Introduction: It was another typical day in Graviton - namely, A-ko and B-ko were going at it again, and C-ko was cheering, along with Asa, Ine, Ume and Mari. Classes were about to begin, but the girls didn't care - they just wanted to finish the fight, which would prove which of them was the stronger. A-ko was motivated by her annoyance and want to end the fight, deemed stupid, while B-ko was motivated, as always, by C-ko. These two combatants were being watched by a gray haired man, who was speaking to a brunette. Man: "What fools these mortals be..wasting their time fighting each other, instead of putting their.........intellect into much more engaging pursuits." Woman: "As your little toy there, no doubt.." Man: "You sound less than pleased." Women: "I fail to see the point in this.. pursuit of yours." Man: (chuckles) "You will see my dear." He presses a button. A-ko, just about to land a punch on B-ko's jaw, vanishes. The cheering stops, and everyone watching stared in surprise. B-ko paused, "Eiko! You coward, you're not going to win this by running away!" She waited a moment for a reaction. Nothing. Grinning smugly, B-ko turned to her henchwomen and C-ko, "Very well, I guess I win by default.!" Then she too, vanished. "Where's.. Where's B-ko??" Asa gasped. C-ko looked around, her enormous green eyes beginning to will with tears, "..A..A-ko..? A-ko where are you??" She sniffled, seconds to bursting into tears. "WAAAAAH!!! I WANT A-KOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The volume of her scream sent the other four girls over their heels. The girls peering out the window of Classroom 2-E winced and clasped their hands over their ears. Miss Ayumi looked up from reading her book, "Girls, what on earth is that dreadful noise!?" One of the girls piped up, "It's C-ko, Miss Ayumi!" Miss Ayumi sighed, "Well I should've known. What's she crying about this time?" "A-ko and B-ko were fighting .. and then they just disappeared!" The same girl informed her. Miss Ayumi blinked, "Disappeared? Well they'll be getting a tardy mark if they're not back by the time class starts." The girls simultaneously sweatdropped. "..." Meanwhile, in the lobby of what looked like a large resort, A-ko rematerialized, her fist following the motion of punching - which reduced the coffee table to splinters. "..! What the ..hell..?" Her voice faltered as she looked at her surroundings. "Where am I?" A flash of light caught her attention, and when A-ko turned, she saw B-ko staring at her. "A-ko! So this is your plan, taking me away from my precious C-ko!" "Can it will ya B-ko! I had nothing to do with this!!" "LIAR! Prepare to DIE! Akagiya-EEK!!" B-ko suddenly screamed as an old man glomped onto her while she still wore her battlesuit. "LECH!" She pulled him off and threw him into the wall. A-ko snickered quietly. "Do forgive Egor, he hasn't seen a woman in over ten years.. let alone a young, nubile lady as yourself." A voice spoke. Both girls spun on one foot to face the newcomer. A-ko clenched a fist, "Who are you! Where are we?" "And where's C-ko?" B-ko added, equally angry. The man waved a hand. "Explanations can come later. For now, will you go into that viewing room?" A-ko and B-ko exchanged glances, frowning. "Why should we?" The man looked up as if beseeching the gods for strength. "Trust me on this. And I promise, you'll have your explanations afterwards." A-ko sighed, glancing at B-ko. "... I guess we should do as he says." B-ko frowned, turning to A-ko. "Very well.. but don't think for an instant that I've dismissed your treacherous involvement in this scheme." A-ko waved a hand, entering the room. "Whatever.." In the Viewing Room: A-ko & B-ko Eiko: Exactly why are we here? Biiko: Who knows, who cares, I just want to get back to my Shiiko. Eiko: She's not YOUR anything. And what happened to our names? Biiko: (smugly) Obviously the author thinks that this version of our names looks more dignified. I'm inclined to agree. Eiko: That or she was tired of typing out that hyphen. Biiko: (grumps) That too. Eiko: You know, this place looks a lot like the theater back home.. I wonder if a movie's going to start? Voice: (Sounds remarkably like the lady who plays Lwaxana Troi on Star Trek) Starting movie... Eiko: Who said that? Biiko: Is that the sound of a door locking? .. (her voice trails off as the screen before the two lights up.. ) >Author's Disclaimer: >Airline A-ko >By Edward Vagg >Airline A-ko is based on characters created by Yuji Moriyama, and this story is >totally unauthorised by him, or any of his friends and associates. This story