me. >As I mentioned earlier in the story, as the years passed he looked less >and less like Kielle, his "Mother", Ash: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! The Metal Demon queen! Mendou: Is that anything like the Holy Mother of Nisan? Frol: Enough with the RPG references, OK? >until finally he looked like his old self again. The Black Materia could >have given him the power to do that I suppose. Either way, I leave it to >your imagination. Cid: Damn, if the author doesn't know the answer... *Trails off* >5.)Tifa and Cloud are not dead (yet), All: *Disappointed* Oh... >and I didn't plan for them to be. Frol: Is it all right for us to plan that, then? >Cloud had to have some motivation to hurt Sephiroth after Seph pulled >that Omnislash maneuver. That's how he used the Cherry Blossom skill. Mendou: But you said "omnislash"! Ash: It's almost over, Mendou, so calm down. >Don't worry-- there's still hope for them. Ash: I doubt it. >6.)Sephiroth's end: (sob) I didn't really want him to lose, but I had to >be realistic. Frol; This is fanfiction; since when does it have to be realistic? >So I compromised-- he isn't dead, but he is trapped in the >Lifestream again, Cid: o/~ And stuck in the middle with you o/~ >and for the story I'm assuming it will be harder to get out because the >Planet will have a stronger hold on him. Frol: *Singing* o/~ You really got a ho-old on meeeeee... o/~ >In other words, his body might die if he left, Mendou: WELL, DUH!! >and he'd be right back where he started! But he always has Kielle. >She's there too (kind of). Mendou: But- but- ARGH! *His head somewho comes off his body and flys around the room like a quickly deflating balloon. A new head appears on his shoulders with an audible "ping!"* Whoa... >Well, that's it! And here's a special thanks to my editor and good friend, >Zack Knoles!!!!! Thanks for the support! ^_^ *The screen goes blank and the lights come on* *Standard commercial break featuring things you'll never want or need in your lifetime* [Theater] *Ash, Cid, and Mendou are talking (read: complaining) about their current situation. Pikachu is asleep in a corner* Ash: Now how can I become a Pokemon master if I can't get out- *Frol comes in wearing a cheesy Sephiroth costume* Frol, what are you doing? Frol: I am not Frol! I am Sephiroth; I possesed Frol's body a few minutes ago! Cid: Right, Frol, whatever you say... Frol: NOT FROL! I'm Sephiroth! Mendou: Knock it off... woman! *evil grin* Frol: I'm a man, dammit! I mean, silence, infidel! *Raises his/her arms in the air* I am becoming one with the world! *The screen comes on, showing Officer Joy and Nurse Jenny* [PCoD] Officer Joy: So what did you think of the fanfic? Nurse Jenny: Why is Frol dressed like Sephiroth? [Theater] Ash: Well, it wasn't badly written, but the whole plot is one big contrievence. Mendou: Yeah, like Sephiroth having children with Aerith's aunt and then possesing the youngest child's body? And don't get me started on its facination with eyes... Ash: Don't forget Cloud having any emotions other than staring! Mendou: Of course, I couldn't forget that... Cid: Oh, and Frol's trying to convince us he's Sephiroth. Frol: *Deeper voice* I _am_ Sephiroth! Ash: Frol... Frol: Oh, you're no fun! [PCoD] Joy: Anyway, until next time... Jenny: Bye! ^_^ Joy: Push the button! Jenny: Sure thing, boss lady! *FWOOSH!* *Fade to black and roll credits* -------------------------------- The REAL end Chibi's notes: Well, all (hopefully) went well with this first team-up MSTing with these charaters. Took me long enough to finish this MSTing, didn't it? It's particularly difficult when one's computer is reformated and the last few riffs and the end host segment disappears from the back-up disk. Well, until the next time, ja ne! Chibi-chan's e-mail: Lessa990@aol.com (No AOL jokes, please) Nick's notes: None of the jokes are meant as a disrespect for Amber, who's actually very nice, but I was in an extreme hurry to finish this. I know that's not an excuse, but, well... And, I think I used my elipses quota for the rest of the year... Nick's e-mail: inaneman@hotmail.com