has no >affiliation to Soeishinsha/Final-Nishijima, Central Park Media Corporation, US >Manga Corp, or any of the other companies that brought us the excellent original >series. (Hope I don't get sued now.) >Author's Note: >This story was spawned by the realisation that according to the "alternate reality" >of Project A-ko 5 & 6, there are many realities in parallel dimensions. Only 2 were >explored in detail, the Original "Official" Schoolgirl reality, and the Bounty Hunter >one. We did see glimses of other realities, including a Hospital one, a Safari one, a >Fighting Robot's reality, but I have chosen to "flesh out" the Airline reality. Enjoy! Eiko: Does anyone have any idea what he's talking about? Biiko: Apparently you aren't aware of our future exploits, seeing as we haven't gone past the Cinderella Rhapsody episode. Eiko: Hey.. shouldn't we worry about breaking the fourth wall? Biiko: I sincerely doubt we have anything to worry about - it's been broken so many times by others after all. Eiko: Still.. (she looks around worriedly) Biiko: Look at it this way, you simpleton. Nothing has happened, right? Eiko: DON'T call me a simpleton. Biiko: (smirks) Fine. Ignoramus. >Cast Notes: >Airline A-ko. >The Cast. >Eiko Magami: (hereafter known as A-ko) Biiko: BOOO!! Eiko: Oh grow up. >A-ko is a new addition to the staff of Nishi Airlines. Strongest girl in the world, she >has chosen the career of Flight Attendant! (maybe cos her Dad was a "flyer"?) >While basically being good natured, A-ko can easily lose control of her temper if >provoked... >Biko Daitokuji: (hereafter known as B-ko) Eiko: BOOO! Biiko: /Now/ who's being juvenile? >B-ko is an established force to be dealt with in Nishi Airlines, her arrogance has >made her disliked, but her ambition, and ability to work all night without sleep, >has made her a senior Flight Attendant. Why B-ko chose this career is not known, >odd choice since with a Genius level IQ, she could have been a Doctor, a Lawyer, or >helped her father with his business. >Shiko Kotobuki: (hereafter known as C-ko) Biiko: (sighs happily) Shiiko.. *_* Eiko: (waves a hand in front of Biiko's face) Biiko? Yoohoo, Biiko..? >C-ko is A-ko's best friend, they first met in a hospitality course at the Graviton >City Technical College. During an earthquake a piece of the ceiling nearly crushed >C-ko, but A-ko caught the rubble, saving C-ko's life. Since then, C-ko's gratitude >turned to genuine affection toward A-ko, and she chose to follow A-ko into the >Airline industry, just to be as close as possible to her. How C-ko passed the >hospitality course is a mystery, while her cooking is top notch in terms of >presentation, it tastes revolting! Eiko: You can say that again. Bleech. >Captain Napolipolita (hereafter known as Captain) The Captain of the Airliner is a >drunk crossdressing woman with green hair. While drunk she is stable as a rock. >Problem is, when sober she can't deal with reality. Pessimistic, the Captain is tired >of the constant trans-Atlantic crossings she is required to fly. >DC 1386215113 (hereafter known as D) D is the first officer (Copilot) of flight 90, Biiko: What kind of a name is DC 138 yadda yadda.. Eiko: A long one. >like the Captain is a woman who likes to dress in men's clothing. Extremely big >and musclebound, why D has such an odd name isn't explained. >Terrorist Leader: A shadowy figure, his motives remain a mystery. He is a >perfectionist, and he demands the best from his troops. Why he became the leader >of his squad is obvious, he is a master tactictian, and is the best man for the job. >Prologue: Scene: A dirty, disused warehouse. Biiko: Eiko's home, no doubt. Eiko: Shut up. >It is mostly empty, save for a table in the corner, and half a dozen men wearing >jungle fatigues. A solitary naked Biiko: Ooo.. Eiko: Oh please no.. >light bulb Biiko: Aww.. Eiko: (sighs with relief) >hangs from the ceiling, illuminating the table, the rest of the warehouse in >darkness. The leader of the group steps into the light, illuminating his features. >Terrorist Leader: Fellow freedom fighters! Now is our time to make a stand! (His >dark silhouette stands majestically over his underlings) Eiko: (stands up and looks around for wood and tools) Biiko: What are you doing? Eiko: Making a stand. Biiko: Sit down you moron. >The terrerorists cheer, loudly. Biiko: What's a terrerorist? >Terrorist Leader: Too long our organisation has operated in silence, our cause Eiko: World domination through mimicry!! Biiko: (stares at Eiko) ... Idiot. >a secret. The western world continues in ignorance, we must now SPEAK OUT!!! >The assorted rabble cheer even more loudly! Biiko: And there was much rejoicing. Both: Yay. (Eiko and Biiko look at each other, then away with audible "Hmf" noises.) >The din dies down, and a brave underling steps forward, pauses, then speaks. Eiko: (British accent) I want to go home to mother! Biiko: (Mad Queen) You dare return? Off with his head! Eiko: (sweatdrop) >Brave Underling: But boss! How will we deliver our message? >Terrorist Leader: I have a plan... Eiko: (Baldrick) A cunning plan.. >Dramatic music swells... Biiko: Ooh.. how dramatic. >Scene: Nishi Airlines crew quarters. The rooms house ten people each, but only >one of the bunks is currently occupied. Eiko: Where is everyone then? >The sheets are drawn tight round the sleeping figure, as if for privacy. Of the >person within, only an unidy tuft of red hair is visible. C-ko, a short, cute >blonde is trying to wake the sleeper. Biiko: Unfortunately, said sleeper was dead, suffocated in the night by her pillows. Eiko: (shifts uncomfortably) >C-ko: HEY A-KO! TIME TO WAKE UP! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? >WE'LL BE LATE >FOR WORK!!! Eiko: AAA!! (falls off her chair) Biiko: (covers her ears) We WOULD have the benefit of surround sound! Oh my ears! >A brief stirring beneath the covers. We hear A-ko grumble something >unintelligible. Biiko: Like normal. Eiko: What? What? I can't hear you! What? Biiko: Nothing o/~ >Then suddenly blankets flies everywhere, (burying C-ko) and A-ko frantically >grabs her much abused alarm clock, cursing under her breath. >A-ko: Omigod, I'M LATE!!! Eiko: (rubbing ears) .. This seems awfully familiar.. >A-ko, having fallen asleep the night before wearing her uniform, is already >dressed. (Eiko and Biiko blink.) Biiko: Well OBVIOUSLY she's dressed. Eiko: (starts laughing) That sentence sounds so awkward! >her clothes are crumpled, and she needs a shower, Biiko: (holds her nose and eyes Eiko) That's for sure. Eiko: (glowers) >but she hasn't got the time. C-ko is already more than ready for work. A-ko >quickly puts on her shoes and socks, rescues C-ko from the heavy blankets, Biiko: Rescues? They were blankets. Eiko: Yes, but she can't rescue herself from a papercut. >and runs out the door, C-ko in tow. A-ko is indeed quite late. Flight 90, her >plane >is already taking off! Biiko: Oh, what a pity.. >A-ko: Oh no! We'd better take a shortcut! >C-ko: (trying to speak) OKAAAAAYYY..... Eiko: (slowly) Daaaaaaaveeey.. >A-ko leaps out of the second storey window, Biiko: And plummets to her death. Eiko: Not likely, seeing as I jumped out of a second story window to get to Shiiko when Mari was bullying her. Biiko: I can dream. >then heads straight for the terminal building. She smashes right through the >automatic sliding doors that fail to see her in time. Biiko: There's something awfully disturbing about that line. Eiko: Could it be the implication that the doors had eyes? Biiko: Implication? My I am impressed; a neanderthal like you can use such big words. Eiko: (growls) >Oblivious to the glass fragments, A-ko runs on. Eiko: (herself) Ow! Glass shards in my eyes! Feet, hands.. oh this is annoyingly painful! >Innocent bystanders scatter, Biiko: Like bowling pins.. >and somehow avoid being hit , except for a large musclebound figure Biiko: Mari? Eiko: D? >wearing a black leather jacket, matching pants and sungalsses who is hit head->on and is caterpaulted onto the luggage conveyor. Eiko: (does the Goofy Yell) Aaahoohooohooey!! Biiko: How do you do that? Eiko: It's a gift. >Half the man's face was torn by the impact, (Both girls pale.) Eiko: That's.. Biiko: ..Gross. (The two glance at each other and then away again, scowling.) >and we see that he is a robot underneath a false skin! Eiko: The Terminator! >Victim: (With Austrian accent) Biiko: Hasta la vista - Eiko: Was he from Austria? Biiko: I'm not sure, but I felt like saying it anyway. >I need a vacation... >A-ko: (yelling behind her) SORRY!!! Eiko: Déjà vu.. >A-ko then darts through the maze Biiko: Desperately searching for the cheese.. Eiko: I am not a rat. -.- Biiko: (withholds comment..barely) >of the security section, leaping over counters and causing general havoc. Security >guards swear, but by the time they draw their guns, A-ko is long gone. >The plane is visible, halfway down the runway. >A-ko: There it is! Biiko: (A-ko) You won't get away that easily!! >C-ko: (trying again to speak) Eeeeee...... Eiko: (C-ko, spitting) I keep getting bugs in my mouth Eiko! Biiko: (A-ko) Then shut it! (Both giggle, then glare at each other and turn away) >A-ko sprints even faster, the concrete splitting beneath her feet. Leaving a long >trail of destuction behind her as she reaches the plane, A-ko grips the >undercarriage just as the plane lifts off.... Eiko: What a chase scene! The action! The danger! Biiko: The boredom. Eiko: Shush, it's not that bad. Biiko: Says you! Eiko: (growls again) >The ground crew look at the destroyed runway and shake their heads in >disbelief. Biiko: (Ground Crew) I can't believe it's not butter. Eiko: (stares at Biiko) That made NO sense whatsoever. Biiko: Shut up. -.- >The ground falls away, and the landing gear retracts, now A-ko and C-ko are >trapped in the wheel bay. Biiko: Getting squished by the wheels. >C-ko begins to sniffle. Eiko: Oh no.. Biiko brace yourself. Biiko: Whatever for? Eiko: You'll see. (covers her ears) >Then she bursts into tears, crying her eyes out, literally! (Stunned silence) Biiko: .........that...that's... Eiko: ...scary. Biiko: Yes. >C-ko: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Biiko: Oh my ears!! Eiko: (shouting) I did warn you! >A-ko: Don't cry C-ko, I'll get us out of here. Biiko: (A-ko) Just for the love of god, stop crying! >A-ko punches Eiko: (starts to say something) Biiko: If the next word is 'C-ko', so help me.. Eiko: (grumbles) >her way through several levels of machinery, until she has reached the cargo >compartment. Eiko: (still yelling) Several LEVELS? How big IS this plane? And wouldn't that.. destroy it? Biiko: (thinking) I'm ..not sure.. >A really attractive girl with short, lavender hair waits for them as A-ko and >C-ko >emerged from the jagged hole. The girl does not look happy. (Eiko looks from Biiko to the girl on the screen.) Eiko: Oh god. Biiko: Well the cast list DID mention my name.. >B-ko: You must be A-ko and C-ko, the new Flight Attendants. Well, you're >LATE!!! Biiko: Prepare to DIE!! Eiko: Isn't that a little harsh for tardiness? Biiko: If Miss Ayumi threatened us with death if we were tardy - Eiko: - It wouldn't make a difference if we were fighting. Biiko: ..You have a point. >A-ko dosen't like the look of this lavender haired vixen. She has that >"superior" >look that A-ko personally detests. Biiko: And why not? I /am/ superior. Eiko: To a mealworm. >A-ko: (thinking) Gosh, this jerk probably thinks she runs the place! Biiko: I do-hey wait.. JERK? Eiko: Gotta call it like I see it don't I? Biiko: Why you little.. >B-ko: Alright you two, Now listen up! My name is B-ko, I'm the one on charge, >and >you two report to me. Understand? Eiko: (C-ko) Um, scuze me Miss Biiko, but why /are/ you on charge? Biiko: (Charge) Get offa me! Get off!! (Both giggle, then eye each other uneasily) >A-ko and C-ko both nod, A-ko reluctantly, C-ko enthusistically. (Silence. Both girls quickly slap their hands over their ears) >C-ko: YES B-KO!!! GEE IT'S GONNA BE *GREAT* WORKING TOGETHER!! HA >HA HA, NOT >THAT WORK IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN, BUT YOU KNOW >WHAT I MEAN! DON'T YOU THINK >IT'S GONNA BE GREAT, A-KO? (The viewing room begins to shake from the force of C-ko's yelling) >A-ko: (embarrased) Uh, yeah. I guess... >C-ko: YEAH IT'S GONNA BE GREAT!!!! (The ceiling cracks) >B-ko: (thinking) I don't like A-ko's attitude. Biiko: (shouting) How dare she not grovel at my feet? Eiko: (also shouting) I hope there aren't anymore lines like that.. I don't think the room can take it! >But C-ko's got potential... Eiko: To make our ears bleed or level buildings with the sound of her voice. Biiko: Hmm.. doesn't that whole scene sound familiar? Eiko: I'm trying to ignore that. >B-ko: Well, it's time to get back to the cabin. The passengers will be >expecting their >drinks soon. Eiko: (Drunken passenger) *hic* More Wine! >In the cockpit of flight 90, the Captain looks at ease, a self assured smile on her >face. About 20 empty miniature liquor bottles are lined up along the >window, like >toy soldiers. Biiko: (Darth Helmet) Did you see anything?? Eiko: (Soldier) No sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again! >Back to A-ko. A-ko is in the storage area, rummaging around, making a HUGE >mess! Biiko: It's HUGE! Eiko: Exactly how huge? Planes aren't that large. Biiko: Maybe we're on a plane like the Hindenburg. Eiko: That isn't too reassuring.. >A-ko: Hey B-ko! Where did you say the drinks trolley was again? >A grim look is on B-ko's face. Biiko: You dare ask me a question! Off with her head! Eiko: Eheheh..heh..yeah. >B-ko: (accusingly) YOU LET THE DRINK TROLLEY GET AWAY!!!!? HOW >COULD YOU BE SO >STUPID? Eiko: (Trolly) Free! I'm free! HAHAHAHAHAHHA!! Biiko: Well at least I didn't scream the way Shiiko did. Still, I don't like the way the walls are looking - are those hairline cracks? >She then storms Eiko: It's Hurricane Biiko! Biiko: Oh shut up! >off to the cockpit, knowing EXACTLY who's responsible for the missing drink >trolley. Eiko: Then why yell at /me/? Biiko: Why not? >A-ko: (thinking, scowl on her face.) Hey' wait a sec.... Eiko: That was a guy! Biiko: Hey! >Her thoughts are interrupted by C-ko's giggling. C-ko is standing in the middle >of >the aisle, watching the inflight movie. Biiko: The Muppets take Manhattan? Eiko: Shiiko thinks everything on TV is funny. Sometimes it's scary. Biiko: Really? Eiko: Yeah! One time - (she pauses, realizing something) Nevermind. >Cut to TV monitor. Biiko: All right. (pulls out a sword) Eiko: How'd you do that? Biiko: It was in my suit. Eiko: ...? A suit can fit in that...nevermind, I don't wanna know. Biiko: (smirks) >A large panda bear is sitting at a table with a red haired pig tailed girl, Biiko: Panda bear? When did you get a panda, Eiko? Eiko: I didn't. >another girl, and a moustached man. The panda holds up a sign reading: Biiko: (Panda) Do you have any Grey Poupon? Eiko: OH that was lame. Biiko: You could do better? Eiko: (Panda) I wanna go home! Biiko: (snorts) > Eiko: (fuming) NO! NO I can't pass the rice okay! I'm stuck in this weird resort with this annoying girl while god knows what's going on at home! Biiko: (unruffled) Sit down Eiko. >C-ko: HEY LOOK, A-KO! LOOK AT THE CUTE PANDA!!! Eiko: ACK!!! (Biiko looks up and moves to another seat as a chunk of the ceiling falls from the area above her) Biiko: This doesn't bode well. >The passengers look at C-ko rather strangely. (How old is she, anyway?) Biiko: Sixteen. Eiko: Six. >But one passenger isn't watching C-ko, a suspicious looking man who's wearing >combat fatigues. Eiko: (pauses and rereads that) Maybe it's just me but . . . that just doesn't sound right. >He checks his hand-grenades for the umpteenth time. Biiko: (Man) Yep, they're hand grenades all right. >Terrorist Leader: (thinking) The time to strike approaches... >Sounds of battle can be heard from the cockpit. Everyone stops, and listens. Eiko: While the plane crashes to the ground.. >B-ko triumphantly emerges, pushing the drink trolley in front of her. She hasn't a >scratch, but before the cockpit door slams behind her, we can see the >Captain's >looking in bad shape, and D is wrapped in bandages! Biiko: I'm offended! I would not threaten the lives of ..(pauses as she sees Eiko looking at her) Never mind. >B-ko: (to a handsome passenger, in her sweetest voice.) Would you like a drink, >sir? Eiko: (Biiko) Coffee, tea.. me? (Biiko slams her head into the chair) OW! What the hell was that for!! Biiko: Just you watch it. >Kei, making a meaningless cameo appearence, looks up. Biiko: (starry eyed) Kei-sama.. *.* Eiko: (Likewise) Kei.. *.* >B-ko blushes at the sight of his handsome face. Time seems to stand still as he >speaks. Eiko: (Kei) Cola. >Kei: A Pepsi. Kei then nods, and turns back to his motorcycle magazine. Eiko: Pepsi? Kei you SELLOUT! Biiko: Um .. wait a second.. that part after 'Pepsi' .. it was spoken? Why would he say something like that? Eiko: I'm not sure, but I'm afraid to find out. >A-ko's sifting through the remains of a couple hundred in-flight meals >destroyed >by her frantic search earlier. Eiko: I am? Biiko: Bad sentence structure. I think Miss Ayumi would give it a "D". >A-ko: (with despair) Oh, it's just no use. It's all ruined! Eiko: (Despair) And who's fault is that? Biiko: Stop talking to yourself. >C-ko approaches. >C-ko: What's all ruined? >A-ko: (under her breath) Oh no. >C-ko: The food's all ruined? >C-ko brightens up. Biiko: Isn't she cute? Eiko: What's with these short short sentences? >C-ko: I KNOW!!! I'll COOK!!! (The girls look around uneasily) Eiko: .. man I'm getting hungry .. I'd even eat her food right now. >A-ko looks absolutely shocked! Biiko: - at the unnecessary use of exclamation points! >Her eyes bulge, Eiko: What am I a frog? Biiko: Well.. Eiko: Don't answer that! >and her bra strap slides down her shoulder. Biiko: Eiko..I didn't know you were like that! Eiko: I do not wear my bra on the outside! The author probably means my sleeve .. or that I'm wearing an off the shoulder blouse or something. Biiko: Uh-huh.. >C-ko dosen't notice. Eiko: Nothing new there. >A-ko: (pleading) But, C-ko, wait! We don't have the ingredients on board! >C-ko: (skipping down to the Galley, calling over her shoulder.) I'LL >IMPROVISE!! Biiko: (pulls a book out of nowhere) "Two quarts gasoline, paper, eggshells.." Eiko: What are you doing? Biiko: (holds up the book) Shiiko's Recipes to Disaster. >A-ko: (thinking) Well, there's no stopping her now, C-ko's stubbon as a mule. Eiko: (darkly) And about as smart. (WHAP) OW! NOW what did I do? Biiko: I won't have you speaking of my precious Shiiko like that! Eiko: But it's true! >I'd better check we got enough of those little paper bags... Eiko: Unfortunately, those little paper bags aren't large enough to - Biiko: Don't go any farther than that. >Back to the cockpit, D is nursing her wounds. The Captain is looking philosophical. >(ie. still drunk.) >Captain: You know, D? >D: What? >Captain: This reminds me of a dream I had once. I dreamed I was in command of a >battlecruiser in search for a long lost princess. Do you know why I'm reminded so, >D? >D: Tell me Captain. >Captain: (exploding with rage!) Biiko: Oh that's messy. >BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIND A DRINK EVEN THEN!!!!! (Eiko jumps out of her seat as another part of the ceiling crumbles over her chair) Eiko: I wonder if we're getting hazard pay? Biiko: I doubt very much that we're being paid at all. >Back to the passenger compartment, some time has passed. Most of the passengers >look ill, some even unconsious. A-ko still has a tray in her hands when B-ko walks >in. >B-ko: (angrily.) SO! This is all YOUR FAULT! Do you realise how many people >you've POISONED? Eiko: Hmf! Would you say that if you knew it was your precious Shiiko made the food! Biiko: No comment. >A-ko: MY FAULT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE IN CHARGE!!! (CRACK. Eiko looks towards the wall.) Eiko: Uh.. Biiko? >B-ko: YEAH, WELL I DIDN'T COUNT ON HAVING DIMWITS LIKE YOU ON >MY CREW! (The Cracking sound continues. Biiko is unaware of Eiko, having her hands over her ears.) Eiko: (Louder) B..Biiko? >A-ko: AND I WASN'T EXPECTING SOME STUCK-UP BROAD FOR A >SUPERVISOR!!!! >B-ko: YOU BITCH! (Eiko jumps out of her chair and bolts over to the wall, which is cracking from the force of the yelling on the screen.) >A-ko: LOOK WHO'S TALKING! Biiko: How many movies were there? Eiko: Three, but that's not important. >B-ko: (her voice turning to a growl.) I'll show you who's boss... >A-ko: (screams.) YEAH???? (Biiko glances over to Eiko) Biiko: What did you do to that wall! Eiko: ME?? (She catches herself and begins again) /I/ didn't do anything - it was our alternate selves yelling that made it start to crack! >With that, A-ko hurls her food tray at B-ko with an almighty effort! Eiko: (Stewie) Have at you!! >Unfortunently, B-ko sees it coming, and takes a nimble jump backward to dodge >the flying food. Biiko: Food fiiiight! (pause) ...how juvenile. >B-ko quickly lands, and then sprints forward to deliver a flying kick! (Authors >note, these few seconds of action can be seen in Project A-ko 6, Battle 2 - >Blue >Side.) Eiko: Really? Biiko: Really. I've seen the entire series - and so have you, dimwit. >At this exact moment the Terrorist Leader decides it's time. He looks around, and >notices most of his team is still incapacitated by food poisoning. >Terrorist Leader: (thinking) No matter. Just so long as trusty Brutas is by my >side... Eiko: Et tu Brute? Biiko: BruTAS, not Brutus. >CLANG!!! Eiko: BAM! Biiko: BIFF! Eiko: POW! Biiko: WATAK! Eiko: KABONG! >A metal food tray, thrown by some inhuman force Biiko: (snicker) Eiko: Oh I'm inhuman am I?? >strikes Brutas in the head, knocking him out instantly. Biiko: Cracking his head open like an egg.. Eiko: GOD Biiko, will you cut that out!!? >Terrorist Leader: WE MUST NOT FAIL!!! Eiko: (Freakazoid) I must succeed! Biiko: Why am I not surprised that you've watched that.. Eiko: I was bored at the time. >With that, the sole terrorist dons his balaclava, steps into the aisle, pulls out a >grenade, and is promptly knocked to the ground by the two girls, who are >currently barreling down the corridor. B-ko plucks the grenade from the >terrorist's >hand. Eiko: And it explodes.. >B-ko: Thanks! Biiko: Hmf, like I'd say thank you to a peon like him. >Knocked unconscious, the poor terrorist is ignored and forgotten. He has >failed. Both: (without sympathy) Aww. >C-ko observes sadly. For as long as she's known A-ko, she's always been >involved >in fights! (Pause) Biiko: ..Shiiko's.. been in fights? Eiko: ..Not that I've heard.. I think..that second she was me. Biiko: What? >C-ko: STOP FIGHTING! A-KO, B-KO, PLEASE STOP!!! Both: Stop Yelling!!! Eiko: (pauses) Like that'll ever happen. (sigh) >But A-ko, and B-ko are too far away already to hear. Besides, they're too >engrossed >in combat to care. Biiko: This must be one long plane if they can't hear that girl screaming at them. Eiko: Selective hearing. >B-ko pulls the pin from the grenade, and throws it at A-ko. >B-ko: HA! TAKE THIS!!! Eiko: (Herself) No thanks! >The grenade explodes, taking a nearby door off it's hinges. (The viewing room shakes violently, knocking both girls from their seats) Eiko: (getting up, bewildered) What was THAT? Biiko: (gets up, dusting herself off) Hmmm...residual effects from the fic it would seem.. >Passenger's are blackened by the explosion, Biiko: When they should be in pieces.. >and A-ko is sucked out the doorway by the sudden decompression of the plane. Eiko: (herself) Wheee!!!.. >(Just why the passengers aren't sucked out as well isn't explained. Sorry >readers!) Biiko: They had their seatbelts on? >B-ko: (Maniacally) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Biiko: I'm offended! I can laugh maniacally better than that. >Surrounding passenger's give B-ko an odd look. Then, the passengers turn and >check the window. One of them points excitedly. Eiko: (passenger) Daddy daddy! The wing's on fire!!! >Passenger 1: Look, there she is! >Passenger 2: I hope she's all right! Biiko: (Passenger 1) Should we help her? Eiko: (Passenger 2) Nah, I'm comfortable. >Outside the window, A-ko is seen, clinging onto the wing of the airliner for dear >life! The wind is blowing her skirt back, and her panties are on full >display. Biiko: (hmfs) Gratuitous panty shot. Eiko: (sighs) I always did hate that.. >A-ko blushes deep red! Biiko: I would have rather seen you blush deep blue! Eiko: Will Deep Purple do instead? >C-ko runs to the door on the verge of tears. >C-ko: A-KO!, A-KO AKOAkoAkoAkoakoakoako! WHERE ARE YOU!!!! Eiko: (Sadly) I wouldn't be surprised at all if that's what she was saying right now. (sigh) >C-ko's lower lip trembles as she prepares to burst into tears. A-ko hanging on >to >the wing waves frantically to C-ko. Biiko: (Eiko) Hi Shiiko! I'm over here! Eiko: (Shiiko) Eiko you're not supposed to let go with BOTH hands to wave!! Biiko: (Eiko) Aaaaaa---! >A-ko: Don't worry C-ko, I'm still here. >C-ko: (still crying): A-KO, I SPILLED A DRINK ALL OVER SOMEONE! >WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! (The cracking wall begins to crumble. Both girls watch in morbid fascination.) >A-ko makes a face. Eiko: n.@ Biiko: (snickers) What kind of a face was that? >A-ko (thinking): Oh good grief! Eiko: Today Magami Eiko will be played by Charlie Brown. Biiko: Now THAT would be a stretch.. >(Outloud) Well don't worry C-ko just go back and clean it up. Eiko: And get me an extra comma while you're at it. Biiko: Or throw a rope! >C-ko: (sniff). O.K! (sniff). >Back to the cockpit, the Captain is not coping well. Warning lights flash up >the >display panel like a Christmas tree. Both: Oooooooooooo. >The Captain takes the microphone. Biiko: (screaming) NO MORE KARAOKE!!! Eiko: Biiko calm down! Do you want to rupture the wall more!? >Captain: (panicky) Attention, this is your Captain speaking. I'd just like to advise >everybody that we've just hit a little turbulence! >D: Yeah, that's right, a little turbulence, that's all! We are not losing cabin >pressure, and we are not suffering malfuctions... >Captain: (Trying to gag D) Shut up, D! >D: And above all, we are NOT going to CRASH! Biiko: (drily) I think that's the least of your worries. >The Captain takes a sledge hammer to the intercomm unit! Eiko: It's Sledge-O-Matic (tm)! >Captain: There! >The Captain sits down, thinks, then realises the situation is hopeless. >Captain: Oh, we're doomed! DOOMED I TELL YOU! Biiko: (sigh) That's the Captain all right. Such a ray of sunshine. ^^; >The Captain starts crying a constant stream of tears! Eiko: Flooding the entire plane o.o; >Back to the passenger compartment, one of the passenger's, a little old lady tries to >summon B-ko. Eiko: (Old woman) Oh gods of anime send to me the one I wish - send to me B-(WHAM) OW! Will you stop that? Biiko: (crosses her arms) You deserved it. >Little Old Lady: Excuuuse me? Stewardess? >B-ko: (snaps) THAT'S FLIGHT ATTENDANT!!!! Eiko: Not that there's a big difference. Biiko: (snifs) Flight attendent sounds more dignified. >The little old lady looks hurt, and stays quiet. Meanwhile, A-ko manages to climb >back onto the wing. She sprints back into the plane, the force of her >feet on the wing drives the airliner into a spin! A-ko leaps, and tackles B-ko. Biiko: What is with all these unnecessary exclamation points? Eiko: Maybe there's a quota that the author needs to fill. >Both D and the Captain are crying now, tugging desperately at the control >column. Eiko: (D) MY Control column! I've had it since I was a child! Biiko:(Captain) No, Mine! I want it! I'm the Captain! >Inside the passenger compartment, chaos reigns. People fly everywhere, Eiko: Well they ARE in a plane. Biiko: (Chaos) I'm the god! I'm the god!!!! >although A-ko and B-ko are still mostly concerned with killing each other. Eiko: (C-ko) Eiko! The wing's on fire! Biiko: (A-ko) Busy now C-ko! >The two are engaging in a bizzare form of zero gravity body-wrestling. >A-ko: Now look what YOU'VE done! >B-ko: ME? What about you, you IGNORAMUS! >A-ko: AND JUST WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? (Both girls look at the wall) Eiko: That hole is getting awfully big. Biiko: Mm. . . >B-ko: IT MEANS YOU DON'T KNOW SH... >POP! Eiko: o/~ Goes the weasel! >All of a sudden the emergency oxygen masks deploy, one above each passenger >seat. In the simulated zero gravity of the spiralling plane they look like so >many >writhing serpents. Biiko: (Passengers) SNAAAAAKES!! *screamscream* >Seeing her chance, B-ko wraps an air-hose from one of the masks around A-ko's >neck in order to choke her, an ironic twist considering the hose's intended function. >B-ko: DIE!!!! Biiko: (looks at Eiko thoughtfully) Eiko: Don't try it. >A-ko easily snaps free of the improvised garrotte, and delivers a solid kick to B-ko, >who is sent flying. Without any real form of protection, B-ko is winded. At this >moment the two hit the deck with a resounding THUD. The plane has >somehow >leveled out, and is flying straight. Eiko: How? Biiko: It's maaaaaaaaagic..! >Back in the cockpit, D and the Captain celebrate, looking extremely pleased >with >themselves. Streamers dangle from the ceiling. Biiko: Which turn into snakes and strangle them. Eiko: Now cut that out! >A-ko: (puzzled) Huh? B-ko: (equally puzzled) What? Biiko: Why did you say that? Eiko: I don't know.. >They look out the window, the plane is flying at a dangerously low altitude. >Ahead >lies the tall spires of New York City! Biiko: "Lie." Eiko: You're a really good person. Biiko: What .....You idiot!! >A-ko: Oh no! We're gonna crash! >B-ko: (Determined.) Not if I can help it.... >B-ko charges into the cockpit, Biiko: CHAAAAAAAAAARGE! Eiko: Much like an enraged bull. >where the Captain and D are still embracing each other with joy. >B-ko: IDIOTS! We're off course! >Captain: (Indignant) Now you listen here. I'm the Capt... >Her jaw drops, Eiko: Off her face .. >as she looks out the window. >Captain: AAARGH! Abandon ship! >The Captain flees down the coridoor at the sight of the skyscrapers looming ahead. >Fortunently, D has the presence of mind to try the controls. >Unfortunently, they >don't work. Both: D'oh!! >The plane is now ducking and weaving Biiko: Is it a boxer now? Eiko: (snort) >through the skyscrapers, the Empire State Building dead in front of them. >B-ko: A-ko, quickly pass me that 5/8ths socket wrench. >A-ko: The WHAT? >B-ko: In that toolbox beside you. GIVE IT TO ME, You MORON! >A-ko: MORON? I'll give you the WHOLE BOX!!! >A-ko throws the toolbox at B-ko, and she is thrown against the wall, bruised. Biiko: From being hit with a BOX? Eiko: I may have had my bracers off at this point. Biko: Oh .. >Before anyone can react, the Nishi Airlines Flight 90 plunges into the side of >the >Empire State Building. Biiko: Exploding in a ball of flame. Eiko: (Reporter) And in news today an airliner crashed into the Empire State Building, killing a total of three thousand. >Inside, tourists, and workers scream with horror as the plane plunges through >prime office space. At such an odd sight, hundreds of car accidents are caused >below. When the smoke and dust clears, only the tailfin is visible, jutting out >of the >skyscraper at a comical angle. Luckily, no one is hurt. Both: WHAT??? >B-ko: (Bitterly) A-ko, YOUR'E FIRED!!!! >A-ko: NO WAY! I QUIT! (The ceiling begins to crack further, and both girls look up, shrieking simultaneously and rushing to the door.) >The two continue arguing as the catchy music fades in, and the credits roll... >The End. >Hope you liked the story, Please feel free to give me comments and criticisms, >my >email is: evagg@hubble.dialix.com.au Biiko: Yea yeah very nice, LET US OUT!! Eiko: Wait, we forgot the standard disclaimer! (turns to camera as B-ko's struggling with the door and screaming) To see more of these cute cute fics, visit the author's website at : http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Academy/1378/ Biiko: Happy now? Eiko: Yes. (The doors open, and the pair rush out as the ceiling collapses behind them)